Touch, Parts 3-4
Title: Touch, Parts 3-4
Written By: teranee
Category: General
Rating: R
Author's Notes: Lame title, I know, but I ran out of creativity. This thing is freaking long! Anyhoo, Reid gets injured and doesn’t use it as an excuse to emotionally torture Luke. Shocking. Totally TWT - I was gonna make it post-Reid-comes-back-from-the-dead (it totally happens - remember the shrunken head in a box?), but it didn’t quite work, so instead I just slipped in a little “it was a dream” reference, cos I’m physically incapable of not correcting the ending that never happened.
I’ve quoted a bunch of dialogue straight from the show, so yeah, like the characters etc, that’s not mine. You’ll be able to tell what it is cos it’s in italics and contains Noah douching it up.
Also, just so you know, I know nothing about medicine. I made some stuff up, k? I doubt it’s less accurate than the show, though.
Touch, Parts 1-2
PART 3
"Noah, it's me."
"I know it's you. I can button my own shirt."
"I know you can but-"
"I said no! I may be blind but are you deaf? Just...stop hovering."
"Ok. Umm...something happened with my car. I'll explain on the way but we have to get a cab."
"I already told the nurse to call me a cab."
"Alright, well then let's-"
"No, I told her to call me a cab Luke, not us, I'm.... I just need to get out of here."
"Okay."
"And...I need to get away from you."
*****
The next morning, Luke's on the phone with one of his assistants at the Foundation for a full fifty minutes.
"Look Marco, you're right, this meeting is important, but you know what you're doing, you guys can manage just fine without me......I am aware of that, yes......I sent you those figures yesterday......so what's the problem?.....Thank you, that's great of you......Wait, what?.......well how did that happen?......"
He paces back and forth behind the couch while he talks, occasionally pausing to lean on the back cushions and raking the ends of his fingers through Reid's hair, tenderly and almost absent-minded. Reid's only half eavesdropping, flipping through the hand written notes for the article he's working on, and he doesn't really tune back in until the end.
"....no I can't, I'm sorry.......I told you, I have a family emergency.......I can't come in........e-mail the documents to me and I'll see what I can do........thanks, that's great."
Luke flips the phone shut and slides it into his pocket, breathing out slowly and running his hand through his hair. Reid turns over his shoulder to look at him.
"You can't stay here all day, Snyder."
Luke squares his body towards Reid and looks down at him, challenging him instantly with the gleam in his eye and the stubborn upturn of his lips. "Why not?"
Reid inclines his head, an offhand gesture, and turns back to his notes. "You've got work to do...flesh to press, contracts to sign, funders to seduce."
Luke's eyes twinkle and he flashes him a pretty smile, but shrugs one of his shoulders all nonchalant. "I can do that from here. I'll set up my laptop, get a courier to bring over some paperwork and it'll be just as good as my office."
"I'm pretty sure I can survive by myself for a couple of hours. Go, do your job...jobs."
Luke shakes his head and gives Reid a look that makes him feel like he's missing something. "A lot of what I'm doing is planning for the upgrade to Memorial's Peds department that you wanted us to fund - it'll actually be pretty good if we spend some time on the plans." He grins brightly, and Reid finds himself staring open-mouthed and not for the first time wondering how the hell Luke Snyder ever happened to him. He must stay like that for a long time because some of the light in Luke's eyes starts to dim; his smile falls flat and he starts rubbing uncomfortably on the back of his neck. "But...I mean...if you don't want me here...if I'll be in your way, I completely understand," he says, quieter than before, "no pressure."
Reid briefly wonders what kind of insane person would turn down an offer to spend days on end with Luke and only Luke. Why anyone would not want to hang out with Luke is beyond even his genius brain to understand. Reid's obnoxiously anti-social, yet it's still one of his favourite activities. If he's honest with himself, it ranks top of the list, above even playing about in brains and eating too much at Thanksgiving; it's joint first with fucking Luke and being fucked by Luke, staring at Luke across the breakfast table and generally anything else along that same theme. Luke. Luke is his favourite activity.
"Fine, do your thing," he says. Luke brightens up again immediately.
"I knew you'd see it my way."
In the end, though, it turns out that Luke does have to go out. There's some vital finance forms gone missing at the Foundation, and it's a crisis that only Mr. Snyder himself can solve, and Luke insists on taking Reid to the Farm so he'll have someone to take care of him. Reid objects at first, but Luke points out that Emma's been trying out some new recipes, and Reid selflessly agrees to go along with it, if it makes Luke happy. On the way to the car, Luke texts Lucinda to let her know about it too.
"It'll be great. My Grandmas wanted to come by and see you anyway, so they'll be happy that you're visiting. And I know you're not exactly a fan of company, but at least they're be people you can stand."
"I find it odd that you think there's anyone in your family that I can stand," Reid says. Luke gives him a look. "Present company excepted, of course." Luke's eyes stay narrowed for a minute, but he's smiling so it's okay.
*****
Before they head out, Reid changes out of the sweats he's been living in the last week and a half. As long as he avoids zips and buttons, he can dress himself - it's a slow procedure, and sometimes takes more than one try to get there, but he does it. He can see Luke in his peripheral vision, pretending not to be watching him. A couple of days ago he got his head stuck in his sleeve and couldn't hold the cloth well enough to pull himself out. He actually started to panic a little, and ended up falling backwards onto the bed in a tangled heap. He hardly had time to land before Luke's hands were on his shoulders, easing him out of his bind, and whispering calm, good things into his ear.
He was embarrassed as shit, but Luke was leaning over him, a little out of breath from the rush over, looking down at his lips and then back up at his eyes, smirking that lusty little smile that sparks electricity in every nerve ending of Reid's body, and clearly not even thinking about it anymore. He could have freaked out, screamed about unfair and unhappy and life sucks, and he didn't want or need any of this. But he was lying on a bed with Luke on top of him, and throwing a tantrum was about the farthest thought from his mind. Ever. So he kissed him instead, pulled him in closer, and the whole thing seemed like much less of a disaster.
Right now he's sitting on the edge of the bed, shirt hanging open around his shoulders. He fumbles for a couple of seconds with the buttons; his fingers slip repeatedly and he only manages a couple, grunting in frustration.
"Here, let me." Luke steps forward but Reid blocks his hands.
"No. Let me do this," he snaps. He sees the hurt dance across Luke's eyes, but he nods and steps back, clearly reluctant. He manages one more button before his arms are trembling from the discomfort. His shoulders drop and he looks up. "Luke..." he sort of whimpers and his eyes are pained. Luke kneels on the floor between Reid's legs and silently starts on the buttons. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not exactly fun to be around right now," Reid mutters, looking out to one side.
"Less so than usual," Luke agrees, grinning so Reid knows it's a joke, and without the slightest hint of irritation. He slips a hand round the back of Reid's neck, so his fingers toy with the curls at the base of it, in that way that makes Reid sigh contentedly even when he really isn't. "Lucky for you, I happen to adore you," he says, looking into his eyes, "even when you're being a jerk."
Reid snorts. "Yeah, lucky me," he says dryly. Luke slaps him on the chest.
"You want help with this, or not?" he threatens, gesturing at the buttons, and Reid shrugs by way of an apology. Sitting back to stew in his embarrassment and his weaknesses. Luke moves his hands back to the buttons, but stops and straightens up, something sparking behind his eyes.
"Move back," he whispers, leaning slowly into Reid. Reid looks at him curiously, but he likes that tone of voice so he shuffles back over the covers and looks intently at Luke. Luke smirks and pushes him down flat against the bed. Then he climbs on top of Reid and starts kissing him, before Reid has a chance to ask any questions.
Luke pulls back an inch or so, self-satisfied smile just about in focus.
"Wanna know the best thing about helping you get dressed in the morning?" His voice is low and his breath his hot against Reid's lips, making him swallow hard in response.
"What?" he whispers, breathily.
Luke grins. "Getting to undress you later on," he murmurs, patting the top of Reid's chest. Reid glances down; he's been so caught up in Luke, and Luke's mouth and tongue and the taste of him that he completely missed the hands working their way up his body, fastening his shirt as they went.
Luke giggles to himself as he jumps off the bed and waits for Reid to haul himself up. Reid blinks some of that lust out of his eyes and shakes his head softly, still looking a little stunned.
"That was hot," he says, dazed.
"Why thank you." Luke makes a show of dusting his hands of victoriously. "See, teamwork is fun."
Reid agrees, wholeheartedly.
*****
"Just stop it Luke!"
"Stop what? Stop what Noah? What am I doing that is so wrong? I'm just trying to help. Why can't you se-?"
"Why can't I what? Why can't I see that? That's what you were gonna say right? 'Why can't I see that?'"
"That's not...that's not what I meant. I'm just...I'm trying to help."
"You know, your way of helping is taking me back to your mommy's house and giving me tea and cookies, and making sure my socks match for the rest of my life!"
*****
On the way over to the Farm Luke tells Reid about the crazy-ass dream he had the night before.
"...so even though you'd been hit by a train, and even though it'd be illegal for you to donate organs, they still donated your heart to Chris." Reid frowns curiously. He's not well versed in the dubious science of dream interpretation, but the metaphors in this one are about as subtle as...yeah.
"Hmm," he thinks aloud, "glad I took that helicopter instead then." He relaxes back into the head rest and stares out the front window.
Luke glances over and smiles. "Me too." They're quiet for a few seconds, and it's a little weighty from how much death is still far too present in their lives. The nearly that didn't happen but almost did, and even dreams about it can hurt too much. "Hey Reid?"
Reid's eyes stay happily closed, blocking out light and the world and everything except the sound of Luke's voice, because he doesn't mind that. "Mmmm?"
"Promise me you'll always stop at level crossings."
Reid rolls his head back to the side, huffs derisively at the entirely unnecessary request. "I'm not an idiot."
"Will you just do it? Please."
"Fine. I promise never to be a total moron and drive out in front of a speeding train."
"Good." Luke glances sidelong in Reid's direction. "I won't either, by the way, if you were wondering."
A small smile creeps over his lips. "Not really."
*****
Emma and Lucinda are both back in town for the long haul now. Reid blames it on the "Oakhell tentacles", whatever that means, but they do have better reasons. Luke's just happy to have them both around though, and at times like this, when he's watching Reid hurt and that's making the world a little blacker than it should be, it's good to get lost in one of Emma's warm hugs, or Lucinda's wicked sense of humour. And even though Reid's more than everything to him, and safe, and home, and he'll live the rough times and the imperfections a thousand times over for the sake of the rest of it, it's a nice feeling to pretend, just for a few seconds, that one hug from Grandma is all it takes for everything to be okay again.
Lucinda gets there before them, and she kisses Reid enthusiastically on the cheek when they arrive. "Reid dear, it's been too long."
"It has," he says, with more warmth than he gives most people, before he smirks. "Be sure to let the gals at the bridge club know that I'm missing them." Lucinda laughs heartily, and Luke wonders if he should be concerned that his boyfriend and his grandmother seem to share so many private jokes.
While Reid catches up with his grandmothers, Luke slips into the kitchen to pilfer a snack for the road, uncovering a plate of leftover roast chicken and deciding he's absolutely in the mood for a sandwich. It ends up being pretty similar to the first thing Reid ever "cooked" for him, and it's probably the warmth of that memory that causes him to add more mayo than he normally would otherwise. When he finishes up with the sandwich he cuts it in half, leaving part of it for Reid, because he's sure he'll want it at some point, and wraps the rest in his bag for later.
He heads back into the other room just as Lucinda's holding Reid's hands up, something blazing and effortlessly self-confident in her expression, and declaring, "The man who's responsible for this is going to pay through the nose - and a few other orifices if I have anything to do with it," while Reid looks at her, eyes wide with both amusement and awe and Emma stifles a laugh. He sets Reid's plate down to one side and says his goodbyes, before heading off to work.
*****
When Luke comes back a few hours later, the three of them are huddled together in the living room, and Emma's leaning intently over the back of the couch whispering with Lucinda about whether or not they want to take Reid's bishop, while Reid grouses that they're taking too long. They choose yes, and it's five more moves before he's declaring checkmate and finally bothers to acknowledge Luke's return.
He strolls over to Luke, kissing him slowly on the lips in greeting. Luke smiles and returns it, locking his arms behind Reid's neck. "You played chess with my grandmothers?" he whispers when they break apart.
"Sure did. Lucinda's actually not completely terrible...she's better than you are anyway."
"Gee, thanks," Luke says, mock offended.
"You're welcome," Reid deadpans. "Cookie?" Luke smirks, but takes a cookie from the plate on the table. He waves it in front of Reid's face and touches it to his lips, but pulls it away before he can take a bite, grinning wickedly. Reid pouts a little, and it's not convincing at all, but he seems lighter now than he has in a while and that feeling's contagious, so Luke laughs happily and feeds him a bite, then crams the rest in his own mouth and chews, smug while he tries not to choke too obviously, wondering how the hell Reid eats the way he does and survives.
They're invited to stay for dinner, and it's not long before the house is filled up with his family. Ethan and Natalie throw themselves at him when Holden brings them in, talking at the same time and too fast, and it's only his years of experience as a big brother that helps him keep track. Natalie is fascinated by Reid's burns and bandages, and asks a million questions about heat and healing and how skin grows, and Reid answers them all in graphic detail, so that Luke has to pinch him under the dinner table more than once when his Mom starts to look a little green.
*****
Late that evening, just before they go to bed, Luke's changing Reid's bandages for the second time that day. He picked up the technique really quickly, a talent he attributes to years of practice treating the bumps and scrapes of his younger brother, sisters, and assorted Snyder and semi-Snyder cousins.
"Hey," he starts, sounding timid. His voice is far more fragile than it should be, like he's trying and failing to act casual. "Sorry if my family were a little overbearing today."
Reid snorts, relieved that that's all it is. "It's fine, Luke. Tonight actually wasn't the worst evening ever."
Luke chuckles, and the heat and solidity returns to his voice. "You sound surprised?" Reid hums, noncommittally, because they've really had this part of the conversation enough times now. Luke knows Reid likes at least some of his family, some of the time, knows that he'll never admit it aloud except under duress. Reid knows Luke knows, but doesn't have to talk about it, and everybody's happy.
Luke carefully peels back the last layers of wrapping on Reid's left hand. He goes very, very still, like he has most times he's done this. It's a little different every night and morning, but today his expression is almost reverent, with a little of something that's obviously terror thrown into the mix.
"They're healing really well," he says quietly, then seems to hesitate, looks up. "I mean...you already know that, obviously but I just..."
"Luke?"
Luke cups his hand tentatively underneath Reid's wrist, barely applying any upward pressure, like he's scared to grip too tightly even on the undamaged skin. He lifts the hand towards his face, inspecting it with careful intensity, the shrinking welts and reddened flesh as if they're concealing some secret evil inside them. It's that ‘you could have died' face that's cropped up intermittently since the accident. His eyes are wet, a mixture of anger and affection that's got to be killing him a little inside, and he takes a few ragged breaths to steady himself.
*****
He takes his time cleaning the raw skin with the special solution from the hospital, keeping his actions virtually frictionless, the way the discharge nurse showed him, even though Reid could've explained the whole thing himself.
Luke was in the building when it happened, dropping off some files that he could've sent by courier, if he hadn't felt like making a personal visit to Reid's office, and the sturdy mahogany desk Lucinda and John insisted on sending him as a promotion present. He was just reaching into his pocket to page Reid and let him know he was around when he felt it. A sudden jolt and a loud crack that shook through the walls from several floors below and vibrated into his bones. It took about seven seconds for Luke's brain to reach full on panic mode.
Hospital staff began ferrying visitors and mobile patients out of the hospital. Reid wasn't part of the crowd and his cell phone was going straight to voicemail; it took fifteen agonizing minutes for Luke to escape the watchful eyes of the nurses and sneak his way back into the emergency room, practically sprinting through the hallways.
Reid was lying on one of the beds. Conscious. Alive. Shirtless, because he wouldn't wear one of those goddamn paper gowns, his hands soaking in some kind of sterile solution and casually criticising an intern attempting to stitch up a small gash on his bare arm. His lab coat and shirt lying in a charred and crumpled heap in a chair at the side. The intern laid in the final stitch just as Luke reached the bed. Not thinking or bothering to slow himself down, he found himself wrapped up in Reid and breathing wrecked sobs into the crook of his neck. He's still not sure exactly how Reid reacted. He was talking, muttering something offensive about the town, its people, but all Luke could hear, feel, taste and think, was his heart beating hard between their bodies. Alive and his and definitely not going out of his sight again without an armoured vest and a troupe of professional bodyguards. And when Luke kissed him he kissed back and didn't stop when the attending doctor cleared his throat for the fourth or fifth time.
The next half hour was a blur of bandages and gauze and Reid disagreeing with everything, and making plans and care instructions that Luke tried and failed to listen to because Reid was still breathing and nothing else on earth seemed quite as important as that fact, rushing through his mind.
He fixes down the bandage on Reid's left hand and gently pats the fastening like it's a piece of art and grins at Reid's soft chuckle in response. Even though Reid's arms are working fine, he keeps hold of the hand, lowering it himself to rest loosely in the space between them on the couch. He starts work on the second hand and Reid's eyes are sparkling as he tells the story of the first live brain he ever saw, standing itching at the sidelines while his attending placed an implant in the brain of a man with Parkinson's disease. As Luke unravels the layers of sterile dressing and impregnated gauze, his gaze flits between his task and blue eyes, just that little bit glazed over, lost in neurons and ganglia and the subthalamic nucleus, whatever that is, and he almost doesn't notice when Luke peels back the final layer of gauze and stops dead in his tracks.
But Reid must be aware enough to notice the panic in Luke's face and his voice trails off into nothing. His eyes open wide.
"What is it?"
PART 4
The sudden burst of heat and energy against his skin is such a shock that it takes him several seconds to recognize the pain, but when it hits him it's searing and violent and he can feel it right to his bones.
There was panic burned across Luke's face as he races into the ER after hearing the news. He found Reid lying down, but conscious, and thrown himself into his arms without stopping to ask any questions or worry about the ridiculous sobs coming out of his body.
He remembers Luke pulling back, wiping his eyes harshly with the back of his sleeve, and the hardening determination in them as he listened to the other doctor (Dr. Nasser...or Nasri...something like that) reel off the prognosis and the instructions for after care and outpatient treatment. A few days after that he'd driven Reid home and helped him change for bed and, judging by the heavy duty bags under his eyes the next morning, stayed up most of the night to keep any eye on him.
Since then, Luke's been nothing but strong, listening patiently while Reid rants about stuff that hurts or aches or itches, or just plain looks at him the wrong way, and Reid knows he's been a nightmare but Luke's stayed anyway and that means the universe to him.
But now his eyes are shaking again with the same kind of panic that Luke should never, ever have to feel, and never would again if Reid had any control over the stupid amount of bizarre crises and accidents that make up Oakdale's day-to-day existence.
*****
"I want to see, and I can't. And I can't get past that."
"Well what do you want now?"
"I don't want to be obligated to Damian, or you."
"Look, Noah, I never wanted you to feel like you owe us anything, I just...I need you Noah, and I need you to get better. And I need to help you."
"You are the reason I lost my sight, now I've got to get better the way you want me to?"
"No! No. You need to get better in any way that you can, and whether that means leaning on me or...or a therapist or...or someone else, then that's what's important. It's just important that you get better."
*****
Reid doesn't really smile very often, not like most people. Not those big shiny things with mouth and teeth and lips that split your face and ache your cheeks. But there's that thing he does instead of smiling that's mostly in his eyes, and it warms Luke up from the inside out and back to the middle again, and it's been missing from his face for the last four days. Despite doing everything right, righter than right, a small infection found its way into the crackled skin of his right palm. It's a setback, not a disaster, and they managed to get the thing cleared up pretty fast with a sterile wash and some antibiotics. But it's clear that that initial fear, that vulnerability, has found its way under his skin and solidified itself and it's not moving an inch, and no medication is going to move it. For the last couple of days Reid's been moodier, more distant, sadder than Luke ever wants to see him.
And that sucks.
Luke's in love with Reid. Powerfully, powerfully in love with him. And he's fallen so deeply and so fast, and he thinks sometimes that he probably shouldn't be plunging head long into another forever and ever amen kind of relationship when a year ago he still thought he was in love with someone else. But he feels so much, so much more and so much wider and deeper and taller and bigger than he felt before. It's like until Reid he's only ever loved in monochrome and now everything's lit up in full spectrum Technicolor and it saturates every facet and moment of his existence. Informs his every breath and action with the warmth and comfort of knowing unequivocally that he is the red and the blue and the golden yellow and the forest green to someone else's life scape.
So yeah, this sucks. Sucks the life right out of his colour, and it's scary and unknown and it hurts. And Luke's not going anywhere.
*****
"Don't tell me how I feel! Don't tell me what to feel. I'm the one who's eyes don't work anymore, okay, not you. You have no idea what I'm going through, how I feel. The kind of disappointment that I'm feeling right now because the one doctor I thought could help me stormed outta here, and mostly because he can't stand to be around you."
"Okay, now how can you turn this around on me? Like this is all my fault?"
"This is just what I'm stuck with."
"Well I know you think that I feel stuck too, but I don't."
"Please Luke, don't tell me that I'm the same Noah you fell in love with, because I'm not. I know I'm not, and you know what? That is what matters most."
"Noah, you can't really believe that my feelings have changed for you just because you can't see."
"I know things have changed for me."
"What does that mean? Does that mean...that your feelings for me have changed?"
*****
"I can't focus without my work. I haven't had more than a day off since I started med school. It's all I know, all I am is a doctor. Without it...I truly don't have anything else to hold on to. That's why, Mr. Snyder, I need you."
*****
Reid's sitting in the couch facing away from Luke. He rests his elbows on his knees so that his hands hang pointlessly in the space between them. He's cutting himself off, mentally and bodily, shutting down while his head can't process too many feelings at once. Luke runs the backs of two fingers along the ridges of Reid's spine, slow and soothing and feels him shudder a little in the touch. Reid doesn't shrug him off, but he doesn't lean into it either.
He gets it, he really does. And it's so horribly unfair because Reid's hands and his strength and his self-control have been everything to him for most of his life, and just when he's been finding ways to get them back, the whole damn universe has gone and kicked him hard in the shins, told him that every single one of his doubts is absolutely real, and that's just too much and too heavy to handle, even for Reid. Luke wants to wrap him up. Protect him and make the world go away until it's stopped spinning so fast. There's something raw and heaving clenching inside his stomach put there by the fear in Reid's eyes and the invisible trembling of his breath, and Luke would happily take a freight train to the chest to take that away from him.
But he can't. And loving someone like wild fire doesn't make you all powerful. It just makes you hurt with them.
"Reid..." He splays his hand out over the place between Reid's shoulder blades, curling his fingers slightly to press into the fabric of his t-shirt. "I know you're frightened..."
Reid jolts forwards, a few inches out of his reach. "You don't know what you're talking about," he fires back, a little harsh, and it's disguising more than a note of uncertainty.
Luke keeps his tone even. "Okay. You're right, I don't. But maybe I would if you'd tell me."
"There's nothing to tell." There's a second of silence. "Don't you have some bigwigs to flirt with or something?"
"Why would I wanna do that when you're being so charming?" Luke replies, sardonically. A small chuckle breaks past Reid's lips, and it's a wonderful, beautiful sound.
Reid turns his head and looks back over his shoulder. "I've told you before, if you've got work to do, you should go do it. You don't have to stay here babysitting me."
"And I've told you before, there's nowhere else I'd rather be," Luke says, with less flourish than might be expected. It's pretty much an indisputable fact, and he says it like he's tired of arguing the point. Reid rolls his eyes half-heartedly, but Luke carries on. "So, you can be a jerk as much as you want, I'm not going anywhere."
"Why do you have to be so..." Reid trails off.
"Funny? Brilliant? Devilishly handsome?"
"I was going to say "annoyingly persistent,"" Reid replies, but his tone is edged with humour. Luke smiles back, but then Reid's face hardens a little, and there's a long pause punctuated with a sigh. "Look...I know I've been pretty horrible to be around recently...again..." Defying all logic, Luke instinctively moves to argue, to reassure, but a quick look from Reid reminds him that it's pretty much true. Reid continues. "...look, you always knew that being with me was never going to be a parade of rainbows and fairy lights..." Luke's not sure where this is going, but he nods because, again, it's absolutely true. Reid's rough around the edges and most of the way to the middle, but while it still gets to him some of the time, Luke's long stopped feeling the need to change that. Reid sighs. "Luke, I'm...sorry."
Luke replies quickly. "It's okay."
"No, it's not," says Reid, firmly. "But you were right...I've been a little..."
"Scared?" Luke finishes. Reid stares at his bandages and grunts his reluctant agreement, a quiet noise, self-deprecating.
"Being a neurosurgeon is all I've ever known, it's all I've ever wanted. Until recently, it's been the only thing I've cared about..." he meets Luke's gaze for a second, significant and intense. Luke swallows hard before Reid looks back down at his hands. "Even if I end up with only a small amount of long-term damage, it could still destroy everything I've worked for my whole career. If I can't operate anymore, save lives that no-one else can...I don't know what I'll do."
Luke wraps his hands around Reid's wrists, like pressure on an open wound, and Reid lets his bound hands rest against Luke's forearms. "Reid...that's not going to happen, I'm sure of it. You wanna know how I know that?" Luke tries to infuse his voice with fire and certainty, and the mountain range of love and comfort and hope that he thinks Reid deserves. He shakes Reid's arms a little to keep his attention, keep them grounded to each other. Reid shifts a little, and he's probably still painfully uncomfortable feeling this exposed, even around Luke, but he settles down and doesn't look away.
"Go on..."
"You're Reid Oliver," Luke says, warmth in his voice. Reid's body reacts to that and he makes a muffled sound that's sort of a laugh. It seems like a good thing so Luke carries on. "I mean it Reid," he says, surprised and impressed at his outward calmness that contrasts completely with the aching and burning that's going on inside him. "You're the most determined person I know. If you want something, you're a total ass about it until you get it. You never give up, don't start now. I won't let you."
"Luke..."
"Doctors are going to be queuing up to help you, and we'll bring in anyone you need, get you any treatment, fly you anywhere you need to go in the world. And if that's not enough, I'll bribe, threaten, blackmail...whatever it takes to get you whatever it is that you need, okay? I'll use my grandmother's connections - I'll even track down Damian again if I have to, use his influence. But I promise, I won't give up on you, and you can't either." There's an army behind his words; it's fierce, loving, and...annoyingly persistent.
Reid's looking at him a little awestruck. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." Luke's kinda brimming with emotion and he finds himself babbling again. "And if none of that works I'll...I dunno...I'll hire an inventor to...build you robot hands. You'll be the world's first robo-surgeon." Reid snorts. He turns his whole body now to fully face Luke and his eyes light up a little and it's good.
Reid lets out another laugh, bigger and real and a little less wrecked. "You think I'd look good with robot hands?"
"Sure." Luke lets himself smile a little, playing along. "Hey, you'd look good with monkey hands or...I dunno...pirate hands? We could get you a couple of hooks -" he stops and mentally kicks himself. "I'm sorry, that's not helping is it, I-"
"You are," Reid cuts him off. His eyes are wide and a little red, but filled with a weight of sincerity, and there's a small smile playing across the edges of his lips, like it's got a right to be there and won't leave. Luke can't help it anymore and he leans forward and brushes his own lips against them, warm breath and soft skin and a promise he makes to the bit of Reid that's buried deep inside his heart and not going anywhere, probably ever.
"That's good. Listen, Reid...I need you to know something, to really understand this, because I don't think you do. I don't think you're used to people loving you like this, but I do. I really, really do. So I need you to know...whatever happens, even if you never chop up another brain again - which you will - but even if you didn't...I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not in love with "Dr. Oliver, world's greatest neurosurgeon"".
"Umm...you're...not?" Reid says, confused and maybe a little worried. Luke smiles, shakes his head softly.
"No, idiot. I'm in love with you, Reid. The guy who whoops my ass at chess and teaches my baby sister gross facts about biology at the dinner table and...eats more than most of my dad's horses...put together." He chuckles while he speaks and Reid's face is slowly filling up again. "I mean Dr. Oliver, he's great but, it's you that I wanna spend my- it's you that I love, Reid, just you. And I know that might not be so much compared to fame and power and the adoration of the medical community but... What? What is it?"
He stops to breathe when he realizes that Reid's been staring at him for a really long time. Reid's looking at him like he's just laid eyes on the fire in the centre of the Sun. Like he's the earth, like he comes alive in his orbit. It's a feeling Luke's more than familiar with.
"You know, it kind of is."
"Oh," Luke says, feeling the wind drop gloriously and wonderfully from his sails.
"Yeah," Reid agrees, smiling. He doesn't look even a little bit frightened as he kisses Luke, slow and deep, and hooks an arm around his neck, shifting down into the couch cushions and tugging Luke down with him. Luke lets out a pleased noise that vibrates through both their mouths and feels the heat spread through the rest of his body.
*****
"Noah, I know what you're going through-"
"No, you don't."
"You saw when I couldn't walk. I felt just the way you feel now, I was angry, scared, and I sure as hell didn't want any help from anyone."
"Does this speech have a point?"
"I just want you to understand...I got through it because I trusted the person that I loved more than anyone else. I was too proud to ask for help but he helped me anyway. He never gave up on me, and he made sure that I didn't give up on myself."
"I didn't have anything to do with what happened to you."
*****
Katie and Jacob are out with some tall Australian guy when they get back from another dinner at the Farm. Luke's sister Abigail was in town for a visit, and she and Lily spent half the meal glaring at each other, and the other half making back-handed comments about weddings and non-weddings and France and expensive dresses. Reid wouldn't have minded, but the serving dish kept ending up beside them, where they'd stupidly decided to sit opposite each other, and he couldn't get their attention, or reach for it himself. Faith seemed surlier than usual, and Natalie talked almost continuously about a girl at school in a way that would have been extremely interesting if her mother had been paying her even the slightest bit of attention.
He's a little tired when they get back and sees the note from Katie, but Luke leaves him fumbling with his coat and rushes into Reid's room. He comes back carrying a large cardboard box. He sets it down on the table and turns to Reid as he finally escapes his coat and drapes it down carelessly on the back of the couch. Luke's standing by the table, his arms squeezed round himself and his rocking on the spot, nervous energy and excitement vibrating his body and stretching his smile.
"Umm...Luke, what's up?"
"I got you a present," Luke says, and he looks sort of like he's about to explode. Reid steps up close to him.
"Err...it's not our anniversary or something...is it?" Luke smirks and strokes Reid's hair back fondly.
"Don't worry Reid, you're safe. It's not our anniversary, I just...this is just something I got for you, because I love you. Open it."
Reid glances at his hands. "How?"
Luke rolls his eyes and sighs, exaggerated, like it's a great burden to him. "Always an excuse..." he mutters, flashing his dimples for a second. He rips off the tape and pries open the cardboard flaps, tearing the box a little as he does it. He pulls something round and black out of the box. "Here," he says, holding it out. He's suddenly looking really nervous, and he starts chewing unconsciously on his bottom lip.
Reid looks down at the gift and then back to Luke. Then down again, then back. Luke's eyes are on him, and there's a disgusting amount of love in them, though recently Reid's starting to realise that he probably looks at Luke in a similar way. It kills something inside of him, but it's a part of him he's not too sure he'll miss. Instead, Reid goes back to staring at the thing in Luke's hands.
He's a little lost, to be honest. "You bought me a Stetson?" He's not sure where Luke got hold of one in Podunk. It's obviously a decent make, not something they knocked up in the town's painfully cheesy costume shop, and he takes a second to calculate whether or not Richie Rich had time to fly his private jet all the way to Texas and back to get it without him noticing. He figures probably not, and that the details don't matter either way. Luke shifts his grip and lifts the hat up to Reid's head, pressing it softly into place. He lowers his hands to rest on his shoulders, rubbing small, soothing circles with his thumbs.
"It's a reminder, Reid. To let you know that you're more than a doctor," he says in a soft voice. Reid studies his expression for a second before it all clicks into place. He rolls his eyes up to look at the hat, then back down to where Luke's smiling, warm and loving and lighting him up inside in ways he's not sure he'll ever be able to explain out loud.
"Urban cowboy?" he asks, unnecessarily, and Luke's smile gets even more ridiculous.
"Uh-huh."
"That's...you really remembered this?" Reid's eyes are wide, and his voice is barely even a little mocking.
Luke ducks his head and bites down on the triumph in his smile. "So did you."
"Photographic memory," Reid defends, gesturing at his head, and he would be pointing if his fingers weren't all tied up.
"Riiight," Luke says, delight and scepticism both clear in his voice. "So...you like it?" Something electric and amazing shoots through Reid's chest. It's the same feeling he gets from Luke every day, just magnified in intensity and clarity, and it's more than a little insane that it all seems to be coming from a little cowboy hat. It's insane and he doesn't give a crap about romantic gestures; he doesn't make them and he definitely doesn't need them. But this is a hell of a lot more than just romance. He nudges the thing off his head, so it's balanced with one of his hands inside it. He looks at it, resting on his hand and rocking a little around the middle.
He tries to think of a way to say that yes, he likes it. He loves it. He loves the stupid hat and the stupid sentiment behind it, and his stupid little heart is on fire right now, and he gets it, and he's moved by it and broken by it in the best possible way, and he doesn't mind putting down his armour or his swords or his shields, giving up his self-defence mechanisms, because Luke's there. Luke's there beside him to fight his battles and make him sandwiches and buy him ridiculous hats, and that means so much more than anything has, ever in his awesome, silly, lonely little life, or in the whole universe for that matter.
And he didn't need this. Didn't need the gesture, he realises. Didn't need any of it, hasn't needed anything more than Luke, just Luke, since the moment he first threw down his sword and took Luke's head in his hands and kissed him just because he wanted to.
And all that's making his head swim a little and his voice feel croaky even before he speaks, so he clears his throat and blinks hard to straighten out his thoughts, and his eyes aren't welling up at all, either.
In the end what he actually ends up saying is "You don't expect me to actually wear this, do you?" Luke just laughs, shaking his head, and snatches the hat out of Reid's hands, pushes it back on to his head.
"Only around the house," he says, and tweaks the front of it. "Quit whining Dr. Oliver. It looks good on you." Reid's not going to deny that piece of obvious reality. He's still worried, still more than a little terrified about his future. But Luke's looking at him like that, sweet and loving and red hot sexy at the same time. He'll focus on that instead.
Touch, Parts 5-6
Written By: teranee
Category: General
Rating: R
Author's Notes: Lame title, I know, but I ran out of creativity. This thing is freaking long! Anyhoo, Reid gets injured and doesn’t use it as an excuse to emotionally torture Luke. Shocking. Totally TWT - I was gonna make it post-Reid-comes-back-from-the-dead (it totally happens - remember the shrunken head in a box?), but it didn’t quite work, so instead I just slipped in a little “it was a dream” reference, cos I’m physically incapable of not correcting the ending that never happened.
I’ve quoted a bunch of dialogue straight from the show, so yeah, like the characters etc, that’s not mine. You’ll be able to tell what it is cos it’s in italics and contains Noah douching it up.
Also, just so you know, I know nothing about medicine. I made some stuff up, k? I doubt it’s less accurate than the show, though.
Touch, Parts 1-2
PART 3
"Noah, it's me."
"I know it's you. I can button my own shirt."
"I know you can but-"
"I said no! I may be blind but are you deaf? Just...stop hovering."
"Ok. Umm...something happened with my car. I'll explain on the way but we have to get a cab."
"I already told the nurse to call me a cab."
"Alright, well then let's-"
"No, I told her to call me a cab Luke, not us, I'm.... I just need to get out of here."
"Okay."
"And...I need to get away from you."
*****
The next morning, Luke's on the phone with one of his assistants at the Foundation for a full fifty minutes.
"Look Marco, you're right, this meeting is important, but you know what you're doing, you guys can manage just fine without me......I am aware of that, yes......I sent you those figures yesterday......so what's the problem?.....Thank you, that's great of you......Wait, what?.......well how did that happen?......"
He paces back and forth behind the couch while he talks, occasionally pausing to lean on the back cushions and raking the ends of his fingers through Reid's hair, tenderly and almost absent-minded. Reid's only half eavesdropping, flipping through the hand written notes for the article he's working on, and he doesn't really tune back in until the end.
"....no I can't, I'm sorry.......I told you, I have a family emergency.......I can't come in........e-mail the documents to me and I'll see what I can do........thanks, that's great."
Luke flips the phone shut and slides it into his pocket, breathing out slowly and running his hand through his hair. Reid turns over his shoulder to look at him.
"You can't stay here all day, Snyder."
Luke squares his body towards Reid and looks down at him, challenging him instantly with the gleam in his eye and the stubborn upturn of his lips. "Why not?"
Reid inclines his head, an offhand gesture, and turns back to his notes. "You've got work to do...flesh to press, contracts to sign, funders to seduce."
Luke's eyes twinkle and he flashes him a pretty smile, but shrugs one of his shoulders all nonchalant. "I can do that from here. I'll set up my laptop, get a courier to bring over some paperwork and it'll be just as good as my office."
"I'm pretty sure I can survive by myself for a couple of hours. Go, do your job...jobs."
Luke shakes his head and gives Reid a look that makes him feel like he's missing something. "A lot of what I'm doing is planning for the upgrade to Memorial's Peds department that you wanted us to fund - it'll actually be pretty good if we spend some time on the plans." He grins brightly, and Reid finds himself staring open-mouthed and not for the first time wondering how the hell Luke Snyder ever happened to him. He must stay like that for a long time because some of the light in Luke's eyes starts to dim; his smile falls flat and he starts rubbing uncomfortably on the back of his neck. "But...I mean...if you don't want me here...if I'll be in your way, I completely understand," he says, quieter than before, "no pressure."
Reid briefly wonders what kind of insane person would turn down an offer to spend days on end with Luke and only Luke. Why anyone would not want to hang out with Luke is beyond even his genius brain to understand. Reid's obnoxiously anti-social, yet it's still one of his favourite activities. If he's honest with himself, it ranks top of the list, above even playing about in brains and eating too much at Thanksgiving; it's joint first with fucking Luke and being fucked by Luke, staring at Luke across the breakfast table and generally anything else along that same theme. Luke. Luke is his favourite activity.
"Fine, do your thing," he says. Luke brightens up again immediately.
"I knew you'd see it my way."
In the end, though, it turns out that Luke does have to go out. There's some vital finance forms gone missing at the Foundation, and it's a crisis that only Mr. Snyder himself can solve, and Luke insists on taking Reid to the Farm so he'll have someone to take care of him. Reid objects at first, but Luke points out that Emma's been trying out some new recipes, and Reid selflessly agrees to go along with it, if it makes Luke happy. On the way to the car, Luke texts Lucinda to let her know about it too.
"It'll be great. My Grandmas wanted to come by and see you anyway, so they'll be happy that you're visiting. And I know you're not exactly a fan of company, but at least they're be people you can stand."
"I find it odd that you think there's anyone in your family that I can stand," Reid says. Luke gives him a look. "Present company excepted, of course." Luke's eyes stay narrowed for a minute, but he's smiling so it's okay.
*****
Before they head out, Reid changes out of the sweats he's been living in the last week and a half. As long as he avoids zips and buttons, he can dress himself - it's a slow procedure, and sometimes takes more than one try to get there, but he does it. He can see Luke in his peripheral vision, pretending not to be watching him. A couple of days ago he got his head stuck in his sleeve and couldn't hold the cloth well enough to pull himself out. He actually started to panic a little, and ended up falling backwards onto the bed in a tangled heap. He hardly had time to land before Luke's hands were on his shoulders, easing him out of his bind, and whispering calm, good things into his ear.
He was embarrassed as shit, but Luke was leaning over him, a little out of breath from the rush over, looking down at his lips and then back up at his eyes, smirking that lusty little smile that sparks electricity in every nerve ending of Reid's body, and clearly not even thinking about it anymore. He could have freaked out, screamed about unfair and unhappy and life sucks, and he didn't want or need any of this. But he was lying on a bed with Luke on top of him, and throwing a tantrum was about the farthest thought from his mind. Ever. So he kissed him instead, pulled him in closer, and the whole thing seemed like much less of a disaster.
Right now he's sitting on the edge of the bed, shirt hanging open around his shoulders. He fumbles for a couple of seconds with the buttons; his fingers slip repeatedly and he only manages a couple, grunting in frustration.
"Here, let me." Luke steps forward but Reid blocks his hands.
"No. Let me do this," he snaps. He sees the hurt dance across Luke's eyes, but he nods and steps back, clearly reluctant. He manages one more button before his arms are trembling from the discomfort. His shoulders drop and he looks up. "Luke..." he sort of whimpers and his eyes are pained. Luke kneels on the floor between Reid's legs and silently starts on the buttons. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not exactly fun to be around right now," Reid mutters, looking out to one side.
"Less so than usual," Luke agrees, grinning so Reid knows it's a joke, and without the slightest hint of irritation. He slips a hand round the back of Reid's neck, so his fingers toy with the curls at the base of it, in that way that makes Reid sigh contentedly even when he really isn't. "Lucky for you, I happen to adore you," he says, looking into his eyes, "even when you're being a jerk."
Reid snorts. "Yeah, lucky me," he says dryly. Luke slaps him on the chest.
"You want help with this, or not?" he threatens, gesturing at the buttons, and Reid shrugs by way of an apology. Sitting back to stew in his embarrassment and his weaknesses. Luke moves his hands back to the buttons, but stops and straightens up, something sparking behind his eyes.
"Move back," he whispers, leaning slowly into Reid. Reid looks at him curiously, but he likes that tone of voice so he shuffles back over the covers and looks intently at Luke. Luke smirks and pushes him down flat against the bed. Then he climbs on top of Reid and starts kissing him, before Reid has a chance to ask any questions.
Luke pulls back an inch or so, self-satisfied smile just about in focus.
"Wanna know the best thing about helping you get dressed in the morning?" His voice is low and his breath his hot against Reid's lips, making him swallow hard in response.
"What?" he whispers, breathily.
Luke grins. "Getting to undress you later on," he murmurs, patting the top of Reid's chest. Reid glances down; he's been so caught up in Luke, and Luke's mouth and tongue and the taste of him that he completely missed the hands working their way up his body, fastening his shirt as they went.
Luke giggles to himself as he jumps off the bed and waits for Reid to haul himself up. Reid blinks some of that lust out of his eyes and shakes his head softly, still looking a little stunned.
"That was hot," he says, dazed.
"Why thank you." Luke makes a show of dusting his hands of victoriously. "See, teamwork is fun."
Reid agrees, wholeheartedly.
*****
"Just stop it Luke!"
"Stop what? Stop what Noah? What am I doing that is so wrong? I'm just trying to help. Why can't you se-?"
"Why can't I what? Why can't I see that? That's what you were gonna say right? 'Why can't I see that?'"
"That's not...that's not what I meant. I'm just...I'm trying to help."
"You know, your way of helping is taking me back to your mommy's house and giving me tea and cookies, and making sure my socks match for the rest of my life!"
*****
On the way over to the Farm Luke tells Reid about the crazy-ass dream he had the night before.
"...so even though you'd been hit by a train, and even though it'd be illegal for you to donate organs, they still donated your heart to Chris." Reid frowns curiously. He's not well versed in the dubious science of dream interpretation, but the metaphors in this one are about as subtle as...yeah.
"Hmm," he thinks aloud, "glad I took that helicopter instead then." He relaxes back into the head rest and stares out the front window.
Luke glances over and smiles. "Me too." They're quiet for a few seconds, and it's a little weighty from how much death is still far too present in their lives. The nearly that didn't happen but almost did, and even dreams about it can hurt too much. "Hey Reid?"
Reid's eyes stay happily closed, blocking out light and the world and everything except the sound of Luke's voice, because he doesn't mind that. "Mmmm?"
"Promise me you'll always stop at level crossings."
Reid rolls his head back to the side, huffs derisively at the entirely unnecessary request. "I'm not an idiot."
"Will you just do it? Please."
"Fine. I promise never to be a total moron and drive out in front of a speeding train."
"Good." Luke glances sidelong in Reid's direction. "I won't either, by the way, if you were wondering."
A small smile creeps over his lips. "Not really."
*****
Emma and Lucinda are both back in town for the long haul now. Reid blames it on the "Oakhell tentacles", whatever that means, but they do have better reasons. Luke's just happy to have them both around though, and at times like this, when he's watching Reid hurt and that's making the world a little blacker than it should be, it's good to get lost in one of Emma's warm hugs, or Lucinda's wicked sense of humour. And even though Reid's more than everything to him, and safe, and home, and he'll live the rough times and the imperfections a thousand times over for the sake of the rest of it, it's a nice feeling to pretend, just for a few seconds, that one hug from Grandma is all it takes for everything to be okay again.
Lucinda gets there before them, and she kisses Reid enthusiastically on the cheek when they arrive. "Reid dear, it's been too long."
"It has," he says, with more warmth than he gives most people, before he smirks. "Be sure to let the gals at the bridge club know that I'm missing them." Lucinda laughs heartily, and Luke wonders if he should be concerned that his boyfriend and his grandmother seem to share so many private jokes.
While Reid catches up with his grandmothers, Luke slips into the kitchen to pilfer a snack for the road, uncovering a plate of leftover roast chicken and deciding he's absolutely in the mood for a sandwich. It ends up being pretty similar to the first thing Reid ever "cooked" for him, and it's probably the warmth of that memory that causes him to add more mayo than he normally would otherwise. When he finishes up with the sandwich he cuts it in half, leaving part of it for Reid, because he's sure he'll want it at some point, and wraps the rest in his bag for later.
He heads back into the other room just as Lucinda's holding Reid's hands up, something blazing and effortlessly self-confident in her expression, and declaring, "The man who's responsible for this is going to pay through the nose - and a few other orifices if I have anything to do with it," while Reid looks at her, eyes wide with both amusement and awe and Emma stifles a laugh. He sets Reid's plate down to one side and says his goodbyes, before heading off to work.
*****
When Luke comes back a few hours later, the three of them are huddled together in the living room, and Emma's leaning intently over the back of the couch whispering with Lucinda about whether or not they want to take Reid's bishop, while Reid grouses that they're taking too long. They choose yes, and it's five more moves before he's declaring checkmate and finally bothers to acknowledge Luke's return.
He strolls over to Luke, kissing him slowly on the lips in greeting. Luke smiles and returns it, locking his arms behind Reid's neck. "You played chess with my grandmothers?" he whispers when they break apart.
"Sure did. Lucinda's actually not completely terrible...she's better than you are anyway."
"Gee, thanks," Luke says, mock offended.
"You're welcome," Reid deadpans. "Cookie?" Luke smirks, but takes a cookie from the plate on the table. He waves it in front of Reid's face and touches it to his lips, but pulls it away before he can take a bite, grinning wickedly. Reid pouts a little, and it's not convincing at all, but he seems lighter now than he has in a while and that feeling's contagious, so Luke laughs happily and feeds him a bite, then crams the rest in his own mouth and chews, smug while he tries not to choke too obviously, wondering how the hell Reid eats the way he does and survives.
They're invited to stay for dinner, and it's not long before the house is filled up with his family. Ethan and Natalie throw themselves at him when Holden brings them in, talking at the same time and too fast, and it's only his years of experience as a big brother that helps him keep track. Natalie is fascinated by Reid's burns and bandages, and asks a million questions about heat and healing and how skin grows, and Reid answers them all in graphic detail, so that Luke has to pinch him under the dinner table more than once when his Mom starts to look a little green.
*****
Late that evening, just before they go to bed, Luke's changing Reid's bandages for the second time that day. He picked up the technique really quickly, a talent he attributes to years of practice treating the bumps and scrapes of his younger brother, sisters, and assorted Snyder and semi-Snyder cousins.
"Hey," he starts, sounding timid. His voice is far more fragile than it should be, like he's trying and failing to act casual. "Sorry if my family were a little overbearing today."
Reid snorts, relieved that that's all it is. "It's fine, Luke. Tonight actually wasn't the worst evening ever."
Luke chuckles, and the heat and solidity returns to his voice. "You sound surprised?" Reid hums, noncommittally, because they've really had this part of the conversation enough times now. Luke knows Reid likes at least some of his family, some of the time, knows that he'll never admit it aloud except under duress. Reid knows Luke knows, but doesn't have to talk about it, and everybody's happy.
Luke carefully peels back the last layers of wrapping on Reid's left hand. He goes very, very still, like he has most times he's done this. It's a little different every night and morning, but today his expression is almost reverent, with a little of something that's obviously terror thrown into the mix.
"They're healing really well," he says quietly, then seems to hesitate, looks up. "I mean...you already know that, obviously but I just..."
"Luke?"
Luke cups his hand tentatively underneath Reid's wrist, barely applying any upward pressure, like he's scared to grip too tightly even on the undamaged skin. He lifts the hand towards his face, inspecting it with careful intensity, the shrinking welts and reddened flesh as if they're concealing some secret evil inside them. It's that ‘you could have died' face that's cropped up intermittently since the accident. His eyes are wet, a mixture of anger and affection that's got to be killing him a little inside, and he takes a few ragged breaths to steady himself.
*****
He takes his time cleaning the raw skin with the special solution from the hospital, keeping his actions virtually frictionless, the way the discharge nurse showed him, even though Reid could've explained the whole thing himself.
Luke was in the building when it happened, dropping off some files that he could've sent by courier, if he hadn't felt like making a personal visit to Reid's office, and the sturdy mahogany desk Lucinda and John insisted on sending him as a promotion present. He was just reaching into his pocket to page Reid and let him know he was around when he felt it. A sudden jolt and a loud crack that shook through the walls from several floors below and vibrated into his bones. It took about seven seconds for Luke's brain to reach full on panic mode.
Hospital staff began ferrying visitors and mobile patients out of the hospital. Reid wasn't part of the crowd and his cell phone was going straight to voicemail; it took fifteen agonizing minutes for Luke to escape the watchful eyes of the nurses and sneak his way back into the emergency room, practically sprinting through the hallways.
Reid was lying on one of the beds. Conscious. Alive. Shirtless, because he wouldn't wear one of those goddamn paper gowns, his hands soaking in some kind of sterile solution and casually criticising an intern attempting to stitch up a small gash on his bare arm. His lab coat and shirt lying in a charred and crumpled heap in a chair at the side. The intern laid in the final stitch just as Luke reached the bed. Not thinking or bothering to slow himself down, he found himself wrapped up in Reid and breathing wrecked sobs into the crook of his neck. He's still not sure exactly how Reid reacted. He was talking, muttering something offensive about the town, its people, but all Luke could hear, feel, taste and think, was his heart beating hard between their bodies. Alive and his and definitely not going out of his sight again without an armoured vest and a troupe of professional bodyguards. And when Luke kissed him he kissed back and didn't stop when the attending doctor cleared his throat for the fourth or fifth time.
The next half hour was a blur of bandages and gauze and Reid disagreeing with everything, and making plans and care instructions that Luke tried and failed to listen to because Reid was still breathing and nothing else on earth seemed quite as important as that fact, rushing through his mind.
He fixes down the bandage on Reid's left hand and gently pats the fastening like it's a piece of art and grins at Reid's soft chuckle in response. Even though Reid's arms are working fine, he keeps hold of the hand, lowering it himself to rest loosely in the space between them on the couch. He starts work on the second hand and Reid's eyes are sparkling as he tells the story of the first live brain he ever saw, standing itching at the sidelines while his attending placed an implant in the brain of a man with Parkinson's disease. As Luke unravels the layers of sterile dressing and impregnated gauze, his gaze flits between his task and blue eyes, just that little bit glazed over, lost in neurons and ganglia and the subthalamic nucleus, whatever that is, and he almost doesn't notice when Luke peels back the final layer of gauze and stops dead in his tracks.
But Reid must be aware enough to notice the panic in Luke's face and his voice trails off into nothing. His eyes open wide.
"What is it?"
PART 4
The sudden burst of heat and energy against his skin is such a shock that it takes him several seconds to recognize the pain, but when it hits him it's searing and violent and he can feel it right to his bones.
There was panic burned across Luke's face as he races into the ER after hearing the news. He found Reid lying down, but conscious, and thrown himself into his arms without stopping to ask any questions or worry about the ridiculous sobs coming out of his body.
He remembers Luke pulling back, wiping his eyes harshly with the back of his sleeve, and the hardening determination in them as he listened to the other doctor (Dr. Nasser...or Nasri...something like that) reel off the prognosis and the instructions for after care and outpatient treatment. A few days after that he'd driven Reid home and helped him change for bed and, judging by the heavy duty bags under his eyes the next morning, stayed up most of the night to keep any eye on him.
Since then, Luke's been nothing but strong, listening patiently while Reid rants about stuff that hurts or aches or itches, or just plain looks at him the wrong way, and Reid knows he's been a nightmare but Luke's stayed anyway and that means the universe to him.
But now his eyes are shaking again with the same kind of panic that Luke should never, ever have to feel, and never would again if Reid had any control over the stupid amount of bizarre crises and accidents that make up Oakdale's day-to-day existence.
*****
"I want to see, and I can't. And I can't get past that."
"Well what do you want now?"
"I don't want to be obligated to Damian, or you."
"Look, Noah, I never wanted you to feel like you owe us anything, I just...I need you Noah, and I need you to get better. And I need to help you."
"You are the reason I lost my sight, now I've got to get better the way you want me to?"
"No! No. You need to get better in any way that you can, and whether that means leaning on me or...or a therapist or...or someone else, then that's what's important. It's just important that you get better."
*****
Reid doesn't really smile very often, not like most people. Not those big shiny things with mouth and teeth and lips that split your face and ache your cheeks. But there's that thing he does instead of smiling that's mostly in his eyes, and it warms Luke up from the inside out and back to the middle again, and it's been missing from his face for the last four days. Despite doing everything right, righter than right, a small infection found its way into the crackled skin of his right palm. It's a setback, not a disaster, and they managed to get the thing cleared up pretty fast with a sterile wash and some antibiotics. But it's clear that that initial fear, that vulnerability, has found its way under his skin and solidified itself and it's not moving an inch, and no medication is going to move it. For the last couple of days Reid's been moodier, more distant, sadder than Luke ever wants to see him.
And that sucks.
Luke's in love with Reid. Powerfully, powerfully in love with him. And he's fallen so deeply and so fast, and he thinks sometimes that he probably shouldn't be plunging head long into another forever and ever amen kind of relationship when a year ago he still thought he was in love with someone else. But he feels so much, so much more and so much wider and deeper and taller and bigger than he felt before. It's like until Reid he's only ever loved in monochrome and now everything's lit up in full spectrum Technicolor and it saturates every facet and moment of his existence. Informs his every breath and action with the warmth and comfort of knowing unequivocally that he is the red and the blue and the golden yellow and the forest green to someone else's life scape.
So yeah, this sucks. Sucks the life right out of his colour, and it's scary and unknown and it hurts. And Luke's not going anywhere.
*****
"Don't tell me how I feel! Don't tell me what to feel. I'm the one who's eyes don't work anymore, okay, not you. You have no idea what I'm going through, how I feel. The kind of disappointment that I'm feeling right now because the one doctor I thought could help me stormed outta here, and mostly because he can't stand to be around you."
"Okay, now how can you turn this around on me? Like this is all my fault?"
"This is just what I'm stuck with."
"Well I know you think that I feel stuck too, but I don't."
"Please Luke, don't tell me that I'm the same Noah you fell in love with, because I'm not. I know I'm not, and you know what? That is what matters most."
"Noah, you can't really believe that my feelings have changed for you just because you can't see."
"I know things have changed for me."
"What does that mean? Does that mean...that your feelings for me have changed?"
*****
"I can't focus without my work. I haven't had more than a day off since I started med school. It's all I know, all I am is a doctor. Without it...I truly don't have anything else to hold on to. That's why, Mr. Snyder, I need you."
*****
Reid's sitting in the couch facing away from Luke. He rests his elbows on his knees so that his hands hang pointlessly in the space between them. He's cutting himself off, mentally and bodily, shutting down while his head can't process too many feelings at once. Luke runs the backs of two fingers along the ridges of Reid's spine, slow and soothing and feels him shudder a little in the touch. Reid doesn't shrug him off, but he doesn't lean into it either.
He gets it, he really does. And it's so horribly unfair because Reid's hands and his strength and his self-control have been everything to him for most of his life, and just when he's been finding ways to get them back, the whole damn universe has gone and kicked him hard in the shins, told him that every single one of his doubts is absolutely real, and that's just too much and too heavy to handle, even for Reid. Luke wants to wrap him up. Protect him and make the world go away until it's stopped spinning so fast. There's something raw and heaving clenching inside his stomach put there by the fear in Reid's eyes and the invisible trembling of his breath, and Luke would happily take a freight train to the chest to take that away from him.
But he can't. And loving someone like wild fire doesn't make you all powerful. It just makes you hurt with them.
"Reid..." He splays his hand out over the place between Reid's shoulder blades, curling his fingers slightly to press into the fabric of his t-shirt. "I know you're frightened..."
Reid jolts forwards, a few inches out of his reach. "You don't know what you're talking about," he fires back, a little harsh, and it's disguising more than a note of uncertainty.
Luke keeps his tone even. "Okay. You're right, I don't. But maybe I would if you'd tell me."
"There's nothing to tell." There's a second of silence. "Don't you have some bigwigs to flirt with or something?"
"Why would I wanna do that when you're being so charming?" Luke replies, sardonically. A small chuckle breaks past Reid's lips, and it's a wonderful, beautiful sound.
Reid turns his head and looks back over his shoulder. "I've told you before, if you've got work to do, you should go do it. You don't have to stay here babysitting me."
"And I've told you before, there's nowhere else I'd rather be," Luke says, with less flourish than might be expected. It's pretty much an indisputable fact, and he says it like he's tired of arguing the point. Reid rolls his eyes half-heartedly, but Luke carries on. "So, you can be a jerk as much as you want, I'm not going anywhere."
"Why do you have to be so..." Reid trails off.
"Funny? Brilliant? Devilishly handsome?"
"I was going to say "annoyingly persistent,"" Reid replies, but his tone is edged with humour. Luke smiles back, but then Reid's face hardens a little, and there's a long pause punctuated with a sigh. "Look...I know I've been pretty horrible to be around recently...again..." Defying all logic, Luke instinctively moves to argue, to reassure, but a quick look from Reid reminds him that it's pretty much true. Reid continues. "...look, you always knew that being with me was never going to be a parade of rainbows and fairy lights..." Luke's not sure where this is going, but he nods because, again, it's absolutely true. Reid's rough around the edges and most of the way to the middle, but while it still gets to him some of the time, Luke's long stopped feeling the need to change that. Reid sighs. "Luke, I'm...sorry."
Luke replies quickly. "It's okay."
"No, it's not," says Reid, firmly. "But you were right...I've been a little..."
"Scared?" Luke finishes. Reid stares at his bandages and grunts his reluctant agreement, a quiet noise, self-deprecating.
"Being a neurosurgeon is all I've ever known, it's all I've ever wanted. Until recently, it's been the only thing I've cared about..." he meets Luke's gaze for a second, significant and intense. Luke swallows hard before Reid looks back down at his hands. "Even if I end up with only a small amount of long-term damage, it could still destroy everything I've worked for my whole career. If I can't operate anymore, save lives that no-one else can...I don't know what I'll do."
Luke wraps his hands around Reid's wrists, like pressure on an open wound, and Reid lets his bound hands rest against Luke's forearms. "Reid...that's not going to happen, I'm sure of it. You wanna know how I know that?" Luke tries to infuse his voice with fire and certainty, and the mountain range of love and comfort and hope that he thinks Reid deserves. He shakes Reid's arms a little to keep his attention, keep them grounded to each other. Reid shifts a little, and he's probably still painfully uncomfortable feeling this exposed, even around Luke, but he settles down and doesn't look away.
"Go on..."
"You're Reid Oliver," Luke says, warmth in his voice. Reid's body reacts to that and he makes a muffled sound that's sort of a laugh. It seems like a good thing so Luke carries on. "I mean it Reid," he says, surprised and impressed at his outward calmness that contrasts completely with the aching and burning that's going on inside him. "You're the most determined person I know. If you want something, you're a total ass about it until you get it. You never give up, don't start now. I won't let you."
"Luke..."
"Doctors are going to be queuing up to help you, and we'll bring in anyone you need, get you any treatment, fly you anywhere you need to go in the world. And if that's not enough, I'll bribe, threaten, blackmail...whatever it takes to get you whatever it is that you need, okay? I'll use my grandmother's connections - I'll even track down Damian again if I have to, use his influence. But I promise, I won't give up on you, and you can't either." There's an army behind his words; it's fierce, loving, and...annoyingly persistent.
Reid's looking at him a little awestruck. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." Luke's kinda brimming with emotion and he finds himself babbling again. "And if none of that works I'll...I dunno...I'll hire an inventor to...build you robot hands. You'll be the world's first robo-surgeon." Reid snorts. He turns his whole body now to fully face Luke and his eyes light up a little and it's good.
Reid lets out another laugh, bigger and real and a little less wrecked. "You think I'd look good with robot hands?"
"Sure." Luke lets himself smile a little, playing along. "Hey, you'd look good with monkey hands or...I dunno...pirate hands? We could get you a couple of hooks -" he stops and mentally kicks himself. "I'm sorry, that's not helping is it, I-"
"You are," Reid cuts him off. His eyes are wide and a little red, but filled with a weight of sincerity, and there's a small smile playing across the edges of his lips, like it's got a right to be there and won't leave. Luke can't help it anymore and he leans forward and brushes his own lips against them, warm breath and soft skin and a promise he makes to the bit of Reid that's buried deep inside his heart and not going anywhere, probably ever.
"That's good. Listen, Reid...I need you to know something, to really understand this, because I don't think you do. I don't think you're used to people loving you like this, but I do. I really, really do. So I need you to know...whatever happens, even if you never chop up another brain again - which you will - but even if you didn't...I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not in love with "Dr. Oliver, world's greatest neurosurgeon"".
"Umm...you're...not?" Reid says, confused and maybe a little worried. Luke smiles, shakes his head softly.
"No, idiot. I'm in love with you, Reid. The guy who whoops my ass at chess and teaches my baby sister gross facts about biology at the dinner table and...eats more than most of my dad's horses...put together." He chuckles while he speaks and Reid's face is slowly filling up again. "I mean Dr. Oliver, he's great but, it's you that I wanna spend my- it's you that I love, Reid, just you. And I know that might not be so much compared to fame and power and the adoration of the medical community but... What? What is it?"
He stops to breathe when he realizes that Reid's been staring at him for a really long time. Reid's looking at him like he's just laid eyes on the fire in the centre of the Sun. Like he's the earth, like he comes alive in his orbit. It's a feeling Luke's more than familiar with.
"You know, it kind of is."
"Oh," Luke says, feeling the wind drop gloriously and wonderfully from his sails.
"Yeah," Reid agrees, smiling. He doesn't look even a little bit frightened as he kisses Luke, slow and deep, and hooks an arm around his neck, shifting down into the couch cushions and tugging Luke down with him. Luke lets out a pleased noise that vibrates through both their mouths and feels the heat spread through the rest of his body.
*****
"Noah, I know what you're going through-"
"No, you don't."
"You saw when I couldn't walk. I felt just the way you feel now, I was angry, scared, and I sure as hell didn't want any help from anyone."
"Does this speech have a point?"
"I just want you to understand...I got through it because I trusted the person that I loved more than anyone else. I was too proud to ask for help but he helped me anyway. He never gave up on me, and he made sure that I didn't give up on myself."
"I didn't have anything to do with what happened to you."
*****
Katie and Jacob are out with some tall Australian guy when they get back from another dinner at the Farm. Luke's sister Abigail was in town for a visit, and she and Lily spent half the meal glaring at each other, and the other half making back-handed comments about weddings and non-weddings and France and expensive dresses. Reid wouldn't have minded, but the serving dish kept ending up beside them, where they'd stupidly decided to sit opposite each other, and he couldn't get their attention, or reach for it himself. Faith seemed surlier than usual, and Natalie talked almost continuously about a girl at school in a way that would have been extremely interesting if her mother had been paying her even the slightest bit of attention.
He's a little tired when they get back and sees the note from Katie, but Luke leaves him fumbling with his coat and rushes into Reid's room. He comes back carrying a large cardboard box. He sets it down on the table and turns to Reid as he finally escapes his coat and drapes it down carelessly on the back of the couch. Luke's standing by the table, his arms squeezed round himself and his rocking on the spot, nervous energy and excitement vibrating his body and stretching his smile.
"Umm...Luke, what's up?"
"I got you a present," Luke says, and he looks sort of like he's about to explode. Reid steps up close to him.
"Err...it's not our anniversary or something...is it?" Luke smirks and strokes Reid's hair back fondly.
"Don't worry Reid, you're safe. It's not our anniversary, I just...this is just something I got for you, because I love you. Open it."
Reid glances at his hands. "How?"
Luke rolls his eyes and sighs, exaggerated, like it's a great burden to him. "Always an excuse..." he mutters, flashing his dimples for a second. He rips off the tape and pries open the cardboard flaps, tearing the box a little as he does it. He pulls something round and black out of the box. "Here," he says, holding it out. He's suddenly looking really nervous, and he starts chewing unconsciously on his bottom lip.
Reid looks down at the gift and then back to Luke. Then down again, then back. Luke's eyes are on him, and there's a disgusting amount of love in them, though recently Reid's starting to realise that he probably looks at Luke in a similar way. It kills something inside of him, but it's a part of him he's not too sure he'll miss. Instead, Reid goes back to staring at the thing in Luke's hands.
He's a little lost, to be honest. "You bought me a Stetson?" He's not sure where Luke got hold of one in Podunk. It's obviously a decent make, not something they knocked up in the town's painfully cheesy costume shop, and he takes a second to calculate whether or not Richie Rich had time to fly his private jet all the way to Texas and back to get it without him noticing. He figures probably not, and that the details don't matter either way. Luke shifts his grip and lifts the hat up to Reid's head, pressing it softly into place. He lowers his hands to rest on his shoulders, rubbing small, soothing circles with his thumbs.
"It's a reminder, Reid. To let you know that you're more than a doctor," he says in a soft voice. Reid studies his expression for a second before it all clicks into place. He rolls his eyes up to look at the hat, then back down to where Luke's smiling, warm and loving and lighting him up inside in ways he's not sure he'll ever be able to explain out loud.
"Urban cowboy?" he asks, unnecessarily, and Luke's smile gets even more ridiculous.
"Uh-huh."
"That's...you really remembered this?" Reid's eyes are wide, and his voice is barely even a little mocking.
Luke ducks his head and bites down on the triumph in his smile. "So did you."
"Photographic memory," Reid defends, gesturing at his head, and he would be pointing if his fingers weren't all tied up.
"Riiight," Luke says, delight and scepticism both clear in his voice. "So...you like it?" Something electric and amazing shoots through Reid's chest. It's the same feeling he gets from Luke every day, just magnified in intensity and clarity, and it's more than a little insane that it all seems to be coming from a little cowboy hat. It's insane and he doesn't give a crap about romantic gestures; he doesn't make them and he definitely doesn't need them. But this is a hell of a lot more than just romance. He nudges the thing off his head, so it's balanced with one of his hands inside it. He looks at it, resting on his hand and rocking a little around the middle.
He tries to think of a way to say that yes, he likes it. He loves it. He loves the stupid hat and the stupid sentiment behind it, and his stupid little heart is on fire right now, and he gets it, and he's moved by it and broken by it in the best possible way, and he doesn't mind putting down his armour or his swords or his shields, giving up his self-defence mechanisms, because Luke's there. Luke's there beside him to fight his battles and make him sandwiches and buy him ridiculous hats, and that means so much more than anything has, ever in his awesome, silly, lonely little life, or in the whole universe for that matter.
And he didn't need this. Didn't need the gesture, he realises. Didn't need any of it, hasn't needed anything more than Luke, just Luke, since the moment he first threw down his sword and took Luke's head in his hands and kissed him just because he wanted to.
And all that's making his head swim a little and his voice feel croaky even before he speaks, so he clears his throat and blinks hard to straighten out his thoughts, and his eyes aren't welling up at all, either.
In the end what he actually ends up saying is "You don't expect me to actually wear this, do you?" Luke just laughs, shaking his head, and snatches the hat out of Reid's hands, pushes it back on to his head.
"Only around the house," he says, and tweaks the front of it. "Quit whining Dr. Oliver. It looks good on you." Reid's not going to deny that piece of obvious reality. He's still worried, still more than a little terrified about his future. But Luke's looking at him like that, sweet and loving and red hot sexy at the same time. He'll focus on that instead.
Touch, Parts 5-6