Shige's essay #18: Myojo 2007-12 - Lie
Uhm, maybe it's because I'm not a man, but I can't really claim I'm able to follow his logic here. ^_^; This certainly would lead to a heated discussion between Shige and me! (But the last sentence made me laugh. Oh Shige.)
The newest Myojo essay - have fun reading! ♥
And I'll use this space to thank everyone for their wonderful comments to the previous essays - sadly I don't have the time to answer most of them, but I appreciate each and everyone! <3
#18: Myojo 2007-12 - Lie
"My favourite type of boy, you know, that's someone who's honest, and my least favourite type of boy is someone who tells lies♪"
If asked about their ideal man, there sometimes are girls who answer with the above. Everytime I hear this answer, I think to myself that there is no guy who is as cruel as to be completely honest.
Generally, there is a tendency to equate "lie" with "bad thing". It's true that the image of a lie may be that of something you tell to hide something bad you did. If you break something at your friend's house and then say, "It wasn't me!!", or if you're asked whether you've already finished a task and you say, "I did!!" though you really didn't. That is truly bad, to lie about these things. But is it really alright to let the definition of "lie" stand as "bad thing"? I rather think it is something which can convey the feeling of love.
For example, let's assume there is this woman who is dating a man. He promised her to be at his home no later than 10 p.m., but invited by his male friends, he has dinner with them and plans to go home afterwards, and before he knows it, it's already 11 p.m. When he receives a mail from his girlfriend in which she asks, "You're already home, aren't you?", he sends the reply, "I'm home. Good night!"
He certainly told a lie there. But he doesn't have a guilty conscience. Well, why did he lie? It's because, had he told the truth, there wouldn't have been any merit for all people concerned. Let's say he told her the truth, "I ate dinner with my friends and then went home.", that can make her jealous easily, so doubting him she may ask, "Who did you go with?" or "Were there any girls?" and worry. No matter how often he says, "There weren't any girls!", she will not agree and it will become something between them which cannot be undone. If this continues, he will be fed up with her constant asking and his feelings for her may cool down. It's an eternal vicious circle without any answer. Ne? No one gains anything by it, right?
... well, but this is just my imagination. Anyway, I think that a lie like this is born out of gentleness. It's because you don't want to make your partner feel worried or because you don't want to hurt him, a feeling of care, that you tell him something which is different from the truth.
In the above case, it doesn't change even if he went to dinner with another girl. What's really important to him is his girlfriend, but possessed by some evil spirit, he will go to dinner with her with some ulterior motive. But in the end, he wants to continue going out with his girlfriend, so he tells a lie (well, but if he has an affair, the guy is completely at fault). This lie also carries the meaning that he truly loves his girlfriend.
I think it is only okay for women who are completely earnest, women who continue to love their boyfriend no matter what he does, to say that they like honest men. But there are no perfect people. There isn't a guy who is frequently possessed by an evil spirit as cruel as to be honest all the time. If you told the truth all the time without your partner in mind, you'll often hurt him. Can you call a man who cannot take this into consideration a good man? Once, a friend of mine told me the following thing. "To be a good man, first you have to be a man good at lying. Next, if it comes to the worst, you must be a man able to deny everything even if the lie is discovered." You might think that would be a terrible guy just from these conditions, but I think that is not necessarily the case. Because I think that if you end up lying once, you should carry the responsibility of not letting your partner find out about it, and even when he does, of denying it no matter what so that you can dispel his worries at least a little bit. I'll say it again, that's a sign of love.
I don't want to make lies out to be something beautiful, I just want everyone to understand that there are beautiful lies hiding among the bad ones. The fact that one makes up a lie not to boost one's own ego, but because one doesn't want to see the other person sad.
By the way, my favourite type of girl... is someone honest.☆
The newest Myojo essay - have fun reading! ♥
And I'll use this space to thank everyone for their wonderful comments to the previous essays - sadly I don't have the time to answer most of them, but I appreciate each and everyone! <3
#18: Myojo 2007-12 - Lie
"My favourite type of boy, you know, that's someone who's honest, and my least favourite type of boy is someone who tells lies♪"
If asked about their ideal man, there sometimes are girls who answer with the above. Everytime I hear this answer, I think to myself that there is no guy who is as cruel as to be completely honest.
Generally, there is a tendency to equate "lie" with "bad thing". It's true that the image of a lie may be that of something you tell to hide something bad you did. If you break something at your friend's house and then say, "It wasn't me!!", or if you're asked whether you've already finished a task and you say, "I did!!" though you really didn't. That is truly bad, to lie about these things. But is it really alright to let the definition of "lie" stand as "bad thing"? I rather think it is something which can convey the feeling of love.
For example, let's assume there is this woman who is dating a man. He promised her to be at his home no later than 10 p.m., but invited by his male friends, he has dinner with them and plans to go home afterwards, and before he knows it, it's already 11 p.m. When he receives a mail from his girlfriend in which she asks, "You're already home, aren't you?", he sends the reply, "I'm home. Good night!"
He certainly told a lie there. But he doesn't have a guilty conscience. Well, why did he lie? It's because, had he told the truth, there wouldn't have been any merit for all people concerned. Let's say he told her the truth, "I ate dinner with my friends and then went home.", that can make her jealous easily, so doubting him she may ask, "Who did you go with?" or "Were there any girls?" and worry. No matter how often he says, "There weren't any girls!", she will not agree and it will become something between them which cannot be undone. If this continues, he will be fed up with her constant asking and his feelings for her may cool down. It's an eternal vicious circle without any answer. Ne? No one gains anything by it, right?
... well, but this is just my imagination. Anyway, I think that a lie like this is born out of gentleness. It's because you don't want to make your partner feel worried or because you don't want to hurt him, a feeling of care, that you tell him something which is different from the truth.
In the above case, it doesn't change even if he went to dinner with another girl. What's really important to him is his girlfriend, but possessed by some evil spirit, he will go to dinner with her with some ulterior motive. But in the end, he wants to continue going out with his girlfriend, so he tells a lie (well, but if he has an affair, the guy is completely at fault). This lie also carries the meaning that he truly loves his girlfriend.
I think it is only okay for women who are completely earnest, women who continue to love their boyfriend no matter what he does, to say that they like honest men. But there are no perfect people. There isn't a guy who is frequently possessed by an evil spirit as cruel as to be honest all the time. If you told the truth all the time without your partner in mind, you'll often hurt him. Can you call a man who cannot take this into consideration a good man? Once, a friend of mine told me the following thing. "To be a good man, first you have to be a man good at lying. Next, if it comes to the worst, you must be a man able to deny everything even if the lie is discovered." You might think that would be a terrible guy just from these conditions, but I think that is not necessarily the case. Because I think that if you end up lying once, you should carry the responsibility of not letting your partner find out about it, and even when he does, of denying it no matter what so that you can dispel his worries at least a little bit. I'll say it again, that's a sign of love.
I don't want to make lies out to be something beautiful, I just want everyone to understand that there are beautiful lies hiding among the bad ones. The fact that one makes up a lie not to boost one's own ego, but because one doesn't want to see the other person sad.
By the way, my favourite type of girl... is someone honest.☆