Wiped Clean 1/?
Title: Wiped Clean 1/?
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Calzona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This is just a prequel to a post Season 9 story I wrote called "Forgive, forget, forever" It's probably best ( if not essential) to read that before this as most of what this prequel contains is hinted at or best explained in the original story. The original story is set 10 years after the end of Season 9 , this first prequel ( there is a possibility of another one to follow) is set less than 2 years after the finale.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I'm one of those sad pathetic fans who hates the current S/L so much that I haven't been able to watch the last 2 eps of Season 9 in full yet. I've seen some of those clips once and my heart is still a bit bruised if not totally broken. So all this writing is purely cathartic for me. I want them to be happy, to work it out; for there still to be a Calzona to ship and hence this story.I have this whole happyish but now AU life for them in my head which makes me think I won't even watch Season 10 (but of course I will eventually cause evil Queen Shonda has me in her spell). :-( The whole point of this rather rambling note is simply I wrote this purely for my own selfish benefit, if other people enjoy that would just be an added bonus but its ok if you don't.
"We need to get going."
When no reply came she turned back, not entirely surprised at the worried look she found on her wife's face, "Sweetie..."
The only response was a frown, a frown that seemed to be struggling to stay put all the same.
"....honey, darling, petal..." As much as she tried not to, she couldn't help smirking all the same. They had never been one of those couples, the couples who threw pet names around with abandon. On the contrary, with them, it had always been Arizona or Callie or if something was up, Calliope.
Arizona hated it when people tried to shorten her name "...If my parents wanted to call me Zo they would have called me Zo! They didn't!" And Callie? Well she'd happily answered to all sorts of abbreviations over the years, all better than the horror that was her given name.
Until Arizona.
There was something about the way her wife's tongue wrapped around her name, she made it sound like no other had, like no other could.
Calliope.
Even when used in anger or exasperation her name on her wife's tongue was a caress, a soothing balm, a shot of adrenalin all wrapped up in one. She'd loved it, never realising just how much until that dark year when it was never uttered. Not once, neither in anger nor ecstasy. Not even in those shadow months, when the darkness had seemed to lift, when the Gods of Sun and Happiness had seemed to be just over the horizon, within touching distance.
Not even then.
And when the storm came and then, when the storm went, there was no room for names. No need to call someone by their given name when all that was needed was their professional ones.
Dr.Torres, Dr. Robbins.
No need for names at all when there was no conversation. Names replaced by descriptions. Few deserving of repetition, none involving love or respect.
On the long road back, the names they used in the past hurt too much. When the future might not exist, the recent past too painful, there was only the uncertain present. Reminders of their glorious past, Calliope, Arizona, even Callie were too much. So it was " Hi, you" and " Hey, there" and the pet names crept in, wholly inadequate replacements for names so often uttered in love, but they made do. And they became one of those couples.
Now they used them as a joke, but also a reminder; of those dark days and the hard road back. Of those days when it seemed everything they were, everything they had, was lost. Of how lucky they were, how close they had come, how quickly it could just disappear.
How life could change in an instant.
"Petal? Really Calliope? Really?" No matter how she tried Arizona could not keep her frown alive, a smile breaking through for an instant before being replaced by a grimace and a groan.
Callie grimaced in sympathy, she couldn't help it. As her wife's face began slowly to relax again she repeated her words " like I said, we need to get going."
"Callie, maybe....we shouldn't go... maybe it's just a..." the stare of disbelief from her wife caused her to pause, "...false alarm? It might be Braxton Hicks, right?"
Callie heard the pleading tone in her voice but as much as she always wanted to reassure her, that wasn't going to be happening anytime soon.
"No, it's not that and you know that...your waters have broken..." Callie smiled down at the scared blue eyes looking upwards at her. Those large bright blue eyes that owned her heart. "...all over our fancy Egyptian cotton sheets."
Arizona looked mildly embarrassed before hurriedly saying " oh, you should go strip the sheets because we don't want the mattress getting..."
The feeble attempt at procrastination didn't work.
" Already done.....though it might be a little late for the mattress?" Callie beamed at her. She couldn't help it, ever since they'd first started seriously talking about a second baby, a baby Arizona would carry, she'd been excited. An excitement that had grown every day since her wife had barged into her OR with a part guilty, part terrified look on her face.
~~~~~
"Torres, you almost done here?"
She had known something was up, before Arizona had even spoken. Somehow after everything they went through, the counselling and therapy,the arguments and tears, she could read her wife like an open book.
"Dr. Robbins? Everything ok?"
"Yeah, yeah sure just need you for a consult when you're done"
"Is Sofia..." She could see, hear, sense the fear emanating from Arizona
"No! She's fine, perfect ...just...I need to talk to you."
She'd scrubbed out in record time, her stomach churning as she half ran, half galloped to Arizona's office.
" don't be mad, please, don't be.... I did something...and I didn't mean to... But I couldn't help myself, I needed to...I couldn't control... just... please! I'm sorry."
Instinctively she knew that whatever it was, it wasn't that. It wasn't another Boswell, she knew that. She understood now, to the extent that it could be understood, the forces and demons that had propelled her wife to make the single biggest mistake of her life. Yes, Arizona made a decision to act that fateful day, yes she knew what she was doing and knew that it was wrong. But there were extenuating circumstances too.
Extenuating circumstances like PTSD and unresolved anger and a failure to communicate and a Type A personality that had reached breaking point. Extenuating circumstances that no longer existed.
So Callie knew, notwithstanding that her wife stood before her,apparently guilt-wracked, balancing precariously on one foot with nerves, she knew, instinctively it wasn't going to be a big deal. She had forgiven Arizona, a decision that took time to make. A decision made out of instinctive love but in equal part devastating logic. A decision that did not come easy, but once made was immutable.
Arizona's own guilt lingered for far longer. But they had got past that too, with time. And yet there was a lingering after effect that made Arizona act like a recidivist criminal whenever she did anything at all wrong, or that might be perceived as wrong by her wife. A lingering fear that her next misdemeanor, however trivial, might be the proverbial straw. Callie presumed, hoped, that that too would pass in time. But it was why she knew, right here, right now that whatever Arizona was fretting over it was nothing that could not be overcome.
"I took a test."
"A test?"
"Yeah....I mean a...pre....I peed on a stick... And... I mean...I know we were going to do it together... But it's two weeks tomorrow, since the procedure and....I mean ...well we've been on crazy opposite shifts and.... I assumed that I wouldn't be.... because...I mean no one ever gets pregnant first IVF cycle, right? And..."
Callie stood ramrod straight, apparently so expressionless that it caused Arizona to begin apologising again.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"So it was negative?" She was determined to keep the disappointment out of her voice, Arizona did not need to be burdened with any more guilt.
"What?"
Arizona just thrust the little stick into her wife's face then swallowed hard.
Callie blinked once, twice, thrice even...a strangulated "Arizona" finally emerging.
"I know."
"You're.."
"Yes...I mean we need to go to the clinic and do a blood test but...."
Callie's smile could have powered the grid of the entire West coast.
~~~~~
"It's too soon, he's not supposed to be here for another 2 or 3 weeks and..."
"Arizona..." She hunched down, grabbing hold of the arms of Arizona's wheelchair to steady herself. Reassurance worked best at eye level, that was as true with adults as with toddlers "...we handled a micro preemie. Michael is going to look like a giant in comparison to Sofia even if he is early, which of course he gets from you, and your marine-like need to be way too early so that you are never late."
"But..." Another contraction ended the sentence almost before it began.
"We're having a baby... now, Arizona."
"I'm scared."
"I know." Callie's smile was gentle, even as her heart beat a little faster at her wife's admission. An admission that, in the past, would not have been made. An emotion that, in the past Arizona would have suppressed as a sign of weakness.
"I'm not ready..."
"It's happening now, today." Callie rubbed Arizona's thighs gently reassuringly.
"What if I mess this up? What if I..."
"You're not going to mess it up...you are perfect Arizona, perfect for me and Sofia and our brand new son."
~~~~~
"5 centimeters..." Mary, their midwife smiled apologetically before adding, somewhat needlessly given the two Doctors in the room, "...we have quite a bit to go yet."
They had been here in the birthing suite for just over an hour; contractions were still quite far apart though each one seemed to last a little longer than the previous one. And if one were to listen to Arizona, hurt more too.
"Is there anything we can... that we should be doing? To speed matters up?" Callie asked, all the while gently kneading and soothing Arizona's tensed back.
"Well, normally I'd suggest getting up and walking around helps but..." She petered off, hesitantly smiling.
"Huh, that would be nice!"
Arizona had experienced a lot of pain and discomfort in the latter half of her pregnancy with her prosthetic. Her changing body meant her 'state of the art' leg and socket chafed in a different place nearly every day. She had soldiered on, making weekly visits to her prosthetist, tweaking and tinkering at it for months. It had worked too, after a fashion, but nothing worked as well as not wearing it. The woman who hated using her crutches and wheelchair in public found them to be a godsend.
And, in a strange way, it had helped her come to terms with the loss of her leg all over again. A way she hadn't known she needed. By the time her maternity leave began she was only wearing the leg in surgery. And, while she cut a mean dash down the corridors of her Peds ward on her crutches, much to the delight of her 'tiny humans', even her crutches had proven too much in recent weeks.
"... otherwise I'd say maybe have a shower, but mostly try to relax and let nature take its course."
~~~~~
Time moved on, excruciatingly slowly in Arizona 's opinion but uneventfully. A few hours further in and only a few centimetres further dilated Arizona was exhausted.
"I can't take much more of this...." Arizona gasped out as her latest contraction eased.
" You're doing great baby, you really are...." Callie whispered as a tired Arizona leaned into her "...I love you so much...and you are so beautiful..."
Arizona shook her head weakly, "Don't, don't say..." she knew that couldn't be true. She was hot and sweaty and tired. She couldn't see an end to this day; she felt weak and useless and right now a failure and disappointment all over again.
"... I'm sorry... I want to be, I should be better than..."
"Hey! You are doing great, I'm so proud of you...I..." But Arizona's next contraction hit before Callie could finish.
Arizona was seriously doubting the wisdom of her decision to be epidural free, right now the 'gas and air' really wasn't cutting it. But she had studied the pros and cons and, despite her wife's misgivings, had decided against the pain relief the epidural would undoubtedly have given. Primarily she wanted to get back on her foot, and feet, as soon as possible and if the price of that was that she felt each and every contraction then so be it.
The birthing suites were all, in theory, soundproof but that only worked while doors were closed and today, of all days, was a busy today at Grey-Sloan Memorial. So every now and then doors opened and closed and various sounds drifted down the corridor.
Sounds that were never designed to calm a woman in labour.
Shrieking, occasional screams, and the berating of partners in the strongest possible language melded together in a cacophony of disharmony.
"Oh, GAWD, make it stop!"
"I hate..."
"OooooooooaaaAAAAAAAAA"
"... dont touch me ,you bastard"
"AAAAaaaggghhhj..."
"Your fault.."
Occasionally whole sentences of abuse filtered through.
"This is all down to you, you stupid bastard. I'm never letting you and your fucking penis near me again."
Callie had laughed nervously at that one, Arizona had just grimaced. It was something they'd joked about, or rather Callie had. The names Arizona might call her, whether she'd squeeze her hand so hard Callie wouldn't be able to cut for weeks; whether Callie would hand out cigars afterwards or whether she'd be a typical "father" and faint in the delivery room. At the latter Arizona had laughed and said "...if that happens the nurses better not fawn all over you or I'll need my bricks."
But so far Arizona hadn't uttered a cross word towards her wife. All she'd done was get increasingly frustrated at herself.
" you can call me names too, ya know? If it helps?" Callie soothed. Arizona shook her head furiously, eyes shut tight as she dealt with the latest dart of agony.
"Really? 'Cause it's practically part of the ritual of giving birth to threaten death on the person who put you here...and I just know you've been holding out on the curse words, growing up on Marine bases I bet you could out curse every woman in here."
Wide blue eyes, watery with pain, looked at her with something approaching horror as her head shook furiously once more.
~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Torres can I get you to check out some scans for me? " Alex Karev stood half in, half out the room , "seeing that you're here and all."
Callie knew her wife had total trust in Karev and that theirs was an unusual relationship but this was a step too far! They were in labour after all, they were about to give birth, "What? No, I'm a bit...we're a bit busy here Karev."
"It's only going to take a few minutes I'll have you back in no time at all, besides it's one of your wife's 'tiny humans' so...."
Arizona nodded at a reluctant Callie to go.
"Looking good Robbins! Nice sock!" Alex added as a rejoinder.
Arizona managed a weak smile, her first in some time. Feet, or in her case, a foot, can get really cold during labour so Arizona brought her favoritest fleeciest comfiest sock with her. It was a riot of colour; purples and blues, reds and yellows or as Callie had put it with a little less charm, "Jesus, Arizona it looks like a rainbow threw up on your foot."
"Thanks, Alex."
As Alex made moves further into the room towards Arizona lower half Callie deftly blocked him, "just where do you think you're going?"
"Checking on Arizona..." he'd have thought it was obvious "...see how she's doing, how far along she is...make sure the douchebags in ObGyn are doing their job properly." Ever since 'Chest Peckwell' Alex had a near pathological disdain for the salmon scrubs fraternity and that, married with his genuine affection for Arizona, meant he was going to be here for her.
"Uhm, no!"
"What? Move out of the way."
"There is no way in hell that I'm letting you look at Arizona's....Arizona's..." she didn't even want to say the word in front of him, "...vajayjay." she finally blurted out.
A sound suspiciously like a stifled laugh emanated from the bed as Alex looked at Callie with a half smirk, half frown. "Seriously? Vajayjay??" A laugh trying to masquerade as a cough was heard from the Blonde in the bed.
Then Alex turned to his mentor for help, "Robbins, tell your wife I'm a Doctor and I've seen hundreds of..." he paused ".... vaGINAS..."
Whether Arizona had any desire for hers to join the 'lucky' hundreds would never be known after the next words that fell from his mouth "...hell I've even seen Torres' so...."
"OUT, Karev, right now, I may be in Labour but I still have bricks.
As as he left the room,shaking his head, he wore his trademarked expression 'is it me, or are they all cray-cray' look.
"Callie,go look at the patient and..." Arizona added sheepishly "...hurry back?"
A kiss on a perspiring forehead and a softly whispered "always" later and she was gone.
~~~~~~~
It took a little longer than intended but soon Callie was rushing back to Arizona's side. Mary was with her, helping her through a contraction that seemed far stronger than the ones 10 minutes before. Callie paused, as yet unseen, just outside, absorbing the sight before her. Her pregnant wife, in the mid to late stages of labour, blonde tresses stuck unceremoniously to clammy skin, skin that was flushed a deep shade of crimson with effort and exhaustion. One hand clutching Mary's the other gaining purchase on the hospital sheet. Knuckles whitened, breathing heavy; her one complete leg bent at the knee, inclined towards the door, her rainbow clad foot digging in to the bed beneath it.
She could not remember a time when her always beautiful wife looked so, well, beautiful.
As she rode out the contraction Mary was speaking."You're doing great, and you know, your wife's right, it's ok to scream and bitch and..."
"No!" Arizona stated in what seemed like anger. Callie, about to announce her presence just paused,instinctively.
"I ca - can't, not at her, not at my wife, and not today, today of all days."
Mary had been a midwife at the Hospital long enough to know two things: first her patient's stress levels were high and it clearly wasn't just the normal stress of a woman about to give birth; second she knew, for it was no secret, that her patient and her wife had endured several tumultuous years. Yet, for all the drama, all the spills, here they were.
"Dr.Rob..." She hesitated as the younger woman glared at her "...sorry, Arizona..." Her reward was a nod and smile cut short by the now familiar grimace. "...I'm sure Dr. Torres won't mind if you yell a little, I'm pretty sure she'd forgive..."
An anguished "No!" cut her dead. The agony obvious in the woman's voice now had nothing to do with her advanced labour. "I can't ruin this for her, she's already had to forgive far too much, I've already hurt her far too..."
"Arizona." The look of disappointment on Callie's face was matched only by the sadness in her voice.
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character: Calzona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: This is just a prequel to a post Season 9 story I wrote called "Forgive, forget, forever" It's probably best ( if not essential) to read that before this as most of what this prequel contains is hinted at or best explained in the original story. The original story is set 10 years after the end of Season 9 , this first prequel ( there is a possibility of another one to follow) is set less than 2 years after the finale.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: I'm one of those sad pathetic fans who hates the current S/L so much that I haven't been able to watch the last 2 eps of Season 9 in full yet. I've seen some of those clips once and my heart is still a bit bruised if not totally broken. So all this writing is purely cathartic for me. I want them to be happy, to work it out; for there still to be a Calzona to ship and hence this story.I have this whole happyish but now AU life for them in my head which makes me think I won't even watch Season 10 (but of course I will eventually cause evil Queen Shonda has me in her spell). :-( The whole point of this rather rambling note is simply I wrote this purely for my own selfish benefit, if other people enjoy that would just be an added bonus but its ok if you don't.
"We need to get going."
When no reply came she turned back, not entirely surprised at the worried look she found on her wife's face, "Sweetie..."
The only response was a frown, a frown that seemed to be struggling to stay put all the same.
"....honey, darling, petal..." As much as she tried not to, she couldn't help smirking all the same. They had never been one of those couples, the couples who threw pet names around with abandon. On the contrary, with them, it had always been Arizona or Callie or if something was up, Calliope.
Arizona hated it when people tried to shorten her name "...If my parents wanted to call me Zo they would have called me Zo! They didn't!" And Callie? Well she'd happily answered to all sorts of abbreviations over the years, all better than the horror that was her given name.
Until Arizona.
There was something about the way her wife's tongue wrapped around her name, she made it sound like no other had, like no other could.
Calliope.
Even when used in anger or exasperation her name on her wife's tongue was a caress, a soothing balm, a shot of adrenalin all wrapped up in one. She'd loved it, never realising just how much until that dark year when it was never uttered. Not once, neither in anger nor ecstasy. Not even in those shadow months, when the darkness had seemed to lift, when the Gods of Sun and Happiness had seemed to be just over the horizon, within touching distance.
Not even then.
And when the storm came and then, when the storm went, there was no room for names. No need to call someone by their given name when all that was needed was their professional ones.
Dr.Torres, Dr. Robbins.
No need for names at all when there was no conversation. Names replaced by descriptions. Few deserving of repetition, none involving love or respect.
On the long road back, the names they used in the past hurt too much. When the future might not exist, the recent past too painful, there was only the uncertain present. Reminders of their glorious past, Calliope, Arizona, even Callie were too much. So it was " Hi, you" and " Hey, there" and the pet names crept in, wholly inadequate replacements for names so often uttered in love, but they made do. And they became one of those couples.
Now they used them as a joke, but also a reminder; of those dark days and the hard road back. Of those days when it seemed everything they were, everything they had, was lost. Of how lucky they were, how close they had come, how quickly it could just disappear.
How life could change in an instant.
"Petal? Really Calliope? Really?" No matter how she tried Arizona could not keep her frown alive, a smile breaking through for an instant before being replaced by a grimace and a groan.
Callie grimaced in sympathy, she couldn't help it. As her wife's face began slowly to relax again she repeated her words " like I said, we need to get going."
"Callie, maybe....we shouldn't go... maybe it's just a..." the stare of disbelief from her wife caused her to pause, "...false alarm? It might be Braxton Hicks, right?"
Callie heard the pleading tone in her voice but as much as she always wanted to reassure her, that wasn't going to be happening anytime soon.
"No, it's not that and you know that...your waters have broken..." Callie smiled down at the scared blue eyes looking upwards at her. Those large bright blue eyes that owned her heart. "...all over our fancy Egyptian cotton sheets."
Arizona looked mildly embarrassed before hurriedly saying " oh, you should go strip the sheets because we don't want the mattress getting..."
The feeble attempt at procrastination didn't work.
" Already done.....though it might be a little late for the mattress?" Callie beamed at her. She couldn't help it, ever since they'd first started seriously talking about a second baby, a baby Arizona would carry, she'd been excited. An excitement that had grown every day since her wife had barged into her OR with a part guilty, part terrified look on her face.
~~~~~
"Torres, you almost done here?"
She had known something was up, before Arizona had even spoken. Somehow after everything they went through, the counselling and therapy,the arguments and tears, she could read her wife like an open book.
"Dr. Robbins? Everything ok?"
"Yeah, yeah sure just need you for a consult when you're done"
"Is Sofia..." She could see, hear, sense the fear emanating from Arizona
"No! She's fine, perfect ...just...I need to talk to you."
She'd scrubbed out in record time, her stomach churning as she half ran, half galloped to Arizona's office.
" don't be mad, please, don't be.... I did something...and I didn't mean to... But I couldn't help myself, I needed to...I couldn't control... just... please! I'm sorry."
Instinctively she knew that whatever it was, it wasn't that. It wasn't another Boswell, she knew that. She understood now, to the extent that it could be understood, the forces and demons that had propelled her wife to make the single biggest mistake of her life. Yes, Arizona made a decision to act that fateful day, yes she knew what she was doing and knew that it was wrong. But there were extenuating circumstances too.
Extenuating circumstances like PTSD and unresolved anger and a failure to communicate and a Type A personality that had reached breaking point. Extenuating circumstances that no longer existed.
So Callie knew, notwithstanding that her wife stood before her,apparently guilt-wracked, balancing precariously on one foot with nerves, she knew, instinctively it wasn't going to be a big deal. She had forgiven Arizona, a decision that took time to make. A decision made out of instinctive love but in equal part devastating logic. A decision that did not come easy, but once made was immutable.
Arizona's own guilt lingered for far longer. But they had got past that too, with time. And yet there was a lingering after effect that made Arizona act like a recidivist criminal whenever she did anything at all wrong, or that might be perceived as wrong by her wife. A lingering fear that her next misdemeanor, however trivial, might be the proverbial straw. Callie presumed, hoped, that that too would pass in time. But it was why she knew, right here, right now that whatever Arizona was fretting over it was nothing that could not be overcome.
"I took a test."
"A test?"
"Yeah....I mean a...pre....I peed on a stick... And... I mean...I know we were going to do it together... But it's two weeks tomorrow, since the procedure and....I mean ...well we've been on crazy opposite shifts and.... I assumed that I wouldn't be.... because...I mean no one ever gets pregnant first IVF cycle, right? And..."
Callie stood ramrod straight, apparently so expressionless that it caused Arizona to begin apologising again.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"So it was negative?" She was determined to keep the disappointment out of her voice, Arizona did not need to be burdened with any more guilt.
"What?"
Arizona just thrust the little stick into her wife's face then swallowed hard.
Callie blinked once, twice, thrice even...a strangulated "Arizona" finally emerging.
"I know."
"You're.."
"Yes...I mean we need to go to the clinic and do a blood test but...."
Callie's smile could have powered the grid of the entire West coast.
~~~~~
"It's too soon, he's not supposed to be here for another 2 or 3 weeks and..."
"Arizona..." She hunched down, grabbing hold of the arms of Arizona's wheelchair to steady herself. Reassurance worked best at eye level, that was as true with adults as with toddlers "...we handled a micro preemie. Michael is going to look like a giant in comparison to Sofia even if he is early, which of course he gets from you, and your marine-like need to be way too early so that you are never late."
"But..." Another contraction ended the sentence almost before it began.
"We're having a baby... now, Arizona."
"I'm scared."
"I know." Callie's smile was gentle, even as her heart beat a little faster at her wife's admission. An admission that, in the past, would not have been made. An emotion that, in the past Arizona would have suppressed as a sign of weakness.
"I'm not ready..."
"It's happening now, today." Callie rubbed Arizona's thighs gently reassuringly.
"What if I mess this up? What if I..."
"You're not going to mess it up...you are perfect Arizona, perfect for me and Sofia and our brand new son."
~~~~~
"5 centimeters..." Mary, their midwife smiled apologetically before adding, somewhat needlessly given the two Doctors in the room, "...we have quite a bit to go yet."
They had been here in the birthing suite for just over an hour; contractions were still quite far apart though each one seemed to last a little longer than the previous one. And if one were to listen to Arizona, hurt more too.
"Is there anything we can... that we should be doing? To speed matters up?" Callie asked, all the while gently kneading and soothing Arizona's tensed back.
"Well, normally I'd suggest getting up and walking around helps but..." She petered off, hesitantly smiling.
"Huh, that would be nice!"
Arizona had experienced a lot of pain and discomfort in the latter half of her pregnancy with her prosthetic. Her changing body meant her 'state of the art' leg and socket chafed in a different place nearly every day. She had soldiered on, making weekly visits to her prosthetist, tweaking and tinkering at it for months. It had worked too, after a fashion, but nothing worked as well as not wearing it. The woman who hated using her crutches and wheelchair in public found them to be a godsend.
And, in a strange way, it had helped her come to terms with the loss of her leg all over again. A way she hadn't known she needed. By the time her maternity leave began she was only wearing the leg in surgery. And, while she cut a mean dash down the corridors of her Peds ward on her crutches, much to the delight of her 'tiny humans', even her crutches had proven too much in recent weeks.
"... otherwise I'd say maybe have a shower, but mostly try to relax and let nature take its course."
~~~~~
Time moved on, excruciatingly slowly in Arizona 's opinion but uneventfully. A few hours further in and only a few centimetres further dilated Arizona was exhausted.
"I can't take much more of this...." Arizona gasped out as her latest contraction eased.
" You're doing great baby, you really are...." Callie whispered as a tired Arizona leaned into her "...I love you so much...and you are so beautiful..."
Arizona shook her head weakly, "Don't, don't say..." she knew that couldn't be true. She was hot and sweaty and tired. She couldn't see an end to this day; she felt weak and useless and right now a failure and disappointment all over again.
"... I'm sorry... I want to be, I should be better than..."
"Hey! You are doing great, I'm so proud of you...I..." But Arizona's next contraction hit before Callie could finish.
Arizona was seriously doubting the wisdom of her decision to be epidural free, right now the 'gas and air' really wasn't cutting it. But she had studied the pros and cons and, despite her wife's misgivings, had decided against the pain relief the epidural would undoubtedly have given. Primarily she wanted to get back on her foot, and feet, as soon as possible and if the price of that was that she felt each and every contraction then so be it.
The birthing suites were all, in theory, soundproof but that only worked while doors were closed and today, of all days, was a busy today at Grey-Sloan Memorial. So every now and then doors opened and closed and various sounds drifted down the corridor.
Sounds that were never designed to calm a woman in labour.
Shrieking, occasional screams, and the berating of partners in the strongest possible language melded together in a cacophony of disharmony.
"Oh, GAWD, make it stop!"
"I hate..."
"OooooooooaaaAAAAAAAAA"
"... dont touch me ,you bastard"
"AAAAaaaggghhhj..."
"Your fault.."
Occasionally whole sentences of abuse filtered through.
"This is all down to you, you stupid bastard. I'm never letting you and your fucking penis near me again."
Callie had laughed nervously at that one, Arizona had just grimaced. It was something they'd joked about, or rather Callie had. The names Arizona might call her, whether she'd squeeze her hand so hard Callie wouldn't be able to cut for weeks; whether Callie would hand out cigars afterwards or whether she'd be a typical "father" and faint in the delivery room. At the latter Arizona had laughed and said "...if that happens the nurses better not fawn all over you or I'll need my bricks."
But so far Arizona hadn't uttered a cross word towards her wife. All she'd done was get increasingly frustrated at herself.
" you can call me names too, ya know? If it helps?" Callie soothed. Arizona shook her head furiously, eyes shut tight as she dealt with the latest dart of agony.
"Really? 'Cause it's practically part of the ritual of giving birth to threaten death on the person who put you here...and I just know you've been holding out on the curse words, growing up on Marine bases I bet you could out curse every woman in here."
Wide blue eyes, watery with pain, looked at her with something approaching horror as her head shook furiously once more.
~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Torres can I get you to check out some scans for me? " Alex Karev stood half in, half out the room , "seeing that you're here and all."
Callie knew her wife had total trust in Karev and that theirs was an unusual relationship but this was a step too far! They were in labour after all, they were about to give birth, "What? No, I'm a bit...we're a bit busy here Karev."
"It's only going to take a few minutes I'll have you back in no time at all, besides it's one of your wife's 'tiny humans' so...."
Arizona nodded at a reluctant Callie to go.
"Looking good Robbins! Nice sock!" Alex added as a rejoinder.
Arizona managed a weak smile, her first in some time. Feet, or in her case, a foot, can get really cold during labour so Arizona brought her favoritest fleeciest comfiest sock with her. It was a riot of colour; purples and blues, reds and yellows or as Callie had put it with a little less charm, "Jesus, Arizona it looks like a rainbow threw up on your foot."
"Thanks, Alex."
As Alex made moves further into the room towards Arizona lower half Callie deftly blocked him, "just where do you think you're going?"
"Checking on Arizona..." he'd have thought it was obvious "...see how she's doing, how far along she is...make sure the douchebags in ObGyn are doing their job properly." Ever since 'Chest Peckwell' Alex had a near pathological disdain for the salmon scrubs fraternity and that, married with his genuine affection for Arizona, meant he was going to be here for her.
"Uhm, no!"
"What? Move out of the way."
"There is no way in hell that I'm letting you look at Arizona's....Arizona's..." she didn't even want to say the word in front of him, "...vajayjay." she finally blurted out.
A sound suspiciously like a stifled laugh emanated from the bed as Alex looked at Callie with a half smirk, half frown. "Seriously? Vajayjay??" A laugh trying to masquerade as a cough was heard from the Blonde in the bed.
Then Alex turned to his mentor for help, "Robbins, tell your wife I'm a Doctor and I've seen hundreds of..." he paused ".... vaGINAS..."
Whether Arizona had any desire for hers to join the 'lucky' hundreds would never be known after the next words that fell from his mouth "...hell I've even seen Torres' so...."
"OUT, Karev, right now, I may be in Labour but I still have bricks.
As as he left the room,shaking his head, he wore his trademarked expression 'is it me, or are they all cray-cray' look.
"Callie,go look at the patient and..." Arizona added sheepishly "...hurry back?"
A kiss on a perspiring forehead and a softly whispered "always" later and she was gone.
~~~~~~~
It took a little longer than intended but soon Callie was rushing back to Arizona's side. Mary was with her, helping her through a contraction that seemed far stronger than the ones 10 minutes before. Callie paused, as yet unseen, just outside, absorbing the sight before her. Her pregnant wife, in the mid to late stages of labour, blonde tresses stuck unceremoniously to clammy skin, skin that was flushed a deep shade of crimson with effort and exhaustion. One hand clutching Mary's the other gaining purchase on the hospital sheet. Knuckles whitened, breathing heavy; her one complete leg bent at the knee, inclined towards the door, her rainbow clad foot digging in to the bed beneath it.
She could not remember a time when her always beautiful wife looked so, well, beautiful.
As she rode out the contraction Mary was speaking."You're doing great, and you know, your wife's right, it's ok to scream and bitch and..."
"No!" Arizona stated in what seemed like anger. Callie, about to announce her presence just paused,instinctively.
"I ca - can't, not at her, not at my wife, and not today, today of all days."
Mary had been a midwife at the Hospital long enough to know two things: first her patient's stress levels were high and it clearly wasn't just the normal stress of a woman about to give birth; second she knew, for it was no secret, that her patient and her wife had endured several tumultuous years. Yet, for all the drama, all the spills, here they were.
"Dr.Rob..." She hesitated as the younger woman glared at her "...sorry, Arizona..." Her reward was a nod and smile cut short by the now familiar grimace. "...I'm sure Dr. Torres won't mind if you yell a little, I'm pretty sure she'd forgive..."
An anguished "No!" cut her dead. The agony obvious in the woman's voice now had nothing to do with her advanced labour. "I can't ruin this for her, she's already had to forgive far too much, I've already hurt her far too..."
"Arizona." The look of disappointment on Callie's face was matched only by the sadness in her voice.