The Cheese Legacy - Generation 4.4
1.1
2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 2.4 | 2.5 | 2.6
3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 3.6 | 3.7 | 3.8
4.1 | 4.2 | 4.3
Hello. Yes, it's me, Red Leicester Cheese. All grown up into teenhood, my hormones raging, and only one thought in my mind: woohoo. With as many hot-blooded males as I can possibly find.
...all right, all right, let's make it twenty. I'm not that cheap.
But before I went out looking for boys, I decided it was a good idea to look for a job. Maybe if my folks see me as a level-headed, responsible individual, they'll give me more freedom to do what I want.
Oh, the family is going well, thank you for asking. Gouda is still a brat - but he's an adorable brat, and everybody loves him.
Mum is still... "Awesome" should be the word, but since she's my mother I better keep quiet about it. It's not good for one's reputation to speak well about one's own mother. They're meant to be ugly, heartless shrews, after all.
And then there's Brie, my cousin and best friend. Since we were born only a day apart from each other, she quickly followed me to high school.
She is one gorgeous gal, our Brie. And we're still the best of friends, even though we want different things in life. All she wants is to have a steady relationship that lasts long enough for her to celebrate a golden anniversary. Bor-ring, isn't it? She's still awesome, though, so I don't mind it much.
Besides being gorgeous, she's one kickass drummer. Between the two of us, the boys in Sprincheese High are in a lot of trouble.
Anyway, back to Mum. She's now a cult leader, can you believe that? But don't get me wrong, it's not one of those crackpot religions she's running: it's the famous Cult of the Grilled Cheese. If my mother was to turn to religion, it could only be with something sensible like that.
Anyway, when she came home late at night on her first day as a cult leader, the few of us who were still awake were busy doing our own thing and didn't notice her arrival. She stayed outside for a while longer after her helicopter left; I have no idea what she was doing all that time, but when she came back she looked a bit...
...well...
...hairy.
"That's right, folks. I am now a werewolf, and I'm more awesome than ever! Owwwwwwwwwwww!"
This was a complete surprise for everybody. Gran was delighted and was looking forward to the same thing happening to her...
...while Crackers was a bit conflicted with it all. The rest of us, however, took the more sensible route and were downright shocked and appalled.
But before we had time to digest the news, something else happened: Dad woke up and started to scream in agony. The baby was coming!
"Stand aside, everybody! Super-Granddad to the rescue... again! Ta-da-da-da Da-daaaa!"
"Oshit. He wasn't fat after all!"
Mum and I were both excited and nervous.
And suddenly, there he was. My brother, Red Windsor.
We were all delighted with the new baby. Well, Uncle Zeeshan was sort of happy, though he looked more as if he had been hit on the head with a 2x4.
"So... Men can have babies. And they get out... through..."
"The mere thought makes my bladder twitch. I am so embarrassed!"
Since Dad was still exhausted, Mum told him to go to bed and took Red Windsor downstairs.
"Grr. I'm a werewolf, and I'm about to feed green milk to my green-skinned butt-baby. Every knowledge-oriented gal's dream come true!"
I'm glad to tell you that lycanthropy did not affect Mum's motherly abilities in the slightest.
There was one mishap, though. As soon as Red Windsor was fed, she put him on the floor - only this was a situation in which such behaviour was understandable.
"What's... what's happening...?"
"Ooh, that tickles!"
"Oh, I'm normal again. How anticlimactic."
Of all of us, I think Brie was the happiest of us all with the new arrival.
She kept on going to the nursery to check up on Red Windsor and play with him, and one morning spent so much time just holding him with a creepy stare that she almost missed the schoolbus.
But let's move on to the rest of the family. Uncle Zeeshan is still progressing in his career as a cop. I have to say, though, that I'm a bit wary of a police force that allows for Amy Winehouse to drive their cars instead of being locked up in the back.
Aunt Gru, on the other hand, has released a fantasy novel about a pretty little girl called Gruyère who studies in a wizarding school with her friends Zeeshan and Apollo (the latter of which has a pet rat called Liptauer). I predict a lawsuit very soon.
And Grandpa's old nanny keeps on showing up, no matter how many times Crackers keeps on ending her services.
"Hello, I'm home! Is there anybody who wants to acknowledge how awesome I am?"
"Nooooot nooooow... Maaaaasteeeeer Zeeeeeeshaaaaaaaaan... Reeechaaarging heeeeere..."
"Damn, I caught another boot. This bloody pond is like an underwater shoe store!"
"[distressed] Excuse me, masters and mistresses, but I'm being upset by nothing at all! [/distressed]"
Crackers is a great help around the house, but while Red Windsor was a baby I was constantly afraid she'd accidentally smother him with her bit metal arms. I think she might need an upgrade pretty soon.
Oh yeah, and remember when I said Gouda was a brat? This is the face he makes every time he is told to do his homework.
"But homework is boring! I wanna play video games instead! Homework sucks, and my life sucks, and you all suck!"
Suck it up, kid.
Anyway, pretty soon I started to work on my goal. Meet victim #1, a boy Brie brought home from school one day. His name is Jamil.
"Here, Jamil. This is for you."
"Really?"
"Nobody has ever given me a rose before!"
Sucker.
This was easy.
Very easy.
Too bad about the audience, though.
"Heya, Crackers. What are you doing?"
"I am increasing my entertainment levels by watching some television while Mistress Red Leicester engages in sexual intercourse in your bed, Mistress Gru."
"Oh, cool. Mind if I join you?"
Jamil wasn't too upset with the crowd, though.
"Thank you, Wembley, and good night!"
I'm glad he wasn't too upset with my suggestion that we should see other people.
"Damn, girl. You are one fine piece of metal!"
"Your compliment has been recorded."
"Hey hey, Mrs. C! Call me up sometime!"
Since he was still around, I invited Jamil to stay for my brother's birthday party.
Uncle Jarlsberger also dropped by, and was the most enthusiastic of us all.
And here's Red Windsor all grown up!
He looks... cute. A little cross-eyed, but nevertheless cute.
All right, so maybe "cross-eyed" is a bit harsh. But man, those are huge eyes. Anime eyes, almost.
After the party, Uncle Jarlsberger decided to stay and catch up with everybody.
"Hello, little Cheeseburger! Daddy missed you. Did you miss Daddy?"
And then he spent the rest of the evening making himself at home.
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."
"I feel pretty, and witty, and..."
Ahem. Moving on.
As soon as it got dark, Mum changed again.
"Finally! Grr."
This was the first time Dad was both awake and not giving birth ever since Mum was bitten, so he was finally able to witness the process and give his opinion. Sadly, it was not what I was hoping.
"Wow, Lippy. You look hot!"
"Aw, you really think so, Apollo?"
"Of course I do. You look even hotter with all that brown hair all over you!"
I won't even mention what they did afterwards. Let's just say I rushed to the trophy room and pretended they weren't home.
When I decided to go to bed, Dad was already asleep. Mum, on the other hand, was wide awake (a side effect of this lycanthropy business) and itching for more action - and therefore feeling understandably frustrated.
Just to be on the safe side, the next day she called the matchmaker and bought a bottle of antidote. I'm sorry to say she hasn't drank it yet; she's still willing to give lycanthropy a go for a while, and keeping the bottle in her possession "just in case."
Gouda is the only one in the family who doesn't give a damn whether is aunt is a werewolf or not. His only thoughts in life are playing games, dodging his homework and sliding down the stairs the whole. Damn. Time.
We big kids, however, are more responsible. Brie (who took a job as a "slacker", whatever that means) and I came home one day with great news: we were both promoted to the highest level we could take at out age in our respective careers.
Evidently, we were both thrilled, though Brie more effusively so.
She brought home a co-worker, a funky-looking kid called Laurence who has been following her around school like a lovesick puppy dog for as long as I can remember.
"You know, Laurence, the man I marry will have to be this big."
They hit it off very quickly.
It was adorable. If you're into this sort of soppiness. Which, of course, I'm not.
"Gosh, Brie, you have such beautiful eyes..."
"Erm, those are not my eyes, bub."
On a different note, I have the feeling there's something weird going on in Aunt Gru's mind. I'm afraid to ask what it might be, though.
"Whoa, Apollo, you are one sexy beast!"
"Hehe, thanks!"
"On second thought, since you're neither green nor hairy... Ew, thanks but no thanks."
But I have better things to do than thinking of any domestic troubles, especially when it might just be nothing. For example, there's the very important fact that, thanks to my grades and my promotion, I'm now allowed to go anywhere I want without worrying about curfews. So, I decided to take advantage of it by calling for some help before going for a stroll.
My wish, obviously, was to be beautiful and irresistible.
Before going to the hottest places, I decided to go to safer, known territory and make acquaintances. Firstly, I hopped to the Springcheese Shopping Emporium for some clothes for Red Windsor.
...Shut up. I am a caring older sister, and if I'm nice now he might be considerate enough to keep away when he's older and I decide to bring home a hot date.
Imagine my surprise when I found a girl from school working at the till. This is Montserrat de Jong, who is really nice and a good student. She could have been considered as cute if not for the fact that she's... well, you know... undead.
I decided to ask her about it.
"Hey, Monty. I hope you won't be offended by my asking you, but it's something I've always been curious about. How does it feel to die?"
"Dude, I keep on telling people: I'm not a zombie. I have a skin problem, okay?"
Well, that didn't go well.
However, the good thing about Montserrat is that she's willing to forgive and forget, and is a really interesting person to talk to.
After my chat with Montserrat, I headed straight to the dance floor. However, since nobody was there...
...and it became obvious that the staff was looking a little more sauced than the clients (if they had been there, of course), I felt it was time to move on.
I had originally intended to head to another club, but was suddenly overcome with the irresistible desire to participate in a cooking contest. Therefore, I went to the cooking club.
The lady running the place was very helpful, and taught me how to use the candy-making machine.
I made some ten boxes of candy, of which I am rather proud. I'm afraid I don't have any boxes to show you, though. I... forgot them at the club. Yes, that's it.
After practising with the machine, I headed to one of the kitchens in order to prepare for the contest.
"Hahahahaha! I cannot believe you decided to enter with pork chops!"
Oh yeah. That was one of the other contesters, a college professor who spent the whole time laughing behind my back, trying to distract me. It didn't work, of course.
I can understand his reasons for trying to sabotage my cooking. If all I had to offer was burnt salmon, I'd be pretty nervous as well.
And, of course, my wonderful pork chops won! I am that fantastic.
(and also, I used my secret ingredient: cheese!)
"Whoa, girl! I can't wait till you start attending my classes!"
Not going to happen, mate.
Once the contest was over, I went straight home and fell asleep the moment I hit the bed. It was a good day.
And that's all for now. Stay tuned for my next victories, and for my future conquests!