Big Bang Fic: The Red Leather Trousers Escapade (8/17)
Title: The Red Leather Trousers Escapade (8/17)
Author: wingedflight21
Rating: K+
Word Count: ~24K
Disclaimer: The Chronicles of Narnia do not, never have, and most likely never will belong to me.
Possible Spoilers/Warnings: Occurs in an AU of The Silver Chair.
Author's Notes: A huge thanks to snitchnipped, rthstewart, and especially accidentalsquid as well as anyone else who helped me through these last few months and numerous chapters.
Summary: An assassination attempt gone wrong sends Jill and Eustace off to solve the mystery behind the attacks, all while playing dead. SCAUverse.
-X-
Chapter Seven
-X-
Eustace had had drinks before. Wine most often - it was a common enough drink in this world. He could remember the first time he’d tasted wine during the voyage to the edge of the world. He’d hated it, absolutely detested the bitter taste it left in the back of his throat and the heat that dropped into his stomach. Thinking back, he must have complained every single time he’d been forced to drink it right up until the undragoning. And even then, it was not so much that he liked it, but that he was trying to get along with everyone and not be a bother. It was only after returning to the other world that he had found he’d acquired a taste for it.
In the years since returning to this world, Eustace had managed to develop a head for wine. Other drinks as well, for although he had not experienced much variety, it was nearly impossible to avoid alcohol in Narnia. And that was assuming that one would even want to. Why, only a week before leaving for Halua, he’d shared a very fine brandy with one of the Millcreek fauns during a lengthy discussion of the Cair’s library system.
However, he had never in all his life had so strong a drink as tonight. Nor had he had so many. It wasn’t as though he intended to get drunk, either. In fact, even as he first left the street with Isak, Eustace was all too aware that he couldn’t be gone for too long. No matter that this venture was partially inspired by Jill’s abandonment; he knew it wouldn’t help their situation if he was vanished in return. Even worse if they bickered about it once he returned. One drink, perhaps, but that would be all.
And then Isak handed him a shot of something that burned to choking, and all plans were forgotten.
“They call it Dragonfire,” Isak explained, his voice still loud to cover the noise of the pub.
Eustace coughed again. “I… can see why.” In fact, dragon fire was exactly right; now that Isak mentioned it, Eustace understood why the burning drink was so familiar. It was one of those experiences of dragonhood he would have preferred to forget.
“You handled that fairly well,” Isak said, impressed. He lifted his hand to the bartender, who returned to refill the shot glasses. Isak lifted his and gestured for Eustace to do the same. “Had it before?”
“Certainly not.” Eustace took the glass gingerly and tried to come up with an excuse to set it back on the table. And then Isak was counting down from three and they both tipped it back at the same time.
He’d thought it might be easier than the first. It wasn’t. He really was choking, his coughing turning into gasps which turned back into coughs again. By the time he had straightened up to take a deep, embarrassed breath, Isak was laughing hard.
“So, Erlian of the delegation,” Isak said once they were both breathing easily again, “This girl of yours. Is she everything a man could ever dream of?”
Eustace had already forgotten about his cover story. It took a moment to sort through what Isak was referring to and then felt so flustered that he couldn’t decide on what to say. “Well, I - don’t know if - I suppose you could -“
Isak just snorted and tipped back another shot, gesturing for Eustace to do the same. “Isn’t that how we all feel?”
Eustace was not exactly sure how he felt right now, other than lightheaded. He waved away the next shot and thought of his next words carefully. “It’s not so much that she’s the one,” he said, “But she’s - she’s always been there for me. Always. Or very nearly, anyhow.”
“Someone else with the delegation, then?”
Drat, he’d forgotten about the story again, and it was too late to change his words now. “Yeah.”
“Don’t wait,” Isak said sagely, nodding his head to his own advice. Eustace wondered suddenly how much Isak had been drinking before they’d met.
-X-
At the next pub, Eustace found himself discussing politics.
“But see, if it weren’t for the increase in imports, there wouldn’t have been such a rise in the unemployment,” he said again, and glanced down at his mug. The merspit was half-gone by this time, although he couldn’t remember having had much of it already. He pulled it closer just in case there was a drink thief about, forgetting momentarily that he did not even care for the taste of it.
There were three others sitting around the table with him and Isak, all drunk, listening as he lectured on the state of the economy. Occasionally, one of them would bring up a point about not wanting the Narnians to set up the new trade agreement, or about wanting the Calormenes to get out of the country already, or about the difficulty in emigration. Each comment sent Eustace on another spin of lecturing until even he was no longer sure what they were talking about.
Someone bumped into the back of his chair. “On to Cat’s Knife,” the man called over Eustace’s shoulder and everyone begins to stand up. Eustace glanced down and was surprised to see that his mug was empty.
-X-
“Hats,” Isak said again. He was squinting hard at the top of Eustace’s head as though offended at how bare it was - never mind that he wore nothing on his own. “Hats. Everyone needs a good hat.”
“I don’t know,” said Eustace doubtfully. He was cradling his mug and wondering why he had not liked this stuff before, whatever it was called. Pasta - Basil - Basilisk, that was it. Basilisk Sting. Yes, he was quite enjoying it.
“But hats,” Isak said. He took a drink from his own tankard and carefully considered his words. “The thing about a hat is - it is very good for keeping the head warm.”
“Thought ’twas always warm on Halua.”
“Warmer with a hat.”
“But - sweat.”
Isak frowned as though the thought had never occurred to him before - or maybe he was dumbfounded by the very idea that anyone could be reluctant to wear a hat. “The sun,” he responded slowly, “The sun keeps the hat off the head. Or vice versa, really.”
“S’pose that makes sense,” Eustace admitted.
“Plus,” and here Isak leaned forward to further accentuate his next point, “It’s all about the fashion statement. Which - you clearly need to learn about in other areas.”
Eustace had the idea that he should be annoyed by the comment but he couldn’t quite remember why. He laughed instead. “D’you have a hat?”
“Course I have a hat!” Isak frowned. “Leastways… I used to have a hat. It was brown. And very good, fashion-wise. Good with keeping the sun off, too.”
“Wha’ happened to it?”
Isak stared hard at the counter. “I lost it,” he said finally, “In the harbour. Shame.”
“Shame,” Eustace echoed mournfully.
“S’pose that means I need a new hat.” Isak glanced up again. “An’ you need a new hat.”
Eustace nodded diplomatically.
“New hats for everyone.” This decided, Isak leaned back. “We’ll have to buy some on the morrow.”
Eustace nodded again.
“I shall get another brown hat,” Isak continued, “Brown and straw - to honour the previous, y’know. And you - yours shall be anything but red.” And then he began to sing.
It actually took Eustace a moment to realize that that was what Isak was doing, and longer still to make out the words. But by the time Isak had gone through the third verse, Eustace had managed to pick out the chorus and was not in the least adverse to joining in.
Oh a hat is a hat is a hat,
No matter the tatter, where that hat is at
If flatter or fatter, for cat or for rat
A hat is a hat is a hat is a hat.
They were onto the sixth repetition of the song, with a majority of the tavern in chorus, when Eustace felt a tap on his shoulder. He attempted to glance behind him without moving completely around and ended up nearly toppling from his chair. The person behind him - and presumably the person guilty of tapping his shoulder in the first place - caught him and kept a tight hold on his arm until Eustace was steady on his chair once more. Then he looked up, blinked to focus his eyes, and -
There was a vague feeling in the back of his mind that he should be feeling anxious but he couldn’t remember why. “Hello, Jill!” he crowed instead, and raised his mug to her. “Come to join the song? Oh a hat is a -”
“Eustace!” She tugged at his shoulder and he saw for the first time the irritation in her expression. It was enough to steady him.
“I say, Pole.”
“Get up.” He tone made it clear that she was not at all amused, and reluctantly, Eustace began to rise.
“But you can’t go, yet!” Isak shouted, breaking off from the song.
Jill crossed her arms. “And why not?”
“Because we haven’t bought our hats yet!”
And, even louder than before, the song swelled around them:
Oh a hat is a hat is a hat!…
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Epilogue|
Author: wingedflight21
Rating: K+
Word Count: ~24K
Disclaimer: The Chronicles of Narnia do not, never have, and most likely never will belong to me.
Possible Spoilers/Warnings: Occurs in an AU of The Silver Chair.
Author's Notes: A huge thanks to snitchnipped, rthstewart, and especially accidentalsquid as well as anyone else who helped me through these last few months and numerous chapters.
Summary: An assassination attempt gone wrong sends Jill and Eustace off to solve the mystery behind the attacks, all while playing dead. SCAUverse.
-X-
Chapter Seven
-X-
Eustace had had drinks before. Wine most often - it was a common enough drink in this world. He could remember the first time he’d tasted wine during the voyage to the edge of the world. He’d hated it, absolutely detested the bitter taste it left in the back of his throat and the heat that dropped into his stomach. Thinking back, he must have complained every single time he’d been forced to drink it right up until the undragoning. And even then, it was not so much that he liked it, but that he was trying to get along with everyone and not be a bother. It was only after returning to the other world that he had found he’d acquired a taste for it.
In the years since returning to this world, Eustace had managed to develop a head for wine. Other drinks as well, for although he had not experienced much variety, it was nearly impossible to avoid alcohol in Narnia. And that was assuming that one would even want to. Why, only a week before leaving for Halua, he’d shared a very fine brandy with one of the Millcreek fauns during a lengthy discussion of the Cair’s library system.
However, he had never in all his life had so strong a drink as tonight. Nor had he had so many. It wasn’t as though he intended to get drunk, either. In fact, even as he first left the street with Isak, Eustace was all too aware that he couldn’t be gone for too long. No matter that this venture was partially inspired by Jill’s abandonment; he knew it wouldn’t help their situation if he was vanished in return. Even worse if they bickered about it once he returned. One drink, perhaps, but that would be all.
And then Isak handed him a shot of something that burned to choking, and all plans were forgotten.
“They call it Dragonfire,” Isak explained, his voice still loud to cover the noise of the pub.
Eustace coughed again. “I… can see why.” In fact, dragon fire was exactly right; now that Isak mentioned it, Eustace understood why the burning drink was so familiar. It was one of those experiences of dragonhood he would have preferred to forget.
“You handled that fairly well,” Isak said, impressed. He lifted his hand to the bartender, who returned to refill the shot glasses. Isak lifted his and gestured for Eustace to do the same. “Had it before?”
“Certainly not.” Eustace took the glass gingerly and tried to come up with an excuse to set it back on the table. And then Isak was counting down from three and they both tipped it back at the same time.
He’d thought it might be easier than the first. It wasn’t. He really was choking, his coughing turning into gasps which turned back into coughs again. By the time he had straightened up to take a deep, embarrassed breath, Isak was laughing hard.
“So, Erlian of the delegation,” Isak said once they were both breathing easily again, “This girl of yours. Is she everything a man could ever dream of?”
Eustace had already forgotten about his cover story. It took a moment to sort through what Isak was referring to and then felt so flustered that he couldn’t decide on what to say. “Well, I - don’t know if - I suppose you could -“
Isak just snorted and tipped back another shot, gesturing for Eustace to do the same. “Isn’t that how we all feel?”
Eustace was not exactly sure how he felt right now, other than lightheaded. He waved away the next shot and thought of his next words carefully. “It’s not so much that she’s the one,” he said, “But she’s - she’s always been there for me. Always. Or very nearly, anyhow.”
“Someone else with the delegation, then?”
Drat, he’d forgotten about the story again, and it was too late to change his words now. “Yeah.”
“Don’t wait,” Isak said sagely, nodding his head to his own advice. Eustace wondered suddenly how much Isak had been drinking before they’d met.
-X-
At the next pub, Eustace found himself discussing politics.
“But see, if it weren’t for the increase in imports, there wouldn’t have been such a rise in the unemployment,” he said again, and glanced down at his mug. The merspit was half-gone by this time, although he couldn’t remember having had much of it already. He pulled it closer just in case there was a drink thief about, forgetting momentarily that he did not even care for the taste of it.
There were three others sitting around the table with him and Isak, all drunk, listening as he lectured on the state of the economy. Occasionally, one of them would bring up a point about not wanting the Narnians to set up the new trade agreement, or about wanting the Calormenes to get out of the country already, or about the difficulty in emigration. Each comment sent Eustace on another spin of lecturing until even he was no longer sure what they were talking about.
Someone bumped into the back of his chair. “On to Cat’s Knife,” the man called over Eustace’s shoulder and everyone begins to stand up. Eustace glanced down and was surprised to see that his mug was empty.
-X-
“Hats,” Isak said again. He was squinting hard at the top of Eustace’s head as though offended at how bare it was - never mind that he wore nothing on his own. “Hats. Everyone needs a good hat.”
“I don’t know,” said Eustace doubtfully. He was cradling his mug and wondering why he had not liked this stuff before, whatever it was called. Pasta - Basil - Basilisk, that was it. Basilisk Sting. Yes, he was quite enjoying it.
“But hats,” Isak said. He took a drink from his own tankard and carefully considered his words. “The thing about a hat is - it is very good for keeping the head warm.”
“Thought ’twas always warm on Halua.”
“Warmer with a hat.”
“But - sweat.”
Isak frowned as though the thought had never occurred to him before - or maybe he was dumbfounded by the very idea that anyone could be reluctant to wear a hat. “The sun,” he responded slowly, “The sun keeps the hat off the head. Or vice versa, really.”
“S’pose that makes sense,” Eustace admitted.
“Plus,” and here Isak leaned forward to further accentuate his next point, “It’s all about the fashion statement. Which - you clearly need to learn about in other areas.”
Eustace had the idea that he should be annoyed by the comment but he couldn’t quite remember why. He laughed instead. “D’you have a hat?”
“Course I have a hat!” Isak frowned. “Leastways… I used to have a hat. It was brown. And very good, fashion-wise. Good with keeping the sun off, too.”
“Wha’ happened to it?”
Isak stared hard at the counter. “I lost it,” he said finally, “In the harbour. Shame.”
“Shame,” Eustace echoed mournfully.
“S’pose that means I need a new hat.” Isak glanced up again. “An’ you need a new hat.”
Eustace nodded diplomatically.
“New hats for everyone.” This decided, Isak leaned back. “We’ll have to buy some on the morrow.”
Eustace nodded again.
“I shall get another brown hat,” Isak continued, “Brown and straw - to honour the previous, y’know. And you - yours shall be anything but red.” And then he began to sing.
It actually took Eustace a moment to realize that that was what Isak was doing, and longer still to make out the words. But by the time Isak had gone through the third verse, Eustace had managed to pick out the chorus and was not in the least adverse to joining in.
Oh a hat is a hat is a hat,
No matter the tatter, where that hat is at
If flatter or fatter, for cat or for rat
A hat is a hat is a hat is a hat.
They were onto the sixth repetition of the song, with a majority of the tavern in chorus, when Eustace felt a tap on his shoulder. He attempted to glance behind him without moving completely around and ended up nearly toppling from his chair. The person behind him - and presumably the person guilty of tapping his shoulder in the first place - caught him and kept a tight hold on his arm until Eustace was steady on his chair once more. Then he looked up, blinked to focus his eyes, and -
There was a vague feeling in the back of his mind that he should be feeling anxious but he couldn’t remember why. “Hello, Jill!” he crowed instead, and raised his mug to her. “Come to join the song? Oh a hat is a -”
“Eustace!” She tugged at his shoulder and he saw for the first time the irritation in her expression. It was enough to steady him.
“I say, Pole.”
“Get up.” He tone made it clear that she was not at all amused, and reluctantly, Eustace began to rise.
“But you can’t go, yet!” Isak shouted, breaking off from the song.
Jill crossed her arms. “And why not?”
“Because we haven’t bought our hats yet!”
And, even louder than before, the song swelled around them:
Oh a hat is a hat is a hat!…
Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Epilogue|