I watch the red glow snake it's way around the cherry of my cigarette. Cancer in the air but right now it feels like salvation. Signals are missed all the time and these smoke signals wont be seen by you ( Read more... )

I wake up to fingers and nails and belly and lungs pushing me to wake up. Be aware. I smell morning breath and sunlight, hair and damp wood. I wonder how cold its going to be when I crack open my front door but for now my surroundings are 98.7 ( Read more... )

How can one song have so many memories? First it was mine. Then it was mine so hard that I see her scooping me into her arms every time I hear it. She saved me every night when she discovered me there on the bed limp and unfocused. She would wake me up and take me out, coaxing me further from the bed. I wonder how it's possible I didn't know I ( Read more... )

I ( Read more... )

I am poisonous.
I am biological warfare.
I am a destroyer waiting to blow up in your face,
desperately wanting to rebuild.

Everything I touch is ruined.

I surround myself with artifacts from a stronger time, hoping to feel more of that ball of dense fury that used to be my strength. I wait for it to solidify before rolling out of bed for fear of losing my will. My life is an exercise in self control and I am too aware of his feelings. I watch him walk away for a second time whispering after him: "I ( Read more... )

Somthing tells m ( Read more... )

Nova and I fought last night. I really lit into her, I told her everything, including me not being able to speak to her until she gets her shit together on her own.

And she didnt even get to see my new hair color and fall in love with me all over again.

I started smoking again. I'm always so jittery, like the new hormones give me a new skin more sensitive than the previous. I drink tea and can't sit still, I feel chemical. I take too much medicine and can't concentrate, take shots for no reason. Salt and lime juice, which shoulder is it, left? I may not have spilled but maybe it's good luck ( Read more... )

Some days I hate her.