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I'm making some rice I found at the back of the cupboard. Sidekicks, some sort of cheese thing. It's all the food that's left in the apartment. I'm trying to ignore Dad's speech on the phone about how "ridiculous" it is here in Canada where I don't even eat every day. My God, Dad, calm down. This is what it's like to live on Disability ( Read more... )

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.

-- Evanescence

It's sad when you're in such a dark place that these kinds of lyrics are the only light you see.

-The lighters leave painful scars on my thumb.-

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Despite the fact that I have been in pain that brought me to tears at one point for the past three days, my mom brought Sasha over for a quick lunch today. It was an okay point in the illness for them to come over. It had calmed. The first day was pain. It was pain... There's still pain, and I don't understand it, but it's not bad like that ( Read more... )

Thinking about random things...

I want to be sophisticated today.

I wonder how I'm going to pull that off. But it was a goal I felt like setting.

Where are the maps, unwritten, to guide us to where we truly need to go ( Read more... )

Ohhhhhhh God. I am in so much pain. It hurts, it hurts. My clothes on my skin hurt. The air hurts, it feels pressurized ( Read more... )

There are things that I don't know how to say. I just said them in an email to Dan, of all people.

( Once I start talking... )

Tony came over tonight after work. He had been on the road since five a.m., but I told him I wanted to see him, and he showed up, saw my apartment for the first time. We have an amazing connection. It's more real to me than anything I called a "relationship" before. Even if I still don't know that I can him my boyfriend ( Read more... )