finally
Tony came over tonight after work. He had been on the road since five a.m., but I told him I wanted to see him, and he showed up, saw my apartment for the first time. We have an amazing connection. It's more real to me than anything I called a "relationship" before. Even if I still don't know that I can him my boyfriend.
I don't talk about it with him. I avoid. Just yet.
I'm hiding from the "L" word, afraid to use it flippantly, like I believe always I have in relationships. I don't think I know what it is to love a man, because I haven't met a man worthy of my love. But this one... I don't know. I'm scared. If I lose him by telling him which might be too forward... I would lose the one person in my RL besides my daughter that is now giving me the will to live.
The icon I use in this entry is ironic. Because for the first time in forever... I almost feel okay with being me. And isn't it odd? Because I've gained 17 pounds, now tipping the scale at 100. I'm less perfect than I ever was last year when no one would accept me, and I never believed any positive opinion.
Tony likes how I look. And I think I believe him when he says he does. I have some kind of faith in things he tells me, because... I just have faith in him.
He says he accepts me... and finally, from someone, I believe it.
It's just time. He's the one I believe, and there's got to be a reason.
I'm going to love him, aren't I?
I don't talk about it with him. I avoid. Just yet.
I'm hiding from the "L" word, afraid to use it flippantly, like I believe always I have in relationships. I don't think I know what it is to love a man, because I haven't met a man worthy of my love. But this one... I don't know. I'm scared. If I lose him by telling him which might be too forward... I would lose the one person in my RL besides my daughter that is now giving me the will to live.
The icon I use in this entry is ironic. Because for the first time in forever... I almost feel okay with being me. And isn't it odd? Because I've gained 17 pounds, now tipping the scale at 100. I'm less perfect than I ever was last year when no one would accept me, and I never believed any positive opinion.
Tony likes how I look. And I think I believe him when he says he does. I have some kind of faith in things he tells me, because... I just have faith in him.
He says he accepts me... and finally, from someone, I believe it.
It's just time. He's the one I believe, and there's got to be a reason.
I'm going to love him, aren't I?