Love Me Until Only Regret Is Left - (Chapter3/3) - AoixUruha, KaixUruha
Title: Love Me Until Only Regret Is Left
Chapters: 3/3
Author: mypaperdoll1611
Genre: Abuse, Romance
Warnings: Violence, Sex
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: AoixUruha, KaixUruha
Summary: Love is not always sweeter the second time around.
Comments: The Last Installment ♥
Previous:
[1][2]
Latest:
[Chapter 3: Why do I destroy even the reasons of your tears?]
Aoi’s memories were still scattered on Uruha’s heart. No matter how many years had passed, for every beat of his heart, his love still lives. His scent, his taste, his voice, Uruha held them tightly for so long and it’s about time for his heart to let go. He couldn’t keep the love that was long time gone. He has to thank the man who gave him a second life, a second chance, the one who revived his heart and his humanity. Kai brought back his melted pieces but no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t erase the other man’s kiss on his lips.
“Can you hear the drops of my tears? My heart would never heal. It would remain wounded forever…”
If it’s just a dream, he wished someone would wake him up. He misses Aoi so much. Why the pain on his chest won’t fade? He smiled on the glass of wine on his hand. He looked down from the window of his room at the seventh floor of the hotel. Designs of seats, table sets, and other kinds of furniture were scattered around his bed. He could hear the pressure of the water from the bathroom. Kai took so long this time. Using his fingertips, he slowly traced the stars that were scattered on the nightly sky. Even that, all of them reminds him of Aoi.
“What are you thinking?” Kai wrapped his arms around Uruha’s waist.
Uruha smiled. He slowly turned around and locked their lips. He gently caressed the trails of their kiss on Kai’s mouth. He hugged him tightly and hid his face on the other’s chest.
“Is it really okay for me to stay by your side?” Uruha asked.
I wonder if you grew tired of loving the me who was snatched by the past. I’ve always avoided that moment that you finally return back these questions in my heart. Like you, I’ve always longed for the moment that I’ll be contented clinging only to you but those days never came. His memories are threatening me.
“Yes, of course. What kind of question is that? You’re my designer, remember? And aside from that…” Kai backed off a little, letting him see Uruha’s face. “I’m your lover, right?”
“Umm,” Uruha nodded.
Kai put the glass of wine away from Uruha’s hands then cleaned all the papers scattered on the bed. He sat at the soft mattress and patted it, suggesting Uruha to sit beside him. The other did so. A deep sigh coming from both party materialized, making them smile a little. Kai’s eyes slightly wandered on the other’s direction. It was quick yet enough to lock his eyes on the silver ring around his finger. He knew he wasn’t able to forget. That all this time they were together, Uruha didn’t remove that ring even once.
“The ring…”
Uruha was surprise.
Kai laughed, “Ah that sounds like a horror film!”
“It’s okay!” Uruha looked at him. “I… I… I’m going to take it off.”
Even though it makes you sad, I’ve always carry the ‘him’ that wouldn’t come back. Believe my worthless efforts to be able to embrace you with all I am. I never wanted to hurt you. Believe me, how much this is hurting me too that every time we shared the same bed, all I ever wanted was him.
“The truth is…” Kai brought out a small box. “I want you to wear this instead. You could choose any ring you want to wear but the ring that wasn’t chosen will be keep here and dispose.”
Kai wondered if what he had said was too much. He knew how painful it is for Uruha considering that it was Aoi’s last present for him. It’s like making Uruha choose between him and Aoi. He knew the answer already but there’s this tiny hope that Uruha would somewhat choose the ring he bought but he was left unmoved. That moment Kai finally understood.
“I guess you made your choice,” he smiled and was about to throw the ring when Uruha suddenly held his hand. “Uruha…?”
“I want to… wear it.”
Kai couldn’t believe that he would actually see that ring departs from the other’s fingers. Kai slowly took it off and placed the other ring on its place. He looked at Uruha. It somewhat pained him seeing the other’s face yet he continued. Just this moment, he wished to be selfish, that for even one time, he could own Uruha’s heart.
Then Uruha watched him threw the remaining ruins of Aoi.
And let Kai paint his ink to his body.
Gently, Kai’s hands moved to his back, their chests were few inches apart. His face tilted and kissed his lips. Uruha wrapped his arms to his neck. Both of their bodies fell on the bed, Kai’s on top of him. He lavishly savored his body, planting kisses on his neck, his hands touching every soft spot. He carefully prepared Uruha like he always does then putting himself after. He pictured sex for Uruha as a sweet passionate dream.
“Uruha, I never asked for you to feel the same way for me. Just to see you smile, just to be by your side, I’ve learned to be happy that way. It started as a small wish to redeem myself for forsaking a friend but I ended up falling with the man that would never be mine. How many years had passed since he left, I wonder? And how many years I have to wait? Uruha, even there’s no more to this…
I can take it.”
The morning after, they went to work together. Holding hands like a perfect couple, they walked inside their office. Happy employees greeted them. Kai has been famous since his first expo in Tokyo and his business grew more when he hired Uruha as his new designer. He didn’t have a proper education but he got the talent and the potential. He worked in a furniture company before Aoi asked him to quit his job. Well, he’s an assistant secretary and not a designer but he’s really interested with interior designs even before. Uruha smiled remembering how Aoi praised him about his sketches.
“Aoi used to say, “Oh I can’t even believe it could be done! This is so amazing for real life!” Then he brushes my hair and say, “You did a great job! You should make more.”” Uruha smiled.
“Well, I agree with him.”
Uruha suddenly remembered that Aoi’s not a part of his life anymore. He should be fair with Kai. His love is the least he could give him for everything he had done for him.
“I’m sorry. I just…”
“It’s okay. I’m not asking you to forget him,” Kai softly kissed his forehead. “Being with you is fine.”
They embraced each other. Uruha wanted to start a new life. Kai is a blessing he shouldn’t take for granted. He couldn’t easily forget or he may not even able to, but what’s the use of drowning into such a distant memory? He would remain unchanged. Taking one step at a time would be able to make a difference. He should learn how to return Kai’s feelings for him.
“Sir, a letter came from the hospital,” and their embrace was broken.
I could never call this a love that is tearing apart. There was never ‘us’ since before. Though I almost see the light of my smile in the future, why the past should keep pulling me back? I never wanted to remember such a day I never forget.
“Aoi wishes to see you…”
Just like running water, memories started to flow on their mind. That painful night, Uruha thought he was about to die on Aoi’s hands. With the small opening on his eyes that he was capable of granting, he finally saw the tiny crystals dripping on the other’s eyes.
“Aoi is crying? Is he… crying for me?”
He felt the other’s body against his. Uruha never thought that Aoi was this warm. He wanted to hold him too but he couldn’t move his body anymore. His senses have almost completely paralyzed. Only his tears were able of flowing out. Aoi wrapped his body around a blanket and carried him out of the apartment. He repeatedly apologized and apologized while driving him to the nearest hospital. He didn’t really wish to be cured. If that body was able to soften the stoned heart of the one he loved, he’ll be contented with just gazing at it forever. He didn’t want him to let go but he did as the doctor send him to the chamber, firing up the small torch of his life.
“Will I be able to smile from the bottom of my heart?” it might be too late for Uruha to ask himself.
Uruha could hear Aoi’s voice out, begging the doctors to save him. The bruises, the punches, the damage on his head as he hit the wall, they completely faded with those words. Then he heard Kai. His hearing became blurry. He couldn’t actually hear their conversation until…
“I love Uruha! I love him so much!”
Three loud heartbeats echoed in the monitor. It gave him light. Aoi said those words didn’t he? The authority of his body was returned.
“Help him. If he’ll be able to live, I… I’ll free him. I’ll stay away from him. I’ll disappear from his life just save him! I couldn’t ask for anything else.”
Uruha didn’t want that! He wanted to move, to run, and to punch Aoi on his face. Why is he stacked on that white room? Is he dead already? He wanted to live. He has so many things he wanted to say and to hear from Aoi’s lips.
It’s something we couldn’t realize after we get hurt. Looking at all this doubt, we never wanted to release that pinky fingers that promised forever. Our arms touched each other as we stood side by side. I wonder why we travelled the opposite direction so I couldn’t see you anymore.
I should have kept my eyes open so I won’t ever miss a single feeling that passed me by.
He woke up finally. There’s someone sleeping beside him, lying on the side of his bed. He moved his arm and brushed his hair.
“Aoi…”
“Uruha…”
It wasn’t him.
“Where is Aoi?”
“He broke down. After the few hours you were in the operating room, emotions started to overflow. The doctors said he must be treated. He’s currently unstable.”
“Aoi wouldn’t agree…”
“He did. He even asked to be put in a mental institution as soon as he heard your condition had gone better. The doctor said it might take three to five years or ever more to cure him.”
“I want to see him.”
“You can’t. Your presence won’t help. You’re like drugs to him, the more he takes, the more he gets worse. It’s better for you to stay away from him. And aside from that… Uruha, I asked you what was left for you, don’t you remember?”
“Aoi is my everything and that is enough for me.”
“Listen to me. You can’t make your world revolve around a thrown love. It’s over. Move on. Aoi gave you up already. It’s time for you to do the same. Live your own life for my sake, for you and for Aoi.”
“I don’t want to,” tears started to accumulate on his eyes.
“You have to,” Kai leaned down to wipe his tears. “Aoi asked you to.”
“But…” Uruha couldn’t hold his tears anymore. “Until at the very end, he never asks for my feelings. I want to protect it but how can I protect something he already gave up on?” he tightly held the ring that once symbolizes how love were always there and never disappeared on them.
I longed for the past but it seems so far away. Gradually, the distance between us increases, until you were out of my reach. I thought we could finally revive the love that was once killed with those mutating faults. I hoped and looked for you but before I realized where you were, you had already flown away.
He changed after. The wounds have healed. He refreshed his academic skills. He worked for Kai. He built himself after but no matter who he became, that large hole Aoi left for him would never closed.
Kai drove him to the hospital. Once the car had stopped, he held his hand tightly. Uruha looked at him. He smiled and assured him. He’ll comeback. He’ll return to his arms for sure.
“I love you,” Kai cupped his face.
“Umm.”
Uruha wasn’t able to lie and tell him that he loves him too. He just kissed him. Kai knew and he’s scared. He’s scared to let him go.
“I’m coming back… I promise.”
Uruha went out of the car and waved. Kai’s gripped on the steering wheel tightened as he the other climb the stair and went inside the door. He got off from the car and ran to him but before he could even open the door, he was left frozen. He’s a coward that was scared to be left alone by someone who never did stay with him. He didn’t open it not realizing the man he’s afraid to lose was just on the other side.
Uruha held his chest. He could make it. He’ll be able to commit his promise. He soon took steps one after another. He couldn’t understand what beat does echo, is it his feet or his heart? He soon reached the door and remembered the old apartment he once shared with Aoi. He wondered if it was the same feeling as what Aoi had when he opened it. As if knowing the perfect time he would arrive, Aoi was already staring at him as they stood across each other.
“I was waiting for you…”
Uruha wanted to embrace him, to kiss him, and to tell him the words he wanted to but as if he was chained once again, he couldn’t make the three-meter distance closed. He was left with a blank face as emotions started to boil inside him. Aoi still looked cool and attractive as ever.
“The doctor said I could come home by next week. He just has to work on some papers. I…”
“Stupid.”
“Ah yeah,” Aoi laughed. “Don’t worry this stupid man won’t do anything crazy like breaking you and Kai’s relationship. I just… want to see you for the last time and apologize.”
Aoi noticed the ring on his fingers. Uruha figured it out and hide his hand on his back. He never wanted to hear those words on Aoi perhaps what he really wanted was…
“Don’t say things as if you’re the one who finally letting me go. I’m happy with Kai.”
What is he saying?
“I just want to see how miserable you’ve been…”
What the fuck is he saying?
“And formally break up with you…”
This is got to be a goddamn mistake.
“So you won’t say I’m cheating on you.”
This is over.
Aoi smiled, “Yeah.”
What the fuck is he expecting to hear?
“I always believe you.”
Aoi have the guts to tell those things after all he did.
“Probably, all this time, I just want to hear you lie.”
Lie about what?
“I just want you to say that you didn’t do it or she forced you to do it. Any reason would do. I’ll believe.”
Uruha couldn’t understand, isn’t it more naturally to be honest?
“But you didn’t. That’s why I hated you because you won’t ever give me a reason to forgive you I thought. But staying here made me realized that all this time I have all the reasons in the world to give you a second chance.”
What reason it is?
“And the greatest one is…
…because I love you.”
Tears started flooding out. Uruha didn’t prepare himself for those words. He ran out and once the door behind him closed, he fell on his knees. He didn’t want to hear those. If Aoi apologized, if said he’s happy, if he said that he should moved on, that was enough for him. But saying the words his heart was yearning to hear, what is he suppose to do? He yelled on himself and cried. Little he realized that Kai was watching him. He hid himself behind a tree as he shared the same pain. He didn’t want Uruha to know just like how Uruha didn’t want Aoi to.
Once he finally felt all the anxieties, sorrow, but not the feelings had been drained, Uruha could only look down as he get inside the car. He didn’t want his eyes cross with the other and prohibited his lips to speak any word. He didn’t want to hurt him, staying silent as he could. It took so long before Uruha wondered why Kai won’t start the car. “Kai…” the other went out as soon as he heard his name. Uruha followed.
“I’ve always knew that those feelings still exist in you. They were always there, raw and undeniable,” Kai touched his chest, his tone was low and his expression was calm.
“But…” Uruha cried as he cupped the other’s face. “I’ve always did my best. Kai, I don’t want to be separated from you. I already chose to abandon those feelings that were left.”
Kai smiled as he held that hand on his face and brushed his skin into it, “Yet no matter what they say, what has been felt will always be more honest than what was chosen.”
Together with your tears I felt with my hands, you brought back the ring you’ve once took. As our distance grew apart I could finally understood the end you’ve been talking about. Your smile withered slowly as you turned around and left me.
At the very last moment, I felt like you’ve finally touched my heart.
A/N: The End. Will he chase Kai or will he go back to Aoi? The choice is yours.