maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me

[musesfool]

I wanted this to be hot sex. Then when that didn't quite pan out, I was hoping for side-splittingly funny.

Sadly, it's rather predictable and too meta for my taste.

The question is, can this story be saved?

Comments

[callmesandy]

Maybe because they recognize what's different in each other too soon? Like more talk needed? They're both friendly guys, I can see some joking before the conversation gets deep.

[musesfool]

*nod*

That's a good idea. I will try to work more talk in. Like Xander fumbling for sports talk and Ron not knowing what soccer is, and such.

Hmmm...

Only I could rush the ending on an 800 word story. *snicker*

Thanks!

[callmesandy]

I enjoyed this as is. I'm not sure how the supernatural talk could start....
Accidentally bumping into each other at the bar, Xander say, "Oz? Oh, sorry, I thought you were some werewolf I knew." Werewolves might be the only thing they have in common at first. I imagine Xander finding out that Ron knows magic, and asking him if he's a manwitch (pun on American canned Sloppy Joe barbecue beef sandwich sauce called Manwich). Hey, is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

[musesfool]

Accidentally bumping into each other at the bar, Xander say, "Oz? Oh, sorry, I thought you were some werewolf I knew."

Hee!

I could probably make that work.

asking him if he's a manwitch

Oh god, Xander so would, wouldn't he? Hee!

I have to think more about it.

Thank you!

[tarie]

I love this. I think it has great potential. I think maybe the recognition between them of being similiar could be drawn out a little?

This would really work great as the first installment in a series of encounters, IMO. :D

[musesfool]

Thanks!

I think maybe the recognition between them of being similiar could be drawn out a little?

*nod*

Yeah, they're both talkers, so I should do something with that, especially as they're drinking, which would make them even talkier.

This would really work great as the first installment in a series of encounters, IMO.

Heh. Willow and Hermione comparing notes? Buffy and Harry whinging at each other? Remus and Giles having the hot mansex?

...

Actually, I'd pay a dollar for more people to write that last one. *g*

I love your icon, btw.

[tarie]

I was just telling calliope14 that Ron/Xander is my HP/Buffy OTP closely followed by Remus/Giles :)).

I would love to see a small crossover series; the characters really are quite similiar/have a lot in common. It wouldn't be a difficult leap in the slightest. Buffy and Harry or Dawn and Harry (or all three) whinging would be hilarious! And definitely bring on the Remus/Giles hot mansex! My heart is all a-flutter just thinking about it!

I love this icon too; I nabbed it on a buffy icons comm a while ago. :D

[musesfool]

Count me in on Remus/Giles.

Really, there is no bad there. *g*

Does need a smidge of banter, but I do like how it's just bar bitching, and they never go into exactly what's going on

Cool. I'll have to figure something out. Thanks.

I think the problem is a little earlier

[zvi_likes_tv]

How does Xander know what Ron is talking about when Ron says, "My fiancèe and my best friend want to-"? Cause it's not like Willow and Anya would have wanted to do that, and I don't think it's a fantasy that Xander would have had in regular rotation after Willow nearly destroyed the world.

Re: I think the problem is a little earlier

[musesfool]

I just figured it was where Xander's mind would go after a drink or two. Huh. I'm not sure even scary!veiny!Willow would have stopped it, either.

I'll think about it more.

Though you're right, it is a bit of a leap for him to make in regard to Ron.

Thanks.

[glossing]

Loverly Xander!

I think the story jumps the rails (only not half so *bad*, I'm just horrible with words lately) at two points -- one is "My fiancée and my best friend want to-- They want me to--", which seems a little incomplete for Xander to grasp immediately. Xander's an intuitive guy, though, and I can see him trying to draw it out of Ron. The second point is here:
... No. Someone -- some thing kills them, and then it's your job to--"

"Stay home and not get hurt and let other people do the fighting," Ron finished bitterly. "I know, mate. I know. Just because I'm not as clever as Hermione, or as powerful as Harry doesn't mean all I'm good for is making tea."Their point of similarity comes through loud & clear here, perhaps *too* clearly? I don't know if it's Ron's tone of voice or something, but the kind of morose bitterness I'm getting in this passage clanks against what I might expect of him? Or at least how I'd expect him to *sound*. Lengthen their recognition of their similarity, with some false starts and jokes, and I think

[musesfool]

Loverly Xander!

Thank you!

seems a little incomplete for Xander to grasp immediately. Xander's an intuitive guy, though, and I can see him trying to draw it out of Ron.

*nod*

The consensus seems to be more banter, so yeah, okay, I can have Xander guess wrong a few times, teasing it out of Ron and talking about his own Willow/Anya or Willow/Tara or Willow/Buffy fantasies.

Their point of similarity comes through loud & clear here, perhaps *too* clearly? I don't know if it's Ron's tone of voice or something, but the kind of morose bitterness I'm getting in this passage clanks against what I might expect of him?

A little on the nose, huh? I can fix that. I think part of the problem is that in my head, there's still dark wizards being fought by Harry, with Hermione as Research Girl, and they're still discounting Ron's contributions, and maybe that isn't how it plays out. I should rethink that. Hmmm...

Thanks!