maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me

[musesfool]

I wanted this to be hot sex. Then when that didn't quite pan out, I was hoping for side-splittingly funny.

Sadly, it's rather predictable and too meta for my taste.

The question is, can this story be saved?

Comments

[raincitygirl]

I *like* it. But I agree with CallMeSandy that it's too quick. They're guys. They should move at guy pace. And more joking around and macho-ness beforehand, because that's the manly way to approach the feelings talk.

[musesfool]

*nod*

I'll work on it. Thanks.

[glamsith]

Gone off to Giles/Lupin land with the rest...

But on the subject at hand --

The banter between the two of them is great, but I think they each guard thier supernatural closets a bit too closely to be like this on the first meeting... unles, say, Xander was supposed to meet Willow at said bar and such-and-such a time, and three hours later it's become very drunk out and they're still talking.

Of course, that could also lead to hot sex. But it'd make it a somewhat longer piece.

[musesfool]

Gone off to Giles/Lupin land with the rest...

Mmm...happy repressed tweedy English place... *g*

but I think they each guard thier supernatural closets a bit too closely to be like this on the first meeting... unles, say, Xander was supposed to meet Willow at said bar and such-and-such a time, and three hours later it's become very drunk out and they're still talking.

Yeah, the consensus seems to be there needs to be more banter. I can do that. I think. *G*

Thanks.