muse_shuffle | December Greatest Hits
Track 04. If I had the sun and moon // I would give you both night and day // Of satisfyn’
(Bad Company - ‘Feel Like Making Love’)
[Follows THIS]
It was really early in the morning when Aiden sought some refuge in his office at home. It was still dark outside and the apartment was still and quiet save for his soft footfalls across the polished board of the floor. Lachlan was still at the hospital following Andrew abruptly coming down with appendicitis and in the bedrooms back up the hall, Pat and Tara were yet to wake up. It had been another bad night. Pat was in a lot of pain which was common when the MS was at its worst. It was a pain he struggled to describe, too, so Aiden could never understand no matter how much he wanted to. Pat said it was like an all-over toothache where his joints and muscles just had this hot ache in them that he couldn’t shake. He spent a lot of time in bed, even during the days, because it just took too much energy for him to be up and about.
At night, Pat was restless or uncomfortable, often awake in the middle of the night crying because it was too much and he was tired but couldn’t sleep. These were the times Aiden just held him and tried to keep him warm; tried to reassure him that he was still there and wasn’t going away. The moments when Pat was feeling okay and wanted to be up and about, Aiden made every effort he could for them to be together and enjoy themselves. They watched movies, went for some short walks, smiled and laughed together. But these moments were few and far between right now. Aiden would catch Pat watching him sometimes and he would just know his boyfriend was desperate to offer even more waves of apologies, but the words didn’t come anymore. It would just end up upsetting them both.
Aiden had spent many hours talking to Pat’s family and friends about the MS and about how Pat deals with it, and even more hours researching it online. Despite the many different handfuls of advice and reassurances, one common thread through them all was that for the moment Pat seemed to be deteriorating rather than getting better. It was a bad one and all any of them could do was wait and take each day as it came. Aiden knew he had been thrown in the deep end with this. It had come unexpectedly despite the warnings and it had come right when he and Pat were just starting the journey of their new relationship. There had been hope Pat would just take the knock and then get back on his feet with the medication, but as Sod’s Law always predicted, that wasn’t the case. In fact, it seemed to be one of his worse attacks yet.
But still, Aiden tried to keep his head up above water with it. He had found some sort of routine with Pat now and he was getting used to what he had to do to physically nurse Pat through the illness. A lot of the time it was hard, but at the same time it afforded them both an intimate closeness that rarely would a new couple be forced to deal with so soon. Pat seemed to keep his spirits up and had more than once told Aiden he was glad he had remained so stubborn and insisted he try to care for Pat when the going got tough. Some of it might not be pleasant, but they were together and that was the shining light through it all.
Sometimes, though, it got too much. It broke Aiden’s heart to witness Pat in such pain and although he believed he was strong enough to pull this off, sometimes it just engulfed him and he folded under the pressure. After another sleepless night, he felt those emotions choked up in him again and he sat down at his desk, putting his face in his hands and let the tears come. What he wouldn’t give to have some miracle key to make Pat better and give him the world in return. He would even take the illness himself if he could.
He grabbed a handful of tissues from the box near his phone and wiped at his eyes. There was no stopping it, though. He was tired and he was emotional and now that he had given in, it was going to take a lot to staunch it. The tissues were soon damp and he reached for some more, trying to stay as quiet as he could even if the door was closed. It hurt and it wasn’t a hurt that could just be wiped away with some Kleenex. But he had to give in and just feel it sometimes without pushing it away. If he didn’t, it would eat him up and he had to be strong for Pat. He had to be strong for himself. And he could do it. But it didn’t mean he could stop the ache in his heart every time he looked at the amazing person who had stolen it so completely and wish he could just take all the pain away forever.
Patrick Preston [sexyinscrubs], Tara Brennan-Campbell [doctortara], Lachlan Campbell [drcampbell] & Andrew Connor [paramedically] referenced with permission
Word Count | 860
(Bad Company - ‘Feel Like Making Love’)
[Follows THIS]
It was really early in the morning when Aiden sought some refuge in his office at home. It was still dark outside and the apartment was still and quiet save for his soft footfalls across the polished board of the floor. Lachlan was still at the hospital following Andrew abruptly coming down with appendicitis and in the bedrooms back up the hall, Pat and Tara were yet to wake up. It had been another bad night. Pat was in a lot of pain which was common when the MS was at its worst. It was a pain he struggled to describe, too, so Aiden could never understand no matter how much he wanted to. Pat said it was like an all-over toothache where his joints and muscles just had this hot ache in them that he couldn’t shake. He spent a lot of time in bed, even during the days, because it just took too much energy for him to be up and about.
At night, Pat was restless or uncomfortable, often awake in the middle of the night crying because it was too much and he was tired but couldn’t sleep. These were the times Aiden just held him and tried to keep him warm; tried to reassure him that he was still there and wasn’t going away. The moments when Pat was feeling okay and wanted to be up and about, Aiden made every effort he could for them to be together and enjoy themselves. They watched movies, went for some short walks, smiled and laughed together. But these moments were few and far between right now. Aiden would catch Pat watching him sometimes and he would just know his boyfriend was desperate to offer even more waves of apologies, but the words didn’t come anymore. It would just end up upsetting them both.
Aiden had spent many hours talking to Pat’s family and friends about the MS and about how Pat deals with it, and even more hours researching it online. Despite the many different handfuls of advice and reassurances, one common thread through them all was that for the moment Pat seemed to be deteriorating rather than getting better. It was a bad one and all any of them could do was wait and take each day as it came. Aiden knew he had been thrown in the deep end with this. It had come unexpectedly despite the warnings and it had come right when he and Pat were just starting the journey of their new relationship. There had been hope Pat would just take the knock and then get back on his feet with the medication, but as Sod’s Law always predicted, that wasn’t the case. In fact, it seemed to be one of his worse attacks yet.
But still, Aiden tried to keep his head up above water with it. He had found some sort of routine with Pat now and he was getting used to what he had to do to physically nurse Pat through the illness. A lot of the time it was hard, but at the same time it afforded them both an intimate closeness that rarely would a new couple be forced to deal with so soon. Pat seemed to keep his spirits up and had more than once told Aiden he was glad he had remained so stubborn and insisted he try to care for Pat when the going got tough. Some of it might not be pleasant, but they were together and that was the shining light through it all.
Sometimes, though, it got too much. It broke Aiden’s heart to witness Pat in such pain and although he believed he was strong enough to pull this off, sometimes it just engulfed him and he folded under the pressure. After another sleepless night, he felt those emotions choked up in him again and he sat down at his desk, putting his face in his hands and let the tears come. What he wouldn’t give to have some miracle key to make Pat better and give him the world in return. He would even take the illness himself if he could.
He grabbed a handful of tissues from the box near his phone and wiped at his eyes. There was no stopping it, though. He was tired and he was emotional and now that he had given in, it was going to take a lot to staunch it. The tissues were soon damp and he reached for some more, trying to stay as quiet as he could even if the door was closed. It hurt and it wasn’t a hurt that could just be wiped away with some Kleenex. But he had to give in and just feel it sometimes without pushing it away. If he didn’t, it would eat him up and he had to be strong for Pat. He had to be strong for himself. And he could do it. But it didn’t mean he could stop the ache in his heart every time he looked at the amazing person who had stolen it so completely and wish he could just take all the pain away forever.
Patrick Preston [sexyinscrubs], Tara Brennan-Campbell [doctortara], Lachlan Campbell [drcampbell] & Andrew Connor [paramedically] referenced with permission
Word Count | 860