just_1_word | 11.2. Deteriorate
11.2. Deteriorate
Co-written with sexyinscrubs
Aiden paused at the door of his bedroom and let out a slow sigh before hesitantly knocking and opening it. Pat was sitting on the side of the bed staring into space, the wheelchair park messily nearby, so Aiden gently sat down beside him and took his hand to kiss his fingers. “Pat, it’s okay, love. You have nothing to be embarrassed about…” He watched his boyfriend in concern, wishing to hell he had all the right words to say.
Pat just nodded but didn’t say anything. This was one of those times he just fucking wished he was someone else. A healthy someone else who didn’t have to deal with all this shit over and over and over again. Crap like this shouldn’t be on the menu in a new relationship. He and Aiden should be out to dinner or making out on the sofa or fucking in the shower, not awkwardly sitting on the side of the bed at a loss for words ten minutes after he fucking pissed himself in front of him. He rested his head down on his head with a defeated sigh and closed his eyes.
“Does it mean you’re getting sicker? Do you need to go to the hospital?” Aiden asked uncertainly. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and have Pat explode at him again. It wasn’t a big deal. The research Aiden had done on MS since meeting Pat had told him plenty that there could be some loss of bladder functioning and such. He had just wanted to help, but Pat had been mortified and went straight to the bedroom without saying a word.
“I can’t get sicker,” Pat said in a flat tone. “I am sick, full stop. This is just… one of the piles of shit I’m stuck with. Be thankful it wasn’t my bowels.” He briefly met Aiden’s eyes and then frowned when he looked away again.
Aiden wrung his hands between him. “I’m sorry.”
Pat squeezed his eyes shut for a moment at the words and then turned to wrap his arms around Aiden. “No, I’m sorry. You’re doing everything perfectly and I keep pushing you away. You’re taking care of me, you’re helping me dress, eat, bathe. You’re lying awake with me at nights when I’m in pain, you’re there hold me when I feel sick, and you never once complain about it. You don’t… you don’t deserve this. Fucking hell. There is nothing sweet or romantic about this. I’m not getting better, Aiden. I could be like this for a long time before I get better. If I get better. How are we supposed to get a relationship off the ground like this?”
Aiden held Pat’s gaze and then leaned in to softly kiss his throat. “Like this…” he murmured, running his hand up Pat’s arm. He kissed his jaw. “And this...” Pat’s face was a little rough with the need of a shave, but it was just another thing Aiden loved about him. Pat was rarely anything but pristinely presented, but Aiden loved when he was a little messy and unkempt. His lips met the corner of Pat’s mouth. “Maybe this…”
“You make it feel so simple…” Pat said quietly, leaning in to Aiden’s soft touches and kisses. He closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in the sensations.
“Let me make it simple,” Aiden urged.
“I don’t know how,” Pat admitted with a small shake of his head. He turned his head to meet Aiden in a slow, soft kiss. This should be the easy part, but Pat just kept feeling like there was always going to be a barrier between them and that barrier was the MS.
Aiden slipped his hand up under Pat’s t-shirt and brushed his fingertips over the faintly toned plains of his body, enjoying the soft warmth of his skin. “Then trust me to know how,” he whispered and leaned over to press a kiss to Pat’s stomach.
Pat took Aiden’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “Fuck me? Please?” He searched Aiden’s eyes, his own full of a mix of emotions, but Aiden was still there despite it all and he just needed to feel him. He wanted to be close to him, as close as he could possibly be and he wanted to experience all over again exactly why he fell in love with him.
Aiden shifted to ease Pat down onto the bed. He smiled softly down at him but didn’t say anything. No more words were needed here, and probably wouldn’t ever be enough. He just stroked Pat’s cheek and then caught his lips with his own in a slow kiss.
Word Count | 774
Co-written with sexyinscrubs
Aiden paused at the door of his bedroom and let out a slow sigh before hesitantly knocking and opening it. Pat was sitting on the side of the bed staring into space, the wheelchair park messily nearby, so Aiden gently sat down beside him and took his hand to kiss his fingers. “Pat, it’s okay, love. You have nothing to be embarrassed about…” He watched his boyfriend in concern, wishing to hell he had all the right words to say.
Pat just nodded but didn’t say anything. This was one of those times he just fucking wished he was someone else. A healthy someone else who didn’t have to deal with all this shit over and over and over again. Crap like this shouldn’t be on the menu in a new relationship. He and Aiden should be out to dinner or making out on the sofa or fucking in the shower, not awkwardly sitting on the side of the bed at a loss for words ten minutes after he fucking pissed himself in front of him. He rested his head down on his head with a defeated sigh and closed his eyes.
“Does it mean you’re getting sicker? Do you need to go to the hospital?” Aiden asked uncertainly. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and have Pat explode at him again. It wasn’t a big deal. The research Aiden had done on MS since meeting Pat had told him plenty that there could be some loss of bladder functioning and such. He had just wanted to help, but Pat had been mortified and went straight to the bedroom without saying a word.
“I can’t get sicker,” Pat said in a flat tone. “I am sick, full stop. This is just… one of the piles of shit I’m stuck with. Be thankful it wasn’t my bowels.” He briefly met Aiden’s eyes and then frowned when he looked away again.
Aiden wrung his hands between him. “I’m sorry.”
Pat squeezed his eyes shut for a moment at the words and then turned to wrap his arms around Aiden. “No, I’m sorry. You’re doing everything perfectly and I keep pushing you away. You’re taking care of me, you’re helping me dress, eat, bathe. You’re lying awake with me at nights when I’m in pain, you’re there hold me when I feel sick, and you never once complain about it. You don’t… you don’t deserve this. Fucking hell. There is nothing sweet or romantic about this. I’m not getting better, Aiden. I could be like this for a long time before I get better. If I get better. How are we supposed to get a relationship off the ground like this?”
Aiden held Pat’s gaze and then leaned in to softly kiss his throat. “Like this…” he murmured, running his hand up Pat’s arm. He kissed his jaw. “And this...” Pat’s face was a little rough with the need of a shave, but it was just another thing Aiden loved about him. Pat was rarely anything but pristinely presented, but Aiden loved when he was a little messy and unkempt. His lips met the corner of Pat’s mouth. “Maybe this…”
“You make it feel so simple…” Pat said quietly, leaning in to Aiden’s soft touches and kisses. He closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in the sensations.
“Let me make it simple,” Aiden urged.
“I don’t know how,” Pat admitted with a small shake of his head. He turned his head to meet Aiden in a slow, soft kiss. This should be the easy part, but Pat just kept feeling like there was always going to be a barrier between them and that barrier was the MS.
Aiden slipped his hand up under Pat’s t-shirt and brushed his fingertips over the faintly toned plains of his body, enjoying the soft warmth of his skin. “Then trust me to know how,” he whispered and leaned over to press a kiss to Pat’s stomach.
Pat took Aiden’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “Fuck me? Please?” He searched Aiden’s eyes, his own full of a mix of emotions, but Aiden was still there despite it all and he just needed to feel him. He wanted to be close to him, as close as he could possibly be and he wanted to experience all over again exactly why he fell in love with him.
Aiden shifted to ease Pat down onto the bed. He smiled softly down at him but didn’t say anything. No more words were needed here, and probably wouldn’t ever be enough. He just stroked Pat’s cheek and then caught his lips with his own in a slow kiss.
Word Count | 774