On Welcoming

[mrissa]

We have been talking a lot, around my house, about welcoming, about conventions and communities and welcoming people into them. I keep saying a thing that sounds tautological and yet strikes me as important, which is: if you don’t welcome people, they will not feel welcome. Welcoming is a thing that someone has to do. It does not spring up of

Comments

[dichroic]

One thing is to try to take a step back and think about ways in which new people may be clueless, even though they seem obvious to anyone who's been around a while. For instance, gathering places with snacks in the consuites only work if people understand that they're allowed into the consuite - that it's not just for, say, con-runners and guests of honor. (Yes, I did have to ask once.)

[mrissa]

Right, the difference between "consuite" and "green room"--and how strict the green room is at that particular con--is not intuitive to all newcomers.

[dichroic]

Given that I have no idea what a green room is other than what I can infer ... uh, yeah. But that's just an example based on my own experience; I'm sure there's lots of stuff like that, that I don't even know to mention or that was obvious to me but maybe not to someone else. Sort of a 101 handout made available would be helpful, and I think the fact that someone cared enough to create one would help foster that welcoming atmosphere you're discussing. If nothing else, it might get across the idea that the con is *meant* for newbies as well as oldtimers.

[mrissa]

A green room is where performers gather before a performance. In the context of a convention, panelists and other people who are involved with programming can pop into the green room (if there is one) to have something to eat or drink or a quiet place to sit down or etc.

At some conventions they are explicitly set aside so that the Talent does not have to mingle with the Fans at every moment. At other conventions this divide is scorned and/or the fans are much nicer (I think this may be a chicken and egg question), so they either don't have one or it's much less policed.

[sheff_dogs]

Events for new members/attenders that just involve mingling work best if you have 'old' hands along too. That way new comers feel welcomed by the community rather than just the organsisers. And the old hands can demonstrate the behavioural norms too, rather than the newcomers developing ones that clash with the old norms (always assuming you aren't trying to change the old norms).

[mrissa]

I definitely agree that segregating new people out is often a terrible idea. (Freshman orientation: way less fun and interesting than the rest of college.)

And that last parenthetical caveat of yours is also important, because...yeah. This is part of why changing old norms sometimes takes awhile: people who would not have signed on for them from scratch got pulled and decided whatever old norm was worth coping with for the good things the group did, until at some point they added up to enough people saying, "Um...no, actually. Not necessary for what our group does, and not actually a universal good."

[hobbitbabe]

When I'm the new person, I'm kind of looking for clues that they won't think I'm weird if they find out more about me. I don't assume the knitting group or the church is queer/poly-friendly. I don't assume the theatre class is quinquagenarian-friendly. I don't assume the welding shop workers will be comfortable knowing I have a doctorate. I don't assume that the poly discussion group is Christian-friendly. If other people's conversation about their lives hints at having experience with similar oddities, I unfold a bit and relax a bit. But if they seem to be assuming that everyone there is like-them in a way that's not-like-me, I stay cautious and distant.

[mrissa]

This brings up one of the points I forgot to include, which is:

Be aware of the ways in which your demographic/identity might be different from the person's you're trying to welcome, and think about how that might shape their perceptions. The visually obvious differences are in some ways easiest to account for, though not always easiest to understand the implications of, but they're not the whole list.

[laurel]

Lots of good stuff here. I find the welcoming thing is especially tricky at SF cons because so many fans are introverts and socially awkward in fundamental ways. I think the "Minicon 101" sort of document I made a few years back mentioned this and how most fans at the con are genuinely happy to have new people show up, just kinda suck at showing it because they're shy. Dunno if that helped or was stating the obvious, but I felt a written welcome sort of thing might work better for fans (even if it was something of a pre-emptive apology too).

I think I included a list of suggested places I found as good places to hang out if you were new, too. Because I know some people just show up primarily for programming and are at loose ends between panels or just don't know where tables and chairs and such things are. A map in the program book or pocket program only goes so far, after all.

[mrissa]

I think that knowing that it's not you, it's them helps...but only a little bit. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if you have no one to talk to at an event despite making strong efforts because the established people there are all shy, it still is not really the point of going to a large gathering.

[laurel]

Oh sure. I oversimplified here, my document also encouraged folks who've been around awhile to be more welcoming and ways they might do so and so on. I think. I may be remembering wrong I've written so many "Con 101" sorts of things as well as "can't we all get along" things and "we should be more welcoming" things

[rosefox]

I find the welcoming thing is especially tricky at SF cons because so many fans are introverts and socially awkward in fundamental ways.

I find this belief kind of inherently unwelcoming.

[catlinye_maker]

I largely stopped going to church because of the "welcoming" thing. Unique to my situation, but as a full time RVer who travels roughly once a week, I found myself asked to stand up every Sunday. That got to be quite wearing, since I'm a shy person. The churches that were extra-nice in the "greet your neighbors" part of the service were a lot better. And the church lady who tried really hard to insist I take a mug with the church logo and a welcome bag really wasn't very welcoming at all, since we have no space for extra schtuff. I'm really an outlier, though. But I think it comes down to watching for discomfort? As an old hand greeting a newbie, you don't want to make them _less_ comfortable.

[mrissa]

Seriously. Another thing in that direction for churches: being invited to stay for coffee: great. Someone who won't take no for an answer on the stay-for-coffee question: not so good.