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New City old habits
New City, same old habits. Still obsessed with sexual desire. This is one of the reasons I came here. All and all though I have given myself a ticking clock. I either start writing this dissertation or be consumed by my own self-indulgence. I came here to satisfy that urge. Abstaining never worked for me ( Read more... ) -
Bangkok struggles
Well, I made it to the city of smiles; Bangkok, Thailand. I find myself reminiscing about the Wellington Retreat. We used to make these patients go to group, take the bus and walk for food. Man, this shit sucks, walking 3 miles to Big C - Walmart, not knowing the language, starving and missing meals ( Read more... ) -
Seeing Clear
It's been a prison this place. The symbolism is everywhere; in the apartment with the screened in porch, the year long leases, the underground office with no windows. My sentence is coming to an end, the next chapter is beginning. I have to finish the education for the expereince, but most importantly for the respect. After that Im game for ( Read more... ) -
Group Notes
I dont belong here. Its become very apparent Im the center of attention in this group and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. These idiots sitting around and picking at me. I have Dan over here, completely unstable, cant manage his life and here he is coming at me. Ohh God, but its tolerable. The anxiety is minimal, its just more of a ( Read more... ) -
Neutral
His birthday approached and he didnt even realize it, in fact he didnt even care. He was a slave at this point. He worked his 40 hours, he fucked his women and he came up to a apartment with his cat. He was unfulfilled and new the time would come when he would either leave or stay and rot.
I've realized that eliminating the everyday bullshit ( Read more... ) -
Kauai Notes Day 2
Kauai day two.. Beautiful place, but very very small ( Read more... ) -
Falling
It late, its May, the rain is coming down and the thunder and lightening are quite powerful. I again find myself in a daze, completely consumed my life and desire. I almost had sex with a minor today and think nothing of it. Im lost. Im so fucked up. I havent called my professor in weeks now for my letter. I disappoint myself. I changed my ( Read more... ) -
Hawaii notes... One hour.. Hard to follow but more to come.
I sat on the beach today… just briefly.. John was of running, the sun was setting and I for the first time let the environment hit me. The ocean was so powerful here; it teased me, slowly creeping up on me. I squatted down to take a picture and it surged up and soaked my shoes. It was like a dog that hadn’t seen its friend in a long time. I ( Read more... ) -
The Party
I attended a small get together at Dr. Morans palace this weekend. Quite the setup, yet cozy. The big man, has had a rash of people quitting and suddenly wants the input of others. It's intriguing but I feel it will be short lived. This seems like only a moment of clarity in my mind. The funny thing is that he seems to be confiding in me. Odd ( Read more... ) -
ohh my goddd
dirty, filthy, complacent, unmotivated... ect. The list continues.. I dont like where Iam ( Read more... )