my first orginal fantasy story...*dies of happiness*

[moony810]

Welcome to my first ever original fantasy story, A Dragon's Duel! Please comment, and be gentle with the rotten fruit, though concrit is welcome. Oh, and, here's a quick pronunciation guide for the characters' names:

Mir'n: Me-REHN
Tar'k: TEAR-ik
Pyro'k: PIE-rock
Blizro'k: bliz-ROCK
Ileia: ill-LAY-uh

And here's the story, enjoy!

A Dragon's Duel

“Come on,

Comments

[music_lover3]

Wow, I like this. Very interesting. Three things: Does Mir'n already know about being a descendent before this event? How? And if they needed a new ruler, where was the other one? Or did they not have one after Ileia? One more thing...the...ghost?...of Ileia has pigtails. It seems a little girly to me, not something a warrior and princess would look like. But maybe that's just me. If you intended it to be that way, that's fine. It's just not usually the way grown women wear their hair. Other than that stuff, it was really good!!! Do you plan on adding more to it??

[moony810]

In order, (1) yes, Mir'n did know, the knowledge had been passed down through the family, she just didn't know about all the powers that came with us.

(2)No, there was no ruler. Blizro'k had pawns to carry out her will even though she was sealed away, and they would kill anyone who tried to take the throne.

(3)Ileia's hairstyle: she was about twenty something when she died, so I didn't think it was that much of a stretch to put her hair like that. And the pigtails I meant weren't exactly little girl style pigtails. You know Tsunade from Naruto? I meant pigtails like hers. Sorry 'bout that!

[moony810]

And I forgot to mention: about the last bit, I am planning a sequel, though at present it's a bare skeleton of a story, so that probably won't be up for a while yet. ^___^. Also, I've got quite a few other projects on the table that I need to work on, so...

[music_lover3]

Whoops. I didn't see that when I commented. Anyway, can't wait to read the sequel, and I definitely understand about the other projects. Have fun!!

[music_lover3]

Oh, and also, you might want to think about separating the paragraphs. It's easier to read if you put spaces in between them. And, one more thing. Lj cuts are miracles from heaven. It might be easier to use an lj cut next time you have a story. Well, just thought I'd give you those helpful tidbits for future use. Again, I really liked your story!!!

[moony810]

I did put it behind a link, I thought, but I'll gladly fix it if I didn't.

[music_lover3]

Yeah, you did put it behind a link for the writer's ink, but I was thinking more along the lines of your own journal. It might be easier to put it under an lj cut for your own journal, if you want to. But that's just me. Anyway, that was my thought. :)

[moony810]

Well, it does take up a lot less space that way...