Dirty Little Secret

[moominmuppet]

The reasons I hid my relationships and sexual involvements over the years are hugely complicated, and have been one of the bigger mindfucks in my life. It's taken a long time to sort out the multitude of often conflicting reasons that was such a strong pattern, most especially in middle and high school

Comments

[greeniezona]

You know, I've just recently been wondering about how it was that you have built yourself up into the person that you are -- how amazingly open and in touch with yourself you are, how defiantly you embrace a lifestyle that mainstream society is too freaked out about to even really acknowledge that it exists.

(I remember in psychology class a brief discussion that our "modern" idea of marriage might morph and change and allow other possibilities, one of which that was mentioned was group marriage. And I thought, "Oh, that sounds like fun!" and most of the rest of the class seemed APPALLED.)

(Not that I wasn't a completely judgmental prude in my own ways back then.)

And of course the answer was (and I halfway anticipated that it would be) that you worked your way through a whole lot of SUCK.

I think you are completely amazing.

[moominmuppet]

Thanks; that's immensely meaningful to hear right now.

[eris_esoteric]

"Monogamy isn't just unnecessary for me, it's actively harmful to my psyche. I describe it often as "feeling like someone just built a white picket fence around my sexuality". First I shut off my sexual reactivity to the rest of the world, and then it shuts off to my partner."

Yes, this! Exactly this! Thank you so much for saying this much more succinctly than I ever could have. Gonna hafta steal this for an upcoming convo, btw. *huuuuge hug*