Comments | moleyneux: four.

moleyneux

four.

Feb 12, 2009 17:21

title: passport of indiscretions
type: original story
rating: mild r for suggestive content
notes: this is my first story with original characters so I need feedback. It's not a very well worked out piece (it's more of a sketch than anything else,I suppose) but I'd like to know if you think it has potential or not. Also, it isnt for those who shy away ( Read more... )

Comments 21

vinniebolzano February 12 2009, 19:18:07 UTC

hmmm INTERESTING! has a lot of potential i dont know if you have read "Paris is burning" on loverslain but thats about incest too but somehow it is the prettiest incest i ever read and by the end of it you feel your gut wrench when he is shot i do love your concept very orignal but id love to know more about the conclusion.
"Its not a novel and she doesnt do decent."
overall i applaude your first effort

moleyneux February 13 2009, 07:45:30 UTC

Thank you.

I'm not quite satisfied with it, yet.

vinniebolzano February 12 2009, 19:19:21 UTC

i popped your original fiction comment cherry!:p
oops!

moleyneux February 13 2009, 07:46:40 UTC

*blushes*

I'm glad my first time was with you. You make me feel warm, safe and fuzzy inside.

vinniebolzano February 13 2009, 13:13:11 UTC

hey you should be satisfied with it because you know what its pretty brilliant i as u must have realised am a writer obsessed with details and the beauty of your piece is the fact that it is not that the momentum you build up is enthralling and keeps one interested everything is complete somehow but whn i come to the end i want more i guess thats your triumph as an author!

moleyneux February 13 2009, 13:18:24 UTC

Oh, Im glad. I think I wanted to be ambigious at the,especially concerning Lydia.

We see it all through her eyes- there is so much going on here behind the scenes.

Thread 6

martyr4mylove4u February 13 2009, 16:13:02 UTC

I suck at reviews.

That being said, I adore this. The begining threw me off a bit (not sure why) but with the whole piece it really works.

You write tragedy with a somewhat optimistic voice and it makes it all the more sad.

Also, I love the names, I'm terrible at naming my characters and I always respect a story twenty times more when it has wonderful names.

Great work.

moleyneux February 13 2009, 17:11:27 UTC

You do not suck at reviews. You're quite wonderful at them and dont let anybody tell you any different!

Thank you! The beggining was absolutely meant to throw you off- so kudos to you for picking up on that!

I have a penchant for strange names. I blame my mother for having named me Bronwyn. I'm even fonder of last names.

workswithwords February 13 2009, 21:53:19 UTC

Wow so I've been neglecting livejournal because of RL stuff, but I LOVE that you wrote this! It's so good, and sordid, and Lydia is very interesting and amusing and heartbreaking in every breath.

Wonderful!

moleyneux February 14 2009, 02:54:26 UTC

Merci!

I am so glad- you picked up on everything that you were meant to and I love that you think Lydia is so interesting.

aragons February 14 2009, 18:29:35 UTC

Okay. First off, I absolutely do agree with you, this is more of a sketch than a finished piece. I feel very much that this is the bare bones of the story, that there's still a lot left to be told of Lydia and Sam. But you know that so dwelling on it seems a tad pointless ( ... )

moleyneux February 15 2009, 04:07:57 UTC

Darling, thank you!

It is absolutely a draft- it is me dipping my toe into the unchartered waters of original fiction.

That being said- I would love to expand on this. Not in one go- I think Sam and Allemande's relationship needs to be explore, Grace and Allemande and of course, Lyidia and her singing.But of course- knowing that someone would be interested in reading those things- that is what absolutely made my day and sort of gave me the courage to persevere.

Thank you!