Jack doesn't even realize why it's stinging, at first, only frowns with some discomfort, at nothing in particular, and shifts a little. Things connect- actions with consequences, and he looks even more perplexed.
"You don't have to, but remember, I do not particularly mind. I am glad I do not need it, but I like the look you wear."
Jack's addicted to pushing things, sometimes. Edges. No such thing as too much or too fast and take what you want. But Parker comes before that, and if it's making him like this then it's fine.
"It's not you," Parker says, suddenly focused. "I'm just... I want you so much Jack. I want you all the time and it kills me sometimes. I know you don't want to hurt me. Don't think about it."
He can't say those words again, not like this, when he'd mean them intensely.
"If you ever asked me to go with you, and be your 'all the time,' Parker, I would."
He's the one that goes. He needs to remember that.
"I came to terms with the fact that it could not be that simple some time ago. It still kills me that I know really nothing about there. But from what I know of it, and from what you know of me, can you see me doing well? In the backseat, or watching from the distance, when I still have never fired a gun without dropping it? Do you think Longbaugh would smile at what you dragged home?"
"You telling me you want that from me, and knowing I can never. If you ever change your mind on any of it, well, I am here. Don't you dare go, or imagine that being fucked up with me is worse than us being fucked up apart, alright?"
Oh. Gracious.
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He glances up.
"Did I bother you? And here I have been joking about it."
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"I..." Parker licks his lips.
"Don't want to hurt you."
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Jack's addicted to pushing things, sometimes. Edges. No such thing as too much or too fast and take what you want. But Parker comes before that, and if it's making him like this then it's fine.
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"But you don't like that sort of thing. Fair grounds and ferris wheels."
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And maybe that's what screws him up about it. That he needs Jack, the way that he needs the pressure against his heart to stop it from exploding.
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"You cannot put the burden of hurting you on me, you cannot just. Please, no. I would never. I do not mean to. I would die first."
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He can't say those words again, not like this, when he'd mean them intensely.
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He's the one that goes. He needs to remember that.
"I came to terms with the fact that it could not be that simple some time ago. It still kills me that I know really nothing about there. But from what I know of it, and from what you know of me, can you see me doing well? In the backseat, or watching from the distance, when I still have never fired a gun without dropping it? Do you think Longbaugh would smile at what you dragged home?"
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He exhales upwards sharply. "I won't ask."
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He presses a hand over Parker's heart.
"You telling me you want that from me, and knowing I can never. If you ever change your mind on any of it, well, I am here. Don't you dare go, or imagine that being fucked up with me is worse than us being fucked up apart, alright?"
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"Language, Jack." He's a little startled, never heard Jack talk like that before.
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"I just feel about you."
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He leans down to kiss him, just a brush.
"And I know how it feels. But there are some things that you have to accept, even though that comes bitterly."
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