what's love got to do with it?
I’ve been poring over ash48's wonderful picspam illustrating Sam’s love for Dean, and thinking. There’s no doubt that Sam loves Dean. I don’t know if you can quantify love, but I have no doubt Sam loves Dean, has always loved Dean, as much as Dean loves Sam. That love has been amply demonstrated this Season - it hasn’t changed despite the tension between the boys.
The Big Issue for Dean (and fandom, mind the two are often indistinguishable when it comes to feels) has been that Sam didn’t look for Dean, when Dean was in Purgatory.
Now a number of fans have written insightfully about WHY Sam may not have looked for Dean.
But my question is - why do we equate Sam not looking for Dean, with not loving him? We know Dean certainly does…
Dean: Did you look for me Sam?
Sam: ...
Dean: Good. No that's good. We always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you. Of course we always ignored that because of our deep abiding love for each other. But not this time, right Sammy?
I offer as a counter example, Sam leaving for Stanford, an event that caused similar reaction from Dean (and fans). Dean named the night Sam left for Stanford as “the worst night of his life” in Dark Side of the Moon (and in Dean’s life - that’s a big call). But in Shadow, when Sam expresses a desire to return to College, Dean is distraught, and says he wants Sam with him and John “wants us to be a family again”. Sam responds with “but we are a family”.
For Sam, leaving for Stanford, was what he needed to do for himself. It wasn’t about rejecting or not loving his family. If anything I think partly it was because he wanted to go and do something and prove himself worthy of their love, given he never felt he measured up to their standards.
Dean however only felt rejection from it, even though he could on some level see that it wasn’t about rejecting him. As he says in Scarecrow:
You've always known what you want and you go after it. Stand up to Dad, and you always have. I wish I had. Anyway, I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy.
We can all perceive and interpret actions in different ways - I think I am being attentive yet you feel that I am smothering you;; I want to know what you’ve been doing because I care, you think it’s because I don’t trust you. I think loving you means just the two of us; I can’t understand why you hate it when I spend time with my family and friends. Love means monogamy to some; an open relationship to others. Some people even think real love can only exist between people of opposite genders.
Well you get the point.
So - and remembering the theme of this season is perception - is it possible that Sam not looking for Dean is not an indication of any diminution of Sam’s love for his brother?
That for whatever reasons Sam did it, not one of them was because he doesn’t love Dean as much as he ever did.
ETA: For what its worth, here's what i think happened with Sam. The why is you like. I think Sam's world fell apart. All he knew was that Dean was gone from this Earth. I don't think he knew what to do, I think he decided not to look, because well thats always had disastrous results in the past, and they have said to each other not to look. think the lesson of Bobby was close with Sam - the natural order of things is to die, and then move on - both for the dead and those left alive. Sam choose to do that. I don't think Sam had a plan until he hit the dog, and then he just found himself on this new path.
Obv there is more to find out - the mysterious figure watching the house, why Sam left Amelia, all suggest soemthing else is at play as well.
The Big Issue for Dean (and fandom, mind the two are often indistinguishable when it comes to feels) has been that Sam didn’t look for Dean, when Dean was in Purgatory.
Now a number of fans have written insightfully about WHY Sam may not have looked for Dean.
But my question is - why do we equate Sam not looking for Dean, with not loving him? We know Dean certainly does…
Dean: Did you look for me Sam?
Sam: ...
Dean: Good. No that's good. We always told each other not to look for each other. That's smart. Good for you. Of course we always ignored that because of our deep abiding love for each other. But not this time, right Sammy?
I offer as a counter example, Sam leaving for Stanford, an event that caused similar reaction from Dean (and fans). Dean named the night Sam left for Stanford as “the worst night of his life” in Dark Side of the Moon (and in Dean’s life - that’s a big call). But in Shadow, when Sam expresses a desire to return to College, Dean is distraught, and says he wants Sam with him and John “wants us to be a family again”. Sam responds with “but we are a family”.
For Sam, leaving for Stanford, was what he needed to do for himself. It wasn’t about rejecting or not loving his family. If anything I think partly it was because he wanted to go and do something and prove himself worthy of their love, given he never felt he measured up to their standards.
Dean however only felt rejection from it, even though he could on some level see that it wasn’t about rejecting him. As he says in Scarecrow:
You've always known what you want and you go after it. Stand up to Dad, and you always have. I wish I had. Anyway, I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy.
We can all perceive and interpret actions in different ways - I think I am being attentive yet you feel that I am smothering you;; I want to know what you’ve been doing because I care, you think it’s because I don’t trust you. I think loving you means just the two of us; I can’t understand why you hate it when I spend time with my family and friends. Love means monogamy to some; an open relationship to others. Some people even think real love can only exist between people of opposite genders.
Well you get the point.
So - and remembering the theme of this season is perception - is it possible that Sam not looking for Dean is not an indication of any diminution of Sam’s love for his brother?
That for whatever reasons Sam did it, not one of them was because he doesn’t love Dean as much as he ever did.
ETA: For what its worth, here's what i think happened with Sam. The why is you like. I think Sam's world fell apart. All he knew was that Dean was gone from this Earth. I don't think he knew what to do, I think he decided not to look, because well thats always had disastrous results in the past, and they have said to each other not to look. think the lesson of Bobby was close with Sam - the natural order of things is to die, and then move on - both for the dead and those left alive. Sam choose to do that. I don't think Sam had a plan until he hit the dog, and then he just found himself on this new path.
Obv there is more to find out - the mysterious figure watching the house, why Sam left Amelia, all suggest soemthing else is at play as well.