hold on. call people when you need help. like now. give yourself credit for filling out those applications! don't give into the red dreams. it's tempting, but it doesn't fix anything. find other ways to take care of yourself.
So far I've kept myself safe. I'm not as down as I was when I left my last entry, but still working on trying to stay stable, especially after my mother proved how little she really cares about me last night. The only good thing that came out of that one was a much needed breakdown.
I didn't really expect her to be very supportive...she's never really done that. I just didn't expect her to be so cold and uncaring. Well, its not a shock because I know how she is and the kind of person she is.
I've had more improvement today since I was able to get out with a dear friend, see another friend who had fallen quiet for too long, and got reminded I'm cared about.
Its just hard to get by with how things are. Everyone has a breaking point when things are difficult...its a point I've hit a few times, but, luckily, I always seem to bounce back.
*nuzzles tightly* Hey you, I'd call you now if I had any idea whether or not your awake.
Take a deep breath... remember what you've told me, that it takes practice to get good at leaning on people. Goddess knows, I suck a big one at it most of the time, but occasionally I can manage to eek out a victory. And you're the same way, you've called me before when you've needed me... not every time, but no one's perfect right?
And remember how good of a thing it is to have gotten those applications filled out... that's a victory for you in light of how it's gone in the past. You know, things with Jason... well... Jason's going to get himself together. I'm willing to bet that the beach trip did him a lot of good, but that it's not going to just show up immediately and is probably going to be very subtle.
Just remember... you can't live any day but today... you can't change yesterday and tomorrow is yet to be decided. So you make the best of the day and keep moving on.
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I've had more improvement today since I was able to get out with a dear friend, see another friend who had fallen quiet for too long, and got reminded I'm cared about.
Its just hard to get by with how things are. Everyone has a breaking point when things are difficult...its a point I've hit a few times, but, luckily, I always seem to bounce back.
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Take a deep breath... remember what you've told me, that it takes practice to get good at leaning on people. Goddess knows, I suck a big one at it most of the time, but occasionally I can manage to eek out a victory. And you're the same way, you've called me before when you've needed me... not every time, but no one's perfect right?
And remember how good of a thing it is to have gotten those applications filled out... that's a victory for you in light of how it's gone in the past. You know, things with Jason... well... Jason's going to get himself together. I'm willing to bet that the beach trip did him a lot of good, but that it's not going to just show up immediately and is probably going to be very subtle.
Just remember... you can't live any day but today... you can't change yesterday and tomorrow is yet to be decided. So you make the best of the day and keep moving on.
*snuggles* Call me later sweetie, I luff you.
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