[Series]A Story of Hurting and Healing, Chapter 8
Author : freedomthisway
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, still PG13 for now
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, KangHyuk, very minor SiChul.
Word Count : 2150 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.
All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author’s note:
Okay, here's chapter 8. *wipes sweats*
Hope you guys like this one too.
Anyway, many thanks for the comments. Really makes me want to work harder. :DD
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3 & 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6 & 7
Hankyung has always assumed that his love for Siwon is already deep as it is, yet when he finally looks up to see Siwon he is pretty sure that this time he has fallen even deeper for him.
Siwon, as Hankyung recalls, was already a very strapping young man in his university years.
But this Siwon, who is now standing in front of Hankyung as a fully grown up man, is truly breathtaking. His handsome face has hardened through all these years and now it is full of sharp angles which only make him appear more masculine than ever. His white shirt is unable to hide all the musculature and the strong body inside.
Hankyung is willing to bet top dollar that Siwon has added another couple of inches to his already tall frame. His towering height makes Hankyung can’t help but feel a bit intimidated. And suddenly Hankyung feels a little panicky when he realizes that Siwon somehow has dismissed the butler so that makes them the only two in this room.
Hankyung tries to control his feelings, collecting all of his confidence back in its place. It works, a little.
But then he hears Siwon say, “Please, Hankyung-sshi. Have a seat.”
Hankyung feels as if all the blood has drained from his face.
It is not what he said --though Hankyung is pretty sure that Siwon’s addressing him using -sshi behind his name is a bit estranging-- but it’s his tone and his expression that shook Hankyung to the core.
His voice and expression are cold, full of malice and his gaze mocking.
So I guess I finally know how he feels about me now, Hankyung thinks, disheartened but laced with a bit of bitterness.
Despite his intention to hold on no matter what Siwon thinks of him, Hankyung can’t help but feel his resolution shake.
Dumbfounded, he takes the nearest seat in the room. Siwon follows him, taking another seat right across from his. For long minutes, there is only silence between them.
“How are you, Hyung?” Hankyung asks finally, anything to break the oppressive silence.
Even though he hadn't expected Siwon to welcome him back with open arms, the hostility he felt directed towards him was surprising, to say the least.
Siwon says nothing for a long time, just staring at Hankyung until he sees Hankyung fidgeting on his seat.
So, he wants a proper chit chat, doesn't he? Well, he won't get that from me.
Siwon lies back on his chair, crosses his leg, and put both his arms in the armrest calmly. All the while never takes his eyes off Hankyung. He decides to shoot one simple question:
"Why did you come back?"
Hankyung blinks at the sudden question. Apparently Siwon has decided to skip chit chatting. Hankyung’s resolution shakes even more but he tries to keep his will strong. But in this case, there’s no way Hankyung can explain his real reason for coming back.
"I wanted to visit mother's grave." Hankyung says, feeling a bit defiant. His mother is buried here, he has every right to be here and visit her grave. "Among other things."
Hankyung really wants to chew his fingernails right now. Chewing his nails can always calm him.
Siwon raises his eyebrow and snorts. "Sung Eun Hwa was dead three years ago, Hankyung. It sure took you long enough to play the role of a good son, don't you think?"
Under Siwon’s hateful gaze and cold tone Hankyung can no longer look at Siwon properly and watches his own hands on his lap instead.
But really, what can he say to answer that question? How can he say that because Min Woo has died is why he finally decided to come back? How can he say that without having to tell Siwon about everything?
Hankyung realizes he deserves all the hatred dripping in Siwon’s voice. Leaving your family behind without a single word is not something that Hankyung is proud of either but Hankyung had no choice back then and Hankyung had promised to himself to never, ever tell Siwon the truth about his father.
Hankyung knows that it’ll hurt Siwon immensely.
Although Min Woo was legally married to his mother and thus it made him his stepfather, Hankyung never thought of Min Woo as a father figure for several reasons. But Hankyung knows in his heart that Siwon really respects and loves his father.
For a boy like Siwon whose mother died before he could even remember anything, having a father like Min Woo is amazing. Although Siwon loved Hankyung’s mother, Hankyung knows that in Siwon’s heart the position of mother as well as father was only filled by Min Woo. That’s why Siwon always tried his hardest so that he will never disappoint Min Woo. Hankyung assumes that Siwon’s passion for business and economy is partly because Siwon knows that that is what Min Woo will want him to do in the future. And Hankyung has to admit that Min Woo has raised Siwon well and he was successful in being a great father to him.
No matter how bad Min Woo was as Hankyung’s father, to Siwon, Min Woo was everything. Maybe even more than Hankyung is to him.
If Hankyung told Siwon the truth, he is sure he’ll destroy Siwon. Even if Min Woo’s threats to never say a word about what goes on between Hankyung and him at night behind closed doors no longer worked for Hankyung, he kept his quiet because above all else, Hankyung loves Siwon. And he doesn’t want to be the one who hurts him.
That’s why, really, at situation like this, Hankyung finds himself unable to say even a word. He came back here not to dwell on the past but to reconcile his relationship with Siwon. And he had to do it somehow without having to spill any of his bitter past, without having to suffer a new injury to this family.
So, upon Siwon’s question, Hankyung can only swallow thickly. "I know exactly how long she's been dead.” He looks away. "Believe me, Hyung, I know. And I just wanted to visit her grave." Hankyung shakes his head slightly. "Just... tell me, how are you?"
Siwon feels a tug of regret for his harsh words but he ignores it. He knows how much Hankyung loves Eun Hwa, but what Hankyung did just makes no sense! Eun Hwa's been buried for three years on Choi's private cemetery located somewhere in the backyard of the house, why the sudden visit now? Why should he care now?
So Siwon just huffs and replies with a cold tone, "Why do you care? You haven't for three years, have you?"
The way Hankyung can’t answer Siwon’s previous simple question has validated everything Siwon suspects: to Hankyung, this family is worth nothing. This family is just his stepping stone. No one in this family has a place in Hankyung’s cold heart. Not even Siwon.
To think that his father had suffered to his death for this kind of person makes Siwon very upset.
Feeling worked up, Siwon is unable to sit down for another second. So he stands up and walks towards his working table, gripping the table sides as he tries to control his anger. No good can come out of losing his temper now. Despite his love for Hankyung, Siwon can feel that his hatred is solid and his revenge will be sweet.
All in a good time, Siwon.
Finally calming down a bit he turns towards Hankyung just in time to see Hankyung smiles a little ruefully on his seat.
"I do care, Hyung. I care a lot... I'm sorry it had to come to this but..." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I missed you."
Hankyung is hoping to get some positive reaction from Siwon on his confession, but to no avail. Siwon just stands there, and he has this expression as if saying Yeah, whatever, Hankyung.
Siwon's silence started getting to Hankyung and he begins fidgeting again. "Please Hyung... I didn't come here to fight." He says, pleading clear in his voice.
Siwon really wants to laugh at the irony of Hankyung's words. If only he knows what Siwon has in store for him. And it won't be just a mere 'fight'.
"You know, it's funny. But your timing on coming back here can’t be more perfect."
Hankyung looks up. "What are you talking about?" Hankyung asks, feeling slightly worried with Siwon's tone.
Siwon notices Hankyung's worry in his voice and feels a bit of satisfaction. “You see, my father has left a will. And he specifically asked for you to be there when his will is read. If you hadn’t come, I would have thrown a major search party for you. But now that you’re here, then things can proceed faster. Tonight, I’ll contact my lawyer to prepare everything. The will is going to be read tomorrow and you'll have to be there with the rest of Choi family.”
"A will? He left a will?" Hankyung asks, surprise evident in his voice.
Siwon decides not to be fooled by Hankyung’s reaction. "You are smart, coming back here, knowing that now he’s dead then maybe you’ll get some of my father’s wealth. I never thought that the one thing that can get you back is money.” Siwon snorts. “But really, I should’ve known. Before father brought you here, you couldn’t even eat a decent meal, could you? For you, this family only means money anyway.”
Hankyung feels as though a bucket of ice water has been thrown on him. "Money...? You think this is about money?" He says disbelief in his voice, and shock in his eyes.
Here he is, coming back to the house where his nightmares had begun only for Siwon, and Siwon was accusing him of wanting money? Here he is trying so hard to make sure Siwon doesn't get hurt because of what Min Woo had done and Siwon's accusing him of being a gold digger?
He feels tears threatening to spill but blinks them back stubbornly. "I can't believe you'd think that little of me." He says resignatedly.
Siwon narrows his eyes and steps forward until he stands in front of Hankyung, fully intending to intimidate him with his height. “Then tell me, my dear brother, why did you come back after you dumped us three years ago? Why the sudden visit after you left me and father behind? After you’ve made father suffer to death because his beloved son left him so coldheartedly?”
Slowly, Siwon bends over Hankyung, gripping each sides of Hankyung’s couch so that his face is on the same level with as him. "You told me you couldn’t believe how little I think of you.” Siwon’s words are just a whisper on Hankyung's ear. “But Hankyung…, trust me when I say I think of you even less."
Siwon smirks when he sees Hankyung's body shivers at his words. "You blab on and on about how money isn’t the reason you are here. But you can’t give me any other reason for you to be here, can you?”
Hankyung feels his heart constrict at Siwon's words. He shivers when he feels Siwon's breath on his ear and Hankyung swallows thickly several times, remembering all the times he followed Siwon around when they were younger, hero-worshipping him, admiring him, loving him... and now? Siwon's words ring in his ears and he tries desperately to keep his tears in, barely managing to succeed.
"I can't." Hankyung admits, upset that his voice cracks and is not strong. "But I don't think I can ask you to trust me that I had a good reason, can I?" He looks up at Siwon at that, wishing and hoping that just maybe Siwon will say that 'yes, I trust you'.
Siwon stares at Hankyung. His heart hurts a bit at the pain he sees in Hankyung's face, but really, who is Hankyung kidding?
How can he ask me to trust him when he is the one who betrayed this family?
So Siwon gives no answer and let Hankyung see for himself all hatred and anger colliding in Siwon’s eyes. It takes only little time for Hankyung's hope to get crushed by that gaze and replaced by fear and sadness, knowing that what he sees in Siwon's eyes is reserved exclusively for him.
Suddenly Siwon stands up again and walks towards the intercom beside the door. Pressing the button, he says, “Ji Sook, please take Hankyung-sshi to his room. He is going to be staying here for some time.”
Then he looks back to Hankyung. “The will reading is going to be started at 9 o’clock tomorrow morning in my study. Make sure you’re there.”
Hankyung watches Siwon walks out of the room, all the while fisting his hands with despair and frustration.
TBC
PS: Comments are loved and appreciated.
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, still PG13 for now
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, KangHyuk, very minor SiChul.
Word Count : 2150 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.
All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author’s note:
Okay, here's chapter 8. *wipes sweats*
Hope you guys like this one too.
Anyway, many thanks for the comments. Really makes me want to work harder. :DD
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3 & 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6 & 7
Hankyung has always assumed that his love for Siwon is already deep as it is, yet when he finally looks up to see Siwon he is pretty sure that this time he has fallen even deeper for him.
Siwon, as Hankyung recalls, was already a very strapping young man in his university years.
But this Siwon, who is now standing in front of Hankyung as a fully grown up man, is truly breathtaking. His handsome face has hardened through all these years and now it is full of sharp angles which only make him appear more masculine than ever. His white shirt is unable to hide all the musculature and the strong body inside.
Hankyung is willing to bet top dollar that Siwon has added another couple of inches to his already tall frame. His towering height makes Hankyung can’t help but feel a bit intimidated. And suddenly Hankyung feels a little panicky when he realizes that Siwon somehow has dismissed the butler so that makes them the only two in this room.
Hankyung tries to control his feelings, collecting all of his confidence back in its place. It works, a little.
But then he hears Siwon say, “Please, Hankyung-sshi. Have a seat.”
Hankyung feels as if all the blood has drained from his face.
It is not what he said --though Hankyung is pretty sure that Siwon’s addressing him using -sshi behind his name is a bit estranging-- but it’s his tone and his expression that shook Hankyung to the core.
His voice and expression are cold, full of malice and his gaze mocking.
So I guess I finally know how he feels about me now, Hankyung thinks, disheartened but laced with a bit of bitterness.
Despite his intention to hold on no matter what Siwon thinks of him, Hankyung can’t help but feel his resolution shake.
Dumbfounded, he takes the nearest seat in the room. Siwon follows him, taking another seat right across from his. For long minutes, there is only silence between them.
“How are you, Hyung?” Hankyung asks finally, anything to break the oppressive silence.
Even though he hadn't expected Siwon to welcome him back with open arms, the hostility he felt directed towards him was surprising, to say the least.
Siwon says nothing for a long time, just staring at Hankyung until he sees Hankyung fidgeting on his seat.
So, he wants a proper chit chat, doesn't he? Well, he won't get that from me.
Siwon lies back on his chair, crosses his leg, and put both his arms in the armrest calmly. All the while never takes his eyes off Hankyung. He decides to shoot one simple question:
"Why did you come back?"
Hankyung blinks at the sudden question. Apparently Siwon has decided to skip chit chatting. Hankyung’s resolution shakes even more but he tries to keep his will strong. But in this case, there’s no way Hankyung can explain his real reason for coming back.
"I wanted to visit mother's grave." Hankyung says, feeling a bit defiant. His mother is buried here, he has every right to be here and visit her grave. "Among other things."
Hankyung really wants to chew his fingernails right now. Chewing his nails can always calm him.
Siwon raises his eyebrow and snorts. "Sung Eun Hwa was dead three years ago, Hankyung. It sure took you long enough to play the role of a good son, don't you think?"
Under Siwon’s hateful gaze and cold tone Hankyung can no longer look at Siwon properly and watches his own hands on his lap instead.
But really, what can he say to answer that question? How can he say that because Min Woo has died is why he finally decided to come back? How can he say that without having to tell Siwon about everything?
Hankyung realizes he deserves all the hatred dripping in Siwon’s voice. Leaving your family behind without a single word is not something that Hankyung is proud of either but Hankyung had no choice back then and Hankyung had promised to himself to never, ever tell Siwon the truth about his father.
Hankyung knows that it’ll hurt Siwon immensely.
Although Min Woo was legally married to his mother and thus it made him his stepfather, Hankyung never thought of Min Woo as a father figure for several reasons. But Hankyung knows in his heart that Siwon really respects and loves his father.
For a boy like Siwon whose mother died before he could even remember anything, having a father like Min Woo is amazing. Although Siwon loved Hankyung’s mother, Hankyung knows that in Siwon’s heart the position of mother as well as father was only filled by Min Woo. That’s why Siwon always tried his hardest so that he will never disappoint Min Woo. Hankyung assumes that Siwon’s passion for business and economy is partly because Siwon knows that that is what Min Woo will want him to do in the future. And Hankyung has to admit that Min Woo has raised Siwon well and he was successful in being a great father to him.
No matter how bad Min Woo was as Hankyung’s father, to Siwon, Min Woo was everything. Maybe even more than Hankyung is to him.
If Hankyung told Siwon the truth, he is sure he’ll destroy Siwon. Even if Min Woo’s threats to never say a word about what goes on between Hankyung and him at night behind closed doors no longer worked for Hankyung, he kept his quiet because above all else, Hankyung loves Siwon. And he doesn’t want to be the one who hurts him.
That’s why, really, at situation like this, Hankyung finds himself unable to say even a word. He came back here not to dwell on the past but to reconcile his relationship with Siwon. And he had to do it somehow without having to spill any of his bitter past, without having to suffer a new injury to this family.
So, upon Siwon’s question, Hankyung can only swallow thickly. "I know exactly how long she's been dead.” He looks away. "Believe me, Hyung, I know. And I just wanted to visit her grave." Hankyung shakes his head slightly. "Just... tell me, how are you?"
Siwon feels a tug of regret for his harsh words but he ignores it. He knows how much Hankyung loves Eun Hwa, but what Hankyung did just makes no sense! Eun Hwa's been buried for three years on Choi's private cemetery located somewhere in the backyard of the house, why the sudden visit now? Why should he care now?
So Siwon just huffs and replies with a cold tone, "Why do you care? You haven't for three years, have you?"
The way Hankyung can’t answer Siwon’s previous simple question has validated everything Siwon suspects: to Hankyung, this family is worth nothing. This family is just his stepping stone. No one in this family has a place in Hankyung’s cold heart. Not even Siwon.
To think that his father had suffered to his death for this kind of person makes Siwon very upset.
Feeling worked up, Siwon is unable to sit down for another second. So he stands up and walks towards his working table, gripping the table sides as he tries to control his anger. No good can come out of losing his temper now. Despite his love for Hankyung, Siwon can feel that his hatred is solid and his revenge will be sweet.
All in a good time, Siwon.
Finally calming down a bit he turns towards Hankyung just in time to see Hankyung smiles a little ruefully on his seat.
"I do care, Hyung. I care a lot... I'm sorry it had to come to this but..." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "I missed you."
Hankyung is hoping to get some positive reaction from Siwon on his confession, but to no avail. Siwon just stands there, and he has this expression as if saying Yeah, whatever, Hankyung.
Siwon's silence started getting to Hankyung and he begins fidgeting again. "Please Hyung... I didn't come here to fight." He says, pleading clear in his voice.
Siwon really wants to laugh at the irony of Hankyung's words. If only he knows what Siwon has in store for him. And it won't be just a mere 'fight'.
"You know, it's funny. But your timing on coming back here can’t be more perfect."
Hankyung looks up. "What are you talking about?" Hankyung asks, feeling slightly worried with Siwon's tone.
Siwon notices Hankyung's worry in his voice and feels a bit of satisfaction. “You see, my father has left a will. And he specifically asked for you to be there when his will is read. If you hadn’t come, I would have thrown a major search party for you. But now that you’re here, then things can proceed faster. Tonight, I’ll contact my lawyer to prepare everything. The will is going to be read tomorrow and you'll have to be there with the rest of Choi family.”
"A will? He left a will?" Hankyung asks, surprise evident in his voice.
Siwon decides not to be fooled by Hankyung’s reaction. "You are smart, coming back here, knowing that now he’s dead then maybe you’ll get some of my father’s wealth. I never thought that the one thing that can get you back is money.” Siwon snorts. “But really, I should’ve known. Before father brought you here, you couldn’t even eat a decent meal, could you? For you, this family only means money anyway.”
Hankyung feels as though a bucket of ice water has been thrown on him. "Money...? You think this is about money?" He says disbelief in his voice, and shock in his eyes.
Here he is, coming back to the house where his nightmares had begun only for Siwon, and Siwon was accusing him of wanting money? Here he is trying so hard to make sure Siwon doesn't get hurt because of what Min Woo had done and Siwon's accusing him of being a gold digger?
He feels tears threatening to spill but blinks them back stubbornly. "I can't believe you'd think that little of me." He says resignatedly.
Siwon narrows his eyes and steps forward until he stands in front of Hankyung, fully intending to intimidate him with his height. “Then tell me, my dear brother, why did you come back after you dumped us three years ago? Why the sudden visit after you left me and father behind? After you’ve made father suffer to death because his beloved son left him so coldheartedly?”
Slowly, Siwon bends over Hankyung, gripping each sides of Hankyung’s couch so that his face is on the same level with as him. "You told me you couldn’t believe how little I think of you.” Siwon’s words are just a whisper on Hankyung's ear. “But Hankyung…, trust me when I say I think of you even less."
Siwon smirks when he sees Hankyung's body shivers at his words. "You blab on and on about how money isn’t the reason you are here. But you can’t give me any other reason for you to be here, can you?”
Hankyung feels his heart constrict at Siwon's words. He shivers when he feels Siwon's breath on his ear and Hankyung swallows thickly several times, remembering all the times he followed Siwon around when they were younger, hero-worshipping him, admiring him, loving him... and now? Siwon's words ring in his ears and he tries desperately to keep his tears in, barely managing to succeed.
"I can't." Hankyung admits, upset that his voice cracks and is not strong. "But I don't think I can ask you to trust me that I had a good reason, can I?" He looks up at Siwon at that, wishing and hoping that just maybe Siwon will say that 'yes, I trust you'.
Siwon stares at Hankyung. His heart hurts a bit at the pain he sees in Hankyung's face, but really, who is Hankyung kidding?
How can he ask me to trust him when he is the one who betrayed this family?
So Siwon gives no answer and let Hankyung see for himself all hatred and anger colliding in Siwon’s eyes. It takes only little time for Hankyung's hope to get crushed by that gaze and replaced by fear and sadness, knowing that what he sees in Siwon's eyes is reserved exclusively for him.
Suddenly Siwon stands up again and walks towards the intercom beside the door. Pressing the button, he says, “Ji Sook, please take Hankyung-sshi to his room. He is going to be staying here for some time.”
Then he looks back to Hankyung. “The will reading is going to be started at 9 o’clock tomorrow morning in my study. Make sure you’re there.”
Hankyung watches Siwon walks out of the room, all the while fisting his hands with despair and frustration.
TBC
PS: Comments are loved and appreciated.