[Series]The Story of Hurting and Healing, chapter 2
Author : freedomthisway
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, still PG-13 for now.
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, KangHyuk, very minor SiChul.
Word Count : 1791 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.
All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author’s note: Oh, wow~! The comments I got for the previous chapter is very motivating~! So here it is: Chapter 2~!
Thank you and I hope you guys like this chapter too~!
Chapter 1
“I don’t understand.” Kangin watches Hankyung shoving the few pieces of clothing he owned into his worn out duffel bag with a frown. “Could you enlighten me again about why you feel that it is so fucking necessary to visit that son of a bitch’s house once again?”
Hankyung winces at the sarcastic tone in Kangin’s emotional words. Grabbing his wallet from the table, he takes a deep breath.
Yeah, Hankyung. What makes you want to go back there? Have you lost your mind?
But, Hankyung is not insane. In fact, if he doesn’t go back to the house soon, he is pretty sure he’ll go insane. This need inside him has always been so strong, consuming him for these past two years.
But Min Woo always was a barrier. Now that he’s gone, the need has come back in full force. It makes him unable to think of anything else. I must see him. I need to.
“I need to see him, Kangin-ah.” Hankyung echoes his thoughts out loud. “I need to see my stepbrother. You and Hyukjae know how I feel about this, don’t you? I couldn’t go back then because I knew Min Woo would be there. But now he is gone, there is nothing that can hold me back.”
Kangin throws an exasperated look towards Hyukjae who is standing across the room. Hyukjae’s eyes plead him to be understanding and just let Hankyung go.
Indeed, both of them know very well that Hankyung’s not-so-brotherly love for his stepbrother is more than anything. But still, letting Hankyung go back to the place where that guy’s entire nightmare began was an entirely different matter and Kangin knows better than that.
“Look, we totally understand, Hyung. But there are loads of reasons why I… I mean why we are objected to this idea of yours. You’ve already been separated from him for three whole years. He may no longer be the person he used to be.” Kangin walked towards Hankyung, itching to shake him hard enough to make him see the stupidity of his actions. But then Kangin sees how tense Hankyung is, so he decides to sit on the edge of the bed instead.
“You’re the one who told me that stepbrother of yours did nothing but ignore you ever since you guys knew how to jack off. He had never been there for you when you needed him. I mean, if he really cared for you, why didn’t he stop that fucker?”
Hankyung clutches his hand, slightly trembled from the rush of memories suddenly pop in his head at Kangin’s words. “He didn’t know, Kangin. He was rarely home at that time. It wasn’t his fault.”
“That’s the thing, Hyung!” Kangin ignores the warning tone heard in Hankyung’s previous words. “The fact that he was never home showed how fucking care he was to you back then. What makes you think that that’ll change after the old man’s gone? What makes you think he’ll not become like his bastard of a father?”
Suddenly Kangin finds himself hoisted up by his collar clutched by trembling fingers and Hankyung’s face hovers above his. His eyes hard on Kangin’s, tell him without words that he did not appreciate him saying anything of that nature about his stepbrother.
From the corner of his eyes, Kangin sees Hyukjae step towards them, panic in his eyes. Kangin lifts a hand to stop him. Silently pleads Hyukjae to let him manage the situation.
Kangin doesn’t enjoy hurting Hankyung. But if shoving the bitter truth in his face meant saving Hankyung from another painful episode of his life, Kangin will do it without hesitation.
God knows, Hankyung has been through enough. So even though his words make Hankyung angry, he feels that he has to finish what he wants to say. Kangin reaches up and places his hands in both sides of Hankyung’s shoulder, eyes fixed on Hankyung’s, shining with care and concern, and says softly, “Hyung, relax. We’re just trying to make you see the light here.”
Kangin feels a relief flood his chest soon after Hankyung lets his collar go. But Hankyung still stands in front of him, daring Kangin to say another word.
A dare Kangin is more than willing to take.
“I know you miss him, Hyung. Hell, I can see that everyday in your empty gaze. But you see… I’m worried sick about you going back to that house because I really have no idea what those Choi people will do to you when you’re around.”
Hankyung’s gaze suddenly softens, and then is replaced with a determination that shows up on his face. He turns around and returns to packing his duffel bag. And for long minutes, silence stretches between them. Then Hankyung’s voice fills the room.
“Look. I know you guys mean well. Take care of me and all that shit.” There’s harshness in his words but his tone is gentle. “It’s just that… It’s killing me.” Hankyung stops his packing and looks at Kangin and Hyukjae.
“All my life, I’ve lost almost everything dear to me. I’ve lost my real father, my youth, my… innocence… and I’ve lost my mom.” His voice becomes hoarse at the words. “And there is nothing I can do to stop it. All this time I was just… go with the flow and accept every shit given by life to me.
“But he…, only him I can’t lose, guys. It’s just... I can’t. I won’t. I know he only thinks of me as his stepbrother. Hell, even maybe less than that considering how he avoided me like I was the plague by the time we turned into teenagers. And the way he rejected me every time I tried to be near ever since...” Hankyung’s eyes scrunches tight at the memories, trying to will away the pain that follows.
“But I also know that he already has my heart. There’s no one else. Not even when I’ve tried, and you damn know that I’ve tried hard. But it has to be him. Or else, I’ll always feel empty inside. I’ll feel lost. So I’ll be damned if I don’t fight for him with everything I’ve got! He’s what I live for, guys. There must be a good reason why he treated me like that in the past. I might have gotten on his nerves or something. I have to find out. Don’t get me wrong. You are like, my true family, you know. I mean, you guys are so great.”
All of them smile at that.
Hankyung fidgets for a while before he continues, “But… when I look at you, you both are so in love that sometimes I think I am so pitiful for being unable to be close to someone I love with all my heart. I’m tired of feeling that way. I know I’m asking a lot, but I must try. And you can’t stop me from trying to look for the same happiness that you both have already found. Can you?” Hankyung flashes his best persuasive grin, in the same time try not to look as pathetic as he felt right now.
Kangin and Hyukjae exchange a look again; they both know they can’t stop Hankyung this time.
“Aish, the hell with it. If you’re really that eager to find your prince then there’s nothing we can do. Come on, we’ll help you pack up.” Kangin says with a half grin, an offer that is most welcomed with relief by Hankyung and Hyukjae.
Half an hour later they have already finish packing up. “Just remember, Hyung. I’ve packed you a bunch of condoms and first class lube. You know, just in case you and your stepbrother have finally overcome all the shit and decide to… get it on.” Kangin said in a perfectly fatherly tone, contradicted by his playful wink.
Hankyung blushes hard, his face turning red all the way to his ears. Hyukjae laughs and tells Kangin to stop being a perverted jerk. Kangin grins all the way, defending himself by saying what is wrong with socializing a safe sex.
They play around some more and share more laughter before finally Hankyung lifts the duffel bag to his shoulder and grins.
“Well, this is it, guys. Wish me luck.” A single tear threatens to escape from his eyes and Hankyung blinks his eyes several times to avoid crying.
Hyukjae moves forward and hugs Hankyung tightly. “If… well, I mean if everything isn’t working well there, just keep in mind that you’ll always have a place here, Hyung. We’re all going to miss you.” Hyukjae says in a trembling voice. For a long time, there’s nothing said. And then he lets Hankyung go, tears in his eyes.
Then Kangin hugs Hankyung quickly, patting him on his back. “Yeah…” He says hoarsely, simply agreeing to whatever Hyukjae has just said, and steps back.
Hankyung looks at both of them, wondering for the hundredth time if he is making the right decision.
It’s just… leaving this. Leaving them, his job at the bar, everyone, leaving his life to pursue another, a life with Choi Siwon in it, Hankyung wonders if it’ll all be worth it.
But the answer is always: hell yes it’ll worth it. So Hankyung braces himself and smiles.
“Hey, Hyung…? You know who is going to miss you the most?” Kangin says with a snicker. Hankyung and Hyukjae looks at him, curious. Kangin can’t hold his laughter.
“Our number one bar’s customer, of course. Park Sang In-sshi will turn into a puddle of goo when he finds out you are gone. I mean, there won’t be anymore nice butt for him to smack. Poor guy.”
Hankyung and Hyukjae join his laughter hysterically, realizing that it is, somewhat, a truth.
“Well,” Hankyung wipes tears of laughter from his eyes. “Then maybe Hyukjae here needs to watch his back.” And Hankyung laughs again when that youngest man in the room’s face reddened at his words.
“I’ll watch it for him.” Kangin growls, sweeping Hyukjae into his hug possessively. His face stern at the possibility of a drunken old Park Sang In takes advantage of his Hyukjae’s body.
And when Hankyung sees it, he looks longingly at the sweet sight in front of him, and all the doubt drained from his thought.
You must find your own happiness, Hankyung. And your happiness lives in that house. That’s where you have to be.
“I’ll call you as soon as I get the chance.” Hankyung says and walks towards the door. He looks back for the last time, savoring the sight of Hyukjae and Kangin standing together, his room, his life.
He keeps the memory inside his head, takes a deep breath, and then closes the door.
TBC
PS: As usual, I'm a comment-whore. So, comment away!
Rating : Various, up to NC-17, still PG-13 for now.
Character/Pairing : Siwon, Hankyung, Kangin, Hyukjae, Heechul, other made up characters/SiHan, KangHyuk, very minor SiChul.
Word Count : 1791 words
Genre : AU and angst like whoa!
Warning: Underage, rape/non-con, younger!Hankyung, a lot of swearing.
Summary : When Hankyung was 7, his mother was remarried to Choi Min Woo, the head of the rich and famous Choi family. The marriage brings Hankyung to the position of Siwon's younger stepbrother.
Their closeness as child changed after they grew older and Siwon found out his feelings toward Hankyung. Not wanting to ruin the family, Siwon chose to keep his love for Hankyung inside and avoid him like crazy instead.
While Hankyung was struggling to bear his own misery, he too realized his feelings for Siwon, but didn't act on it because he assumed Siwon hated him.
After 3 years of escaping from the family, hearing Choi Min Woo's death, Hankyung decided to come back, only to face Siwon's hatred towards him.
All Hankyung wants is a happiness and love with Siwon by his side. Can he reach it eventually?
Author’s note: Oh, wow~! The comments I got for the previous chapter is very motivating~! So here it is: Chapter 2~!
Thank you and I hope you guys like this chapter too~!
Chapter 1
“I don’t understand.” Kangin watches Hankyung shoving the few pieces of clothing he owned into his worn out duffel bag with a frown. “Could you enlighten me again about why you feel that it is so fucking necessary to visit that son of a bitch’s house once again?”
Hankyung winces at the sarcastic tone in Kangin’s emotional words. Grabbing his wallet from the table, he takes a deep breath.
Yeah, Hankyung. What makes you want to go back there? Have you lost your mind?
But, Hankyung is not insane. In fact, if he doesn’t go back to the house soon, he is pretty sure he’ll go insane. This need inside him has always been so strong, consuming him for these past two years.
But Min Woo always was a barrier. Now that he’s gone, the need has come back in full force. It makes him unable to think of anything else. I must see him. I need to.
“I need to see him, Kangin-ah.” Hankyung echoes his thoughts out loud. “I need to see my stepbrother. You and Hyukjae know how I feel about this, don’t you? I couldn’t go back then because I knew Min Woo would be there. But now he is gone, there is nothing that can hold me back.”
Kangin throws an exasperated look towards Hyukjae who is standing across the room. Hyukjae’s eyes plead him to be understanding and just let Hankyung go.
Indeed, both of them know very well that Hankyung’s not-so-brotherly love for his stepbrother is more than anything. But still, letting Hankyung go back to the place where that guy’s entire nightmare began was an entirely different matter and Kangin knows better than that.
“Look, we totally understand, Hyung. But there are loads of reasons why I… I mean why we are objected to this idea of yours. You’ve already been separated from him for three whole years. He may no longer be the person he used to be.” Kangin walked towards Hankyung, itching to shake him hard enough to make him see the stupidity of his actions. But then Kangin sees how tense Hankyung is, so he decides to sit on the edge of the bed instead.
“You’re the one who told me that stepbrother of yours did nothing but ignore you ever since you guys knew how to jack off. He had never been there for you when you needed him. I mean, if he really cared for you, why didn’t he stop that fucker?”
Hankyung clutches his hand, slightly trembled from the rush of memories suddenly pop in his head at Kangin’s words. “He didn’t know, Kangin. He was rarely home at that time. It wasn’t his fault.”
“That’s the thing, Hyung!” Kangin ignores the warning tone heard in Hankyung’s previous words. “The fact that he was never home showed how fucking care he was to you back then. What makes you think that that’ll change after the old man’s gone? What makes you think he’ll not become like his bastard of a father?”
Suddenly Kangin finds himself hoisted up by his collar clutched by trembling fingers and Hankyung’s face hovers above his. His eyes hard on Kangin’s, tell him without words that he did not appreciate him saying anything of that nature about his stepbrother.
From the corner of his eyes, Kangin sees Hyukjae step towards them, panic in his eyes. Kangin lifts a hand to stop him. Silently pleads Hyukjae to let him manage the situation.
Kangin doesn’t enjoy hurting Hankyung. But if shoving the bitter truth in his face meant saving Hankyung from another painful episode of his life, Kangin will do it without hesitation.
God knows, Hankyung has been through enough. So even though his words make Hankyung angry, he feels that he has to finish what he wants to say. Kangin reaches up and places his hands in both sides of Hankyung’s shoulder, eyes fixed on Hankyung’s, shining with care and concern, and says softly, “Hyung, relax. We’re just trying to make you see the light here.”
Kangin feels a relief flood his chest soon after Hankyung lets his collar go. But Hankyung still stands in front of him, daring Kangin to say another word.
A dare Kangin is more than willing to take.
“I know you miss him, Hyung. Hell, I can see that everyday in your empty gaze. But you see… I’m worried sick about you going back to that house because I really have no idea what those Choi people will do to you when you’re around.”
Hankyung’s gaze suddenly softens, and then is replaced with a determination that shows up on his face. He turns around and returns to packing his duffel bag. And for long minutes, silence stretches between them. Then Hankyung’s voice fills the room.
“Look. I know you guys mean well. Take care of me and all that shit.” There’s harshness in his words but his tone is gentle. “It’s just that… It’s killing me.” Hankyung stops his packing and looks at Kangin and Hyukjae.
“All my life, I’ve lost almost everything dear to me. I’ve lost my real father, my youth, my… innocence… and I’ve lost my mom.” His voice becomes hoarse at the words. “And there is nothing I can do to stop it. All this time I was just… go with the flow and accept every shit given by life to me.
“But he…, only him I can’t lose, guys. It’s just... I can’t. I won’t. I know he only thinks of me as his stepbrother. Hell, even maybe less than that considering how he avoided me like I was the plague by the time we turned into teenagers. And the way he rejected me every time I tried to be near ever since...” Hankyung’s eyes scrunches tight at the memories, trying to will away the pain that follows.
“But I also know that he already has my heart. There’s no one else. Not even when I’ve tried, and you damn know that I’ve tried hard. But it has to be him. Or else, I’ll always feel empty inside. I’ll feel lost. So I’ll be damned if I don’t fight for him with everything I’ve got! He’s what I live for, guys. There must be a good reason why he treated me like that in the past. I might have gotten on his nerves or something. I have to find out. Don’t get me wrong. You are like, my true family, you know. I mean, you guys are so great.”
All of them smile at that.
Hankyung fidgets for a while before he continues, “But… when I look at you, you both are so in love that sometimes I think I am so pitiful for being unable to be close to someone I love with all my heart. I’m tired of feeling that way. I know I’m asking a lot, but I must try. And you can’t stop me from trying to look for the same happiness that you both have already found. Can you?” Hankyung flashes his best persuasive grin, in the same time try not to look as pathetic as he felt right now.
Kangin and Hyukjae exchange a look again; they both know they can’t stop Hankyung this time.
“Aish, the hell with it. If you’re really that eager to find your prince then there’s nothing we can do. Come on, we’ll help you pack up.” Kangin says with a half grin, an offer that is most welcomed with relief by Hankyung and Hyukjae.
Half an hour later they have already finish packing up. “Just remember, Hyung. I’ve packed you a bunch of condoms and first class lube. You know, just in case you and your stepbrother have finally overcome all the shit and decide to… get it on.” Kangin said in a perfectly fatherly tone, contradicted by his playful wink.
Hankyung blushes hard, his face turning red all the way to his ears. Hyukjae laughs and tells Kangin to stop being a perverted jerk. Kangin grins all the way, defending himself by saying what is wrong with socializing a safe sex.
They play around some more and share more laughter before finally Hankyung lifts the duffel bag to his shoulder and grins.
“Well, this is it, guys. Wish me luck.” A single tear threatens to escape from his eyes and Hankyung blinks his eyes several times to avoid crying.
Hyukjae moves forward and hugs Hankyung tightly. “If… well, I mean if everything isn’t working well there, just keep in mind that you’ll always have a place here, Hyung. We’re all going to miss you.” Hyukjae says in a trembling voice. For a long time, there’s nothing said. And then he lets Hankyung go, tears in his eyes.
Then Kangin hugs Hankyung quickly, patting him on his back. “Yeah…” He says hoarsely, simply agreeing to whatever Hyukjae has just said, and steps back.
Hankyung looks at both of them, wondering for the hundredth time if he is making the right decision.
It’s just… leaving this. Leaving them, his job at the bar, everyone, leaving his life to pursue another, a life with Choi Siwon in it, Hankyung wonders if it’ll all be worth it.
But the answer is always: hell yes it’ll worth it. So Hankyung braces himself and smiles.
“Hey, Hyung…? You know who is going to miss you the most?” Kangin says with a snicker. Hankyung and Hyukjae looks at him, curious. Kangin can’t hold his laughter.
“Our number one bar’s customer, of course. Park Sang In-sshi will turn into a puddle of goo when he finds out you are gone. I mean, there won’t be anymore nice butt for him to smack. Poor guy.”
Hankyung and Hyukjae join his laughter hysterically, realizing that it is, somewhat, a truth.
“Well,” Hankyung wipes tears of laughter from his eyes. “Then maybe Hyukjae here needs to watch his back.” And Hankyung laughs again when that youngest man in the room’s face reddened at his words.
“I’ll watch it for him.” Kangin growls, sweeping Hyukjae into his hug possessively. His face stern at the possibility of a drunken old Park Sang In takes advantage of his Hyukjae’s body.
And when Hankyung sees it, he looks longingly at the sweet sight in front of him, and all the doubt drained from his thought.
You must find your own happiness, Hankyung. And your happiness lives in that house. That’s where you have to be.
“I’ll call you as soon as I get the chance.” Hankyung says and walks towards the door. He looks back for the last time, savoring the sight of Hyukjae and Kangin standing together, his room, his life.
He keeps the memory inside his head, takes a deep breath, and then closes the door.
TBC
PS: As usual, I'm a comment-whore. So, comment away!