Give me a kiss to build a dream on and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss Sweetheart, I ask no more than this a kiss to build a dream on
(Ruby/Kalmar/Hammerstein)
Your meter fits the above song pretty well.
Anyhow, I love the almost-romance underlying this. It's a good match for the one Trish wrote a while back. Death is a bit over-eager to use poison in this case, but that just makes it seem more like an ardent lover.
I'm glad you like the song. Louis Armstrong did what I think is the definitive cover of it.
Yes, I think the lover and (his?) eagerness came right through your piece. One tends to think of death as waiting patiently for old age, but this one is like a teenaged boy, trying every ruse he can think of to get her to say yes.
Oh! I think this one is rather beautiful. I love your imagery, and I like that you slowly lead the reader to the discovery of the lover's identity. Nice.
(p.s. I do hear that cyanide smells like almonds. Not that I've actually smelled it, cause then I'd, you know, be dead.)
Mm. According to my colleagues, if you can smell hydrogen cyanide (the gaseous version) you are dead. i.e. By the time there's enough of it to smell, there's enough of it to kill you.
So I'm not really sure how they figured out it smells like almonds. I wonder who the test case was.
Hmm. Maybe smelling it muchly diffused in the air? I dunno. I've been listening to "fanon" stuff from law shows for a long time, so I have no real idea.
But if it was tested, I think it went something like this:
One: Hey you there. Go smell that stuff over there and tell us what it smells like.
Two: Um, okay. *goes and smells* *gasps* Almonds! *keels over*
One: Okay, that one smells like almonds... *writes in notebook* Hey, you there! Go smell that dead guy and tell me what he smells like...
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and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
a kiss to build a dream on
(Ruby/Kalmar/Hammerstein)
Your meter fits the above song pretty well.
Anyhow, I love the almost-romance underlying this. It's a good match for the one Trish wrote a while back. Death is a bit over-eager to use poison in this case, but that just makes it seem more like an ardent lover.
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I suck at getting meter right, so I threw it out the mental window this time. But it didn't suck too badly.
Well, I think Death always wears cyanide lipstick lol. Or something like that. I was trying to get across that lover feel though. Thanks :)
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Yes, I think the lover and (his?) eagerness came right through your piece. One tends to think of death as waiting patiently for old age, but this one is like a teenaged boy, trying every ruse he can think of to get her to say yes.
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(p.s. I do hear that cyanide smells like almonds. Not that I've actually smelled it, cause then I'd, you know, be dead.)
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Yes! I've heard that on the law shows I watch ;) I also think that not everyone's nose can smell cyanide. Or is that another drug?
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So I'm not really sure how they figured out it smells like almonds. I wonder who the test case was.
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But if it was tested, I think it went something like this:
One: Hey you there. Go smell that stuff over there and tell us what it smells like.
Two: Um, okay. *goes and smells* *gasps* Almonds! *keels over*
One: Okay, that one smells like almonds... *writes in notebook* Hey, you there! Go smell that dead guy and tell me what he smells like...
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