(no subject)
Title: In wine is truth
Author: luvmeanddespair
Rating: R
Prompt: "In life's long road a practical choice is not always the easiest one to make, but 'practical' is not always 'right' and most often, both roads are laced with regret" for darknessgryphon.
Summary: Changmin makes a decision about his feelings and tries to stick with it.
A/N: This is late because even though I finished it early I somehow forgot that I actually had to post it. >.<;; So sorry it's late.
It's a verified fact that when you're drunk and happen to be around people, you hug them. It was part of the reason why you had tried to stay away from the whole getting drunk with people thing in the first place. Nothing brought down your mature image than going around giving hugs to people while smiling like a maniac. All right, so maybe no one had said you had a moronic smile on your face but you could gather as much from the snickering of certain members the next day.
It was also a little disconcerting that you had seemed to develop a gravitation to Junsu in such situations. You knew you had feelings for the other man, but they were feelings you couldn't act on. Junsu was a nice, proper young man with dreams and you were trying to stay professional and elevate yourself to level of 'real' musician. It was better off for both of you if you didn't do anything like pull him into a closet, kissing his full lips and running your hands over every curve. No matter how much you might want to.
You were your own worst enemy, though, so it's no surprise when the idea comes to you-one glass packed away already, that you could get away with touching Junsu under the guise of being completely hammered. As long as it wasn't in a public place it wouldn't be noticed, right? And the other members wouldn't tattle on something that was bad for your image. Except for Jaejoong, but he had always had difficulty keeping his mouth shut. You reason that you could always one-touch him into next week.
Junsu laughs somewhere in the corner of the room, Yoochun grinning with crinkled eyes and it's souring your mood. Damn Yoochun and his fan service-loving ways. You look at the glass in your hand, and then over at Junsu before downing the rest of it in one go and pushing yourself up to your feet. You head over with a but of a stagger (because you might as well make it look good) and tug at Junsu's shoulder until you have him pressed up against you. You tuck your face into the nape of his neck and inhaling the faint cologne he's wearing, lips touching his skin as you murmur a greeting, saying something about him being a nice hyung.
Yoochun's snickering dampens the mood, however, Junsu shifting uncomfortably under your touch. But you refuse to let go, not yet, not until you've had your fill for the next week-or two weeks, however long your next sprint of sobriety will last.
“Changmin, get off me. You're crushing me.”
“But I'm crushing you with love,” you mumble out, the words a little to true for your liking. “You should cherish every moment.”
More shifting, Junsu pushing at you, squirming. You sigh and let him go even as it makes something twist in your stomach that he can't take a simple hug. So you turn around to hug Yoochun, to throw off suspicion.
That night you think about the way Junsu looks after a fast song, full of dance moves. Fall asleep wondering if that's what he looks like after sex, flushed and panting. Sweat in beads his forehead, making the hair stick to his head. You could brush them back, kiss him softly and ask “Are you going to be all right tomorrow?” and he'll reply, saying he'll be fine and that every time he moves tomorrow it'll only make him think of you.
Somehow, you always wake up with wet eyes from these dreams.
“You're up to something, aren't you, Changdol,” Yunho says while your sipping away at another drink.
It's been a few days since the last time you've 'viciously attacked' Junsu with drunken hugs. You feel no guilt, remembering every so-called drunken episode in the past few weeks with perfect clarity.
“Why d'you say that?” you mumble, raising the glass to your lips again.
“Junsu's getting more uncomfortable the more you drink. I don't think he likes you drunk.”
“Well, then maybe he should drink more until he does. We're all drinking to relax, aren't we?”
“Changmin, if there's something bothering you...”
“If I were angry, I'd be in the bathroom. I'm happy. Go bother Yoochun.”
Tonight you forget to count your drinks to stay sober enough to remember everything in detail. Instead when you come to the next morning you have this sinking feeling in your gut you've done something stupid. Something really bad, like pushing Junsu up against a wall, kissing him hard and telling him you want to fuck him right there.
You rub your temple, wincing as you turn on the lamp and then again as you catch a scrap of paper on nightstand.
We need to talk-Junsu.
Goddamn, you think and glare at the ceiling for long minutes until Jaejoong comes pounding on your door.
When you finally have the time to talk to Junsu it's some late hour of the night in the kitchen, you with your chopsticks attacking leftover japchae as he comes in to grab a water bottle. There's a long uncomfortable silence that spans several seconds or perhaps, half a lifetime. At least until you set down your chopsticks and purse your lips, looking over at him.
“You wanted to talk?”
“I think you have a problem with alcohol,” he says bluntly.
“Oh.”
“I'm sorry Changmin, you're my brother and everything, but it needs to stop,” he says, and the word brother has never felt like a synonym for nothing until now. “I don't know if you remember but you said some things that if anyone heard about...”
Goddamn, you think again, closing your eyes.
“I'm sorry,” you say quietly, not meeting his eyes. “I didn't mean to offend you.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Look, Changmin. I know you didn't mean those things and when you say things like that and then say stuff like you love me... I can't take any of it seriously, and you're always telling us to take you seriously. I thought you'd want to know.”
You swallow, trying to force out some kind of smile, knowing your not succeeding from the way he's chewing on his lip.
“It's fine, hyung. Thank you for...looking out for me,” you get out, words like sand on your tongue, gritty and tasteless.
He shrugs, a sad look on his face. “Goodnight, Min. Sleep well.”
“What if-” you start.
He stops, turns, looks at you. There's something there in his eyes, something you think could be hope. Could be everything you're looking for, have wished for.
“Nothing,” you say softly. “Good night, hyung.”
You don't miss the disappointment half-veiled by a smile. Can't quite get rid of the stomachache that follows you into sleep. It's better this way, you mumble to yourself under the covers.
Better this way, you tell yourself, pouring a drink at the next party. Just this once.
Author: luvmeanddespair
Rating: R
Prompt: "In life's long road a practical choice is not always the easiest one to make, but 'practical' is not always 'right' and most often, both roads are laced with regret" for darknessgryphon.
Summary: Changmin makes a decision about his feelings and tries to stick with it.
A/N: This is late because even though I finished it early I somehow forgot that I actually had to post it. >.<;; So sorry it's late.
It's a verified fact that when you're drunk and happen to be around people, you hug them. It was part of the reason why you had tried to stay away from the whole getting drunk with people thing in the first place. Nothing brought down your mature image than going around giving hugs to people while smiling like a maniac. All right, so maybe no one had said you had a moronic smile on your face but you could gather as much from the snickering of certain members the next day.
It was also a little disconcerting that you had seemed to develop a gravitation to Junsu in such situations. You knew you had feelings for the other man, but they were feelings you couldn't act on. Junsu was a nice, proper young man with dreams and you were trying to stay professional and elevate yourself to level of 'real' musician. It was better off for both of you if you didn't do anything like pull him into a closet, kissing his full lips and running your hands over every curve. No matter how much you might want to.
You were your own worst enemy, though, so it's no surprise when the idea comes to you-one glass packed away already, that you could get away with touching Junsu under the guise of being completely hammered. As long as it wasn't in a public place it wouldn't be noticed, right? And the other members wouldn't tattle on something that was bad for your image. Except for Jaejoong, but he had always had difficulty keeping his mouth shut. You reason that you could always one-touch him into next week.
Junsu laughs somewhere in the corner of the room, Yoochun grinning with crinkled eyes and it's souring your mood. Damn Yoochun and his fan service-loving ways. You look at the glass in your hand, and then over at Junsu before downing the rest of it in one go and pushing yourself up to your feet. You head over with a but of a stagger (because you might as well make it look good) and tug at Junsu's shoulder until you have him pressed up against you. You tuck your face into the nape of his neck and inhaling the faint cologne he's wearing, lips touching his skin as you murmur a greeting, saying something about him being a nice hyung.
Yoochun's snickering dampens the mood, however, Junsu shifting uncomfortably under your touch. But you refuse to let go, not yet, not until you've had your fill for the next week-or two weeks, however long your next sprint of sobriety will last.
“Changmin, get off me. You're crushing me.”
“But I'm crushing you with love,” you mumble out, the words a little to true for your liking. “You should cherish every moment.”
More shifting, Junsu pushing at you, squirming. You sigh and let him go even as it makes something twist in your stomach that he can't take a simple hug. So you turn around to hug Yoochun, to throw off suspicion.
That night you think about the way Junsu looks after a fast song, full of dance moves. Fall asleep wondering if that's what he looks like after sex, flushed and panting. Sweat in beads his forehead, making the hair stick to his head. You could brush them back, kiss him softly and ask “Are you going to be all right tomorrow?” and he'll reply, saying he'll be fine and that every time he moves tomorrow it'll only make him think of you.
Somehow, you always wake up with wet eyes from these dreams.
“You're up to something, aren't you, Changdol,” Yunho says while your sipping away at another drink.
It's been a few days since the last time you've 'viciously attacked' Junsu with drunken hugs. You feel no guilt, remembering every so-called drunken episode in the past few weeks with perfect clarity.
“Why d'you say that?” you mumble, raising the glass to your lips again.
“Junsu's getting more uncomfortable the more you drink. I don't think he likes you drunk.”
“Well, then maybe he should drink more until he does. We're all drinking to relax, aren't we?”
“Changmin, if there's something bothering you...”
“If I were angry, I'd be in the bathroom. I'm happy. Go bother Yoochun.”
Tonight you forget to count your drinks to stay sober enough to remember everything in detail. Instead when you come to the next morning you have this sinking feeling in your gut you've done something stupid. Something really bad, like pushing Junsu up against a wall, kissing him hard and telling him you want to fuck him right there.
You rub your temple, wincing as you turn on the lamp and then again as you catch a scrap of paper on nightstand.
We need to talk-Junsu.
Goddamn, you think and glare at the ceiling for long minutes until Jaejoong comes pounding on your door.
When you finally have the time to talk to Junsu it's some late hour of the night in the kitchen, you with your chopsticks attacking leftover japchae as he comes in to grab a water bottle. There's a long uncomfortable silence that spans several seconds or perhaps, half a lifetime. At least until you set down your chopsticks and purse your lips, looking over at him.
“You wanted to talk?”
“I think you have a problem with alcohol,” he says bluntly.
“Oh.”
“I'm sorry Changmin, you're my brother and everything, but it needs to stop,” he says, and the word brother has never felt like a synonym for nothing until now. “I don't know if you remember but you said some things that if anyone heard about...”
Goddamn, you think again, closing your eyes.
“I'm sorry,” you say quietly, not meeting his eyes. “I didn't mean to offend you.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Look, Changmin. I know you didn't mean those things and when you say things like that and then say stuff like you love me... I can't take any of it seriously, and you're always telling us to take you seriously. I thought you'd want to know.”
You swallow, trying to force out some kind of smile, knowing your not succeeding from the way he's chewing on his lip.
“It's fine, hyung. Thank you for...looking out for me,” you get out, words like sand on your tongue, gritty and tasteless.
He shrugs, a sad look on his face. “Goodnight, Min. Sleep well.”
“What if-” you start.
He stops, turns, looks at you. There's something there in his eyes, something you think could be hope. Could be everything you're looking for, have wished for.
“Nothing,” you say softly. “Good night, hyung.”
You don't miss the disappointment half-veiled by a smile. Can't quite get rid of the stomachache that follows you into sleep. It's better this way, you mumble to yourself under the covers.
Better this way, you tell yourself, pouring a drink at the next party. Just this once.