Seventeen Steps (20/?)
Title: Seventeen Steps (20/?)
Author: millionstar
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Will vary, this chapter PG
Warnings: None
Overall Summary: Matthew is intrigued by his newest neighbor.
Chapter Summary: A father and son attempt to reconnect.
Feedback: Would be lovely, if you are so inclined.
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse; the following is pure fiction.
A/N: As always, thanks to dolce_piccante, myz_bee, and frolicandfall for support. It means so much. &hearts you three!
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten-a, Ten-b, Ten-c, Xmas Eve, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen-a, Sixteen-b, Seventeen, Eighteen/ Nineteen
Instead of going right in, Matthew lingered outside the front door of the restaraunt. He found himself opening the doors for other customers in an effort to avoid going inside to meet his father. When an elderly man gave him a fiver for his efforts, though, he decided that he should probably bite the proverbial bullet and go inside.
He spotted his father instantly. Seated at a table by the window, the older of the two Bellamy men was thumbing through the menu with one hand whilst scratching the back of his neck with the other. Matthew recognized the nervous tick; it was one that he indulged in frequently himself. In that instant he found himself wondering if his brother or mum did it as well. He shook the thought out of his mind. It was time to quit stalling and focus.
With a deep breath, Matthew made his way to the table and sat down. His father smiled at him, speaking to him in a soft voice.
"Hello, Matthew. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."
Matthew nodded. "Are you enjoying your stay in Devon?"
"I am, very much. I can see why you've decided to make a life for yourself here."
An uncomfortable silence settled between them. When a waitress appeared to take their orders they both took their time in making a decision, asking questions about the special of the day.
It seemed that both of them were stalling a little.
Once their order had been placed and they were alone again his father spoke.
"Tell me about Dominic."
Matthew looked up in surprise, the sound of Dominic's name coming out of his father's mouth catching him off guard a little. He shifted in his seat.
"What in our past together makes you think I'm comfortable discussing him, or any aspect of my life, with you?" Matthew said quietly. "You've always made it clear that you disapproved of the way I lived. What happened to change that? I'd really like to know."
"Believe me, son, I'm not here to criticize you, not at all."
Son. When Matthew thought about that particular endearment the first person that came to his mind was Liam, not his father. The bitterness threatened to rise in his chest again but he forced it down. His father was making an effort, and Matthew was determined to try and do the same thing. He met his father's eyes and was caught off guard at the sincerity he saw there. It was a foreign sight to Matthew.
"Then tell me why you are here."
Mr. Bellamy took a deep breath. "I've been unfair to you. Unforgivably so."
Matthew stared at his glass of water, his heart pounding. His father continued.
"I pushed you away at a time when you needed support, Matthew. I understand if you can't forgive that. I just needed you to know that I've finally made that realization, late though it may be. I'm sorry."
Matthew met his eyes and spoke quietly. "That's it? Do you want a medal or something?"
His father flushed deeply. "Of course not. I-"
"Good," Matthew interrupted. "Because I hope you realize that it's going to take alot more than a simple 'I'm sorry' for me to even consider opening up to you."
"You have to know that I still loved you deep down. Did you get the cheques I sent you for Christmas the past few years?"
"Yes."
"I hope that you put that money to good use. You should have been able to buy yourself something nice with it." His father smiled at him.
"I gave it to charity. Every single cheque."
"But I meant for you to use that for yourself, Matthew. I thought you might need it-"
"I needed a father. A father who recognized that his love was more important than money." He stared at the older man evenly. "A father who wasn't ashamed to have a gay son."
With the vocalization of that statement Matthew's resolve strengthened. For so many years he had danced around it, pretended he'd never heard it, and hoped he would one day be able to move past it. Now he had given it voice, and he was especially interested to see his father's reaction to it.
The color left his father's face, but he at least had the decency to allow Matthew to continue.
"I've had this speech written in my mind for ages, you know. I was going to be cold and harsh. I wanted to cause you the same kind of pain you had caused me. I was going to ask you if you realized just how much you had ruined my life when you told me I was no longer your son. For a long time I had so much anger in my heart toward you. Because of you I doubted the person I was, and worst of all, I began to hate the person I was. It made me wonder if perhaps your hatred of me was justified."
"Hatred? I never hated you, please believe that. I was narrow-minded and-"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Matthew said simply.
"Of course it matters, it's why I'm here! I want-" the older man began before being cut off again. Matthew found that the floodgates had opened now, and the quicker he said his piece the happier he would be. He continued speaking quickly, barely pausing to take a breath.
"It also made me feel as though nobody would ever be able to love me. The first serious relationship I was a part of ended badly. Let's just say that he wasn't the person I thought he was. When it ended, even though he was to blame, I managed to convince myself that I deserved it. That's what you did to me. You stole my self-confidence. I hated you for that."
Mr. Bellamy hung his head slightly, staring at the crisp white tablecloth that adorned the table they were seated at. His hands were shaking as he listened to his son's words, and in that moment was afraid that perhaps he had lost Matthew for good. And for what? He was shaken back to the present when he heard Matthew's voice continue.
"I decided that it was for the best if I just kept to myself. I went through the motions. I taught my students during the days and spent my nights alone talking to a fish. But then I met Dominic." As the words left his mouth Matthew found himself smiling. It was an interesting side effect of saying Dominic's name: he couldn't seem to do it without his mouth turning up at the corners. "Little by little he helped me find myself again. It was a revelation to me, discovering that it was possible to have a man in my life that I could lean on so completely."
It was amazing to Matthew just how liberating it was to be able to get these thoughts off his chest. After a few seconds of silence his father spoke slowly.
"Then I'm very happy that you and Dominic found each other. I'm sorry, though, that he had to instill a sense of completion in you, Matthew; that's something that I was supposed to help you do for yourself. While I recognize that fact now, I don't know what else I can do to make this better between us. I can apologize until I'm blue in the face for my behavior, but words and actions are two different things. I don't want to insult your intelligence any more than I already have." He met his son's eyes. "May I ask you something?"
Matthew nodded. "Of course you may."
"Do you still hate me?"
Now it was Matthew's turn to inspect the tablecloth before him. He began to speak but was interrupted by the sound of his new mobile phone buzzing. He glanced apologetically at his father.
"Go ahead, take it," the older man smiled.
Dominic had finally managed to convince Matthew that it was time to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the current century technology-wise. He'd only had it for a couple days, but was able to ascertain from the flashing box on the small screen that he was receiving his first ever text message. When he accepted it the following text appeared before his blue eyes:
I love you. You can do this.
God, I love you too, Dom, he thought. He looked up, greeted with the sight of his father studying his face curiously.
"No," Matthew replied, a smile on his face again. "Life's too short for that, don't you think?"
"Happiness suits you, you know," Mr. Bellamy said softly.
Matthew flushed slightly at his father's statement.
"Where do we go from here?"
"I think we should just take it slowly. I can't say that I'm going to be able to put this all behind me quite yet, or forget it completely, but I'm trying to. It's going to take time. But... I'm willing to try if you are."
His father nodded. "It's more than I deserve, but I'd like that very much." Their entrees arrived at that moment and they fell silent as they began to eat. "Matthew?"
The younger Bellamy looked up as his father spoke again.
"Thank you. Now, will you tell me about Dominic?"
Matthew, over the course of the next thirty minutes, did just that. And when the two of them parted, with plans to talk again in a couple days, they both felt immensely better than they ever thought they would. It wasn't a permanent fix, but it was a start. To have found each other again after so long was, like Dominic pointed out just that morning, indeed something rare. Sometimes life takes people to places that they never thought they would find themselves, and behaving in ways that they can't always explain. But sometimes people find their way back to each other, and that, when it happens, is indeed something that should be embraced.
When he returned to his flat he was surprised to find Dominic sitting in the floor next to Nova's tank. At the sight of Matthew returning he stood and quickly walked towards him, enveloping him in a quick hug.
"Are you alright?"
Matthew nodded. "It was a good start, and that's all I could really ask for. Your text made my night, you know." He put one hand out to smooth Dominic's collar, frowning when the blonde was unable to meet his eyes.
"Hey," Matthew whispered, "c'mere, you."
He tried again, this time caressing Dominic's cheek, Dominic leaning into his touch with a shaky sigh. Matthew sat down on his sofa, pulling the man he loved into his arms. Dominic buried his face in Matthew's neck, the brunet officially beginning to worry when he felt a stray tear hit his collarbone. Why on earth was Dominic crying? Matthew tried to sit up but Dominic held him firmly in place.
"What happened?"
The blonde sniffled and took a deep breath.
"Is Paige alright?"
Dominic nodded quickly. He was utterly soothed by the way Matthew was stroking the skin of his bare arms; it felt so good that it provided him with a pronounced sense of escapism, which was exactly what he craved after the day he'd had. Still, the fact remained that this was real life, not a fairy tale - even though he had managed to snag himself one hell of a prince. He swallowed, placing a quick kiss to Matthew's cheek.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Matthew asked.
Dominic shook his head. "Do me a favor?" he whispered. "Well, two favors."
"Anything," Matthew replied softly, kissing a head of soft blonde hair.
"Ask me again in the morning?"
"You got it. What else?"
"Hold me tighter."
Dominic's prince was more than happy to oblige him.
Author: millionstar
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Will vary, this chapter PG
Warnings: None
Overall Summary: Matthew is intrigued by his newest neighbor.
Chapter Summary: A father and son attempt to reconnect.
Feedback: Would be lovely, if you are so inclined.
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse; the following is pure fiction.
A/N: As always, thanks to dolce_piccante, myz_bee, and frolicandfall for support. It means so much. &hearts you three!
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten-a, Ten-b, Ten-c, Xmas Eve, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen-a, Sixteen-b, Seventeen, Eighteen/ Nineteen
Instead of going right in, Matthew lingered outside the front door of the restaraunt. He found himself opening the doors for other customers in an effort to avoid going inside to meet his father. When an elderly man gave him a fiver for his efforts, though, he decided that he should probably bite the proverbial bullet and go inside.
He spotted his father instantly. Seated at a table by the window, the older of the two Bellamy men was thumbing through the menu with one hand whilst scratching the back of his neck with the other. Matthew recognized the nervous tick; it was one that he indulged in frequently himself. In that instant he found himself wondering if his brother or mum did it as well. He shook the thought out of his mind. It was time to quit stalling and focus.
With a deep breath, Matthew made his way to the table and sat down. His father smiled at him, speaking to him in a soft voice.
"Hello, Matthew. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me."
Matthew nodded. "Are you enjoying your stay in Devon?"
"I am, very much. I can see why you've decided to make a life for yourself here."
An uncomfortable silence settled between them. When a waitress appeared to take their orders they both took their time in making a decision, asking questions about the special of the day.
It seemed that both of them were stalling a little.
Once their order had been placed and they were alone again his father spoke.
"Tell me about Dominic."
Matthew looked up in surprise, the sound of Dominic's name coming out of his father's mouth catching him off guard a little. He shifted in his seat.
"What in our past together makes you think I'm comfortable discussing him, or any aspect of my life, with you?" Matthew said quietly. "You've always made it clear that you disapproved of the way I lived. What happened to change that? I'd really like to know."
"Believe me, son, I'm not here to criticize you, not at all."
Son. When Matthew thought about that particular endearment the first person that came to his mind was Liam, not his father. The bitterness threatened to rise in his chest again but he forced it down. His father was making an effort, and Matthew was determined to try and do the same thing. He met his father's eyes and was caught off guard at the sincerity he saw there. It was a foreign sight to Matthew.
"Then tell me why you are here."
Mr. Bellamy took a deep breath. "I've been unfair to you. Unforgivably so."
Matthew stared at his glass of water, his heart pounding. His father continued.
"I pushed you away at a time when you needed support, Matthew. I understand if you can't forgive that. I just needed you to know that I've finally made that realization, late though it may be. I'm sorry."
Matthew met his eyes and spoke quietly. "That's it? Do you want a medal or something?"
His father flushed deeply. "Of course not. I-"
"Good," Matthew interrupted. "Because I hope you realize that it's going to take alot more than a simple 'I'm sorry' for me to even consider opening up to you."
"You have to know that I still loved you deep down. Did you get the cheques I sent you for Christmas the past few years?"
"Yes."
"I hope that you put that money to good use. You should have been able to buy yourself something nice with it." His father smiled at him.
"I gave it to charity. Every single cheque."
"But I meant for you to use that for yourself, Matthew. I thought you might need it-"
"I needed a father. A father who recognized that his love was more important than money." He stared at the older man evenly. "A father who wasn't ashamed to have a gay son."
With the vocalization of that statement Matthew's resolve strengthened. For so many years he had danced around it, pretended he'd never heard it, and hoped he would one day be able to move past it. Now he had given it voice, and he was especially interested to see his father's reaction to it.
The color left his father's face, but he at least had the decency to allow Matthew to continue.
"I've had this speech written in my mind for ages, you know. I was going to be cold and harsh. I wanted to cause you the same kind of pain you had caused me. I was going to ask you if you realized just how much you had ruined my life when you told me I was no longer your son. For a long time I had so much anger in my heart toward you. Because of you I doubted the person I was, and worst of all, I began to hate the person I was. It made me wonder if perhaps your hatred of me was justified."
"Hatred? I never hated you, please believe that. I was narrow-minded and-"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Matthew said simply.
"Of course it matters, it's why I'm here! I want-" the older man began before being cut off again. Matthew found that the floodgates had opened now, and the quicker he said his piece the happier he would be. He continued speaking quickly, barely pausing to take a breath.
"It also made me feel as though nobody would ever be able to love me. The first serious relationship I was a part of ended badly. Let's just say that he wasn't the person I thought he was. When it ended, even though he was to blame, I managed to convince myself that I deserved it. That's what you did to me. You stole my self-confidence. I hated you for that."
Mr. Bellamy hung his head slightly, staring at the crisp white tablecloth that adorned the table they were seated at. His hands were shaking as he listened to his son's words, and in that moment was afraid that perhaps he had lost Matthew for good. And for what? He was shaken back to the present when he heard Matthew's voice continue.
"I decided that it was for the best if I just kept to myself. I went through the motions. I taught my students during the days and spent my nights alone talking to a fish. But then I met Dominic." As the words left his mouth Matthew found himself smiling. It was an interesting side effect of saying Dominic's name: he couldn't seem to do it without his mouth turning up at the corners. "Little by little he helped me find myself again. It was a revelation to me, discovering that it was possible to have a man in my life that I could lean on so completely."
It was amazing to Matthew just how liberating it was to be able to get these thoughts off his chest. After a few seconds of silence his father spoke slowly.
"Then I'm very happy that you and Dominic found each other. I'm sorry, though, that he had to instill a sense of completion in you, Matthew; that's something that I was supposed to help you do for yourself. While I recognize that fact now, I don't know what else I can do to make this better between us. I can apologize until I'm blue in the face for my behavior, but words and actions are two different things. I don't want to insult your intelligence any more than I already have." He met his son's eyes. "May I ask you something?"
Matthew nodded. "Of course you may."
"Do you still hate me?"
Now it was Matthew's turn to inspect the tablecloth before him. He began to speak but was interrupted by the sound of his new mobile phone buzzing. He glanced apologetically at his father.
"Go ahead, take it," the older man smiled.
Dominic had finally managed to convince Matthew that it was time to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the current century technology-wise. He'd only had it for a couple days, but was able to ascertain from the flashing box on the small screen that he was receiving his first ever text message. When he accepted it the following text appeared before his blue eyes:
I love you. You can do this.
God, I love you too, Dom, he thought. He looked up, greeted with the sight of his father studying his face curiously.
"No," Matthew replied, a smile on his face again. "Life's too short for that, don't you think?"
"Happiness suits you, you know," Mr. Bellamy said softly.
Matthew flushed slightly at his father's statement.
"Where do we go from here?"
"I think we should just take it slowly. I can't say that I'm going to be able to put this all behind me quite yet, or forget it completely, but I'm trying to. It's going to take time. But... I'm willing to try if you are."
His father nodded. "It's more than I deserve, but I'd like that very much." Their entrees arrived at that moment and they fell silent as they began to eat. "Matthew?"
The younger Bellamy looked up as his father spoke again.
"Thank you. Now, will you tell me about Dominic?"
Matthew, over the course of the next thirty minutes, did just that. And when the two of them parted, with plans to talk again in a couple days, they both felt immensely better than they ever thought they would. It wasn't a permanent fix, but it was a start. To have found each other again after so long was, like Dominic pointed out just that morning, indeed something rare. Sometimes life takes people to places that they never thought they would find themselves, and behaving in ways that they can't always explain. But sometimes people find their way back to each other, and that, when it happens, is indeed something that should be embraced.
When he returned to his flat he was surprised to find Dominic sitting in the floor next to Nova's tank. At the sight of Matthew returning he stood and quickly walked towards him, enveloping him in a quick hug.
"Are you alright?"
Matthew nodded. "It was a good start, and that's all I could really ask for. Your text made my night, you know." He put one hand out to smooth Dominic's collar, frowning when the blonde was unable to meet his eyes.
"Hey," Matthew whispered, "c'mere, you."
He tried again, this time caressing Dominic's cheek, Dominic leaning into his touch with a shaky sigh. Matthew sat down on his sofa, pulling the man he loved into his arms. Dominic buried his face in Matthew's neck, the brunet officially beginning to worry when he felt a stray tear hit his collarbone. Why on earth was Dominic crying? Matthew tried to sit up but Dominic held him firmly in place.
"What happened?"
The blonde sniffled and took a deep breath.
"Is Paige alright?"
Dominic nodded quickly. He was utterly soothed by the way Matthew was stroking the skin of his bare arms; it felt so good that it provided him with a pronounced sense of escapism, which was exactly what he craved after the day he'd had. Still, the fact remained that this was real life, not a fairy tale - even though he had managed to snag himself one hell of a prince. He swallowed, placing a quick kiss to Matthew's cheek.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Matthew asked.
Dominic shook his head. "Do me a favor?" he whispered. "Well, two favors."
"Anything," Matthew replied softly, kissing a head of soft blonde hair.
"Ask me again in the morning?"
"You got it. What else?"
"Hold me tighter."
Dominic's prince was more than happy to oblige him.