Serpents - Prologue

[mrstater]

Title: Serpents (Prologue/?)
Author: MrsTater
Rating & Warnings: R for sexuality
Prompts: weakness; "In the light of Voldemort's return, we are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided."
Word Count: 5241
Summary: Two years into a relationship with Remus, and the correct way to deal with full moons continues to elude Tonks,

Comments

[tweedledani]

Wow! I love this version of their relationship. Tonks is great with her analysis of Remus moment by moment. I love Andromeda cooking breakfast and leaving and Desi's tee-shirts and of course the marauder's map's comments were brilliant. I love Remus' reactions and I love how strong Tonks is.(probably a bad word choice in terms of all the arguments over Tonks' HBP behavior but I like your writing Tonks with a backbone and a Jane Eyre type sense of her own worth that causes her to put the man in her life on the spot.) That line about breaking trust is so important. Anyway, I love this I love this I love this and I can't wait for more. I'll cross my figers for an outtake of when she brought him home that first time.

[mrstater]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful feedback! I know this is rather an unconventional take on how Remus and Tonks might have gotten together and had their relationship unfold, so I'm really pleased to know the little details came together for you and made it believable.

I'm not a fan of those arguments that Tonks is weak in HBP just because she gets so depressed and loses her morphing. I think that she sticks by Remus unwaveringly for that whole year, and does her job even without the skills she's used to having, say so much about her. The way she reacts is so human -- the man she loves is at rock bottom, and in danger of dying or worse on that mission -- of course she's terrified and worried sick. It's something I intend to explore in this ficverse, with backbone!Tonks. ;)

As for that outtake you were asking about, there actually are two little ficlets I've done about this, which will later be absorbed into the larger fic. They are: You Should Know... and For the Fun Of It.

Again, I really appreciate your feedback!

[phoenixfyre13]

Okay, I am making a tshirt. Save a Broom, Ride a Quidditch Player? Priceless.

Now, on to the meat of the story. Beautiful, funny (til Remus arrives), and so very sad, both for her and for him. Remus just makes me want to cry, because while I really understand why Tonks is so royally pissed, it is so very Remus of him to keep her in the dark. And what's most interesting to me is why. To protect him, or to protect her? Or Sirius? Or all of the above? Sirius may be her cousin, and Remus may know he's innocent, and she may believe him, but Remus would also never do anything to screw up her chances at becoming an Auror (which I am pretty sure would include harboring a known fugitive). And then, of course, you have to wonder if, deep down, he didn't sabotage the relationship on purpose to keep from having to deal with the same feelings we know Tonks is beginning to experience. Sheesh. Simplicity is not this couple's strong suit, let me tell ya

[mrstater]

Hee. I must confess, I've seen the Save a Broom slogan floating around on various icons, so my genius stops at ripping people off. ;)

Anyway, I'm so, so pleased you liked this breakup scenario. It was really tricky to think about what the issues and reactions would be in this time period, so it's a great relief to know you think I've set up believably why he would hide and she would be angry. And I'm glad it came across as complicated, too, because I think there would be such a mixed bag involved, though I do plan on going into it a little more in subsequent chapters to clear up the ambiguity somewhat.

Your thought about him sabotaging it is intriguing...Will I go there or not? ;)

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. It's such a treat to know this got you thinking about it so closely, and I'm glad you're looking forward to more. Hopefully that more will come later today or tomorrow!

[jncar]

That was a really lovely beginning. It was great how you captured all the different shifting emotions so well. And I love that your Tonks felt so young, like she really was just twenty-one going through her first major break-up.

And your handling of Remus was wonderful as well. I like how he tried to force some good humor through his pain, and how he didn't put up a fight for her or for the job. This is exactly the POA Remus--feeling so guilty and humiliated after totally botching such a wonderful year that all he wants to do is slink away and hang his head in shame. And of course it's all in the name of putting other people's needs first.

This is a really intriguing beginning, and hopefully I'll get a chance soon to read more! *fingers crossed*

[mrstater]

I was so nervous about writing this breakup, because I wanted at once to be true to Tonks' age and experience here, while at the same time keep her as someone Remus would still be totally in love with and not fall out of love with for having this sort of reaction. It does help that Remus takes full responsibility himself, and is so ashamed of himself that of course he couldn't blame anyone else for being off-put by these revelations. Nonetheless, I'm really pleased you felt it rang true for both of them in this ficverse. It is endlessly fascinating to me that just putting them together in a different year than OotP changes so much -- which I'm sure you know all about from your Rookie experience.

Hope you continue to enjoy. Thanks so much for your comments!

[shimotsuki]

I did not see Tonks's decision coming as I was reading this prologue -- it really had me reeling.

Structurally, there are some really clever things here, like the way you casually slip in references to Des's radio being on, or off, or loud, etc., all the way through, only to make the radio hugely important at the end. It's the kind of thing JKR would do, heh.

it was as if fear had held her in a frozen shell, but now his care and affection melted that, releasing her into her own skin again -- That's a lovely turn of phrase, and a very effective way of showing how much Remus's affection means to Tonks...and so it sets her (and the reader) up for a really hard fall, heh.

Tonks had wondered if his being a werewolf wasn't a convenient excuse not to give himself as fully to her -- Oh, Tonks, my friend, you're awfully perceptive there... I'm getting ahead of myself a bit, but I know from reading the next couple of chapters that trust is going to be a major theme of this story, and it works really well the way you bring it in already at

[mrstater]

Thank you so very much for your lovely feedback! It means a lot to me coming from you, and I do look forward to the thoughtful things you always say. :) There's something very nice about knowing someone noticed the little things, like the radio details throughout, which I always get very obsessive about putting in and keeping present in a scene, as much for keeping the characters in a real place and establishing who those characters are as for setting up the newsflash at the end of the prologue.

It's very interesting to read your comments through the perspective of having read ahead, as well. In WIPs I'm always worried about whether the opening chapters establish those major themes that provide the major plot conflicts later, so I'm really really pleased you can see those things set up early on with Des and the issue of the truth, which is going to be addressed more in chapter three. :)

The break-up was so, so nerve-wracking to write, and as I said above to jncar, it was a struggle to capture a Tonks who was both young and

[lady_bracknell]

I really enjoyed reading this.

It's such an interesting idea, that they might already have been through so much - Remus resigning, her training, all the fall out and complications - before we ever meet them, and you've made a compelling case and fitted it all together beautifully.

Tonks' reactions to finding out really rang true - it's a nice set up, too, of trust and doubt issues for later on in their relationship.

This bit was, as Ron might say, bloody brilliant: Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to congratulate him not only on securing the affections of a damn good-looking bird, but on mastering the art of being sarky, as girls really love that.

Because we really do ;).

[mrstater]

Thanks so much! I'm really glad to know you like this alternate take on things. I knew starting this POA-era project that things would really change, but I'm not sure it occurred to me just how much will change. Just writing Tonks two years younger really shifts a lot in itself, not to mention her knowing all these things about Remus as they happen, rather than vague events in the past that happened to a stranger. It's a trick to make it still work with the OotP and HBP timelines, so I'm really pleased you think they do ring true.