HP: You Should Know...
Title: You Should Know...
Author: MrsTater
Rating: PG-13 for language and sexuality
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Format and Word Count: One-shot, 3435 words
Summary: Christmas is the time for holidays, but when she and Remus get away, she finds she can't take a holiday from letting him in on a secret.
Author's Note: Written for LadyBracknell, as per her request when she stumped me in last week's Stump the Writer meme. Set in the Snidgets ficverse, Christmas 1993. Thanks to godricgal for looking it over for me and catching my run-on sentences...
You Should Know...
"Here we are." Remus squeezed Tonks' hand as he led her into a forest clearing and stopped at the gate of a shambling picket fence. "Welcome to the Lupin Estate."
She grinned up at him, and noted the arch over the gate. It appeared to have been made from smooth, sinewy tree limbs, wrapped with some sort of vine to which clung a handful of dead leaves and shimmered with icicles. Through it, she peered across the small yard, lightly dusted with snow, to the tiny cabin. Nestled comfortably between untrimmed shrubs and under ancient sagging oaks, it looked as if it had been planted there as a houseling and grown up in the forest. The Lupin Estate, indeed.
Since Remus invited her to spend her brief Christmas holiday with him at his home, she'd dreamed up a number of houses for him: Tidy Tudor houses with gardens and dark-panelled rooms of books; rugged cliff-top stone cottages, overlooking the sea, withstanding centuries of icy wind blasts; one particularly romantic fantasy had even placed him in a crumbling castle that spoke of an old family fallen on hard times. None of those suited him so well as this cabin nestled in the middle of The New Forest, a mile or so from the village of Brockenhurst. She could see him here, an inquisitive boy who befriended the ponies and deer and cattle that roamed freely through these woods; and then as a still-boyish man, who prowled the land for strange magical creatures, at home in the world and eager to share what he knew of it.
In this case, what he knew of it was something she knew nothing of.
You'll have to tell him, Tonks. Des is right about what sort of weekend this is, and you know it. Stop living in the blissful world of denial and admit that Remus is taking you for a--
Dirty weekend and Professor Remus Lupin did not sodding belong together in the same sentence, damn her flatmate Desdemona! If Remus grew up here, the cabin had to have at least two bedrooms, hadn't it? It wasn't entirely beyond the realm of possibility that he might intend for them to sleep separately.
Abso-bloody-lutely it's a possibility. Though you might want to think about how bold and exploratory those lovely hands got last time he snogged you, before you dub him Saint Remus Of The Separate Twin Beds.
Anyway, it's not like you don't want him. It's not like that suitcase of yours he's carried all the way from the village has got Exploding Snap cards, Wizard's Chess, or Gobstones in it. You won't be caught unprepared if it is a...that kind of weekend. So stop being such a sodding great coward and tell him--
"It's great," Tonks blurted, remembering she also hadn't told him what she thought of his house. She said it with too much force, and sounded like she didn't think it was great at all. And that wasn't just what she thought; Remus' frown confirmed he'd taken it that way.
That there, Tonks, is why you didn't get sorted into Gryffindor. Total lack of bloody courage.
"You must be freezing," said Remus, letting go of her hand to unlatch the gate. Opening it, he stood aside for her to pass through. "I'm sorry, it was inconsiderate of me to make you walk from the village in this weather."
Tonks had been silently telling herself off for putting that pained look in the eyes that earlier had shone with delight as he told her he wanted to show her the lay of the land instead of Apparating straight to the house. Now she spun on her heel, hands flying to her hips.
"No one makes me do anything, Remus, and in case you forgot, I was the one who had to be dragged away from that herd of ponies. I could've stood there hours watching them--"
The corner of his mouth hitched upward. "Isn't dragging you sort of making you?"
"If we're going to get into semantics, Professor, you didn't exactly drag me."
His grin widened. "No. It was rather more like distracting you, wasn't it?"
"Quite." Tonks wrapped her hands around his wrist, and pulled him, walking backward, toward the cabin. "I didn't feel very cold when you were kissing me. Which is why I'm pretty sure you'll be able to get me properly warmed up inside."
You see, Tonks? There's no sodding way he'd put you up in separate bedrooms now, even if he had planned to, with you saying suggestive things like that.
Every line of insecurity had faded from Remus' face, and he was sexy and in full control again, a flame crackling to life in his palm as he held the door for her. The shimmering light illuminated a short, narrow hallway, with an even narrower, steep staircase at the end.
"The living room's just to your left," said Remus, the light dropping downward slightly as he ducked to avoid the low-beamed ceiling.
Tonks didn't need the magical glow to reveal her surroundings, as the instant she set foot in the room, a fire blazed in the grate across the lounge. She'd only just registered the cosy arrangement of hodgepodge furniture when she heard the thunk of their suitcases on the floor behind and looked back at Remus.
He'd just taken off his hat, and he either didn't know or didn't care that his hair was stood on end, as he'd moved on to unwinding his muffler and peeling off his gloves, watching her unwaveringly with a smile. He shoved them into his deep coat pockets, then shrugged out of it and draped it over the back of the sofa as his long strides carried him to her. His hands rested lightly on her shoulders, sliding down over her arms as he leant in and pressed his lips to her forehead.
"Let's see about getting you properly warmed up, shall we?"
Tonks realised that her face had got very warm.
Of course it's warm. You're standing by a bloody fire!
You are the stupidest prat. You know damn well it's the way he's looking at you.
He'd pulled back just enough to meet her eye, and he asked, "May I take your coat?"
Tonks reached up to undo the button at her throat, but her hands were clumsy in her white gloves with the pink knitted snowflake pattern.
Remus gently brushed her hands aside, and repeated, voice very low and husky, "May I?"
Her breath caught, and she only managed the slightest of nods. Remus blinked, and for just a second his smile faltered with a flash of hesitation. Tonks' inner voice returned to name calling for sending him such mixed signals when she really did want this and everything that was sure to come.
If you don't bloody tell him, Tonks, he'll find out on his own. And won't that be worse timing than any you can think of?
Not that it was good timing now, when she was rendered completely speechless by the sight of his forehead crinkled, looking so focused, as his long, clever fingers unfastened each of the rhinestone buttons of her vivid pink coat. Before she could process it, her coat was hanging open, and his fingers slid underneath the collar, pushing it off her shoulders, pulling it down over her arms. He laid it a little more carefully over his coat on the sofa back than he had his own things, then returned to pluck off her hat that matched her gloves.
"Have I got hat hair?" she somehow managed to ask, though she hoped it didn't require her to have a conversation beyond that, since his fingers were brushing her neck as he unwound her scarf.
He glanced up from her neck to her hair, a look on his face that made Tonks forget what colour or style she'd done it today.
One of his hands drifted up, fingers skimming her cheek, to smooth a few stands.
"You, Elphine," he said, "look perfect." His fingers wove into her hair as he leant in again, this time placing a soft, lingering kiss on her cheek. "Green curls are very fetching, and very festive, on you."
Say thank you!
Or bloody tell him already!
Tonks opened her mouth to do either, she wasn't sure which, but Remus was removing her gloves now...chafing her hands between his...bringing them to his mouth and -- oh Merlin -- warming them with his breath.
"Remus..." She shivered.
Lips curving into a sexy smile as he peered up at her through his messy hair, he continued his warming ministrations, occasionally letting his lips graze her fingertips, her knuckles, the curve of her wrist...
The hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stood, and she drew in her breath sharply, reflexively jerking her hand back.
Remus looked up at her in surprise -- and, Tonks thought, with a flicker of something like hurt. Slowly, his hands fell to his sides.
You're mucking it up, Tonks...
"I..." She swallowed. Moistened her lips. "There's something I need to...You should know..."
He waited for her to continue, but her mouth felt as if there'd been a Swelling Charm placed on her tongue.
"You know you can tell me anything," he said, very quietly, in that gentle way of his. And yet there was something stiff about it, as well. Guarded.
Of course she could tell him anything.
It was his reaction she wasn't sure about.
She shuddered.
The frown he'd worn outside drew up his features again. "You're cold," he stated, eyes flicking away from hers as he reached for her coat. Tonks started to protest, but he draped it over her shoulders, and somehow the weight of it stifled her ability to speak.
"I'm sorry," he said, turning to the fire, taking out his wand and casting a charm to stoke the flames. "It's drafty here, and damp."
Good work, Tonks. Make him think you don't like his house, which he was so excited to show you.
"It's not," she said, moving behind him, touching his back. Through the thin fabric of his jumper, and the shirt beneath, she felt the tension of his muscles. She let her hands slide around his slim waist, and rested her cheek against him. "It's lovely, and I know we'll have a very cosy Christmas."
He relaxed against her, but it was she who sighed with relief.
Or with something else entirely as the word cosy inevitably made her imagine being curled up with him in bed.
His hands covered hers, then he turned in her arms and settled his hands on her waist.
"I thought later we could go out and find a tree."
"Can't keep you from the great out doors?"
Grinning boyishly, cheeks tinged with a colour that might have been pink, he went on, "There are some baubles in a cupboard somewhere. And a forest full of fairies. And, I believe..." He flicked his wand over Tonks' shoulder, then turned her so that she could see the coffee table heaped with gifts wrapped in shiny paper, trimmed with ribbon. "Yes, as you can see, there are a number of gifts to put under it."
Tonks couldn't stop herself from reaching out to trace her index finger along one of the tags, which read, as they all did, To Elphine, From Remus x.
He's definitely thinking of unwrapping a few surprises for himself, then.
You brought him a few pressies of his own.
This is seduction, Auror Tonks.
"I didn't think I'd been that good this year," she said, wincing at the irritation in her tone at the voices warring within her, hoping to Merlin that somehow, because her back was turned, Remus hadn't noticed it. She knew what was going on here. Anyway, Remus wasn't the seducing type so much as the wooing type.
"You apprehended a Snidgetnapper, didn't you?" came his rasping tones behind her, fingers finding her hips.
"That I did--"
She sucked in her breath as his lips pressed into the curve of her neck.
"And very graciously agreed to spend Christmas here, with me."
He worked a trail of soft kisses up her neck, lingering at her earlobe, and then whispered her pet name.
Tonks turned to him, and tilted her face up to his as he leant down to kiss her properly, slowly. His fingers slipped underneath her jumper and traced delicate patterns on her hipbones above the low waistband of her corduroy trousers. Any other time, the only coherent thought she would have been capable of would be how incredibly sexy this kiss was, and how much she wanted him. Now, her heart pounded in terror that in telling him what she must, she might lose this...
Or worse, he'd go along with it, only to be disappointed...
In fact she knew she was already disappointing him, because she wasn't responding to his kisses in her usual eager way. She was trembling, and he had to feel that.
He drew back.
But he was smiling, a little at least, as his hand found the small of her back, nudging her gently toward the door. "I'm sure you'd like to see where we're staying."
Tonks nodded, silently cursing her inability to give responses beyond that rather stupid gesture. Dazedly, she watched him pick up their bags, and she followed him up the stairs without really being aware of doing so.
'Where we're staying'...He might not mean the bedroom...He might just mean a tour of the whole house...
At the top of the stairs, he pointed out the bathroom to the right. Across from it was a closed door, which Remus said was a bedroom so full of clutter -- even more than his office at Hogwarts -- that he was embarrassed to show it to her.
Tonks felt her heart leap in her chest that yes, Remus Lupin wanted to sleep with her... At the same time, for the same reason, it plunged to the pit of her stomach. Maybe there was a third bedroom, up here...in this tiny cabin...Maybe there wasn't, and he'd be a gentleman and use the bedroom he was embarrassed to show her...Maybe she still had a shot at not spoiling Christmas by saying what she had to say if they were going to share a room...
Fat chance -- like getting perfect marks in Stealth and Tracking.
"Here we are," said Remus cheerfully, stepping into a room at the end of the hall. He set their bags on top of a bureau just inside the door, crushing the last of Tonks' fragile-as-eggshell hope that she wouldn't have to tell him. He'd have kept his own bag in hand if he meant to unpack his clothes elsewhere.
"This is my old room," he went on, taking out his wand to light the lamps. "The other is larger, but it's my parents' old room, I must admit I feel a just bit odd sleeping there."
He grinned at her, and she tried to return it, but she couldn't quite manage it because her dry lips were also trying to form the words she could no longer put off. She thought she'd managed to mouth his name, but he'd turned his back, striding confidently across the room to draw the curtains of the two corner windows, talking about the view being better from this room, overlooking the garden, which of course wasn't much this time of year -- or any, because those ponies they'd admired on the way were notorious for breaking in and vandalising the vegetable patch. But you could see the moorland beyond the forest and, he added as he looked over his shoulder at her, possibly the ponies plotting their mischief.
Abruptly, Remus' smile fell, tugging the lines of his face downward, too. "Elphine...something's bothering you. If the room--"
"No! It's great! Really. It's just..."
"What you started to tell me downstairs?"
His blue eyes were so understanding, yet there was something else there, as well, almost like he was afraid, bracing himself for some very awful news. She reckoned he must have faced a lot of disappointments in his life, and hated herself for making him fear another -- and for possibly being another. Oh God, she couldn't look at him.
"I should've told you sooner...When you invited me..."
Get on with it, Tonks. Like ripping off a plaster, as Dad always says. Just tell him you've never--
"I've never gone on holiday with a bloke before!" she blurted, on sudden inspiration.
A heartbeat.
Silence.
What did that mean?
Tonks flicked her eyes upward and looked through the green curls falling in her face. Remus' eyebrows were raised, his head tilted, lips slightly parted in question.
She looked down again.
So much for beating around the bush.
Tonks drew a deep breath that somehow did nothing for her flow of air. She exhaled, shudderingly. Heart beating a rapid staccato, her words came out at the same tempo: "AndI'veneverdonethesortofthingyoudoonholidaywithabloke."
Cringing, she stared steadfastly at the floor, face flame hot, praying for mercy she hadn't been granted up till this point.
"You mean you've never...?" Remus' hoarse voice trailed away.
"No."
"You're a...?"
"The v-word. Yeah. Is that okay?"
Remus' feet in their worn brown leather shoes stepped into her line of vision, stopping just short of the toes of her dragonhide boots. His palm cupped her jaw, thumb on her chin, and tilted her face up to his.
Tonks met his kind gaze, and her trembling ceased.
"How could I be put off by that when you're not put off by me being the w-word?"
Bowled over by relief (What were you so bloody worried about?) she leant into his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just..."
His hand moved, index finger pressed against her lips, as his other arm circled her waist. "I seem to recall having a similar loss of words myself," he said quietly, with a slight, knowing smile which this time, Tonks was able to return. "
"It's all right," he said, enfolding her in his arms, tucking her under his chin, kissing her hair. "Perfectly all right."
Of course it would be. She should have known.
"I just felt like such a prat," Tonks admitted. "Des kept saying how criminal it was for any person old enough to chase Dark Wizards not to have had a..." Dirty weekend. "...holiday with a bloke."
"Well you know it had crossed my mind, when you said it had been a long time since you'd had a proper date...But then on the other hand, you kissed me. So I took it to mean you'd a degree of..." He coloured, adorably, and suddenly his hair obscured his eyes.
Tonks brushed his hair back and told him about her own desperate attempts to convince herself he had other intentions for this weekend. Remus chuckled, clearly amused, but then became serious.
"You know there's no pressure? If you're not ready...It won't spoil the holiday for me if we don't."
Touched, Tonks' heart swelled in her chest so that all but the very last shreds of insecurity were driven away. She summoned her bag, delved into it for a handful of miniscule objects, which she dropped on the bed.
"Cos you know I've got a heap of pressies for you, too?" she asked, flicking her wand to enlarge the rather messily wrapped gifts to full size. Remus' face lit with boyish delight, and as she'd done, he traced the labels on which she'd scribbled, Happy Christmas Remus, Love Elphine.
"I'm ready," she said, and he looked at her, the happiness growing on his face matching that blossoming inside her as she added, "And I'm glad -- really glad -- it's you."
Remus' arms went around her, and he leant his forehead against hers as he tilted his head to kiss her -- but Tonks held him back with her hand pressing on his chest.
"If...you're sure you're sure?"
His eyes darkened on her, then his lips touched hers, instantly parting them so he could kissed her deeply, thoroughly, leaving her breathless.
And himself, as well, as he drew back and whispered, "Did that seem sure to you, Elphine?"
"Yeah. It did." Feeling like herself again, Tonks turned back to her bag, reached into it, then looked back over her shoulder at him, hopefully coyly. "And a good job, too -- since I seem to have only packed nighties, and I don't think the villagers will appreciate them."
The End
Author: MrsTater
Rating: PG-13 for language and sexuality
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Format and Word Count: One-shot, 3435 words
Summary: Christmas is the time for holidays, but when she and Remus get away, she finds she can't take a holiday from letting him in on a secret.
Author's Note: Written for LadyBracknell, as per her request when she stumped me in last week's Stump the Writer meme. Set in the Snidgets ficverse, Christmas 1993. Thanks to godricgal for looking it over for me and catching my run-on sentences...
You Should Know...
"Here we are." Remus squeezed Tonks' hand as he led her into a forest clearing and stopped at the gate of a shambling picket fence. "Welcome to the Lupin Estate."
She grinned up at him, and noted the arch over the gate. It appeared to have been made from smooth, sinewy tree limbs, wrapped with some sort of vine to which clung a handful of dead leaves and shimmered with icicles. Through it, she peered across the small yard, lightly dusted with snow, to the tiny cabin. Nestled comfortably between untrimmed shrubs and under ancient sagging oaks, it looked as if it had been planted there as a houseling and grown up in the forest. The Lupin Estate, indeed.
Since Remus invited her to spend her brief Christmas holiday with him at his home, she'd dreamed up a number of houses for him: Tidy Tudor houses with gardens and dark-panelled rooms of books; rugged cliff-top stone cottages, overlooking the sea, withstanding centuries of icy wind blasts; one particularly romantic fantasy had even placed him in a crumbling castle that spoke of an old family fallen on hard times. None of those suited him so well as this cabin nestled in the middle of The New Forest, a mile or so from the village of Brockenhurst. She could see him here, an inquisitive boy who befriended the ponies and deer and cattle that roamed freely through these woods; and then as a still-boyish man, who prowled the land for strange magical creatures, at home in the world and eager to share what he knew of it.
In this case, what he knew of it was something she knew nothing of.
You'll have to tell him, Tonks. Des is right about what sort of weekend this is, and you know it. Stop living in the blissful world of denial and admit that Remus is taking you for a--
Dirty weekend and Professor Remus Lupin did not sodding belong together in the same sentence, damn her flatmate Desdemona! If Remus grew up here, the cabin had to have at least two bedrooms, hadn't it? It wasn't entirely beyond the realm of possibility that he might intend for them to sleep separately.
Abso-bloody-lutely it's a possibility. Though you might want to think about how bold and exploratory those lovely hands got last time he snogged you, before you dub him Saint Remus Of The Separate Twin Beds.
Anyway, it's not like you don't want him. It's not like that suitcase of yours he's carried all the way from the village has got Exploding Snap cards, Wizard's Chess, or Gobstones in it. You won't be caught unprepared if it is a...that kind of weekend. So stop being such a sodding great coward and tell him--
"It's great," Tonks blurted, remembering she also hadn't told him what she thought of his house. She said it with too much force, and sounded like she didn't think it was great at all. And that wasn't just what she thought; Remus' frown confirmed he'd taken it that way.
That there, Tonks, is why you didn't get sorted into Gryffindor. Total lack of bloody courage.
"You must be freezing," said Remus, letting go of her hand to unlatch the gate. Opening it, he stood aside for her to pass through. "I'm sorry, it was inconsiderate of me to make you walk from the village in this weather."
Tonks had been silently telling herself off for putting that pained look in the eyes that earlier had shone with delight as he told her he wanted to show her the lay of the land instead of Apparating straight to the house. Now she spun on her heel, hands flying to her hips.
"No one makes me do anything, Remus, and in case you forgot, I was the one who had to be dragged away from that herd of ponies. I could've stood there hours watching them--"
The corner of his mouth hitched upward. "Isn't dragging you sort of making you?"
"If we're going to get into semantics, Professor, you didn't exactly drag me."
His grin widened. "No. It was rather more like distracting you, wasn't it?"
"Quite." Tonks wrapped her hands around his wrist, and pulled him, walking backward, toward the cabin. "I didn't feel very cold when you were kissing me. Which is why I'm pretty sure you'll be able to get me properly warmed up inside."
You see, Tonks? There's no sodding way he'd put you up in separate bedrooms now, even if he had planned to, with you saying suggestive things like that.
Every line of insecurity had faded from Remus' face, and he was sexy and in full control again, a flame crackling to life in his palm as he held the door for her. The shimmering light illuminated a short, narrow hallway, with an even narrower, steep staircase at the end.
"The living room's just to your left," said Remus, the light dropping downward slightly as he ducked to avoid the low-beamed ceiling.
Tonks didn't need the magical glow to reveal her surroundings, as the instant she set foot in the room, a fire blazed in the grate across the lounge. She'd only just registered the cosy arrangement of hodgepodge furniture when she heard the thunk of their suitcases on the floor behind and looked back at Remus.
He'd just taken off his hat, and he either didn't know or didn't care that his hair was stood on end, as he'd moved on to unwinding his muffler and peeling off his gloves, watching her unwaveringly with a smile. He shoved them into his deep coat pockets, then shrugged out of it and draped it over the back of the sofa as his long strides carried him to her. His hands rested lightly on her shoulders, sliding down over her arms as he leant in and pressed his lips to her forehead.
"Let's see about getting you properly warmed up, shall we?"
Tonks realised that her face had got very warm.
Of course it's warm. You're standing by a bloody fire!
You are the stupidest prat. You know damn well it's the way he's looking at you.
He'd pulled back just enough to meet her eye, and he asked, "May I take your coat?"
Tonks reached up to undo the button at her throat, but her hands were clumsy in her white gloves with the pink knitted snowflake pattern.
Remus gently brushed her hands aside, and repeated, voice very low and husky, "May I?"
Her breath caught, and she only managed the slightest of nods. Remus blinked, and for just a second his smile faltered with a flash of hesitation. Tonks' inner voice returned to name calling for sending him such mixed signals when she really did want this and everything that was sure to come.
If you don't bloody tell him, Tonks, he'll find out on his own. And won't that be worse timing than any you can think of?
Not that it was good timing now, when she was rendered completely speechless by the sight of his forehead crinkled, looking so focused, as his long, clever fingers unfastened each of the rhinestone buttons of her vivid pink coat. Before she could process it, her coat was hanging open, and his fingers slid underneath the collar, pushing it off her shoulders, pulling it down over her arms. He laid it a little more carefully over his coat on the sofa back than he had his own things, then returned to pluck off her hat that matched her gloves.
"Have I got hat hair?" she somehow managed to ask, though she hoped it didn't require her to have a conversation beyond that, since his fingers were brushing her neck as he unwound her scarf.
He glanced up from her neck to her hair, a look on his face that made Tonks forget what colour or style she'd done it today.
One of his hands drifted up, fingers skimming her cheek, to smooth a few stands.
"You, Elphine," he said, "look perfect." His fingers wove into her hair as he leant in again, this time placing a soft, lingering kiss on her cheek. "Green curls are very fetching, and very festive, on you."
Say thank you!
Or bloody tell him already!
Tonks opened her mouth to do either, she wasn't sure which, but Remus was removing her gloves now...chafing her hands between his...bringing them to his mouth and -- oh Merlin -- warming them with his breath.
"Remus..." She shivered.
Lips curving into a sexy smile as he peered up at her through his messy hair, he continued his warming ministrations, occasionally letting his lips graze her fingertips, her knuckles, the curve of her wrist...
The hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stood, and she drew in her breath sharply, reflexively jerking her hand back.
Remus looked up at her in surprise -- and, Tonks thought, with a flicker of something like hurt. Slowly, his hands fell to his sides.
You're mucking it up, Tonks...
"I..." She swallowed. Moistened her lips. "There's something I need to...You should know..."
He waited for her to continue, but her mouth felt as if there'd been a Swelling Charm placed on her tongue.
"You know you can tell me anything," he said, very quietly, in that gentle way of his. And yet there was something stiff about it, as well. Guarded.
Of course she could tell him anything.
It was his reaction she wasn't sure about.
She shuddered.
The frown he'd worn outside drew up his features again. "You're cold," he stated, eyes flicking away from hers as he reached for her coat. Tonks started to protest, but he draped it over her shoulders, and somehow the weight of it stifled her ability to speak.
"I'm sorry," he said, turning to the fire, taking out his wand and casting a charm to stoke the flames. "It's drafty here, and damp."
Good work, Tonks. Make him think you don't like his house, which he was so excited to show you.
"It's not," she said, moving behind him, touching his back. Through the thin fabric of his jumper, and the shirt beneath, she felt the tension of his muscles. She let her hands slide around his slim waist, and rested her cheek against him. "It's lovely, and I know we'll have a very cosy Christmas."
He relaxed against her, but it was she who sighed with relief.
Or with something else entirely as the word cosy inevitably made her imagine being curled up with him in bed.
His hands covered hers, then he turned in her arms and settled his hands on her waist.
"I thought later we could go out and find a tree."
"Can't keep you from the great out doors?"
Grinning boyishly, cheeks tinged with a colour that might have been pink, he went on, "There are some baubles in a cupboard somewhere. And a forest full of fairies. And, I believe..." He flicked his wand over Tonks' shoulder, then turned her so that she could see the coffee table heaped with gifts wrapped in shiny paper, trimmed with ribbon. "Yes, as you can see, there are a number of gifts to put under it."
Tonks couldn't stop herself from reaching out to trace her index finger along one of the tags, which read, as they all did, To Elphine, From Remus x.
He's definitely thinking of unwrapping a few surprises for himself, then.
You brought him a few pressies of his own.
This is seduction, Auror Tonks.
"I didn't think I'd been that good this year," she said, wincing at the irritation in her tone at the voices warring within her, hoping to Merlin that somehow, because her back was turned, Remus hadn't noticed it. She knew what was going on here. Anyway, Remus wasn't the seducing type so much as the wooing type.
"You apprehended a Snidgetnapper, didn't you?" came his rasping tones behind her, fingers finding her hips.
"That I did--"
She sucked in her breath as his lips pressed into the curve of her neck.
"And very graciously agreed to spend Christmas here, with me."
He worked a trail of soft kisses up her neck, lingering at her earlobe, and then whispered her pet name.
Tonks turned to him, and tilted her face up to his as he leant down to kiss her properly, slowly. His fingers slipped underneath her jumper and traced delicate patterns on her hipbones above the low waistband of her corduroy trousers. Any other time, the only coherent thought she would have been capable of would be how incredibly sexy this kiss was, and how much she wanted him. Now, her heart pounded in terror that in telling him what she must, she might lose this...
Or worse, he'd go along with it, only to be disappointed...
In fact she knew she was already disappointing him, because she wasn't responding to his kisses in her usual eager way. She was trembling, and he had to feel that.
He drew back.
But he was smiling, a little at least, as his hand found the small of her back, nudging her gently toward the door. "I'm sure you'd like to see where we're staying."
Tonks nodded, silently cursing her inability to give responses beyond that rather stupid gesture. Dazedly, she watched him pick up their bags, and she followed him up the stairs without really being aware of doing so.
'Where we're staying'...He might not mean the bedroom...He might just mean a tour of the whole house...
At the top of the stairs, he pointed out the bathroom to the right. Across from it was a closed door, which Remus said was a bedroom so full of clutter -- even more than his office at Hogwarts -- that he was embarrassed to show it to her.
Tonks felt her heart leap in her chest that yes, Remus Lupin wanted to sleep with her... At the same time, for the same reason, it plunged to the pit of her stomach. Maybe there was a third bedroom, up here...in this tiny cabin...Maybe there wasn't, and he'd be a gentleman and use the bedroom he was embarrassed to show her...Maybe she still had a shot at not spoiling Christmas by saying what she had to say if they were going to share a room...
Fat chance -- like getting perfect marks in Stealth and Tracking.
"Here we are," said Remus cheerfully, stepping into a room at the end of the hall. He set their bags on top of a bureau just inside the door, crushing the last of Tonks' fragile-as-eggshell hope that she wouldn't have to tell him. He'd have kept his own bag in hand if he meant to unpack his clothes elsewhere.
"This is my old room," he went on, taking out his wand to light the lamps. "The other is larger, but it's my parents' old room, I must admit I feel a just bit odd sleeping there."
He grinned at her, and she tried to return it, but she couldn't quite manage it because her dry lips were also trying to form the words she could no longer put off. She thought she'd managed to mouth his name, but he'd turned his back, striding confidently across the room to draw the curtains of the two corner windows, talking about the view being better from this room, overlooking the garden, which of course wasn't much this time of year -- or any, because those ponies they'd admired on the way were notorious for breaking in and vandalising the vegetable patch. But you could see the moorland beyond the forest and, he added as he looked over his shoulder at her, possibly the ponies plotting their mischief.
Abruptly, Remus' smile fell, tugging the lines of his face downward, too. "Elphine...something's bothering you. If the room--"
"No! It's great! Really. It's just..."
"What you started to tell me downstairs?"
His blue eyes were so understanding, yet there was something else there, as well, almost like he was afraid, bracing himself for some very awful news. She reckoned he must have faced a lot of disappointments in his life, and hated herself for making him fear another -- and for possibly being another. Oh God, she couldn't look at him.
"I should've told you sooner...When you invited me..."
Get on with it, Tonks. Like ripping off a plaster, as Dad always says. Just tell him you've never--
"I've never gone on holiday with a bloke before!" she blurted, on sudden inspiration.
A heartbeat.
Silence.
What did that mean?
Tonks flicked her eyes upward and looked through the green curls falling in her face. Remus' eyebrows were raised, his head tilted, lips slightly parted in question.
She looked down again.
So much for beating around the bush.
Tonks drew a deep breath that somehow did nothing for her flow of air. She exhaled, shudderingly. Heart beating a rapid staccato, her words came out at the same tempo: "AndI'veneverdonethesortofthingyoudoonholidaywithabloke."
Cringing, she stared steadfastly at the floor, face flame hot, praying for mercy she hadn't been granted up till this point.
"You mean you've never...?" Remus' hoarse voice trailed away.
"No."
"You're a...?"
"The v-word. Yeah. Is that okay?"
Remus' feet in their worn brown leather shoes stepped into her line of vision, stopping just short of the toes of her dragonhide boots. His palm cupped her jaw, thumb on her chin, and tilted her face up to his.
Tonks met his kind gaze, and her trembling ceased.
"How could I be put off by that when you're not put off by me being the w-word?"
Bowled over by relief (What were you so bloody worried about?) she leant into his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just..."
His hand moved, index finger pressed against her lips, as his other arm circled her waist. "I seem to recall having a similar loss of words myself," he said quietly, with a slight, knowing smile which this time, Tonks was able to return. "
"It's all right," he said, enfolding her in his arms, tucking her under his chin, kissing her hair. "Perfectly all right."
Of course it would be. She should have known.
"I just felt like such a prat," Tonks admitted. "Des kept saying how criminal it was for any person old enough to chase Dark Wizards not to have had a..." Dirty weekend. "...holiday with a bloke."
"Well you know it had crossed my mind, when you said it had been a long time since you'd had a proper date...But then on the other hand, you kissed me. So I took it to mean you'd a degree of..." He coloured, adorably, and suddenly his hair obscured his eyes.
Tonks brushed his hair back and told him about her own desperate attempts to convince herself he had other intentions for this weekend. Remus chuckled, clearly amused, but then became serious.
"You know there's no pressure? If you're not ready...It won't spoil the holiday for me if we don't."
Touched, Tonks' heart swelled in her chest so that all but the very last shreds of insecurity were driven away. She summoned her bag, delved into it for a handful of miniscule objects, which she dropped on the bed.
"Cos you know I've got a heap of pressies for you, too?" she asked, flicking her wand to enlarge the rather messily wrapped gifts to full size. Remus' face lit with boyish delight, and as she'd done, he traced the labels on which she'd scribbled, Happy Christmas Remus, Love Elphine.
"I'm ready," she said, and he looked at her, the happiness growing on his face matching that blossoming inside her as she added, "And I'm glad -- really glad -- it's you."
Remus' arms went around her, and he leant his forehead against hers as he tilted his head to kiss her -- but Tonks held him back with her hand pressing on his chest.
"If...you're sure you're sure?"
His eyes darkened on her, then his lips touched hers, instantly parting them so he could kissed her deeply, thoroughly, leaving her breathless.
And himself, as well, as he drew back and whispered, "Did that seem sure to you, Elphine?"
"Yeah. It did." Feeling like herself again, Tonks turned back to her bag, reached into it, then looked back over her shoulder at him, hopefully coyly. "And a good job, too -- since I seem to have only packed nighties, and I don't think the villagers will appreciate them."
The End