Animal Magnetism, by celtmama

[an_fhanai]

Title: Animal Magnetism
Author: celtmama
Rating & Warnings: PG-13, for language
Prompts: Gringotts; Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them; a day of romance; romantic comedy
Word Count: a little over 7,000
Summary: Remus and Tonks are on the brink of admitting their growing feelings for one another, when Tonks finds herself pitted against a completely

Comments

[godricgal]

This is fantastic! What an excellent plot, very imaginative.

There was some really excellent chemistry between the two here, their banter seemed natural and having them realise their mutual feelings through the jealously of the Kari-Kin, which also provided some excellent moments of humour.

I really liked the idea of the 'something fantastic' it moved them to the next level so effectively. They've established their mutual fancy and then they've established that they're actually going to do something about it. The only suggestion I could make is that it would be great if the last paragraph was extended to include an actual kiss. As the story progress I felt that a kiss was the conclusion they were going to come to and I think it would put the finishing touch on a truly excellent story.

I think the Jumble Gods did all right for you this time, in the end. If you really want angst next time perhaps try that tofu sacrifice, or maybe a Quorn burger - because they taste like chicken. ;)

[an_fhanai]

You and mrstater both commented on the kiss (or lack thereof) so I'm anwering that under her comment so as not to repeat anything. I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful review! I'm glad the chemistry came through - I was a little worried that I hadn't established things well enough. I still think it needs some tweaking.

I'm very fond of Boca Burgers myself - maybe I'll try that. ;)

[mrstater]

This fic is fantastic. Funny, imaginitive, sexy, and really believable in the HP universe. In short, a splendid example of a romantic comedy -- so I don't ever want to hear you moaning and groaning about that genre again, d'you hear? Because you write it extremely well

[an_fhanai]

so I don't ever want to hear you moaning and groaning about that genre again, d'you hear?

Yes'm. ;)

Thanks for the awesome comments - honestly, I thought there was more to dislike about it, but it rocks that you took away that much from the story. I think I need to read it again when it's not the wee hours of the morning.

My one bit of concrit is that they were so subtly sexy throughout, and the ending was so romantic and sweet, but I felt slightly cheated that they didn't actually kiss.Bugger

[mrstater]

In my opinion, the whole story reads as a first kiss story: with Remus thinking about it at the beginning, and Tonks' repeated promise of something fantastic, it just seems that the natural conclusion is some sort of physical payoff for the sexual tension.

[an_fhanai]

No, you're right - it's a bit like yanking the rug out from underneath the reader by not having the story culminate in a kiss. I'll see what I can come up with. :)

[andacus]

I guess the kissing decision wasn't the popular one, eh? I went back through and I have to say that that bit when he laces their fingers and pulls her closer is a dreadful tease. I didn't notice it before, because I knew that there was no kiss coming, but rereading without looking for grammatical errors and with a more open mind, has me wishing for a kiss. Aside from that, I wouldn't change anything. Also, if you do want to use this later for Contact, you can alter the ending to better fit where they are emotionally in that story.

This is still just about the most hilarious fic I have ever read. And I LOVE that the Kari-kin's sound is "squee." I don't think I can use the word "squee" anymore without thinking of this fic. :)

[an_fhanai]

Well, now I'm really torn...Nick suggested having something happen right at the end to prevent a kiss, and all I can think of is Remus going for her lips and suddenly a gentle breeze moves through the kitchen and they both pull back in dismay...oh, the horror.

Thank Kel for the squee - she insisted that it have a funny noise, and what better than the call of the fangirl? Being a fangirl who makes that noise on a regular basis, I figured it was fair game.

Heehee. You get the credit for the experimental breeding line, which is one of my favourites. :)

[andacus]

I like Nick's idea a lot, but I think everybody might still feel like there is something missing. Maybe do both?

Ya, hear that Nemesis? I'm backing you up on something!!

Where is all of this anti kissing coming from? I thought your motto was, "It needs more love, more touching, more closeness." Goodness knows you've said it enough. If this is about using it in conjunction with Contact, you can just alter the last paragraph for this challenge and leave it the original way for Contact. It won't change the overall message or feel of the piece, especially if it is used as a part of a bigger work where a kiss is promised later on. As a one-shot, it might really need to happen.

[an_fhanai]

Ya, hear that Nemesis? I'm backing you up on something!!

Hahaha. I'll tell him you said that - he's feeling a little sensitive that I rejected that idea at first. No idea how I would work both into the ending, though.

Where is all of this anti kissing coming from? I thought your motto was, "It needs more love, more touching, more closeness." Goodness knows you've said it enough.

But that's with your story ;)

...eep, don't throw things at me!

[lady_bracknell]

Really liked this. I loved the idea of the kari-kin getting attatched to Remus and jealous of Tonks, and Remus performing Legilimency on it to try and find out where it was from was a very amusing idea.

The switch from actual action to re-telling the story was a very good idea, too, not allowing their hunt for a place to leave it go on too long, and it was a nice way to bring Sirius into it, and I liked the way you wrote him.

Just to throw you into a bit of a quandry, although I thought you were going to go for the bookending kiss at the end (it all seemed very much to be heading in that direction with their flirting and increased close proximity), and it would have been nice, I think, to do it like that, I don't think you do necessarily need to change the ending. I really liked him settling for asking her out and kissing her knuckles, actually, since it was a nice gentlemanly contrast to his lusty daydreams at the start.

All in all, very well done.

[an_fhanai]

I love your Sirius, so it's cool to hear that you approve of this one.

Hmmm, I never would have thought that I'd be the one arguing against a kiss. I liked what he did at the ending, too, but really, in the context of everything else, it doesn't make much sense that he wouldn't unless there was something to prevent it. Which is where my evil mind is heading now...

I'm glad you liked the cut to the kitchen. The story was in danger of dragging and it seemed a logical way to not only cut out a huge chunk but tie off that little plot thread as well.

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[gilpin25]

So much to enjoy about this - really loved the teasing start and the relationship that built and built between Remus and Tonks, and then took on such a fun element with the rival for his affections coming between them. Great dialogue and this time I thought the Sirius cameo worked a treat! And the whole idea of the Kari-kin clinging limpet-like to his leg in devotion and how they got rid of it/them was so good. We often see Jealous Remus in fan fic, but I enjoyed Jealous Tonks.

Shall I put my two Knuts worth in about the end? It does need something extra, I think, to make it more satisfying for the reader. There's all this build up, and even if you just added a line where he discovered the reality of kissing her was so much better than the fantasy... just something extra to make me go "Yes!" Hope I haven't made this worse... ;)

Thanks for a very enjoyable read. I loved their dialogue throughout!

[an_fhanai]

The picture of Remus slogging through the marsh with the Kari-kin on his leg is one I will cherish forever. Good stuff.

I was worried about how the Sirius cameo would work in this one - I remembered what you had said with the last one. You're right, though - it fit here in a way it didn't in "Heaven."

I've got an idea for an extended ending, hopefully it will work out - need to bounce it around a little bit.

Thanks for reviewing! I hope the new ending will be able to make you go "Yes!" ;)