Animal Magnetism, by celtmama

[an_fhanai]

Title: Animal Magnetism
Author: celtmama
Rating & Warnings: PG-13, for language
Prompts: Gringotts; Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them; a day of romance; romantic comedy
Word Count: a little over 7,000
Summary: Remus and Tonks are on the brink of admitting their growing feelings for one another, when Tonks finds herself pitted against a completely

Comments

[mrstater]

This fic is fantastic. Funny, imaginitive, sexy, and really believable in the HP universe. In short, a splendid example of a romantic comedy -- so I don't ever want to hear you moaning and groaning about that genre again, d'you hear? Because you write it extremely well.

So much to love about this. You grabbed me right from the beginning with Remus' fantasy, and his frustration with himself for being a slave to his hormones, and his ensuing grouchiness, are just the right rom-com touch to get this piece off on the right foot. The Gringotts sequence is brilliant; I do so love seeing the Wizarding world come into play in fic. Tonks falling out of the trolley was a great touch.

You wrote Dumbledore very well. Which is no easy thing to do, so kudos for that. The Kari-kin plot is really brilliant, and I love Remus' annoyance and all Tonks' reactions to it. Also really love them putting their heads together to figuring out how to rid Remus of this new furry little problem. Tonks aggravating Madam Pince is hysterical, and I really like Remus' admiration of her for having the guts to talk like that in the library. Him being reduced to using Legilimency on the Kari-kin is priceless (for some reason I find him very sexy saying it's not a sentient being), as is “How did you not realize that the image you got from Kari-kin was in a spot under three inches of water?”

Also a really nice cut away from the action to let them summarize the rest to Sirius -- because you had that telling Sirius thread throughout, and it was just a really unifying touch. Excellent, excellent use of your prompts.

My one bit of concrit is that they were so subtly sexy throughout, and the ending was so romantic and sweet, but I felt slightly cheated that they didn't actually kiss. Throughout the piece I kept thinking that at the end you were going to parallel that hot fantasy kiss from the opening of the piece; there's something totally sexy about him wanting to feel her eyelashes. So I would suggest maybe tweaking the ending a bit to accomodate something along those lines. It would balance the structure so very nicely.

But really, a fine piece of writing, with excellent characterization and a clever plot. You should be really proud of this.

[an_fhanai]

so I don't ever want to hear you moaning and groaning about that genre again, d'you hear?

Yes'm. ;)

Thanks for the awesome comments - honestly, I thought there was more to dislike about it, but it rocks that you took away that much from the story. I think I need to read it again when it's not the wee hours of the morning.

My one bit of concrit is that they were so subtly sexy throughout, and the ending was so romantic and sweet, but I felt slightly cheated that they didn't actually kiss.

Bugger...

This is my own stubborness showing through. I struggled over the issue of the kiss for days, and I finally decided that in the little universe of my own characters, I didn't want this piece to be the "first kiss" story. So I didn't, thinking that it would work simply ending it with their mutual attraction finally being openly acknowledged. I played with the idea of doing a little one-shot follow up, where they explore the "something fantastic". On the other hand, it had also occurred to me to have the ending directly echoing the opening sequence...aargh...need to think about this.

I agree that if I were the reader, I would feel completely cheated by the ending. I'm so torn! Is it really lopsided without it?

[mrstater]

In my opinion, the whole story reads as a first kiss story: with Remus thinking about it at the beginning, and Tonks' repeated promise of something fantastic, it just seems that the natural conclusion is some sort of physical payoff for the sexual tension.

[an_fhanai]

No, you're right - it's a bit like yanking the rug out from underneath the reader by not having the story culminate in a kiss. I'll see what I can come up with. :)

[mrstater]

May I vote for the eyelashes to come in? I love that description...

[an_fhanai]

Me too. I will certainly include them if I can - there's something about eyelashes that's soooo sensual.

First kiss

[mrstater]

No, I disagree. I think it was great without the kiss. It leaves some mystery and excitement. Plus, it makes me so impatient to read more of your stories about thier relationship! Don't change the ending...its so sweet.

Also, you have done an absolute superb job with grasping the characters, hp universe, and the Order. And the plot is excellent as well. Thanks so much for this great piece of work. If there was anything I would request you to change, it would be the strong language Tonks used in the library.