yes, procrastination is my middle name...
Title: Weasley Wizard Wheezes’ Part Time Detective Agency
Author: eclecticmum
Rating & Warnings: K+
Prompts: Thing - Auror Robes, Place - Gladrags Wizardwear, Time - A Day of Loved Ones, Genre - Mystery/Suspense
Word Count: 4270
Summary: “Don’t worry Professor, we’ll help you find out who he is.”
Author’s Notes: Written for the first round of the Fic Jumble at
metamorfic_moon. I incorporated the four prompts to the best of my ability. Massive thanks have to go out to my marvelous beta readers -
asamiblack aka the Roommate and
hotspur18 aka the British Muggle (the one whom you should blame for the appearance of the Twins and the pizza), who both improved this story immeasurably. Hope everyone enjoys it! Concrit is both feared and appreciated.
I can't seem to fix the formatting above, any ideas?
It had been a decent day until then.
It was mid April and the cool spring air still invited comfortable jumpers and snuggling. The trees were beginning to hint at the riot of colors to come, their leaves just starting to unfurl and stretch out from their long winter‘s nap. The new moon was upon them as well, adding to Remus’s sense of general well-being.
Wandering through Diagon Alley with a bit of gold in his pocket was a novel experience and he was determined to enjoy it. The cozy streets were crowded with witches and wizards scurrying to and fro, busy about their shopping, blissfully unaware of the imminent danger threatening them. This is what we’re fighting to protect. People’s ability to live in peace and happiness. This is what our sacrifices are for. It was good to remind himself of this from time to time.
Meanwhile, Sirius was going stir crazy.
Again.
Or maybe still.
Either way, Remus had promised to bring him some entertainment from the outside world. He was torn between some books and potions ingredients, perfectly respectable distractions from boredom, and breaking down and getting him some gags at the Twins’ new place. He thought wistfully of asking Tonks’s advice on the subject, she would know what he could legitimately slip past Molly, but she was likely elbow deep in Ministry paperwork at this moment with no time for idle shopping excursions.
As he meandered along, mulling over his dilemma, a little witch caught his eye. She was hanging off her mother’s arm pointing towards the elaborate display of Spring finery on display in the window of Gladrags Wizardwear.
“Look mum, I want robes like that! Look at the fairies!”
“Come along dear, maybe for your birthday.”
Remus smiled, glancing up at the pink and purple confection that sparkled in the window. Real fairies resided in the silvery netting of the overrobe and the ribbons were magicked to float gracefully around the wearer. He could see why it appealed to the child, it was just the sort of thing that a fairytale princess would wear. He had to remember to tell Tonks about it, she’d find it adorable.
His eyes continued up past the girlish creation, looking into the shop, and there she was. As if his thoughts had conjured her to the spot. Tonks was in Gladrags. Remus blinked, surely he remembered her complaining of the workload she had for today. Yet, there she was, standing on the seamstress’s raised platform and laughing.
But what truly startled Remus into stillness was the robes she was modeling. They were wedding robes. His heart skipped a beat at the vision of her arrayed in white, rosy cheeked and smiling. Laughing at something the handsome young man next to her had said.
The handsome young man next to her.
Remus felt his stomach fill with molten lead. Frozen in place, the rest of the alley seemed to swirl around him as he watched Tonks flirt with the copper haired man in the russet robes. He felt ill. He felt old. He felt blindsided. He felt the two boys barrel into him with their arms full of boxes.
“Sorry!”
The pair began to collect their boxes, scattered in all directions the impact.
“Sorry about that, mate. Couldn’t see you for the merchandise.”
“Oi, George. It’s Professor Lupin.”
“So it is Fred, so it is. Sorry about that Professor.”
The Weasley twins beamed at him from amongst the clutter of packages as Remus stooped to help them in the gathering.
“No, I should be the one apologizing. I should have been paying more attention.” Remus stacked a few of the more regularly shaped parcels together.
“No worries, nothing a Reparo won’t fix.” Fred grinned as he levitated a few of the odder shaped ones into a pile.
“What’s the trouble Professor? You look like someone kicked your one and only pet Jarvey.” George was casually stuffing some of the smaller smoking bundles in his pockets.
“Nothing, I was distracted for a moment.” Remus resolutely avoided looking towards Gladrags. Fred and George were not the youngest entrepreneurs in Diagon Alley for nothing, however. Fred glanced up at the window display.
“Ah, struck dumb by that gorgeous display of sheer saccharin, eh?” Then, his eyes too traveled higher and his voice took on an appreciative quality. “Well, well, well, Miss Tonks does clean up nice, doesn’t she.”
“What’s that?” George looked up from organizing the packages, then wolf whistled and shot a shrewd look at Lupin. “She surely does. What do you think, Professor?”
“She looks lovely as always, I’m sure.” Remus murmured, his eyes once again focusing on the interaction between Tonks and her handsome companion.
The Twins exchanged a knowing glance and stifled their grins as Fred straightened up, affecting an air of offense. “Who’s he then?”
“Who now?”
“The berk in there hitting on Nymph-a-doooora.” Fred drew out the end of Tonks’s first name in a way that would have ensured him a seriously uncomfortable hex should he have done so in her hearing.
George shot a speculative look at Remus. “We should look into that. Can’t have random gorilla hanging all over our Miss Tonks, now can we?”
“Too right, good eye to have caught that Professor. He could be a danger to the Order.”
Remus blinked, it hadn’t crossed his mind to worry about the young man’s intentions. He was still reeling from the other implications of the scene.
“Don’t worry Professor, we’ll help you find out who he is.”
“Stick with us, Weasley Wizarding Wheezes-”
“Part Time Detective Agency-”
“At your service.”
“That’s very kind, boys, but I’m sure that…”
George interrupted in annoyance.
“Now where did they go?”
Alarmed, Remus followed George’s irritated gaze. Sure enough, both Tonks and the young man were gone and the sales witch was ringing up a purchase for pair of young women who were giggling and miming something to one another.
“No use asking inside, they annoyingly discreet in that sort of shop.”
“We’ll just find another way.”
The Twins exchanged a look that could only be interpreted as maniacal as they took up positions on either side of Lupin.
“Come on Professor.”
“We’ve got work to do.”
Levitating their packages in front of them, the boys frog marched their former DADA professor down the alleyway.
***
“We need to formulate a plan of action.”
The Twins had taken Remus to their new premises at No. 93 Diagon Alley, showing him in with pride. Fred gave him a quick tour as George put away their packages. Remus made all the appropriate sounds, thoroughly impressed at what the boys had accomplished in such a short time. But his mind kept wandering back to Tonks’s laughing face.
Who had that young man been? Had he been deluding himself that she might care for him as more than just a colleague in the Order in spite of the moments they had shared over the past few months? No, he was sure she had felt something too. Perhaps she had finally come to her senses about his lycanthropy.
This was moving on awfully quickly though… marriage! He wasn’t sure he’d survive Tonks marrying another man, any man. That was pure selfishness, he berated himself, she deserves to be happy. Fred’s voice broke through his increasingly miserable inner reverie.
“How’s that sound to you, Professor?”
“I’m not your professor anymore boys.” His automatic response to the title these days. “You can call me Remus.”
“Sure we can, Professor.” Responded George with a grin. “But do you have any ideas to contribute? We certainly wouldn’t want to leave a Marauder’s thoughts out of the equation.”
“Plan?” Remus blinked in unease. These two reminded him forcefully of James and Sirius at times. They’d often taken advantage of his distraction to plot glorious chaos.
“Pay attention, Professor. We’re going to trace Tonks’s movements from the moment she left home this morning.”
Remus considered protesting again. It would be no use, prior experience told him that. They would pursue their plan, will he nil he. It would be better if he accompanied them to rein in their more outrageous instincts. And you want to know who he is as well, the voice in his head reminded him.
“All right,” Remus knew he was going to regret this eventually. “Where do we start?”
Identical grins lit Fred and George’s faces.
“At the beginning, of course.”
***
He couldn’t believe he’d let them talk him into this. The phone box spit out three badges. Two read “Fred Weasley” and “George Weasley” then “Family Visit”, while the last read “Remus Lupin, Werewolf”. He stared in distaste at the badge before pinning it to his robes as they slowly descended into the Ministry of Magic.
George leaned over and whispered to Remus.
“We’ll be split up and meet at the lifts.”
Remus was ostensibly visiting the Ministry to check in with Werewolf Support Services down on the fourth level, while the Twins were surprising their father at work. When they reached the atrium, Remus strode out first and went directly over to security. His wand was weighed, registered, and he had called a lift by the time Fred and George made it to the security guards.
“We’re here to torment, er, visit our loving father in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department,” announced Fred to all and sundry.
“You must be Arthur Weasley’s sons, the ones that opened the joke shop.” Replied the guard on duty.
“Yeah, that’s us and you could be in for a discount if you could tell us if a certain pink haired Auror is on the premises as well?” George waggled his eyebrows suggestively and winked.
“Ah, Auror Tonks left a few hours back and hasn’t come back in yet, sorry.”
“Ah well, suppose we ought to visit Dad anyhow. Thanks!”
They managed to reach the lift just as Remus was stepping in and punching the button for level four.
“We’re for the second level ourselves.” They shared conversationally.
As the lift opened onto the second level, Fred pushed Remus out ahead of them and the Twins led him down the hall towards Arthur’s office. Remus had precious little experience in any other section of the Ministry apart from the Department for The Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He looked around interested as the memos flew overhead and they passed the imposing wooden doors that led to the Auror Headquarters.
Bold as brass, George stuck his head through and called out to the room in general.
“Anyone know where we could find Auror Tonks? Only she was supposed to meet us for breakfast and she never showed.”
“Somehow I doubt Tonks had any sort of date set up with you two boys.” Williamson replied skeptically.
“You wound us,” Fred put his hand to his heart dramatically. “She came by our shop and was admiring the excellent selection of trick quills we just came out with when we invited her round for a bit of breakfast so she could see our newest shipment this morning.”
“Quite right. The way you put it, you’d think we were up to something.” Added George looking wounded.
Williamson shook his head and after a moment Kingsley Shacklebolt spoke up.
“She had breakfast with her parents this morning. She doubtless forewent your little rendezvous in favor of that.”
“Well, where is she know? We’re perfectly willing to treat her to lunch instead.”
Williamson was beginning to look irritated, but Kingsley cut him off before he could snap at them.
“She received a call and bolted out about two hours ago. We don’t expect her back today.”
“Yeah,” Williamson still looked put out, “left so fast she forgot her work robes.” Gesturing to a set of scarlet Auror robes flung across the back of a nearby chair.
“Ah, what luck! We’ll just deliver those to her, why don’t we.” And George casually snatched up the robes and bowed out the doorway. “Cheers, mate!” He called back as they continued down the hall to Arthur’s office.
She met her parents for breakfast. Had she been informing them of the engagement? Had it been a chance for them to meet her groom? Remus felt his stomach twist. He had not yet met her parents, though he knew that her mother, Andromeda, was Sirius’s favorite cousin. The young man who had been with her looked like just the sort to satisfy a set of worried parents.
Her parents worried about her career choice, he knew. It drove her mad but knew it was because they loved her. A nice steady man in her life would give them some comfort. Merlin knew he could never be that for her. Was that why she’d chosen this man? Was she looking for the sort of man that her parents could approve of, who would take care of her during the dark times to come?
Perhaps he should put an end to this escapade. Tonks was unlikely to thank him for prying into her personal life and, really, she was doubtless better off with a young, whole, healthy wizard than a broken down Dark Creature. Just as he was about to voice this, both Twins stopped dead in front of him.
“Mum! Fancy meeting you here.” Fred’s cheerful tone sounded forced.
“Come to visit Dad as well then?” George’s sounded overly bright, his handful of robes whipping behind his back as he shoved them towards Remus.
Remus took the robes and pocketed them nonchalantly.
Molly eyed her two sons suspiciously.
“And what are you two doing here, might I ask?”
“You might.”
“You did.”
Molly humphed exasperated. “Answer me.”
“Calm down, Mum. You’d think we were trying to bring down the Ministry.” Fred’s tone was soothing. “We’re only helping the Professor here. He needed to ask a few questions and he can’t very well go gallivanting through the Ministry all alone now, can he?”
“Remus? Oh goodness, I didn’t see you there.” Molly pushed the boys aside to get a better look at him.
“Hello, Molly. How are you doing?” Remus summoned a smile and attempted to look as unassuming as possible.
Apparently it worked, because Molly’s attention refocused on the Twins. “You can’t go dragging people around on your silly antics, boys. Mr. Lupin is surely a very busy man and doesn’t need you two getting him into trouble.”
“You have put us in our place, Mother. We repent of our ways and will return Professor Lupin to whence we found him.” George had his best look of contrition on, although from Molly’s scathing look, he was fooling no one. “Honest, Mum. We’ll be leaving now to do just that.”
“Come on, mate. Let’s vanish.” Whispered Fred and the three of them retreated back up the hall to the lift.
***
As they emerged into the cool air of the shop again, Fred and George halt, turning towards Lupin.
“Close call, eh.” George said cheerfully.
“Let’s see those robes, Professor. Those were a lucky break.” Fred pulled his wand out as Remus extracted the robes from his pocket.
The Twins got some vials out and sprinkled the robes with a measured amount of three different powders. Catching Lupin’s eye, George poined towards the blue one, “crushed Jobberknoll feathers.”
After a moment, the Twins stood up, apparently satisfied.
“On three?”
“Yes.”
“One, two, three!”
They both pointed their wands at the robes and uttered a word that made no sense to Remus. For a moment, nothing happened and Remus once again began to voice his desire to put an end to this foolishness. Then the robes sat up, then stood, and an outline of Tonks formed inside them.
“There we are.” Satisfaction colored Fred’s tone.
“What have you done?” Remus stared at the animated robes. The shadow Tonks appeared to be doing some sort of desk work , looking through papers and talking to invisible coworkers.
“It’s a variation on memory charms and Priori Incantatum, we just perfected it. If you have something of a person’s, you can see the last thing they did in its presence.”
Their eyes were drawn back to the shadow version of Tonks in the robes. An owl dropped a note into her hand and she looked on it with surprise, opening it and scanning the contents with increasing eagerness. She shed her robes, calling out something to the invisible coworkers again, and the shadow Tonks vanished. Remus gazed at the spot she’d just been, smiling and happy, and sighed. He wondered if any note from him had ever provoked such an enthusiastic response.
“Safe to say that whatever was in that note led to her absence, yeah?” Fred said into the silence as the robes once again descended to the floor.
“Definitely, good job I was looking over her shoulder.” Replied George, scribbling onto a piece of parchment.
Remus looked around at George, shaking off his wistful thoughts. Finally George flourished the paper.
It said:
Tonks --
Meet me and O. at Gladrags, you are needed desperately. Only you will do!
We promise an excellent meal of your choosing afterwards! Italian pie, perhaps?
Please!
K.
Remus stared at the note. It did not make sense. It was certainly not a loverly note, more the kind sent by an old friend. What was she needed for so urgently, who was “K”, and what was Italian pie?
“Well that’s interesting.”
“Clears things up a bit, doesn’t it.”
“What?” Remus looked up at the Twins and rubbed his forehead, running his fingers up into his hair. He felt a headache coming on. “What does that clear up?” Nothing seemed clear to Remus. It had, in fact, just got a great deal cloudier. He didn’t know who the man was, what Tonks had been doing in those robes, why she met her parents for breakfast, or what Italian pie was.
“Come on, Professor.” Fred put an arm around his shoulders. “It’s time to feed your erstwhile detectives.”
“And I know the perfect place.” George added as he locked up the shop.
***
“A Diavolo and a Soho with mushrooms, and make it quick.” George ordered after only a cursory glance at the menu, winking at the giggling Muggle waitress.
“And two Peroni Gran Riservas,” added Fred. “What about you Professor?”
“Earl Grey?” Remus asked faintly.
“No probs, it’ll all be up in a tick.” The waitress winked back at George, who stretched back in his seat, grinning.
Remus’s head was spinning. One moment they had been hot on the trail of the man in Gladrags, the next his “detectives” had decided the case was solved and dragged him out into Muggle London to a place called Pizza Express. He felt rather self-conscious in his old faded clothing and wondered for the twentieth time what the Twins were up to now.
As if reading his mind, Fred nudged Lupin and nodded towards a group of people coming their way.
“You are about to find out all the answers, Professor.”
Remus looked up and almost choked on his tea. Tonks was staring back at him from the crowd that was being seated next to them.
“Wotcher, Remus! Didn’t fancy seeing you out and about with these two dropouts.” Tonks reached over and ruffled the closer twin’s hair and George grinned back at her.
“He’s worked us fair to the bone today, he owes us a little dinner.”
Tonks cocked an eyebrow at Remus and he felt the color rising in his cheeks as Fred picked up where George left off.
“Who’re your dinner companions, Nymph-a-doora?”
“Don’t call me Nymphadora or I’ll hex you into next week, Fred Weasley.” Tonks rejoined with an easy smile to acknowledge the teasing.
“Weasley? As in Weasley Wizard Wheezes?” The young man from Gladrags was at Tonks elbow now and Remus felt the last of his appetite drain away. He was tall and hale, with deep copper hair and light green eyes. Handsome, with a ready smile. Remus hated him.
“That’s us! And you are?”
“Kirley McCormack.” He stuck his hand out. “I’ve seen your shop and my cousins at Hogwarts can’t stop singing the praises of your Skiving Snackboxes.” He smiled and called to the others at their table. “Meghan, Olivia, here’s those Weasleys we never stop hearing about.”
A woman with long copper hair, obviously related to the young man named Kirley, and a dark haired blue eyed girl look over in interest as Tonks introduced everyone around.
“This one is Fred and that one’s George and don’t believe them if they say I’m backwards.” Tonks pointed to each twin in turn. “And this is Remus Lupin.”
“I’m Kirley as mentioned,” responds the young man. “This is my sister Meghan McCormack,” he gestures to the copper haired woman, “and my, er, this is Olivia Thurston.” He colored slightly.
Tonks laughs.
“Don’t worry Remus is the soul of discretion and I’ve blackmail material on those two.”
All right then,” Kirley fairly beamed over at the now blushing dark haired girl. “This is my fiancée, Olivia.”
“Fiancée?” Remus blurted out before he could stop himself.
“Yes.,” Kirley didn’t seem to notice the abruptness of the question, still gazing lovingly over at Olivia. “Tonks was a real lifesaver today, so we’re treating her to dinner. Would you all care to join us?”
“Don’t mind if we do,” replied George cheerfully over Remus’s protests as he and Fred moved their table over to join up with the others.
“So, what did Nymph-a-ouch, Tonks do for you today?” Inquired Fred, rubbing his knee where Tonks had kicked him.
Kirley grinned.
“She was sweet enough to try on some wedding robes for us and morph so we could get an outsider’s view of them.”
Remus sank back in his seat. He hadn’t felt like such a berk since his schooldays. He’d acted the jealous fool and gotten his comeuppance. Tonks would laugh long and hard at this one. He considered slipping away while everyone was ordering, but just then a small warm hand slipped into his and squeezed. Startled, he looked up at a softly smiling Tonks.
“Having a good time?”
Remus snorted. “Now that you’re here.” He replied gallantly.
“What’s going on? What did you have the Twins doing?”
Remus blushed furiously. He’d rather eat bubotuber pus than admit to what he and the Twins had been doing. Attempting to divert the conversation, he asked the first thing that popped into his head.
“Did you have a good breakfast with your parents?”
Tonks looked at him oddly and he groaned inwardly. He’d found that tidbit out while snooping around today.
“It was fine, how’d you know I had breakfast with Mum and Dad?”
Remus slumped.
“I saw you earlier in Gladrags and the Twins have been helping me find out who you were with,” he confessed in a low voice. “When we stopped by the Ministry, Kingsley mentioned that you’d had breakfast with your parents this morning.”
“You were spying on me?”
“No! I just happened to see you and then Fred and George came along and I lost control of my life somewhere between then and now.” He gestured helplessly to them and ran his long fingers through his shaggy hair.
Tonks smiled at him.
“I met with my parents so that I could tell them that I had met someone who had stolen my heart, even if he acts as though he‘s got some self esteem issues and lets thoroughly deliquent people talk him into mad stunts.” Tonks wrinkled her nose at him with a grin.
Tonks had told her parents about them. She had actually told her family, the ones she loved the most about their relationship. It was completely wrong and he wasn’t good enough for her, no matter what arguments she employed otherwise. Yet, he couldn’t help feeling buoyant. The lead in his stomach seems to vanish away and suddenly he was ravenous.
“I’m sorry I was an idiot today, Tonks.” The least he could do was apologize for his behavior.
“Don’t worry about it, everyone’s entitled to go insane at least once.” She smiled at him again and nudged his arm. “Eat! These Italian pizzas are good stuff.”
They group of them ate and talked well into the night and, afterwards, Remus offered to walk Tonks home. They were meandering along, her arm in his, as he told her about the ridiculous lengths they had gone to that day to discover the mystery man’s identity.
“What I want to know now is how they knew to go to that restaurant.” Remus couldn’t quite figure that one out.
“Did either of them see who I was with at Gladrags?” Tonks inquired, wrapping her hands around his nearer arm.
“Yes, Fred did.”
“Well, there you go. He’d have known Kirley right off. He’s lead guitar for the Weird Sisters. And I took them to Pizza Express to celebrate when they opened their shop, so they know it‘s one of my favorites.”
“You mean they knew who he was all along and led me about by the nose all day for the fun of it?”
“Sounds like.” Tonks giggled.
“I’m so glad my torment amuses you.” Remus said dryly.
‘Oh, don’t be cross. You enjoyed yourself some, I bet. Haven’t gotten to be a Marauder in long time, have you?”
Remus had to admit, it had been fun from time to time. He halted abruptly, causing Tonks to stumble as he remembered something in complete dismay.
“Uh - Tonks? The Twins still have your Auror robes.”
Tonks’s laugh echoed through the crisp night air.