(no subject)
Title: Like a Charm
Author:
godricgal
Prompts: Cheering Charm, Hogwarts Kitchens, A day of creativity, Drama
Rating and warnings: R for sexual content and well…just R ;)
Word Count: 4213
Summary: After the battle at Hogwarts, Tonks is asked to run an errand outside the castle, desperate to speak to Remus, she returns to the castle to find him already asleep, and so makes her way down to the kitchens for a snack.
Author’s Notes: Although this is the longest one shot I’ve ever written, it ought to have been quite a bit longer. I hope you think it works as it is. Very many thanks to
mrstaterfor her constant encouragement, and beta help with this.
Tonks hadn't occupied herself this way since the days of Auror training.
Alone in the Hogwarts kitchens -- the House-elves, subdued by the news of their beloved master's death, had crept off after fulfilling her request for cream crackers and cheese -- Tonks sat at one of the long benches, stacking crackers. She'd eaten a few, loaded with strong, mature cheddar; her mother's voice rang in her head. "You'll have nightmares if you eat cheese before bedtime."
As if there's any chance of sleep tonight, Tonks thought bitterly, casting a spell to divide the crackers into quarters. As if any nightmare I could have tonight could compete with what has happened here.
Another muttered spell, and dots appeared in numeric patterns on each end of the crackers.
Laying down her wand, Tonks leant forward on her elbows and clutched her forehead in her hands. She felt as though she were being so selfish. The most brilliant and respected wizard of the age lay dead, and what was keeping her mind too active to sleep was her own sorry situation.
She couldn't stop reliving the scene she’d made in the hospital wing. She'd shaken Remus' robes, and he had refused to meet her eyes. He hadn't wanted her to know what he was thinking. He knew that she could read him like a book; he knew it because he did the same with her. Or used to do, anyway.
Spreading the crackers face down across the table, she selected one and began a solitary game of dominoes.
She moved the pieces into place, not really sticking to the rules of solitaire, but using it as a distraction to keep her fingers from fidgeting - from giving into the temptation she’d felt all year and reaching for her wand to perform a Cheering Charm on herself. It didn’t distract her from her thoughts of Remus.
She’d been desperate to talk to him alone - to apologise for her outburst, to try to reason with him… something. But he’d been tasked with returning the children to their dormitories and Arthur had asked her to go to Diagon Alley, to inform the twins of their brother’s attack, Dumbledore’s death, and assure them that the rest of their family was safe. It had taken her an hour, and by the time she’d returned, only Hagrid - red-eyed and drawn - had been around to let her back into the castle.
She’d hovered outside the guest bedroom where Remus was spending the night, debating whether or not to wake him; eventually she'd decided to let him sleep, not knowing how he’d react if she disturbed him, and made her way down to the kitchens to address a different kind of hunger. But she'd quickly discovered she had no real appetite, so here she was, playing with her food.
What she really couldn’t comprehend was how, if Remus loved her as much as he’d claimed to before they broke up, he had the strength to keep away from her. They’d been so happy. Of course, they’d had minor disagreements like every couple, but they always dealt with them swiftly and never allowed them to interfere with the stability of their relationship. Time together was time spent laughing, time spent feeling as though she was at the centre of his world. And the nights when they lay in bed, his fingers caressing her body, they could have been alone in the world. How could he give that up? How could he, when he must know how very right it felt to be intimate in everyway?
She matched up a double three with her thread, and looked up in surprise as she heard footfalls near the entrance to the kitchen, too heavy to belong to a house elf.
“Tonks,” said Remus, sounding surprised. He’d stopped dead in his tracks, looking a little awkward, staring down at his feet.
“Wotcher,” she returned softly, her heart thumping wildly.
“What are you doing?” He approached the table and bent to peer curiously at her edible dominoes pieces.
“Um, playing dominoes.”
“With cream crackers?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
She paused, not knowing where to look, settling for staring at her dominoes, desperate to read his expression but terrified of what she’d find there. Had he known she was here? Had he gone looking for her and found her allocated bedchamber empty?
“What are you doing down here?”
Remus' fingers picked at the edge of the table. “Couldn’t sleep and got a bit hungry...Thought I’d make beans-on-toast.”
He met her gaze then, and the pain in his eyes made her insides ache. Her fingers longed to touch his hands, to soothe the pain.
“Remus,” she whispered.
"Not yet, Dora." He stepped closer and placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. "Let me eat first.”
She could have cried with relief that he was willing to talk to her, that his hand on her shoulder gave her the warmth she’d been without for so long, at the tender edge to his voice -- but most of all at the use of his pet name for her, the name she hadn’t heard in nearly a year.
Not trusting her voice at that moment, she nodded. He squeezed her shoulder and walked to the stove, where he began Summoning the utensils and ingredients that he needed, leaving her barely breathing as she wondered whether she was reading to much into his simple words and action, but knowing that she had not. A wonderful feeling began to seep into her chest. That he'd want to talk to her, meant that he had something new to say. After all this time, could she dare to have a little hope? Dare to think that perhaps he had hope too?
As Remus prepared his meal, Tonks idly continued her game. Ten minutes later, he carried a steaming plate of beans back to the table and took a seat across from her.
“I must say," he commented, cutting a square of toast and loading it onto his fork, pushing more beans onto it, "I’ve never seen dominoes played with crackers before.”
“Old habit,” Tonks replied. “We used to play like this when I was in training. I don’t remember how it started. Boredom, probably, and maybe beer.” She looked up and met his smile with one of her own. Immediately, she looked back down again, almost shyly, just like she had when they’d first started going out, but sharing a smile like that gave an aura of familiarity, it sent a jolt of excitement running through her chest.
“Well it certainly is an ingenious use of crackers.” After a pause, his eyes clouded again with sadness. He glanced at his plate. "How did the twins take the news?"
“Oh, you know…” Tonks fingered the edge of one of her crackers, reining in emotion at how hard it had been to deliver word that their oldest brother had been savaged, and that Dumbledore was dead. Their reaction had not been dissimilar to her own. “…Devastated, worried, relieved-“
They fell silent. Tonks continued with her game, and Remus ate his meal.
A few minutes later, the clink of his cutlery hitting the china and the scrape of his plate as he pushed it away prompted Tonks to look up. “Good?”
“Of course,” Remus replied, “can’t go wrong with my special recipe.” He gave her a wink.
Taking the gesture as a sign that they could be a little more comfortable together, that perhaps some of the awkwardness that had defined their relationship for the last year was dissipating, she asked softly, “D’you remember the night you taught me to make Special Beans?”
“Course,” he replied with a slight smile, tilting his head, “I don’t think anyone could forget trying to teach you to cook.”
For a moment they both fell silent. Tonks had no doubt that Remus was recalling - as she was - the night he had come home to Grimmauld Place to find her wrestling with a saucepan and a tin of baked beans. He’d laughed gently - not in a way that made her feel small or inept, but in a way that made her feel as though her clumsiness was just apart of her character that he found attractive, or loveable. He’d patiently taught her how to add the butter, how to tell when she’d added enough pepper, and he’d wrapped his arms around her and placed his hand over hers to help her stir the beans, resting his chin on her shoulder.
“We had so much fun, Remus,” she said quietly. “Didn’t we?”
She met his eyes and their gaze held, until he stood up and made his way around to her side of the bench, sliding in next to her with his back to the table.
“We did, but that was never the problem.” Remus was reclining against the edge of the table, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Tonks turned to straddle the bench in order to get a better look at him.
“You look so tired, Remus.” She didn't just mean from tonight’s battle and the aftermath. She brushed her fingers lightly over his cheek and his eyes closed fleetingly, she knew he knew, too.
“I am tired,” he admitted quietly, his eyes focused somewhere on the few inches of bench that separated them. “I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of loss.” He paused, lifting his head to meet her eyes. “And I’m tired of being without you.”
Tonks’ eyes widened, her heart quickened. “Does that mean -“ She stopped, afraid to continue in case she was wrong, and he didn't mean what she hoped.
Remus reached out to touch her face. “I’m sorry, love, I’m so very sorry - for leaving you, for hurting you, for everything.”
Her eyes closed as the backs of his fingers gently stroked the side of her face, and the words she’s longed to hear for so long wash over her.
Letting his hand drop, Remus swung his leg over the bench, mirroring her own position and moving slightly closer. He slipped his hands over her thighs and round, tucking his fingers underneath to pull her towards him, lifting her legs over his so there was no space between them.
Automatically, her arms slid under his, tightening around him until she was clinging to him. And when his arms enveloped her in return, she let out a shuddering breath and felt the prick of tears at the corners of her eyes. Instantly she felt the relief, the comfort of being in his arms, the only place she’d longed to be for so long.
She buried her face in his neck, her tears spilled down her cheeks and onto his skin.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Remus whispered, his voice choked. He raised his hand to stroke her hair soothingly, then ran it down the back of her neck and eased her head back slightly so that she could look him in the eyes. “I love you,” he murmured, and then bent to kiss her.
Her breath caught at the sensation of his lips on hers, whether from the length of time since they’d last done this, or her memory not accurately recalling how amazing it felt to be kissing Remus, she couldn’t say - but the intensity of the feeling that had taken up residence in her stomach, and the joy that filled her seemed to radiate from her very soul.
Tingles travelled the length of her body as his fingers twisted in her hair, holding her head in place as he moved his lips over hers. When he ran his tongue across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to him, desire overtook rational thought - for both of them, it seemed.
She brought her hand around to cup his chin, spurred on by the feeling of his mouth moving as he kissed her. The hand on his back flattened and she used it to pull his body closer, as both his hands ran slowly and firmly up her back to her shoulder blades, returning the pressure. She kissed him with everything she had, determined to communicate to him how much she needed this, how much she needed him - how she’s missed him.
His hands sought out her hips, gripping them tightly as his mouth left hers and he trailed kisses down to her jaw, under her chin, and further down her neck. She could feel her pulse pounding beneath his lips as she worked one hand beneath his jumper, seeking out his warm skin - its smooth texture so familiar to her, even after all this time.
His hands left her hips to sweep possessively up her sides, fingers brushing the sides of her breasts, trailing up over her collarbone and her neck to bury his hands in her hair as he guided her lips back to his. Tonks let out a low moan as they kissed with ever increasing passion, it completely escaped her notice that they were in the middle of the Hogwarts kitchens, until-
“Shame on Kreacher! He mustn’t watch! It is very, very naughty!”
Remus and Tonks both froze, pulling back to look at the other. His eyes were round with surprise, mouth gaping with horror, and Tonks was sure her expression mirrored his.
“Dobby cannot tell Kreacher what to do," croaked a second House-elf. "Kreacher will watch the dirty mudblood shape shifting freaks if he wants.”
“Dobby won’t have it!”
There was the sound of a scuffle, and the noise of a small body being dragged off, accompanied by as series of high pitched oophs.
Remus and Tonks both looked in the direction of the sounds, and then back at each other. It was Tonks who gave in first, and Remus soon followed, both of them collapsed into uncontrollable laughter. Tonks let her head fall to Remus’ shoulder, the sound and vibrations of his laughter only made her laugh harder. This is what she wanted, so desperately needed, one of the reasons why they were so well suited; they simply always managed to have fun together.
As her laughter receded to giggles, she managed to say, “I can’t believe that just happened.” She looked up to meet Remus' eyes, which were twinkling with mirth as he gave in to the odd chuckle.
“I-“ he started, obviously having difficulty making any kind of statement. “There are no words.”
“I think,” Tonks said, smoothing his jumper down his chest with a hand and then slipping it underneath, stroking soft circles on his side. “We probably ought to find somewhere a little more private.”
“I agree. Sex on the kitchen table at Hogwarts is probably not appropriate, house elves with voyeuristic tendencies or not.” He grinned at her, ran a hand through her hair, and then pulled her face closer to his so that he could press a lingering kiss to her cheek. Tonks had to admit to being a little bit relieved that an interruption to their passionate reunion hadn’t given him cause to think twice, and that resuming their activities else where was something that he, too, was keen to do.
Then Remus looked at her for a moment, becoming more serious, “You know this isn’t just about sex, don’t you? I mean, we’ve a lot to talk about and if you’d rather wait…I mean, I haven’t even explained-“
Tonks cut his uncharacteristic rambling off, saying gently, “I know, Remus, and I do need for you to explain some things to me… But isn’t this what we both want right now?" Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. "Isn’t it what we need?”
Remus tightened his arms around her as she buried her face in his neck, and he rested his head against her temple. “I love you so much,” he whispered.
“I love you too,” Tonks whispered back, stroking his hair softly. “Shall we go upstairs?”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tonks eased the door to Remus’ bedroom shut and, turning to lean against it, let out the breath she’d been holding, and gave in to the giggles that had been welling inside her for the past five minutes. “That was close.”
They hadn’t needed to evade Filch and his blasted cat, but by unspoken agreement, it seemed both of them thought it would be more fun if they did. They’d ducked behind coats of armour, hidden behind tapestries; at one point, Remus had pulled them into a passageway -- and they’d very nearly not managed to get out. Not thanks to being trapped by a cat that seemed to have a cognitive ability far superior to the average feline, but thanks instead, to a case of wondering hands.
Finally they had come to their senses enough to leave the passage, but had quite forgotten about the possible lingering presence of the damnable cat.
They’d emerged pink faced and breathless, to be faced with the piercing green eyes of Mrs. Norris, who’d scampered off immediately in the direction from which they’d last heard Filch’s approach. They’d made a final run for Remus' quarters and closed the door right before Filch’s erratic gait came around the corner of their corridor.
Now there was a new predatorily gaze upon her; the cat and Filch forgotten, Tonks became lost in the desire that was clear in Remus’ eyes.
“That, Nymphadora,” Remus said, taking a step towards her, “was not even nearly close." He shook his head and let out a dramatic sigh. "Sometimes I despair of the quality of mischief making since my years here. This…” He took another step forward, pressed his body up to hers, hands seeking out her hips to pull them into his. “…is close.”
Tonks' breathing quickened. Their proximity, the openly flirtatious lilt in his voice, brought the realisation that their relationship could return to how it had once been. Remus bent down and kissed her soundly, pressing her back to the door more firmly as his hands moved teasingly up her sides, fingers squeezing gently.
Their kiss was hungry and desperate, until Remus found the presence of mind to slip his hands beneath her top and push it up, fingers grazing up her sides and along her arms as he guided them up over her head and coaxed the tee-shirt away from her body. Dropping the shirt on the floor, he lowered his mouth to her shoulder, kissing a blazing trail along it, down to just above the plain cotton of her bra. Her body arched as she leaned her head back against the door and he used his hands on her lower back to press her hips into his.
After trailing kisses up the centre of her chest, up to her chin, and giving her one lingering kiss on the lips, he pulled away, taking a step back and capturing one of her hands. He began to walk backwards towards the bed, pulling her with him.
“You know,” he said, with a cheeky grin as his free hand worked to undo the clasp on her trousers, “I used to be awfully jealous when I had to listen Sirius’ and James’ stories of scampering about the castle with girls when I never had any tales of my own.”
He sat down on the bed and pulled her to stand between his knees. He eased her trousers down over her hips to her knees and helped her to step out of them.
“Well," said Tonks, "you do now, with -ah-“ She gasped as his lips made contact with the skin just above her knickers, and his hands started to graze slowly down the back of her thighs, fingers curling around to the insides. “With me,” she finished, her breathing laboured as she steadied herself with her hands on his shoulder.
Tonks shut her eyes as Remus placed kisses across her tummy and up her sides; his fingers continued to brush across the backs and sides of her legs, occasionally drifting up to her lower back. She was lost in rapture, savouring the warmth of his lips and fingers on her skin, unaware of anything but the wonderful man before her, and the pleasure he brought her.
At length, Remus stood and moved to climb backwards onto the bed, but Tonks stopped him, capturing his lips as she unfastened his trousers and pushed them down. Stepping out of them, Remus moved to follow through with his previous intention. Without breaking their kiss, Remus placed one knee on the bed and then the other, scooting back as he pulled her onto the bed with him.
“For my part,” said Tonks, when their kiss broke so that she could pull his jumper up over his head, “I was always just a bit disappointed that I never made it into a boy’s dorm.”
She dropped the jumper over the end of the bed and brought her hands to run over his chest, dropping her lips to his collar bone. Happiness suffused her as she listened to the small hitches in his breathing as her hands swept up his back; his fingers pressed into her back as her lips teased his chest.
“Perhaps you can count this as a success in getting into a boy's room,” said Remus huskily, as he unhooked her bra.
Tonks lifted her head to look at him, giving him a wicked grin as she said, “Oh definitely.” She tilted her head to kiss the underside of his jaw and then reached up to his ear and whispered, “And with a professor, no less.”
Remus’ laugh rumbled in her ear.
Tonks allowed herself to be guided back to the mattress, and as they settled, Remus placed one hand under her neck, his fingers curling to its contours, and inserted a knee between her thighs. Her hand came to rest on his waist and she lifted her leg over his, pressing the sole of her foot to his calf.
Remus looked at her earnestly, and Tonks' breath caught as his fingers tenderly traced her hairline. “I love you,” he said softly. And in an instant they were clinging to each other again, skin on skin, hands pulling each other closer, her face buried in her neck and his in her hair.
Slowly, Remus’ hands began to move again, trailed over her thighs, across her stomach and up to caress her breasts. Her breathing quickened once more, each breath accompanied by a slight moan, or coming as a sharp gasp for air. When he rose over her, nudging her thighs apart so they could connect as man and woman for the first time in far too long, she cried out.
Their movements started slow and purposeful, matching the rhythm of their kiss. Tonks was utterly lost; joy and pleasure flushed though her body as she used it to speak to his, to tell him how she loved him, how she’d missed him and needed him.
She could feel the tension rising in both of them, lost in a swirling torrent of hands, kisses and ragged breaths. As the waves of pleasure crested, Remus rested his forehead against hers, their eyes locked and they fell into euphoria together.
It felt like they were held under a spell. When Remus bent to give her a slow, lingering kiss, still she new nothing but the man above her and the incredible way he made her feel.
“I love you, so much,” Tonks said in a rushed whisper, once he’d pulled away and was meeting her eyes once more.
“Love you too, my Dora.” Remus bent to brush kisses on her cheek, her eyelids her forehead and finally her lips once more. Then, he rolled onto his side, pulling her up by her hip to mirror his position.
“You’ll never leave me now, will you?” Tonks asked quietly, needing to hear him say the words.
She closed her eyes briefly, when he traced her lips with his thumb.
“Never,” Remus answered. “I’m not saying things are going to be easy, love. There are still a lot of things we need to talk about, although perhaps tonight isn’t the right time.”
Tonks tightened her arms around him, still revelling in the feeling of his skin next to hers, in the intimacy of their position, legs entangled. “I’ve never asked for things to be easy, Remus. As long as we're together we can do anything. We'll just have to be creative about how we work things out.”
Remus slid them deeper into the bed, reaching down to pull the duvet over them. “We will work things out. You give me hope, Dora, you always have. I’m just so sorry that I let other things come in the way of that.”
“You’ll explain that tomorrow?” she asked, her eye lids drooping.
She felt Remus’ hand brush through her hair as she allowed her eyes to close and her head roll to rest more firmly against his chest. “I will,” he whispered.
“You know,” said Tonks after they’d been silent for several minutes, and she realized she would have no trouble falling asleep now, “I’ve resisted the temptation all year to perform a Cheering Charm on myself, and I nearly gave into it tonight. But in the end it simply couldn't compare to how I feel when I have you.”