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Comments 1786

The Xenomorph | Alien awfulawfulalien August 15 2011, 05:13:01 UTC
You are a horrible alien. You are on a spaceship. There are several humans running around in panic, and you are hungry.

It is very dark here. Exits are INTO THE DUCTS, or ALONG THE CEILING LIKE A GECKO.

>_

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Re: The Xenomorph | Alien peachhat August 15 2011, 05:25:33 UTC
>Curl up and start sleeping on the floor.

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awfulawfulalien August 15 2011, 05:27:17 UTC
It...uh...is important to maintain your strength, but wouldn't it be better to get a bite to eat before taking a nap?

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peachhat August 15 2011, 05:28:01 UTC
>Good point. Look for a top hat.

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Aaron Oliver | Locking Up The Sun scurvyprotest August 15 2011, 05:48:49 UTC
You are THE HEAD OF THE RESISTANCE. Currently, you are in your APARTMENT, waking up early before a hard day of protesting. You slept in your clothes, and your hair is a ratty mess as a result.

The APARTMENT is small and unkempt. There is GARBAGE all over the floor. AN FOUR DAY OLD BOX OF COLD CHEESE PIZZA is on the counter in the kitchenette. There are RESISTANCE POSTERS that you drew yourself all over your walls. Your MEGAPHONE sits on your BROKEN TABLE along with AN ANGRY LETTER FROM YOUR TWIN BROTHER.

The FRIDGE sits in the corner. There is a TELEPHONE on the wall. An OLD TELEVISION is propped up on some CINDER BLOCKS. The FRONT DOOR is locked and chained.

Another door opposite the front door leads to the BATHROOM.

>|

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wldulykanorange August 15 2011, 07:23:32 UTC
[Oh, We Are Excited To Be In Control Of You.]

>LOOK FOR ORANGES IN THE FRIDGE|

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scurvyprotest August 15 2011, 07:36:50 UTC
You LOOK FOR ORANGES IN THE FRIDGE. There, however, are none. There is no fruit of any sort in the fridge, because really, you don't stand for any of that sort of thing.

There is, however, SOME BEER, a mostly depleted bottle of SOY SAUCE, some MILK THAT MIGHT BE KIND OF OLD, and FOUR DVDS THAT YOU PUT IN THERE WHILE YOU WERE DRUNK AND NOT THINKING CLEARLY.

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wldulykanorange August 15 2011, 07:47:15 UTC
>Combine MILK THAT MIGHT BE KIND OF OLD with SOY SAUCE|

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Nathan Young | Misfits (Pre-episode 6) -- now with proper HTML saynotocardigan August 15 2011, 06:19:26 UTC
((This is easily the best meme I have ever seen here, JSYK.))

THE COMMUNITY CENTRE: LOFT

You wake up early in the morning as the sun filters through the windows of your makeshift home. You are lying on your SLEEPING BAG on the floor. Around you are a HALF-DRUNK SIX-PACK OF BEER, a DIRTY SOCK, an IPOD, and a HANDFUL OF CHANGE.

Below you, down the stairs, the community centre lies empty, still closed to the public.

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kelly is excited to be in the driving seat notachav August 15 2011, 07:38:19 UTC
>get your lazy ass up and sexually harass a vending machine for breakfast|

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OH I JUST BET SHE IS. saynotocardigan August 15 2011, 07:43:28 UTC
You use your patented humping method until the machine spits out some crisps.

Now you've got a packet of crisps and a boner.

What do you want to do?

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notachav August 15 2011, 07:52:50 UTC
>cut off boner to see if freaky powers of immortality includes regrowth of body parts|

[OH IS SHE TEMPTED. but no, she backspaces and types something else.]

>show unusual restraint by not wanking. eat crisps and wonder at the kindness of your dear friend kelly|

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Abed Nadir | Community coolabedfilms August 15 2011, 06:23:36 UTC

Congratulations! You are now a JUNIOR.

THE STUDY ROOM:

It is the day before classes start. You are standing alone in the study room. The paint has been cleaned up, and it looks like the vents have been fixed.

You are carrying a MESSENGER BAG.

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butimbetter August 15 2011, 06:27:43 UTC
>search girly messenger bag for FRESH MEAT

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coolabedfilms August 15 2011, 06:38:08 UTC
The messenger bag contains YOUR LAPTOP, HEADPHONES, a PURPLE PEN, a BIOLOGY TEXTBOOK, a PICTURE OF YOUR BEST FRIEND, a KICKPUNCHER IV DVD, and your STUDENT ID.

There is no fresh meat in the bag.

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butimbetter August 15 2011, 06:39:53 UTC
>tear up picture of best friend because that shit's gay and hunt nearest human for FRESH MEAT

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Wolf O'Donnell | Star Fox butimbetter August 15 2011, 06:26:20 UTC
You are WOLF O'DONNELL, and today is another AWESOME day in your life as a galaxy-renowned criminal! Of course, it's not quite as AWESOME as it could be. Your rival team, STAR FOX, has been muscling into your territory. Time to teach those pups a lesson! Your darling WOLFEN is waiting in the nearby HANGAR for deployment. You could get the jump on them now...

Or you could CALL YOUR FRIENDS for backup. Surely they'd be ready and willing to aid in your cause?

Or you could just SCREW THE RULES and head down to SARGASSO to get HILARIOUSLY DRUNK. What do you do?

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notachav August 15 2011, 08:23:24 UTC
>attempt to sell your body for extra cash so you can buy a better ride than some crap WOLFEN or whateverthefuck|

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butimbetter August 15 2011, 08:30:12 UTC
Everybody in Lylat already wants to sleep with you, so turning a profit off it is easy! The cash starts rolling in, and now you can afford a shiny new upgrade to the WOLFEN! Or some other vehicle of your choice.

WOLF O'DONNELL has gained the title "Lord Prostitute"! What would you like to do now?

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notachav August 15 2011, 08:45:54 UTC
>decide that you don't need a new vehicle. donate all earned profit to a CHILDREN'S CHARITY anonymously|

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