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Its unfortunate it got to a break down point ike it did the other night, but after a drunk rant & vent, a decent amount of crying & writing it out the next morning I feel much better. I see the cycle, I don't like it but it seems it may just be the only way to deal with that particular issue right now. Eventually I just hope I no longer care about ( Read more... )

Life will never be easy, people will never care about you as much as you wish they did, as much as you want them to, they'll never say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time, they'll not always answer every time you call... but they will try.... I will try.... and isn't that important? At all ( Read more... )

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Ok Random thought.... I was standing in the shower, splitting headache, trying to scrub the drunk out of me & for some reason having mental pictures of cutting. Not me cutting, I have not done that in years but of someone cutting, clean cutting, surgical cutting, everything laid out nice & neat, scalpels and all that jazz. I guess thats something I ( Read more... )

I have been feeling rather productive of late, my end of year appraisal is coming along nicely, I have written a draft expression of interest for a position that will become available in January, I am about to start on my development plan, I have helped organise a number of christmas lunches, meetings & events, I have taken care of half of my ( Read more... )

Ah thats not fair, the draw to stay in bed was strong but somehow my work ethics won out & here I am at work.... on time ( Read more... )

Well 25 hours ago I realised just how much I care

For the first time in a long time I know what it is like to kiss someone I care about. Even right now thinking about it, I get this happy little chest tightness & a craving for more. I like it. I like the kind of happiness it is bringing me. Its a more internal happiness then I am used to & It is nice.

It's odd how I feel, I feel still ( Read more... )