Modelling It Out [7/12]
Title: Modelling It Out
Pairing: Jaejoong/Changmin, Jaejoong/Yoochun, Yoochun/Junsu, Jaejoong/everyone
Genre: AU, romance, general
Warning: Sexual situations
Length: Chaptered
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jaejoong is a fashion designer and loves to use Yoochun as his model and sexual partner, however one day he is forced to work with Changmin and all hell breaks loose.
Thank you miamushroom for the beautiful graphic
My apologies if this chapter is a little bit messy.
Chapter 7
The days were getting busier and busier. Between going to work, going home and sleeping Jaejoong hadn’t had much time. Well. He was going from bed to bed these nights since he was avoiding Yoochun and sleeping alone still wasn’t an option. But he found Changmin’s words echoing in his head every time he fell asleep in a new bed, so he always ended up grabbing his things and walk aimlessly in the night. He was being a whore and he knew it, but he didn’t care. Not until he was trying to fall asleep in a stranger’s bed.
“Jaejoong.” He turned at the familiar sound of Yoochun’s voice. There was no way to avoid him now. Not when he was standing right there in front of him on his cigarette break. Jaejoong couldn’t even pretend that he had to be somewhere else, because he didn’t. He had only just lit his cigarette and it was obvious that he intended on smoking all of it?
“What?” Jaejoong snapped a little. Junsu’s words were clear in his mind. He was hurting Yoochun and he refused to keep doing so. Yoochun lit a cigarette and started to blow out rings.
“Why are you avoiding me?” One couldn’t say that Yoochun would beat around the bush. At least not when it came to Jaejoong and that was slightly unnerving. Jaejoong had hoped that he’d get a bit of time to actually phrase just why he was avoiding his friend. He really didn’t want to talk right now.
“I’m not. I’m just busy.” Jaejoong easily lied. He was good at lying. Saying he was fine. Saying the right sweet words in the ears of his recent conquest, when he knew deep inside that this wasn’t what he wanted. When had it even become so complicated? He just wished, he could go back in time, when he still pretended Yoochun only loved him as a friend and sleeping around was just his way of being young and having fun.
“You’re avoiding me, so stop lying to me.” Yoochun easily said stepping up closer blowing smoke in the opposite direction.
“Fine. I’m avoiding you. There’s a reason, so stop trying to make me stop.” Jaejoong did know how weird that sentence sounded, but he wasn’t about to change it. He stood stubbornly on his ground refusing to back down and admit why he was avoiding Yoochun.
“Jae, you don’t have to. Is this about Junsu?” Yoochun asked quietly.
“No? Why would it be?” What did Junsu even have to do with anything?
“I don’t know. Maybe because you slept with him, even if I specifically told you not to?” Yoochun was angry about that? He seriously didn’t know what was going on? Jaejoong let out a sigh of relief, though also felt terror run through his body. They had to talk about this. He had to correct this one error, because for once he hadn’t actually slept with the one they were talking about.
“I didn’t sleep with him. Or well. I slept with him, but I didn’t have sex with him, so if that’s what you’re mad about stop being so mad. We never had sex.” Jaejoong said turning back to his work packing up a few fabrics here and there.
“Yeah, I almost believe you.” The words were hurtful and venomous and Jaejoong almost choked in shock. Yoochun always believed him.
“It’s true. If you don’t believe me go ask him yourself, but you can believe me. I didn’t shag him. I kissed him and then he hugged me all night. Do we really need to talk about this?”
“Then what the hell is wrong with you? I will definitely ask him.”
“Fuck you.”
“Say you didn’t sleep with him, why not? You’re sleeping with everyone else, so why not him too?” the words stung and as soon they’d left his mouth Yoochun knew it’d been a mistake.
“This is not the place Yoochun.” Jaejoong simply said detaching himself from his friend, from himself. “Come to my flat tonight if you believe what I’m saying. If you don’t then go fuck yourself.” And with those words Jaejoong spun on his heel, smudged his half-smoked cigarette on the ground and went back inside. Working was better than this huge mess.
They both knew that talking now would only lead to a bigger mess and both would end up saying things they’d regret later.
~…~…~
Yoochun sighed heavily. He didn’t really know what was going on. Junsu refused to say anything keeping insisting that he would have to talk to Jaejoong if he wanted to know what had happened. No one knew what was going on and the ones who did refused to tell him. He felt like smashing something or someone. More specifically he felt like punching Jaejoong right in the middle of his pretty face for making him feel like this.
“Yunho?” Yoochun walked up to his boss for this week.
“What can I help you with?” he asked smiling pleasantly at the younger man.
“I don’t know. Did you talk to Jaejoong recently? He’s avoiding me.” Yoochun sighed and leaned against the back of the chair he was sitting on. Sitting across from Yunho was nice. The man was nice and would always listen.
“I haven’t, no. Well not unless you count business. But maybe it’s a sign for you to finally move on? You know, he doesn’t love you like you love him.” Yunho said sadly.
“I know, but I don’t want to lose him. What am I supposed to do?” The question wasn’t meant to be answered and Yunho didn’t do that either. He just sighed heavily and sat back down allowing Yoochun to think.
He’d always been in love with Jaejoong. Ever since their first kiss, when they’d been 13 years old. That was more than 10 years ago. How did you just stop yourself from loving someone after so many years? He had let go of the thought of them being more than friends years ago and somehow, he did think that loving Jaejoong was becoming more of a habit than a true feeling, he had. He loved Jaejoong. He would always love him. He loved having sex with him, but he knew he could live without it. He’d have to, because at some point Jaejoong would settle down with someone who wasn’t Yoochun, and he’d have a happy life. He deserved that. And frankly so did Yoochun.
“Talk to him. I’m sure you two will figure it out. You should be able to figure it out.”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure. Can I stay here a little?”
Yunho nodded and then handed Yoochun the key to lock up the place.
He stayed there thinking for longer than he’d thought and looking at his watch he knew he was late for Jaejoong. He had to go. If he didn’t show up at Jaejoong’s place he knew his friend would see it as their friendship being over. But he didn’t know what to believe and what to think, but he ran. He ran all the way to Jaejoong’s flat knocking on the door only ten minutes too late. Ten minutes was almost excusable.
~…~…~
“I thought you wouldn’t come.” Jaejoong said the words in such manner that Yoochun believed that it was what he’d thought. He truly believed this.
“I could never do that.” Yoochun said honestly, and he was led inside and they sat on the sofa. “Tell me what is going on.” Yoochun demanded softly when they sat down.
“You love me.” Jaejoong simply said.
Yoochun stiffened. He hadn’t thought Jaejoong knew. How did he know? Had someone told him? He was ready to kill the one who’d told him.
“Who told you?” The voice was dangerous.
“No one.” Jaejoong spoke the words truthfully.
“I don’t believe that. Who told you? Junsu? Yunho?” Yoochun pressed.
“No one told me. They didn’t have to. Yoochun, don’t you think I’ve known all these years? I know. The way you touch me, the way you whisper in my ear, the way you hold me, kiss me when you think I’m asleep. You love me.” Jaejoong said the words again, and he knew they hurt. He could feel the hurt they left and they hurt a lot.
“Then why?” Why did you continue? Why did you play with me? Why did you let me? Why?
“I don’t know.” Jaejoong understood all the unspoken questions. Jaejoong understood every word Yoochun had ever said, and he understood every feeling Yoochun had ever had without the younger man ever having to explain. And he only just realised just how much and how well Jaejoong knew him. He knew everything.
“You don’t love me.” Yoochun said the words out loud for the first time.
“I do.”
“You’re not in love with me.” He explained.
“No.” Jaejoong’s voice was laced with pain.
“What are we supposed to do then? I can’t just lose you because of this. I won’t.” If there was one thing Yoochun didn’t want it was to lose Jaejoong completely because of some stupid feeling that wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t throw a friendship like this away.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you either. Chunnie, but maybe we should.” Jaejoong felt a few tears fill his eyes, but as the prideful man he was, he merely held his eyes open for a few seconds waiting for them to dry, before blinking again. He never cried. He never let tears fill his eyes, though the few times they did, he never let them escape his eyes. But that tear had been for Yoochun and for himself and the thoughts right now were all colliding in his head becoming too much.
“Chun, maybe we should just put some distance between us. Not forever. I couldn’t put distance between us forever. But just for a while. And.” Jaejoong was quiet for a moment trying to control his emotions again. “And, we shouldn’t have sex. Never again.” He said shortly.
“Jaejoong, no, please don’t do that. I want to be your friend. I can’t be your friend if I’m not allowed to see you. I can live without the sex, but please, don’t let us grow apart.” They had been a part of each other’s lives for too many years to cut all ties.
“Yoochun, I can’t be near you right now. You need to move on. So you can fall in love with someone special and beautiful and who’ll love you just as much. You deserve that. We’ll be friends, I did promise forever, didn’t I?” Jaejoong decided not to care about crying and let go tears rolling down his cheek as he shifted on the couch holding Yoochun’s head between his two hands.
“Jae, don’t do that. I’ve never been without you. I’ll get over you. I promise.”
“I know you will. But you need time. Just a little bit of time. Please. I’ll still see you at work. And I’ll be your friend there, but I can’t see you alone. It hurts you.” And Yoochun knew that Jaejoong was right, so he nodded.
“I better go then.” Yoochun looked away. He didn’t like the warm hands on his cheeks. Or well. He loved the warm hands on his cheek and he was about to lean in to kiss the man in front of him, but something stopped him. He wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. They had to stop doing that.
“Chunnie, I’m so sorry.” Jaejoong’s voice sounded broken, sad. Yoochun couldn’t take it. Pulling away he stood up.
“Tell me one thing though. Do you love Changmin?” Yoochun’s voice wasn’t angry or sad. It was resigned and done. Almost as if he didn’t care about whatever Jaejoong felt about this other man, but he did care and he did want to know.
“Of course not. I don’t want Changmin. I don’t -…” Jaejoong was cut off by Yoochun’s raised hand.
“Spare me the lies Jae. Do you want him or do you not want him?” Yoochun’s voice was now harsh. He could take Jaejoong pissing him off, sleeping with people, falling in love with someone, but he couldn’t take Jaejoong lying to him.
“I’m not lying. I hate him. He makes my blood boil and he makes me angrier than anyone has ever done.” Jaejoong said the words and at the mere thought of Changmin he got a little bit angrier.
“Either you’re lying to me or yourself. But you’re right. We should have some distance. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” As Yoochun was stepping out the door he turned around for a moment. “Junsu won’t say anything, but if you say you didn’t sleep with him, I believe you.”
~…~…~
“Junsu. Can you come over?” Jaejoong had reached his phone first. But Yoochun had called the same number, said the same words, merely seconds after.
~…~…~
Junsu didn’t really know what to do. He was putting on his shoes when another phone call caught his attention.
“Hey Yoochun.” He liked it when Yoochun called him and he smiled a little into the phone.
“Junsu. Can you please come over? I really need someone.”
“Yoochun, can you please call someone else. It’s not that I don’t want to come over, but Jaejoong just called me.” Junsu said as he locked the door and started walking on his way to Jaejoong’s place. He’d need to take the bus or get a taxi somewhere.
“Oh. I’m sorry to bother you then.” Yoochun sounded resigned.
“Yoochun, I’m sorry. He’s my boss. He called first.” Junsu wanted to comfort Yoochun, but then again. Could he comfort a man who was crying over someone else? The other end went dead. Yoochun had hung up without giving an answer. It was hard, but Jaejoong had sounded so broken.
~…~…~
Jaejoong opened the door when the bell was rung. “Thanks.” He didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t really want to talk either. He just wanted another person to just be there, because otherwise he was probably going to end up doing something horrible to someone. And he didn’t even know when he’d started caring about what he did to people.
“Can you just be here? I got into a fight with Yoochun.” Junsu nodded. He’d gathered as much from the frantic phone call from Yoochun. He didn’t mention it to Jaejoong though.
“Want to talk about it?”
“No, please don’t ask what it was about. It’s too much a mess.”
And Junsu just stayed there sitting with his arm around Jaejoong letting the other man just sit there quietly. Jaejoong didn’t cry. He just sat there quietly looking into space. He didn’t talk; he didn’t want to tell what was going on. He just wanted to sit and stare. And that was fine with Junsu.
The hours went by and oddly enough the silence became almost comfortable. At some point they went from sitting up to lying down on the couch and soon after they both fell asleep.
~…~…~
Meanwhile Yoochun sat alone on his couch. He picked up his phone. Junsu was busy. He was fighting with Jaejoong. It struck him as the lighting how he didn’t have any other friends but those two.
“Am I bothering you?” Yoochun asked Yunho. He figured at least here he had a shot too. Yunho was his friend too on some odd level.
“Not at all. Eugene just went to bed. What can I help you with? It’s Yoochun right? Is something wrong at work? Did you lock up okay?” Yunho’s voice was worried, but at the same time he sounded caring. So caring that a burden just fell from Yoochun’s shoulders.
“I don’t know. I just needed to talk to someone, and Junsu is at Jae’s, and I can’t talk to Jaejoong, since it’s about him.” Yoochun confessed to Yunho. He didn’t know if it was completely proper to be talking to Jaejoong’s friend about this, but the man was also Yoochun’s friend. He had to be. He really needed to get out to get his own friends at some point. Junsu had been that. And then suddenly Jaejoong had wormed his way in and become friends with him too. Like he did with everything in Yoochun’s life.
“What happened?” Yunho asked patiently.
“I don’t know. He knows I’m in love with him. He said he has always known.” Yoochun sighed sadly into the phone.
“What a jerk. If he’s always known, then why didn’t he just stop doing anything to you? Didn’t he know he was hurting you?” Yunho was getting angrier with his college friend as time passed. How could Jaejoong be that careless?
“I don’t really blame him that. I was just as much a part of sleeping with him and asking for it as much as he did was, so it’s okay.” Yoochun didn’t blame Jaejoong for hurting him, but he was tired and sad right now. “He doesn’t love me like that, but we knew that. He said we’d better put some distance between each other.” Yoochun sighed.
“I think that for once he’s right.” Yunho agreed.
“Yeah, I know. But it still sucks.”
“At least you can move on now. He’s giving you space. You should do the same.”
“I think he’s in love with Changmin. He didn’t want to admit it though.” Yoochun finally said after a few minutes.
“What does it matter? Do you want him to be in love with Changmin? Why do you care about it? Just let go and let go of him.” That was really the best advice Yunho could give, since it was in his mind the best thing Yoochun could even do.
“I don’t know. I just wished he wasn’t so stubborn and just let himself go and love someone. He does deserve it.” Yoochun leaned against the couch and closed his eyes.
“Yes, but that’s beside the point.” Yunho quieted down and listened to the breathing on the other end.
“I should stop thinking about what he deserves.”
“Yes that’s true. You deserve someone to love too.”
“Funny. He said the same thing.” Yoochun didn’t think anything was funny at the moment and he definitely wasn’t laughing.
“It’s because it’s true.”
“How do I get over him?” Yoochun didn’t expect an answer to this, and he didn’t get one either. They just sat there in silence on the phone. It was kind of comfortable.
“Yoochun. Go to bed, relax and get some sleep. You’ll get over him at some point. I promise.” Yunho said the last words and then whispered a goodnight before turning off the phone.
~…~…~
The next morning Jaejoong just wanted to crawl back into bed, but he had to go to work. He was having final fittings before a photoshoot later this week.
“Jaejoong, this doesn’t fit.” Changmin wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Jaejoong today. And Jaejoong wasn’t in the mood to deal with Changmin either. So this was wonderful.
“Then come here.” Angrily Jaejoong frowned at the sight. It really didn’t fit. Who the hell had done this? “Who fitted you the last time?” Jaejoong asked.
“You did, you moron.” Changmin was in a bad mood for some reason. He always was around the designer, his boss. The man could just push all the annoying buttons and make him go crazy with the need to just smash something. Or say something especially evil like how the other man was a whore.
“Did you lose weight?”
“No.” Changmin was frowning and he looked down on Jaejoong in disgust. “And before you ask, no I didn’t shrink either.”
“I don’t believe this. Now stand still and watch the tone you use with me.” Jaejoong warned as he started fitting the trousers one more time. When had this happened?
“I’ll stand still when you stop being so crappy at fittings.” Changmin however did know that Jaejoong was a good designer and definitely good at fittings. He didn’t know why the man even bothered with fittings and didn’t get someone else to do it.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Jaejoong dropped all the needles when Changmin flinched again. He’d never had a model, who kept flinching whenever he touched them and this was getting annoying. He rose to his full length looking Changmin straight in the eyes.
“You keep moving, you’re so fucking angry at me all the time and you seem to hold some grudge against me. I’m sorry for fucking kissing you, I didn’t mean to, so now stop acting like a complete jerk and actually do something, because I’m in no mood to deal with you today and I’m definitely not in any mood to deal with you acting like a stuck up diva bitch.” Jaejoong was definitely far more than annoyed.
“Oh don’t think so highly of yourself. It isn’t about you, so shut the fuck up yourself. I have nothing against you, though I do hate everything you do.” Changmin said frustratingly kicking the air.
“Yeah? Everything I do? What’s it got to you if I sleep around? You made it clear that you didn’t want to sleep with me, so what’s the point even?” Jaejoong was quickly reaching his limit in this talk. If it hadn’t been for the fight with Yoochun he probably wouldn’t have started yelling. He probably would have ignored Changmin.
“Just because I found you disgusting. So keep your filthy hands away from me. I wouldn’t know where they’d been. You fuck around and you hurt people, so excuse me for not being willing to be one of those. I have more dignity than that, and I could get someone who is 10 times hotter than you and even nicer than you.” Changmin shot back the vein in his neck clear from the tension on his throat and neck.
“So you would actually sleep with me if I was nicer? Interesting to know.” Jaejoong smirked a little and then remembered to be angry again. “Nice doesn’t really get you anywhere, and I doubt you’re nice yourself, so why would a nice guy want to sleep with you?” Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. “And don’t you think nice is too boring?” He asked again as an eyebrow rose.
“That is not the point. And nice isn’t boring. Nice is nice. Nice is good. Nice is the thing that actually works on someone like me, so cut the crap.” Changmin pushed a little at Jaejoong and was surprised himself by doing so.
“I thought you didn’t want to touch me?” Teasing the younger man was just too easy and no matter how much Jaejoong was in a foul mood, he could always be convinced to push at Changmin just a little.
“I don’t.” Yet Changmin found that instead of pushing Jaejoong away he started pulling him closer. And suddenly their lips were attached again.
Hungrily their mouths moved against each other’s, harshly even. The anger they held towards each other just fuelling the electricity between them. Teeth were biting harshly in the lips as tongues battled for dominance. Eventually Jaejoong gave up against Changmin’s force and fell into the kiss allowing the younger man to take full control of it. Neither knew how long they’d been kissing, but they continued until the apparent need to breath overcame their want to continue. Both were breathless.
“Wow.” Jaejoong had never had a kiss like that. He reached up and touched his moist lips with his finger. It had been so amazing that even Changmin looked momentarily dazed, but when his eyes rolled back into his head, he widened his eyes.
Staring blankly for a second at Jaejoong, Changmin backed away. Taking steps backwards until he finally turned around and bolted out of the room. Not caring about the fact that he was still at work, not caring about the fact that he was wearing clothes that belonged to the fashion house and definitely not caring about the fact that his trousers were far too big.
Jaejoong stared at the blank spot. Fuck. He had been kissed by Shim Changmin. They had kissed. Again.
Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 8
Pairing: Jaejoong/Changmin, Jaejoong/Yoochun, Yoochun/Junsu, Jaejoong/everyone
Genre: AU, romance, general
Warning: Sexual situations
Length: Chaptered
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jaejoong is a fashion designer and loves to use Yoochun as his model and sexual partner, however one day he is forced to work with Changmin and all hell breaks loose.
Thank you miamushroom for the beautiful graphic
My apologies if this chapter is a little bit messy.
Chapter 7
The days were getting busier and busier. Between going to work, going home and sleeping Jaejoong hadn’t had much time. Well. He was going from bed to bed these nights since he was avoiding Yoochun and sleeping alone still wasn’t an option. But he found Changmin’s words echoing in his head every time he fell asleep in a new bed, so he always ended up grabbing his things and walk aimlessly in the night. He was being a whore and he knew it, but he didn’t care. Not until he was trying to fall asleep in a stranger’s bed.
“Jaejoong.” He turned at the familiar sound of Yoochun’s voice. There was no way to avoid him now. Not when he was standing right there in front of him on his cigarette break. Jaejoong couldn’t even pretend that he had to be somewhere else, because he didn’t. He had only just lit his cigarette and it was obvious that he intended on smoking all of it?
“What?” Jaejoong snapped a little. Junsu’s words were clear in his mind. He was hurting Yoochun and he refused to keep doing so. Yoochun lit a cigarette and started to blow out rings.
“Why are you avoiding me?” One couldn’t say that Yoochun would beat around the bush. At least not when it came to Jaejoong and that was slightly unnerving. Jaejoong had hoped that he’d get a bit of time to actually phrase just why he was avoiding his friend. He really didn’t want to talk right now.
“I’m not. I’m just busy.” Jaejoong easily lied. He was good at lying. Saying he was fine. Saying the right sweet words in the ears of his recent conquest, when he knew deep inside that this wasn’t what he wanted. When had it even become so complicated? He just wished, he could go back in time, when he still pretended Yoochun only loved him as a friend and sleeping around was just his way of being young and having fun.
“You’re avoiding me, so stop lying to me.” Yoochun easily said stepping up closer blowing smoke in the opposite direction.
“Fine. I’m avoiding you. There’s a reason, so stop trying to make me stop.” Jaejoong did know how weird that sentence sounded, but he wasn’t about to change it. He stood stubbornly on his ground refusing to back down and admit why he was avoiding Yoochun.
“Jae, you don’t have to. Is this about Junsu?” Yoochun asked quietly.
“No? Why would it be?” What did Junsu even have to do with anything?
“I don’t know. Maybe because you slept with him, even if I specifically told you not to?” Yoochun was angry about that? He seriously didn’t know what was going on? Jaejoong let out a sigh of relief, though also felt terror run through his body. They had to talk about this. He had to correct this one error, because for once he hadn’t actually slept with the one they were talking about.
“I didn’t sleep with him. Or well. I slept with him, but I didn’t have sex with him, so if that’s what you’re mad about stop being so mad. We never had sex.” Jaejoong said turning back to his work packing up a few fabrics here and there.
“Yeah, I almost believe you.” The words were hurtful and venomous and Jaejoong almost choked in shock. Yoochun always believed him.
“It’s true. If you don’t believe me go ask him yourself, but you can believe me. I didn’t shag him. I kissed him and then he hugged me all night. Do we really need to talk about this?”
“Then what the hell is wrong with you? I will definitely ask him.”
“Fuck you.”
“Say you didn’t sleep with him, why not? You’re sleeping with everyone else, so why not him too?” the words stung and as soon they’d left his mouth Yoochun knew it’d been a mistake.
“This is not the place Yoochun.” Jaejoong simply said detaching himself from his friend, from himself. “Come to my flat tonight if you believe what I’m saying. If you don’t then go fuck yourself.” And with those words Jaejoong spun on his heel, smudged his half-smoked cigarette on the ground and went back inside. Working was better than this huge mess.
They both knew that talking now would only lead to a bigger mess and both would end up saying things they’d regret later.
~…~…~
Yoochun sighed heavily. He didn’t really know what was going on. Junsu refused to say anything keeping insisting that he would have to talk to Jaejoong if he wanted to know what had happened. No one knew what was going on and the ones who did refused to tell him. He felt like smashing something or someone. More specifically he felt like punching Jaejoong right in the middle of his pretty face for making him feel like this.
“Yunho?” Yoochun walked up to his boss for this week.
“What can I help you with?” he asked smiling pleasantly at the younger man.
“I don’t know. Did you talk to Jaejoong recently? He’s avoiding me.” Yoochun sighed and leaned against the back of the chair he was sitting on. Sitting across from Yunho was nice. The man was nice and would always listen.
“I haven’t, no. Well not unless you count business. But maybe it’s a sign for you to finally move on? You know, he doesn’t love you like you love him.” Yunho said sadly.
“I know, but I don’t want to lose him. What am I supposed to do?” The question wasn’t meant to be answered and Yunho didn’t do that either. He just sighed heavily and sat back down allowing Yoochun to think.
He’d always been in love with Jaejoong. Ever since their first kiss, when they’d been 13 years old. That was more than 10 years ago. How did you just stop yourself from loving someone after so many years? He had let go of the thought of them being more than friends years ago and somehow, he did think that loving Jaejoong was becoming more of a habit than a true feeling, he had. He loved Jaejoong. He would always love him. He loved having sex with him, but he knew he could live without it. He’d have to, because at some point Jaejoong would settle down with someone who wasn’t Yoochun, and he’d have a happy life. He deserved that. And frankly so did Yoochun.
“Talk to him. I’m sure you two will figure it out. You should be able to figure it out.”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure. Can I stay here a little?”
Yunho nodded and then handed Yoochun the key to lock up the place.
He stayed there thinking for longer than he’d thought and looking at his watch he knew he was late for Jaejoong. He had to go. If he didn’t show up at Jaejoong’s place he knew his friend would see it as their friendship being over. But he didn’t know what to believe and what to think, but he ran. He ran all the way to Jaejoong’s flat knocking on the door only ten minutes too late. Ten minutes was almost excusable.
~…~…~
“I thought you wouldn’t come.” Jaejoong said the words in such manner that Yoochun believed that it was what he’d thought. He truly believed this.
“I could never do that.” Yoochun said honestly, and he was led inside and they sat on the sofa. “Tell me what is going on.” Yoochun demanded softly when they sat down.
“You love me.” Jaejoong simply said.
Yoochun stiffened. He hadn’t thought Jaejoong knew. How did he know? Had someone told him? He was ready to kill the one who’d told him.
“Who told you?” The voice was dangerous.
“No one.” Jaejoong spoke the words truthfully.
“I don’t believe that. Who told you? Junsu? Yunho?” Yoochun pressed.
“No one told me. They didn’t have to. Yoochun, don’t you think I’ve known all these years? I know. The way you touch me, the way you whisper in my ear, the way you hold me, kiss me when you think I’m asleep. You love me.” Jaejoong said the words again, and he knew they hurt. He could feel the hurt they left and they hurt a lot.
“Then why?” Why did you continue? Why did you play with me? Why did you let me? Why?
“I don’t know.” Jaejoong understood all the unspoken questions. Jaejoong understood every word Yoochun had ever said, and he understood every feeling Yoochun had ever had without the younger man ever having to explain. And he only just realised just how much and how well Jaejoong knew him. He knew everything.
“You don’t love me.” Yoochun said the words out loud for the first time.
“I do.”
“You’re not in love with me.” He explained.
“No.” Jaejoong’s voice was laced with pain.
“What are we supposed to do then? I can’t just lose you because of this. I won’t.” If there was one thing Yoochun didn’t want it was to lose Jaejoong completely because of some stupid feeling that wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t throw a friendship like this away.
“I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you either. Chunnie, but maybe we should.” Jaejoong felt a few tears fill his eyes, but as the prideful man he was, he merely held his eyes open for a few seconds waiting for them to dry, before blinking again. He never cried. He never let tears fill his eyes, though the few times they did, he never let them escape his eyes. But that tear had been for Yoochun and for himself and the thoughts right now were all colliding in his head becoming too much.
“Chun, maybe we should just put some distance between us. Not forever. I couldn’t put distance between us forever. But just for a while. And.” Jaejoong was quiet for a moment trying to control his emotions again. “And, we shouldn’t have sex. Never again.” He said shortly.
“Jaejoong, no, please don’t do that. I want to be your friend. I can’t be your friend if I’m not allowed to see you. I can live without the sex, but please, don’t let us grow apart.” They had been a part of each other’s lives for too many years to cut all ties.
“Yoochun, I can’t be near you right now. You need to move on. So you can fall in love with someone special and beautiful and who’ll love you just as much. You deserve that. We’ll be friends, I did promise forever, didn’t I?” Jaejoong decided not to care about crying and let go tears rolling down his cheek as he shifted on the couch holding Yoochun’s head between his two hands.
“Jae, don’t do that. I’ve never been without you. I’ll get over you. I promise.”
“I know you will. But you need time. Just a little bit of time. Please. I’ll still see you at work. And I’ll be your friend there, but I can’t see you alone. It hurts you.” And Yoochun knew that Jaejoong was right, so he nodded.
“I better go then.” Yoochun looked away. He didn’t like the warm hands on his cheeks. Or well. He loved the warm hands on his cheek and he was about to lean in to kiss the man in front of him, but something stopped him. He wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. They had to stop doing that.
“Chunnie, I’m so sorry.” Jaejoong’s voice sounded broken, sad. Yoochun couldn’t take it. Pulling away he stood up.
“Tell me one thing though. Do you love Changmin?” Yoochun’s voice wasn’t angry or sad. It was resigned and done. Almost as if he didn’t care about whatever Jaejoong felt about this other man, but he did care and he did want to know.
“Of course not. I don’t want Changmin. I don’t -…” Jaejoong was cut off by Yoochun’s raised hand.
“Spare me the lies Jae. Do you want him or do you not want him?” Yoochun’s voice was now harsh. He could take Jaejoong pissing him off, sleeping with people, falling in love with someone, but he couldn’t take Jaejoong lying to him.
“I’m not lying. I hate him. He makes my blood boil and he makes me angrier than anyone has ever done.” Jaejoong said the words and at the mere thought of Changmin he got a little bit angrier.
“Either you’re lying to me or yourself. But you’re right. We should have some distance. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” As Yoochun was stepping out the door he turned around for a moment. “Junsu won’t say anything, but if you say you didn’t sleep with him, I believe you.”
~…~…~
“Junsu. Can you come over?” Jaejoong had reached his phone first. But Yoochun had called the same number, said the same words, merely seconds after.
~…~…~
Junsu didn’t really know what to do. He was putting on his shoes when another phone call caught his attention.
“Hey Yoochun.” He liked it when Yoochun called him and he smiled a little into the phone.
“Junsu. Can you please come over? I really need someone.”
“Yoochun, can you please call someone else. It’s not that I don’t want to come over, but Jaejoong just called me.” Junsu said as he locked the door and started walking on his way to Jaejoong’s place. He’d need to take the bus or get a taxi somewhere.
“Oh. I’m sorry to bother you then.” Yoochun sounded resigned.
“Yoochun, I’m sorry. He’s my boss. He called first.” Junsu wanted to comfort Yoochun, but then again. Could he comfort a man who was crying over someone else? The other end went dead. Yoochun had hung up without giving an answer. It was hard, but Jaejoong had sounded so broken.
~…~…~
Jaejoong opened the door when the bell was rung. “Thanks.” He didn’t want to be alone, but he didn’t really want to talk either. He just wanted another person to just be there, because otherwise he was probably going to end up doing something horrible to someone. And he didn’t even know when he’d started caring about what he did to people.
“Can you just be here? I got into a fight with Yoochun.” Junsu nodded. He’d gathered as much from the frantic phone call from Yoochun. He didn’t mention it to Jaejoong though.
“Want to talk about it?”
“No, please don’t ask what it was about. It’s too much a mess.”
And Junsu just stayed there sitting with his arm around Jaejoong letting the other man just sit there quietly. Jaejoong didn’t cry. He just sat there quietly looking into space. He didn’t talk; he didn’t want to tell what was going on. He just wanted to sit and stare. And that was fine with Junsu.
The hours went by and oddly enough the silence became almost comfortable. At some point they went from sitting up to lying down on the couch and soon after they both fell asleep.
~…~…~
Meanwhile Yoochun sat alone on his couch. He picked up his phone. Junsu was busy. He was fighting with Jaejoong. It struck him as the lighting how he didn’t have any other friends but those two.
“Am I bothering you?” Yoochun asked Yunho. He figured at least here he had a shot too. Yunho was his friend too on some odd level.
“Not at all. Eugene just went to bed. What can I help you with? It’s Yoochun right? Is something wrong at work? Did you lock up okay?” Yunho’s voice was worried, but at the same time he sounded caring. So caring that a burden just fell from Yoochun’s shoulders.
“I don’t know. I just needed to talk to someone, and Junsu is at Jae’s, and I can’t talk to Jaejoong, since it’s about him.” Yoochun confessed to Yunho. He didn’t know if it was completely proper to be talking to Jaejoong’s friend about this, but the man was also Yoochun’s friend. He had to be. He really needed to get out to get his own friends at some point. Junsu had been that. And then suddenly Jaejoong had wormed his way in and become friends with him too. Like he did with everything in Yoochun’s life.
“What happened?” Yunho asked patiently.
“I don’t know. He knows I’m in love with him. He said he has always known.” Yoochun sighed sadly into the phone.
“What a jerk. If he’s always known, then why didn’t he just stop doing anything to you? Didn’t he know he was hurting you?” Yunho was getting angrier with his college friend as time passed. How could Jaejoong be that careless?
“I don’t really blame him that. I was just as much a part of sleeping with him and asking for it as much as he did was, so it’s okay.” Yoochun didn’t blame Jaejoong for hurting him, but he was tired and sad right now. “He doesn’t love me like that, but we knew that. He said we’d better put some distance between each other.” Yoochun sighed.
“I think that for once he’s right.” Yunho agreed.
“Yeah, I know. But it still sucks.”
“At least you can move on now. He’s giving you space. You should do the same.”
“I think he’s in love with Changmin. He didn’t want to admit it though.” Yoochun finally said after a few minutes.
“What does it matter? Do you want him to be in love with Changmin? Why do you care about it? Just let go and let go of him.” That was really the best advice Yunho could give, since it was in his mind the best thing Yoochun could even do.
“I don’t know. I just wished he wasn’t so stubborn and just let himself go and love someone. He does deserve it.” Yoochun leaned against the couch and closed his eyes.
“Yes, but that’s beside the point.” Yunho quieted down and listened to the breathing on the other end.
“I should stop thinking about what he deserves.”
“Yes that’s true. You deserve someone to love too.”
“Funny. He said the same thing.” Yoochun didn’t think anything was funny at the moment and he definitely wasn’t laughing.
“It’s because it’s true.”
“How do I get over him?” Yoochun didn’t expect an answer to this, and he didn’t get one either. They just sat there in silence on the phone. It was kind of comfortable.
“Yoochun. Go to bed, relax and get some sleep. You’ll get over him at some point. I promise.” Yunho said the last words and then whispered a goodnight before turning off the phone.
~…~…~
The next morning Jaejoong just wanted to crawl back into bed, but he had to go to work. He was having final fittings before a photoshoot later this week.
“Jaejoong, this doesn’t fit.” Changmin wasn’t really in the mood to talk to Jaejoong today. And Jaejoong wasn’t in the mood to deal with Changmin either. So this was wonderful.
“Then come here.” Angrily Jaejoong frowned at the sight. It really didn’t fit. Who the hell had done this? “Who fitted you the last time?” Jaejoong asked.
“You did, you moron.” Changmin was in a bad mood for some reason. He always was around the designer, his boss. The man could just push all the annoying buttons and make him go crazy with the need to just smash something. Or say something especially evil like how the other man was a whore.
“Did you lose weight?”
“No.” Changmin was frowning and he looked down on Jaejoong in disgust. “And before you ask, no I didn’t shrink either.”
“I don’t believe this. Now stand still and watch the tone you use with me.” Jaejoong warned as he started fitting the trousers one more time. When had this happened?
“I’ll stand still when you stop being so crappy at fittings.” Changmin however did know that Jaejoong was a good designer and definitely good at fittings. He didn’t know why the man even bothered with fittings and didn’t get someone else to do it.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Jaejoong dropped all the needles when Changmin flinched again. He’d never had a model, who kept flinching whenever he touched them and this was getting annoying. He rose to his full length looking Changmin straight in the eyes.
“You keep moving, you’re so fucking angry at me all the time and you seem to hold some grudge against me. I’m sorry for fucking kissing you, I didn’t mean to, so now stop acting like a complete jerk and actually do something, because I’m in no mood to deal with you today and I’m definitely not in any mood to deal with you acting like a stuck up diva bitch.” Jaejoong was definitely far more than annoyed.
“Oh don’t think so highly of yourself. It isn’t about you, so shut the fuck up yourself. I have nothing against you, though I do hate everything you do.” Changmin said frustratingly kicking the air.
“Yeah? Everything I do? What’s it got to you if I sleep around? You made it clear that you didn’t want to sleep with me, so what’s the point even?” Jaejoong was quickly reaching his limit in this talk. If it hadn’t been for the fight with Yoochun he probably wouldn’t have started yelling. He probably would have ignored Changmin.
“Just because I found you disgusting. So keep your filthy hands away from me. I wouldn’t know where they’d been. You fuck around and you hurt people, so excuse me for not being willing to be one of those. I have more dignity than that, and I could get someone who is 10 times hotter than you and even nicer than you.” Changmin shot back the vein in his neck clear from the tension on his throat and neck.
“So you would actually sleep with me if I was nicer? Interesting to know.” Jaejoong smirked a little and then remembered to be angry again. “Nice doesn’t really get you anywhere, and I doubt you’re nice yourself, so why would a nice guy want to sleep with you?” Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. “And don’t you think nice is too boring?” He asked again as an eyebrow rose.
“That is not the point. And nice isn’t boring. Nice is nice. Nice is good. Nice is the thing that actually works on someone like me, so cut the crap.” Changmin pushed a little at Jaejoong and was surprised himself by doing so.
“I thought you didn’t want to touch me?” Teasing the younger man was just too easy and no matter how much Jaejoong was in a foul mood, he could always be convinced to push at Changmin just a little.
“I don’t.” Yet Changmin found that instead of pushing Jaejoong away he started pulling him closer. And suddenly their lips were attached again.
Hungrily their mouths moved against each other’s, harshly even. The anger they held towards each other just fuelling the electricity between them. Teeth were biting harshly in the lips as tongues battled for dominance. Eventually Jaejoong gave up against Changmin’s force and fell into the kiss allowing the younger man to take full control of it. Neither knew how long they’d been kissing, but they continued until the apparent need to breath overcame their want to continue. Both were breathless.
“Wow.” Jaejoong had never had a kiss like that. He reached up and touched his moist lips with his finger. It had been so amazing that even Changmin looked momentarily dazed, but when his eyes rolled back into his head, he widened his eyes.
Staring blankly for a second at Jaejoong, Changmin backed away. Taking steps backwards until he finally turned around and bolted out of the room. Not caring about the fact that he was still at work, not caring about the fact that he was wearing clothes that belonged to the fashion house and definitely not caring about the fact that his trousers were far too big.
Jaejoong stared at the blank spot. Fuck. He had been kissed by Shim Changmin. They had kissed. Again.
Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 8