Have an emotional rollercoaster. Yikes. I'm so sorry. I really hope your baby cousin is okay, and that the surgery goes well. Will be thinking of you all, and crossing every appendage possible.
And seriously, DanO owes you a HUGE apology. What a dick thing to say. Seriously. People can be so insensitive.
And congratulations on the job! Now *you* can teach me about drinks... rather than my dad. ^^
I hope everything (other than this) is going well, and that I'll get to see you over the break!
Hey, thanks for the message. I really needed someone other than Daniel (who sometimes sounds like he's just agreeing with me for the sake of simplicity) to tell me that I wasn't completely being a bitch and unreasonable and that I should be able to expect my friends to support me even when I am short-tempered in a situation like this
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Firstly, I am very sorry to hear about your cousin .. I know how hard that can be. Last spring my brother and his wife lost their daughter within a few days of her being born - my point is that I understand how something like that can affect the whole family - and of course I will be keeping your cousin in my thoughts, hoping for the best
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I'm very glad to hear you point out the eldest child yet not-quite-grown dilemma, as it is a large one for me. Although I hold down a steady job (well, usually. I will admit that these last few months have been irregular), pay my bills, own and drive my car, am a godmother, make regular visits to my family in the area (we visit my uncle once a week, generally), am married, and by all accounts am a functioning member of society, it seems that I will forever be labeled "Niece" in the eyes of my Aunts and Uncles, and "Baby Daughter" in the eyes of my parents
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Yes I understand how hard it can be to be aggressive toward family. And I think that's okay, I think you can still be true to yourself without making things weird between you and your parents, at least I hope so .. I don't know if it's a Catholic thing or a big family thing or just a human thing - as I have the same issue. Well, I rarely find a reason to need to criticize my family members (I think I am lucky in that respect), but there are times I do not feel I am being recognized as a capable, mature adult as well (and me being the youngest, it's perhaps different, or perhaps not). It's tricky and I don't exactly know what to do either. I usually just keep it inside, and yes in some cases probably take it out on other situations/people
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I'll pray for your family. Yes, DanO owes you an apology..like Phil said this is a life and death issue, far more important.
I want to give you a huge hug. When things are less hectic, let me know and we should get together and do office or fam. guy or whatever. And congrats on the job!
Thanks a bunch! Although I think that I should have made things more up-front earlier (telling him that we wouldn't likely be there as soon as things got complicated), I do feel pride in my control (not calling him or honestly believing that he was the only reason I was so angry), and it's heartening at times to know that other people agree with me.
Things should settle down after Christmas. We should do something in January.
Posted this in my response to Phil's message, but it very much applies to you as well, so here it is:
And thank you for keeping Arthur in your thoughts. The surgery went remarkably well, and they are talking about discharging him within the next 2 days. We are all thrilled!
It's not your fault for flipping out because of ALL that was going on, not at all, but that anger totally spun out and hit everyone around you no matter how at fault they were and you lashed out *perhaps* inappropriately.I have been thinking about this line. I got mad at the time, yes, but I didn't really lash out, per say. I don't exactly understand what you're saying here. I did curse, but it was in the safety of my own home and only to my husband. I didn't yell at anyone. I wrote 2 long posts which no one at all had to read, and which lashed out at my family a little and Dano a little, but both in the intent to simply "spill my guts"... I was very clear, I thought, about the fact that I knew I was being slightly irrational. I was a little too harsh on Dano, perhaps, but I wasn't harsh on anyone else
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I don't mean that I think you attacked him, but it sounded to me like maybe YOU thought you did. I didn't even find your text bitchy, but was working under the hypothesis that both of you thought it was. I mean, if there wasn't there wouldn't be a rift between the two of you, right? You admitted in your journal that you were a "bit bitchier than necessary". I didn't see it in that text but that's what you said and that's what I was going on
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I guess I got defensive. Reading that quote, I had taken it slightly differently than you had intended it, I think, and it seems to have made all the difference.
I had thought that when you put perhaps in there, it was your way of saying that maybe the degree to which I lashed out at everyone no matter how at fault they were could have been inappropriate. And when I read it, I took it to mean everyone. The thing is, very few people were actually involved in the incident, so everyone seemed an overstatement. I suppose I took it to mean that all of my friends, no matter how involved in the incident in general, got attacked
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Thanks for the honesty. It means a lot to me, truly. As for my text, as stated, it read, "Dano, my baby cousin is going in for serious heart surgery tomorrow. That's my main priority." I don't know if you missed that, but you seemed to be saying that you didn't know the actual contents of my text, so there it is. Having discussed this with Dano's sister (I think, unfortunately, that Dano and I are at odds), I have determined a few things.
(A) It is now apparent to me that although Daniel and I had mentioned schedule conflicts, Dano had not processed them and so our non-attendance came out of left field entirely, leaving him feeling much as I did on my 21st birthday;
(B) Both Dano and I wrote our text messages with some maliciousness; I still stand by the statement that I was trying to control my anger, but I nonetheless was a bit overly bitchy.
(C) My response to recieving his text message was inordinately intense, and it is a very good thing that I did not call him...I was expressing my frustration at my family, the situation
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Thanks for clearing up all the points for me so I can understand the situation more clearly. Well it's totally shit that he won't apologize b/c clearly of the two parties he owes you one more than you owe him one. (I read the text but thought that since you mentioned it as being bitchy and since HE took it to be bitchy I thought maybe you paraphrased it or maybe there was an additional one -- by itself it's not bad but I can see where coming out of left field it might sting to read that, since he didn't realize that was what was holding you up, but in that case it's his own embarassment rather than your bitchiness that is what hurt his feelings really... hm
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You're right, while that apology format seems really excellent f I were talking about someone else's situation, it doesn't seem to apply here when I think about it. A large part of it is, I can demand an apology all I want, and I can try to be clear about the fact that I feel that I deserve one, but Dano is so absurdly stubborn, passive, and in a lot of ways, really self-centered (ask Daniel, even), that I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get an apology from him, ever. Should he say "I'm sorry" it would b grudgingly, and without any feeling behind it. And a letter of apology to him may, in fact, be necessary to repair the rift. So I'm caught in a situation where I feel that for my husband, I must phrase VERY CAREFULLY and CLEARLY a letter which apologizes only for what wrong I genuinely feel I have done, and then I have to decide what to say about his behavior. I have to decide how to carefully phrase my feelings about the incident, and how to make it clear that I don't intend to be stepped on
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And seriously, DanO owes you a HUGE apology. What a dick thing to say. Seriously. People can be so insensitive.
And congratulations on the job! Now *you* can teach me about drinks... rather than my dad. ^^
I hope everything (other than this) is going well, and that I'll get to see you over the break!
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I want to give you a huge hug. When things are less hectic, let me know and we should get together and do office or fam. guy or whatever. And congrats on the job!
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Things should settle down after Christmas. We should do something in January.
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And thank you for keeping Arthur in your thoughts. The surgery went remarkably well, and they are talking about discharging him within the next 2 days. We are all thrilled!
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I had thought that when you put perhaps in there, it was your way of saying that maybe the degree to which I lashed out at everyone no matter how at fault they were could have been inappropriate. And when I read it, I took it to mean everyone. The thing is, very few people were actually involved in the incident, so everyone seemed an overstatement. I suppose I took it to mean that all of my friends, no matter how involved in the incident in general, got attacked ( ... )
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(A) It is now apparent to me that although Daniel and I had mentioned schedule conflicts, Dano had not processed them and so our non-attendance came out of left field entirely, leaving him feeling much as I did on my 21st birthday;
(B) Both Dano and I wrote our text messages with some maliciousness; I still stand by the statement that I was trying to control my anger, but I nonetheless was a bit overly bitchy.
(C) My response to recieving his text message was inordinately intense, and it is a very good thing that I did not call him...I was expressing my frustration at my family, the situation ( ... )
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