SPN RPS: Given and Taken in Ink (2/4) // R // Jared/Jensen
Given and Taken in Ink
Jared/Jensen, R
See the index for a full header.
Part 1
Jared awoke six hours later, around noon, bleary eyed and achy from sleeping in the same position for so long. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and squinted into the sun that had made its way around to his bedroom window. He pulled a pillow over his head and grumbled but he could hear the dogs whining in the hallway and knew he had to take them for their promised run.
He splashed some water on his face and grabbed a random ball cap to shove over his hair, then whistled for the dogs and clipped their leashes on. He stepped outside and started down the front walk quickly, then stopped short at the end, causing the dogs to jerk on their leashes. Jared suddenly remembered what had happened earlier that day with his neighbour. He started walking again, looking about to see if anyone noticed his odd behaviour.
Jared didn't want to think of Jensen differently now that he knew what he did. It'd been so long since he was truly attracted to someone that Jared wasn't sure how to act around Jensen now. Jensen wasn't easily brushed off, either, as evidenced by how Jensen continued to pursue a friendship with Jared despite him being a total spazz. Jared had to find a way to be around Jensen without letting his brain go into overdrive and without making Jensen hate him.
"Shut up!" Jared hissed to himself as he strode down the sidewalk. The dogs trotted along beside him, happy to be out of the house at least. Once more Jared looked around to see if anyone noticed him talking to himself. Luckily he wasn't walking within earshot of anyone.
When they got to the off-leash park Jared played with the dogs instead of letting them run around on their own. He was trying to keep his hands and brain busy but he wasn't succeeding very well.
Jared didn't know why he obsessed over things like this. He never used to. But he supposed that since everything went down back home he couldn't really help it, although it drove him crazy. He often focused on things so closely that he lost perspective on the rest of his life. He didn't want Jensen to fall into that category. He made it too hard, he realized, but it was all he knew to do.
It was harder this time, however, due to the added bonus of Jensen's arrival into Jared's life being the one thing that gave him drive to write. He felt guilty wondering if the only reason he was attracted to Jensen was for that reason but then he thought about Jensen's strong hands, and the way his clothes often molded to his body, his green eyes and ... Yeah. Jared didn't only want Jensen so he could write.
Once Jared was sweating and breathing heavy from running and wrestling with the dogs he checked his watch and noticed a couple hours had passed. Jared's stomach growled and he realized he hadn't even eaten. He called for the dogs and got them back on their leashes for the walk home.
The dogs kept up with Jared's quick walk on the way but didn't try to strain out of the length of the leash until they reached Jensen's house. Like before Jensen was sitting on his porch and the dogs noticed him as soon as he came into view.
Jared allowed the dogs to pull him across Jensen's lawn because he didn't know how else to react. He didn't want to come off like an ass but he worried he'd say something awkward or out of place.
"You're such a fucking tool," he whispered to himself under his breath. "Just let it go."
But he couldn't. As soon as the dogs were near the porch Jared let their leashes go so they could maul Jensen who stooped down to meet them.
"What's up?" Jensen asked as Jared stepped onto the last stair but no closer.
"Not much. Just out for a run," Jared replied.
"That's good. Got any plans later?"
Jared shifted uneasily and shrugged. "Not sure."
"Got to write? What are you working on right now, if you don't mind me asking?" Jensen asked. Jared started to feel edgy and moved from foot to foot.
"Uh, a little of this and that, I guess. Nothing too specific," Jared lied. He watched the way Jensen ran his hands over the dogs, scratched behind their ears and rubbed their bellies. The dogs rolled over for him, easy as pie, and Jared was jealous, for Christ's sake. They had it so easy while Jared was standing there, feeling like a conflicted moron.
"Gotcha. Well, if you're up for it there's a baseball game on later. You could come over if you wanted. Maybe we could barbecue? I've got some great steaks marinating and some left over beer."
"Left over?" Jared asked.
"Yeah, just from some people I had over," Jensen replied, his voice muddled in Sadie's fur as he leaned down to tease her.
"Didn't think you knew anyone?" Jared said slowly.
"Met some people at the bar," Jensen shrugged and Jared got the feeling Jensen was avoiding telling him what Jared already knew. That he went out, and met a trick to bring home. Great.
"I'll think about it. Got to see what I can get done this afternoon."
"Right, I get it. Just come over if you decide you want to, then." Jensen stood up and he was a little taller than Jared from where he stood at the top of the stairs. Jared looked up at him for a moment, debating on whether to bring up the guy from the night before, then reached to grab the dog's leashes, instead.
"See ya," Jared muttered and stepped off the stoop toward his own house.
"Later," Jensen called back and Jared thought he sounded disappointed. Jared stopped, mid stride, and stood in the middle of Jensen's lawn, at war with himself. His inner monologue raced through his head, holding him hostage.
"You okay?" Jensen called out. Jared turned around slowly and took in Jensen's easy appearance. His hair was sticking up in some places and his face was a little shiny from being outside in the heat. His freckles were more pronounced than when he moved in. He was just wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans but Jared was almost overwhelmed by it all.
He was jealous, he realized with a start. He wanted Jensen to ask him to stay the night. To be the one he kicked out in the morning--well, maybe not that. But still, he was fucking jealous of the guy from the night before. For the life of him Jared couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way about anyone, even Chad in the beginning.
Jared felt like a thirteen year old stuck in a twenty-two year old's body because he had no idea what to do in this situation.
"Jared?" Jensen called again. "Heat stroke get to your brain, dude?"
Jared started walking back to Jensen's house, the dogs in tow, and climbed the three steps to the top of the stoop where Jensen still stood. Jared stopped close to Jensen, so close that he could smell the bare hint of sunscreen coming off his skin and he could see the faint sweat stains through his t-shirt.
"Yeah?" Jensen said while trying to smile, but it came out breathless.
"I know about the guy from last night," Jared blurted out. Jensen's eyes widened but before he could say anything Jared leaned in and kissed him.
Jensen's hands immediately came up to cup Jared's face and held him there. Jared dropped the dog's leashes and put his hands on Jensen's waist, feeling the heat of his skin through the thin shirt. Jensen moved in closer and slid his tongue into Jared's mouth, deepening the kiss. He dropped one of his hands from Jared's cheek to find the hem of Jared's t-shirt. He slid his hand under it to stroke the smooth skin of his abdomen. Jared jerked because it tickled and pulled back a bit.
Jensen's lips were red and his eyes were heavy lidded as he stared back at Jared. Jensen tried to smile but Jared stepped back quickly, almost stepping on Sadie. He grabbed the leashes quickly and backed up, almost falling down the stairs.
"Sorry. I'm sorry," Jared mumbled. Jensen tried to reach out to him but Jared was down the stairs and halfway across the lawn before he could think of what to do.
"Jared!" Jensen called out. "Come on, man! It's okay!"
Jared didn't reply. Instead he got into his house and locked the door behind him. He wondered if Jensen was going to come after him and didn't know what the hell he would say or do if he did. What the hell was Jared thinking?
He swore at himself all the while he replayed the moment in his head over and over. Once he checked to make sure the back door was locked as well he fed the dogs and let them do their thing. Then he realized that once again he wasn't showered and likely looked homeless in front of Jensen.
"I will never win," he groaned and went to shower. Maybe he'd fall in the tub, hit his head and develop amnesia for the past two weeks.
~~~
Jared and Chad never talked again. Jared saw him around campus every now and then but if Chad saw him he never let on. When Jared saw him it was always from afar and Chad was always with a girl. With his arm around her, kissing her--damn-near getting to second base with her in the middle of the quad. Jared often had to swallow the feeling of betrayal and walk away unless he wanted to make a scene.
Second semester started shitty for Jared and only got worse from there. He realized quickly that he was back in the same boat he'd been in first semester with having no friends or anyone to talk to. All of his friends had been Chad's friends. They ignored Jared now, too. Everyone else had already found their groups by that point, were paired off and together. Jared was by himself. It was the loneliest he'd ever been in his life.
Well, unless you counted his creative writing professor. Jared once again took to heart the idea of writing what he knew. All he knew right then was pain and the feeling that he'd done something wrong--that he loved wrong. He put that into everything he wrote. In his spare time when he wasn't half-heartedly studying he continued his story from first semester, the one that ruined everything.
He wasn't sure if it was a second part or a continuation or one whole story. He didn't know how it ended. He felt like a failure because surely real writers didn't work that way.
After he received an assignment in his creative writing class back with a lower grade than he'd become accustomed to with a note that said, 'see me' attached to it Jared found himself at his professor's office, knocking hesitantly.
"Jared, come in," Professor Leahey greeted him with a wave. Jared stepped into the office, closed the door and sat down in front of his teacher.
"You wanted to see me?"
"I was hoping you would come to me before this, honestly, but I had to resort to desperate measures," Mr. Leahey replied.
"Sorry?"
"You've been backsliding. Last semester you were doing so well. But I'm not seeing work that I've come to expect from you. I don't want to get into your personal life but I'm concerned that you're not doing well."
"Not doing well?"
"Come on, Jared. You look as if you haven't slept in days,, you have no interest in my class, you're listless and withdrawn. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I'm concerned. You showed such promise last semester."
"I did?" Jared asked, surprised at the professor's praise.
"Every year there are some stand outs in my classes and I try to encourage them--but you. You have something I haven't seen in quite some time. A way with words that's very impressive. Honest, open and unpretentious. It's a relief."
"Oh," Jared replied, unsure what to say.
"I just want you to know that if you want to talk, I'm here. I'd hate to see ... well, let's just say I don't want to be giving you anymore Cs in this class, okay?"
"Right." Jared nodded and stood up. "That's it?"
Leahey sighed and nodded. "Yeah. See you in class Wednesday."
"Right." Jared turned to leave but then stopped. "Professor?"
"Yes?"
"I've written more. Of what I wrote last semester? I've kept writing it."
"That's great, Jared," Leahey replied and he sounded genuinely supportive.
"Can I -- would it be okay if I emailed it to you? I'd like your opinion on it."
"Of course. Please. I look forward to it." Jared left the office feeling slightly better than he had in the month and a half since the semester started. He emailed it as soon as he got back to his room and waited all night for a sign that Leahey read it.
He had to wait until Wednesday when there was another returned assignment in class, another note to see his professor. Jared went to the office with some trepidation that day, fearful of what Leahey's reaction was going to be.
When he sat down Leahey took his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "I was up later than usual looking over your story, I have to admit. I'm beyond impressed. And more worried about you, Jared. I didn't realize this was going on with you."
"What? The story's fiction," Jared replied with a forced laugh, trying to shrug it off. Leahey smiled wanly at Jared and shook his head slightly.
"Jared, I'm not blind. I assume you haven't written any further because you haven't reached a conclusion with everything in your life?" Jared leaned his elbows on his knees and hunched over while he nodded. "Okay. Here's what I think. You need to find an ending. You need to polish this up and send it to publishing companies."
"What?" Jared jerked his head up while his mouth dropped open.
"This is a fresh, honest story. One that I haven't read the likes of in some time. And I think if you found an ending for it, it could bring you some closure in your own life. These characters need a conclusion," Leahey said, pointing to his computer where Jared could see he had the emailed file open.
"I don't know how to give them an ending."
"Tell you what. I'm assigning this as your course work for the rest of the semester. I want you to develop this further. I'll work with you one-on-one and help you develop an ending for this that you support and can get behind. I'm not joking around with you, Jared. You have a talent that could take you far. There's not a lot of glory in writing sometimes but this is something that, if you want, could be an impressive debut. There's passion behind your words, sad as they are."
"You serious?"
"If we can get it into the hands of a company willing to put it out there, yes. I think so."
Jared thought it over for about a minute, weighing the pros and cons and the idea that maybe he could have closure, too. Maybe he could finally get Chad out of his life. That he would rue the day he ever tried to make Jared feel like he'd made a mistake.
He nodded. "Okay. I'll do it."
~~~
Jensen didn't come after him, thankfully. At least not that day. Jared let the dogs run around in the backyard for the evening but didn't go play with them as he usually would. He also stayed away from his office and even closed the door totally so he wouldn't have to look at the laptop or be tempted to go see where the character would take him now.
It was becoming too personal for him at that very moment and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. So instead he called Sandy.
"What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she picked up.
"Why would something be wrong?" Jared asked, confused.
"Because you never call me first unless you're having some sort of problem. What is it now?"
"Has anyone ever told you about tact?" Jared asked, laughing.
"I'm sure they've tried. Now, seriously. What's up?"
"I have a new neighbour," Jared started.
"The amazingly hot one with the nice ass?"
Jared rolled his eyes. "Yes, that one. Anyway. He's gay."
"Are you serious? Fucking hell."
"Don't sound too disappointed," Jared said dryly.
"Just once I'd like there to be an incredibly attractive man who's polite and charming and probably sensitive who isn't gay. You know?"
"No, but do go on."
"Right, sorry. So you have a hot gay neighbour. Are you going to jump on it?"
"Er." Jared wasn't sure how to reply to that.
"You already did!" Sandy yelled.
Jared winced. "No, I didn't 'jump on it'. Not exactly."
"What, exactly, did you do, then? And remember, details are key."
"I thought you didn't care about the gay guys."
"I said I want one who isn't gay, not that I don't want to hear all the juicy details. Stop stalling!"
"I kissed him."
"And?"
"That's it."
"Are you having an issue over kissing him? Jared, seriously?"
"I haven't done this in awhile! Or often! Or ... almost at all!"
"You've had flings or whatever," Sandy replied and he could picture her waving her hand in the air and frowning.
"This is different though. This is... it's more personal. We're friends. And now I've kissed him. I can't get away from him, either. He's my neighbour! What if I've just fucked things up?"
"Did he seem disgusted by kissing you? And how do you know he's gay? Did he tell you?"
"No, I kind of overheard his guest leaving last night. But he said he wasn't into something serious to him when he left."
"Hot," Sandy breathed.
"Not exactly but moving on. It gets worse."
"Jesus, Jared. I leave you alone for a week and you've got a Spanish soap opera happening in your backyard. What else?"
"He's become my muse, embarrassing as that sounds. Know how I've been blocked? As soon as he came around I started to write again. I have characters and a storyline and everything. So not only is my friendship with this guy on the line but also my connection with the only thing I've been able to write in months."
"Well, that's interesting," Sandy replied thoughtfully. Then she was silent for a few minutes. "Is that it?"
"Yeah?"
"What do you think you should do, Jared? Here's a hot guy who, from what you've told me, seems willing to return your feelings and he's making you write again. Fuck his brains out, write in the aftermath and keep him around until you get the story finished! If things go south at least you can say you made money off it all!"
"You're no help," Jared groaned.
"Why not? Is there more than that?"
"Not... I'm -- I don't know."
"Are you doing that thing where you obsess for hours on end about what you should or shouldn't do and try hard to think you're not judging people when you're so doing it at the expense of your own sanity?" Jared blinked.
"Yes?"
Sandy sighed again. "I don't know what I can say that's going to make you actually take my advice but grow some balls, Jared! You like him, and he most likely enjoys your company since you're pretty damn hot yourself. Be like every other normal person in the world for once. If you like him, you like him. Can you make that your mantra? You can't help who you like or what comes of it, you know? So just.... grow a pair!"
"Throw caution to the wind, you're saying?"
"You have too much caution to throw to the wind. It will backlash into your face and break your nose, Jared. I'm saying ditch it in the fucking ocean and go crazy! The next time I see you I expect to hear details about how you've progressed with Mr. Bowleggeds."
"Mr. Bowleggeds?" Jared asked, confused.
"Have you seen the dude's legs? He was born to ride things," Sandy replied with a loud laugh.
"You always know how to put things into perspective," Jared laughed. "Thanks, Sandy."
"That's why I'm here."
~~~
Jensen didn't show up until the next day. Jared watched for Jensen to leave first thing in the morning for work, then took the dogs out for their run and went about his usual daily activities. The office stayed closed off for now. Jared didn't want to taint his story with anything that might have too much personal significance, at least not until he worked some of if out for himself.
He thought long and hard about what Sandy said on the phone all night. He knew she was right, of course. Why shouldn't he allow himself a little fun and excitement like he used to have? Why did he insist on closing himself off from everything?
At the core of his thoughts, though, was how great that kiss was. How Jensen had responded instantly. He didn't hesitate or try to back away from Jared. It was like he wanted it as much as Jared did, as if he was expecting it. And that thought buoyed Jared.
But it still didn't mean that he would act on his wishes. As much as Jared wanted to be the person who could let the walls down, he wasn't. He hadn't been for a long time. He didn't see that changing over night.
Jared stayed inside after taking the dogs on an extended run in the afternoon. He cooked himself some pasta and sat down in front of the big screen to watch some mindless TV or maybe order a movie on the Pay-Per-View.
Around six-thirty his doorbell rang. Jared ignored it. Sandy would either barge in or keep ringing until he let her in. If it was a delivery person, they'd leave a note for their next drop-off date. If it was Jensen, well, he'd just have to wait.
Jensen wasn't the waiting kind, as it would turn out. A few minutes after the ignored doorbell there was a loud knock on the back door. Jared ignored that, too, comfortable that he couldn't be seen from the kitchen.
A few minutes later he heard a thump and loud swearing coming from his office. The dogs started barking ferociously, thinking there was an intruder in the house. Jared put his pasta down and shushed the dogs, not that it did much good, and fought his racing heart as he walked to the office and opened the door.
Jensen was picking himself up off the floor from where he'd fallen through the window. From the looks of it he might have clipped himself on the side of the desk. Jared went to Jensen and tipped his head up, looking for any signs that he hit his head and generally checking him over for any injuries. When he didn't find any he stepped back and crossed his arms.
"Do you make a habit of breaking into people's houses when they don't answer the door?" Jared asked.
"Only when people make a habit of being five and ignoring the obvious," Jensen replied cheerfully. He pushed past Jared and walked into the kitchen. "Cooking?"
"For me," Jared replied, growing irritated. "Jensen, what are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you to tell me what happened yesterday. Got any more pasta?"
"No."
"Mind if I make some? I see some left over cheese sauce here." Jared gestured to the pot still on the stove.
"If I say yes will you go away?" Jensen snorted. "Of course not. Look, yesterday... was a mistake. Okay? I don't know what I was thinking," Jared said desperately, trying to get Jensen out of the house.
"I don't either. Which is why I'm here. I figured you'd try and shut me out so I waited until today, hoping that putting a little time between it might have made you less weird about it but I guess not."
"I"m not weird about it," Jared replied defensively. Jensen just gave him a look and Jared frowned. "I'm working on these things."
"Try harder," Jensen replied with a laugh. "Look, Jared. I'll leave if that's what you really want but I'm guessing it's not. All I want is to talk about what happened. I wasn't offended, if that's what you're worried about."
"I wasn't."
"Then what? Why did you freak out?"
Jared sighed and tried to think of the best way to word any number of the many reasons he had why he was freaking out over the kiss between he and Jensen and why his attraction to the neighbour worried him. Jensen waited patiently, putting some water in the pot Jared used for his pasta and setting it to boil.
"I guess," Jared started slowly. "I'm not good at this. Expressing things. You've probably noticed." Jensen chuckled. "I'm not an action sort of guy, you know? That kiss was completely out of the blue. I didn't know where it came from or why I acted on it, but I did."
"Do you regret it?" Jensen asked softly, taking a step toward Jared.
"No," Jared replied hesitantly.
"No?"
"I don't want to fuck it up," Jared replied with a shrug. "Like I said, I'm not used to doing this sort of thing."
"What sort of thing? Kissing someone or pursuing them? Because the kissing thing? Was pretty good."
Jared blushed. "We're neighbours. You're new to the city and to the area, I'm not the most welcoming person. I'm a very private person."
Jensen hesitated and blinked before he stepped closer again. "I can be private."
Jensen thought quickly. "I don't like to go out much. I like staying in and working and watching the game. Playing with my dogs and taking them to the dog park."
"Are you trying to make yourself boring to me? You intrigue me, Jared," Jensen said honestly. He stepped up to Jared so the edges of their shoes touched and tilted his head up to him. "If you're trying to push me away it's not going to work. Sorry."
"Why not?"
"Because I've been waiting to kiss you since I met you," Jensen whispered before he stretched to touch his lips to Jared's. Jared didn't pull away. Partly because he couldn't move and partly because he didn't want to. Ever.
Jensen reached up to lace his fingers through Jared's shaggy hair and leaned in so their bodies were pressed against each other. Jared let his hands smooth down Jensen's back to his ass and he cupped the cheeks gently, pulling the other man to him. Jared could feel Jensen's cock start to fill out against his leg and he felt heat scorch through his body in response.
Jared could have stood in his kitchen all evening kissing Jensen but the hiss and snap of the water in the pot on the stove boiling over pulled them away from each other. Jensen moved the pot off the burner quickly before too much mess could be made and wiped up the rest. Jared watched him, how the muscles in his back flexed through his t-shirt. He tried to even out his breathing as he watched Jensen who was oblivious to Jared's eyes on him. Jensen dropped some pasta in the pot and set it back on the burner to cook, then turned back to Jared.
"So?"
"Yeah?" Jared replied.
"Gonna go lock yourself in the bathroom or something now? Try to keep me away again?"
Jared shook his head. "Not this time," he said with a grin and reached out to grab the front of Jensen's t-shirt. He could feel his pulse pounding everywhere, felt his heart racing. He couldn't remember feeling like this in a long time, since Chad. Maybe not even with Chad. This was a heady feeling, one he never wanted to let go of now that he had it.
He pulled Jensen in closer and kissed him again, smiling against Jensen's lips when he responded immediately. This kind of power over someone was intoxicating. This feeling of newness, of uncharted territory and that someone else was feeling the same thing--for right now it superseded all of his neuroses and obsessive tendencies.
~~~
For all intents and purposes Jared supposed he was dating Jensen now. They never spoke about it but in the weeks that followed Jared didn't witness anymore nighttime visitors to Jensen's house. They had dinner together at least three times a week and Jensen was starting to prod Jared out of the house, even.
One particularly sunny Saturday afternoon Jensen dragged Jared to an area of the city Jared had never even heard of to go looking through pawn shops and antique places. Jared found a few things he got a kick out of that Sandy would likely scoff at because it didn't go with anything he had in the house but he didn't care.
Jensen pulled him into a used book store. Jared hovered around the front of the store while Jensen peeked through some older books in the back. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, that Jared knew of, but Jensen said he got a kick out of random bookstores so Jared was happy to let him search.
Jared's own book was coming along nicely. He wrote every night now, after Jensen left. His character wasn't a spitting image of Jensen but from every bit of information Jared learned about him helped form a new facet of the personality of his character. His editor, Dennis, breathed a sigh of relief now when Jared said he was actually working. He wasn't sure how the story was going to end or what would happen to the main character, but it was shaping up to the point where Jared felt he could take real creative reign of everything, instead of waiting to see how things were going between himself and Jensen.
Jensen still had no idea who he was. As far as Jensen was concerned Jared was just a freelance writer who got sent work from areas all over the world and worked for magazines and journals, whatever he was needed for. Jared hoped that Jensen would never question him further on it because he wasn't sure he could keep the lie up without keeping the generalities of it all.
As Jared wandered around the front of the store he looked through the stacks of books that were lying everywhere. He saw some books that he read before and some that he always wanted to but never got around to. Some of the books represented times in his past when he was a different person and he was someone who didn't like to be reminded so vividly of those times. He caught sight of a familiar title and pulled a copy of his own first book out of a stack in the fiction section. It was well-worn and had obviously been read many times before someone surrendered it to the store. Jared hoped that whoever it was realized they didn't need the book anymore because it helped them find a place in their lives that Jared himself was still looking for.
"Hey." Jensen popped around the corner of the section Jared was in and startled Jared out of his thoughts. Jared dropped the book on the floor and laughed nervously. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Jensen bent down and picked up the book, glancing at the cover. "Buying this?"
"Uh, no. Just looking," Jared said as he took the book back and shoved it back onto the shelf. Jensen reached over and took it back, taking a better look at it. Jared felt his heart start to pound in his chest as Jensen read the back blurb.
"I heard this is good," Jensen said absently, as he flipped through a few pages. Jared's palms got sweaty and he had to readjust his hold on the couple bags he was holding. "They're making a movie based on this, right?"
"I wouldn't know, I don't think I've heard of it," Jared lied. His mouth felt dry and he swallowed convulsively.
"I've heard it's going to be a big deal. Tom Hanks is attached or rumoured, I don't know. And someone from that vampire movie, I'm pretty sure. It's getting some buzz. Ah, crap. Now you know my deep dark secret. I love reading Hollywood gossip," Jensen laughed, then looked up from the book and took a look at Jared.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, sure. It's just hot in here."
Jensen frowned and put the book back slowly. "Jared..."
"Do you want to go get something to drink? I'm thirsty. Or maybe something to eat? We haven't had lunch yet," Jared suggested.
Jensen looked as if he was going to say something but stopped himself and nodded. "Sure, we can do that." They left the store and covered the awkward moment with mindless talk for the rest of the afternoon.
~~~
Later that evening they sat out on Jensen's patio, drinking beer and barbecuing for dinner. The dogs laid in the shade while Jared kicked back in a plastic lawn chair, watching Jensen flip the steaks. Aside from the incident at the book store the day went off without a hitch.
"How do you want yours?" Jensen called out.
"Medium rare," Jared replied. He tilted his head and let his eyes trail down Jensen's back to his ass. He noticed the way Jensen's legs curved a bit and nodded to himself. He was kind of bow legged.
"Huh," Jared muttered to himself.
"What?" Jensen asked as he sat down in the chair next to Jared.
"Oh, nothing." Jared shook his head with a smile. "Almost done?"
"Getting there."
Jared nodded and took a sip of his beer. They sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the barbecue hiss every now and then. Jared tipped his head back and smiled into the sun, enjoying the moment.
"So," Jensen said a few minutes later. "What happened in the bookstore today?"
Jared jerked his head back up. "What?"
"You seemed kinda freaked about that book. I just wondered if it meant anything?"
"Of course not. It was just a book," Jared replied, a little too quickly.
"Okay," Jensen said slowly. He took a drink of his beer and stared into the distance. "You know if there's anything you need to tell me, Jared, that it's okay, right? I'll listen."
"I know," Jared tried to say casually but it was obviously forced. Jensen pushed his sunglasses up on his head and looked over at Jared, squinting a bit.
"I just want you to know that you can trust me. It might not always seem like it but you can. I want you to know that."
"What does that mean?" Jared asked.
Jensen was quiet for a moment, then he took a deep breath and shook his head. "Nothing. I just know that.... Look, I just want you to know that it's okay. I've been pushing and you're not... Fuck. I don't know. Forget I ever said anything, okay?" Jensen finally finished lamely. He swore to himself under his breath and looked away from Jared again.
Jared opened his mouth, then shut it. "I get it, I think."
"Nah, just forget it," Jensen repeated. He pushed himself out of the chair and opened the barbecue. "Hey, looks like they're done. Hungry?"
"Yeah," Jared said. "Sure."
That evening it was Jensen's turn to act weird but Jared let it go and chalked it up to Jensen's own oddities. They never brought up the book again.
~~~
More than anything Jared marveled at how easy it was with Jensen. Once he pushed past his own insecurities and stopped thinking so damn much, the realization that he could have fun without it being a national event hit him like a ton of bricks.
Sandy mentioned the change in Jared the night he finally bit the bullet and invited her over for dinner with them so she could meet Jensen. The meal was uneventful, if a little awkward due to the obvious approving looks she kept shooting at Jared. He blushed through dinner while Jensen smiled down at his plate and Sandy basked in making Jared uncomfortable.
Jared escorted her to the front door once dinner and desert were over and Jensen was finishing with the cleaning up. She leaned against the door and smirked up at him as he rolled his eyes down at her.
"So," she said.
"So," Jared replied, trying to keep the grin off his face.
"I approve."
"Oh, thank you," Jared said exaggeratedly. "That is exactly what I was waiting for!"
"Ass." Sandy smacked him lightly in the stomach but she laughed. "He's really nice."
"Yeah."
"And you're smitten with him."
"Yeah."
Sandy shook her head and laughed more. "He must be an alien or something. He's snatched the real Jared and replaced him with someone fun and happy." Jared laughed with her. "But seriously, I like him. He seems good for you so don't fuck it up."
"You know me."
"Exactly."
"Right."
"Goodnight."
"Night, Sandy." Jared leaned in and kissed her quickly before seeing her out the door and making sure she got into her car okay. When he turned around Jensen was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen watching him with a smile on his face. "What?"
"I like her."
"Feeling's mutual," Jared replied. He walked toward Jensen casually, hands in his pockets. Jensen moved forward just as slowly and met Jared halfway in the hallway.
"What do you want to do now?" Jensen asked. "We could see what's on for movies or go for a walk, maybe?"
"Maybe," Jared said thoughtfully. He leaned into Jensen and kissed him slowly. Jensen rested his hands lightly on Jared's waist and kissed him back. Jared could feel a pressure build in his stomach as heat flared everywhere in his body. He pressed closer to Jensen and urged him back against the wall. Jensen's hands tightened at Jared's hips and then fell away. He broke the kiss and tilted his head back to meet Jared's eyes.
"Jared," he said huskily.
"Don't think about it," Jared whispered while he laughed mentally. "Just go with it."
A few minutes later Jared and Jensen found themselves upstairs in Jared's bedroom. Jensen had seen Jared's room during his many visits to the house but he'd never been in it for this purpose. Jensen pulled back from Jared when they entered the room and looked around, acquainting himself with it quickly.
"This is okay?" Jared asked, suddenly unsure.
"This is more than okay," Jensen assured with a laugh. "It's just... new."
"You have no idea," Jared whispered under his breath. They grabbed at each other again and kissed passionately, while hands grappled with clothing. Jared's nose got caught while his shirt was tugged over his head and Jensen had trouble with his belt buckle in their frantic rush to undress.
Finally Jensen pushed Jared down onto the bed, then straddled him and stared down at him. Jared reached up and pulled Jensen down to him so their chests were together. Jared could feel Jensen's heart beating as quickly as his own was. He then rolled them over so he was on top of Jensen. Jensen reached up and grabbed Jared's shoulders, trying to get enough leverage to roll them over again. Jared let out a bark of laughter and they struggled with each other, trying to one up each other. Hands and legs slip sliding over each other and Jared's cock grew hard while they wrestled on the bed, kissing and leaving playful bites on each other's skin.
Later Jared could barely recall who eventually won their play fight and then who reached for the condom and lube. His next clear recollection of the moment was Jensen teasing him open and getting him ready using his fingers and tongue. Even that memory was hazy as Jared moaned into a pillow and clutched at the comforter, trying not to demand Jensen to continue immediately.
When Jensen finally pulled Jared up to him as he slid inside, Jared let out a long moan and tensed up. While he'd been with a few guys since Chad his body still wasn't used to the intrusion. Jensen whispered nonsense against the skin of his back, smoothing his hands up and and down Jared's sides as he got used to the feeling of Jensen inside him.
"It's okay," Jared murmured seconds later. Jensen moved his hands to Jared's hips and started to move slowly, urging Jared to move with him. Jared closed his eyes and let Jensen lead the movement from behind. Jensen's fingers trailed over his skin and Jared felt it so acutely he could see the patterns drawn on his eyelids. The minutes ticked by and the sounds of their breathing amplified with each passing second in Jared's ears. His fingers tightened into the blankets more and more. He felt his knees inch forward toward the head of the bed as Jensen pushed harder with each thrust. When Jensen let out a loud groan Jared finally opened his eyes and arched back against Jensen harder. Jensen gasped and squeezed his fingers around Jared's hips.
Jared could feel Jensen's hands getting sweaty against his skin and their breathing was becoming harsh and uneven. Jensen was thrusting hard into him, but erratically, and Jared was sure he wasn't going to be able to hold on. He reached down to stroke his cock and moaned loudly. "I'm close."
"Yeah," Jensen grunted back. Jared's heart was racing and he could feel the heat surging through his body as his hand worked his cock somewhat in time with Jensen's thrusts. He rubbed his thumb over the tip of his cock and arched his back sharply, letting out a cry that surprised Jensen who jerked against Jared's body. Jared came over his hand, gasping and shaking as he tried to keep himself up on one hand. Jensen held him tight and continued to push into him, speeding up his thrusts. A minute later he arched and Jared felt his cock pulse in him before Jensen exhaled slowly and sank down on top of Jared.
They collapsed onto the bed, Jared spread out with Jensen laying half on him to the left. Jared turned his head to watch Jensen get rid of the condom, then turn back to Jared and smile at him lazily.
"I was not expecting that," Jensen said softly. Jared let out a bark of laughter.
"Trust me, neither was I," he replied.
"So what do we do now?" Jensen asked.
Jared shrugged. "We could go for that walk? Or check out those movies you were talking about?"
Jensen grinned and moved closer to Jared. He ran his hand down Jared's stomach slowly. "I don't think so."
Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen softly. "The dogs do need to be walked eventually."
"Later," Jensen murmured against Jared's lips. "Much later."
~~~
Jared didn't know what woke him but as soon as his eyes popped open he was focused. He sat up slowly, not wanting to disturb Jensen who was snoring lightly beside him. He slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers, then went down the stairs as quietly as possible, wincing when he hit the creaky step three from the bottom. The dogs were asleep in their beds in the room off the kitchen and barely stirred as he passed by.
Jared sat down at his desk and started the computer, urging it to load faster. It had been months, if not years, since he'd felt a need to write this deeply. He wasn't sure if it had ever woken him from a dead sleep and demanded to be released, but Jared didn't care.
He opened a new document and started typing. His fingers flew over the keys, uncaring of spelling mistakes because the words were pouring out of his brain at breakneck speed.
That's where Jensen found him a few hours later as the first moments of day were breaking the horizon. Jensen rubbed at his eyes as he stumbled into the room.
"Jay?"
"Yeah?" Jared replied absently, not bothering to look up from the screen.
"What are you doing?"
Jared paused and glanced up, finally. He was surprised to see the sky becoming light in the distance and to find that his back and arms were stiff from being held to tightly for so long. He swiveled around in his chair and eyed Jensen as if he didn't recognize him.
"I'm writing."
Jensen nodded. "Right. Any reason why?"
"I had to?"
"Uh huh. Need anything? Water? Breakfast?"
Jared was going to say no but instead he crooked his finger at Jensen, urging him near. Jensen crossed the room to Jared's chair and allowed Jared to reach up, cup his face and pull him down for a kiss. It was brief but Jared felt his pulse start to race before he slowly pulled back.
"That's enough for me," Jared said quietly.
"Jared..." Jensen started, then trailed off. Jared looked up at him expectantly. "I like being here with you."
"I like you being here with me," Jared replied, feeling his cheeks get warm. Jensen smiled and let Jared turn back to the computer before he walked out of the room. For all Jared knew Jensen went back to bed, or he went to make himself something to eat or perhaps he left. All Jared knew was that for the first time since he could really remember there was something happening.
And for once it wasn't just on his computer screen.
Part 3
Jared/Jensen, R
See the index for a full header.
Part 1
Jared awoke six hours later, around noon, bleary eyed and achy from sleeping in the same position for so long. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and squinted into the sun that had made its way around to his bedroom window. He pulled a pillow over his head and grumbled but he could hear the dogs whining in the hallway and knew he had to take them for their promised run.
He splashed some water on his face and grabbed a random ball cap to shove over his hair, then whistled for the dogs and clipped their leashes on. He stepped outside and started down the front walk quickly, then stopped short at the end, causing the dogs to jerk on their leashes. Jared suddenly remembered what had happened earlier that day with his neighbour. He started walking again, looking about to see if anyone noticed his odd behaviour.
Jared didn't want to think of Jensen differently now that he knew what he did. It'd been so long since he was truly attracted to someone that Jared wasn't sure how to act around Jensen now. Jensen wasn't easily brushed off, either, as evidenced by how Jensen continued to pursue a friendship with Jared despite him being a total spazz. Jared had to find a way to be around Jensen without letting his brain go into overdrive and without making Jensen hate him.
"Shut up!" Jared hissed to himself as he strode down the sidewalk. The dogs trotted along beside him, happy to be out of the house at least. Once more Jared looked around to see if anyone noticed him talking to himself. Luckily he wasn't walking within earshot of anyone.
When they got to the off-leash park Jared played with the dogs instead of letting them run around on their own. He was trying to keep his hands and brain busy but he wasn't succeeding very well.
Jared didn't know why he obsessed over things like this. He never used to. But he supposed that since everything went down back home he couldn't really help it, although it drove him crazy. He often focused on things so closely that he lost perspective on the rest of his life. He didn't want Jensen to fall into that category. He made it too hard, he realized, but it was all he knew to do.
It was harder this time, however, due to the added bonus of Jensen's arrival into Jared's life being the one thing that gave him drive to write. He felt guilty wondering if the only reason he was attracted to Jensen was for that reason but then he thought about Jensen's strong hands, and the way his clothes often molded to his body, his green eyes and ... Yeah. Jared didn't only want Jensen so he could write.
Once Jared was sweating and breathing heavy from running and wrestling with the dogs he checked his watch and noticed a couple hours had passed. Jared's stomach growled and he realized he hadn't even eaten. He called for the dogs and got them back on their leashes for the walk home.
The dogs kept up with Jared's quick walk on the way but didn't try to strain out of the length of the leash until they reached Jensen's house. Like before Jensen was sitting on his porch and the dogs noticed him as soon as he came into view.
Jared allowed the dogs to pull him across Jensen's lawn because he didn't know how else to react. He didn't want to come off like an ass but he worried he'd say something awkward or out of place.
"You're such a fucking tool," he whispered to himself under his breath. "Just let it go."
But he couldn't. As soon as the dogs were near the porch Jared let their leashes go so they could maul Jensen who stooped down to meet them.
"What's up?" Jensen asked as Jared stepped onto the last stair but no closer.
"Not much. Just out for a run," Jared replied.
"That's good. Got any plans later?"
Jared shifted uneasily and shrugged. "Not sure."
"Got to write? What are you working on right now, if you don't mind me asking?" Jensen asked. Jared started to feel edgy and moved from foot to foot.
"Uh, a little of this and that, I guess. Nothing too specific," Jared lied. He watched the way Jensen ran his hands over the dogs, scratched behind their ears and rubbed their bellies. The dogs rolled over for him, easy as pie, and Jared was jealous, for Christ's sake. They had it so easy while Jared was standing there, feeling like a conflicted moron.
"Gotcha. Well, if you're up for it there's a baseball game on later. You could come over if you wanted. Maybe we could barbecue? I've got some great steaks marinating and some left over beer."
"Left over?" Jared asked.
"Yeah, just from some people I had over," Jensen replied, his voice muddled in Sadie's fur as he leaned down to tease her.
"Didn't think you knew anyone?" Jared said slowly.
"Met some people at the bar," Jensen shrugged and Jared got the feeling Jensen was avoiding telling him what Jared already knew. That he went out, and met a trick to bring home. Great.
"I'll think about it. Got to see what I can get done this afternoon."
"Right, I get it. Just come over if you decide you want to, then." Jensen stood up and he was a little taller than Jared from where he stood at the top of the stairs. Jared looked up at him for a moment, debating on whether to bring up the guy from the night before, then reached to grab the dog's leashes, instead.
"See ya," Jared muttered and stepped off the stoop toward his own house.
"Later," Jensen called back and Jared thought he sounded disappointed. Jared stopped, mid stride, and stood in the middle of Jensen's lawn, at war with himself. His inner monologue raced through his head, holding him hostage.
"You okay?" Jensen called out. Jared turned around slowly and took in Jensen's easy appearance. His hair was sticking up in some places and his face was a little shiny from being outside in the heat. His freckles were more pronounced than when he moved in. He was just wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans but Jared was almost overwhelmed by it all.
He was jealous, he realized with a start. He wanted Jensen to ask him to stay the night. To be the one he kicked out in the morning--well, maybe not that. But still, he was fucking jealous of the guy from the night before. For the life of him Jared couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way about anyone, even Chad in the beginning.
Jared felt like a thirteen year old stuck in a twenty-two year old's body because he had no idea what to do in this situation.
"Jared?" Jensen called again. "Heat stroke get to your brain, dude?"
Jared started walking back to Jensen's house, the dogs in tow, and climbed the three steps to the top of the stoop where Jensen still stood. Jared stopped close to Jensen, so close that he could smell the bare hint of sunscreen coming off his skin and he could see the faint sweat stains through his t-shirt.
"Yeah?" Jensen said while trying to smile, but it came out breathless.
"I know about the guy from last night," Jared blurted out. Jensen's eyes widened but before he could say anything Jared leaned in and kissed him.
Jensen's hands immediately came up to cup Jared's face and held him there. Jared dropped the dog's leashes and put his hands on Jensen's waist, feeling the heat of his skin through the thin shirt. Jensen moved in closer and slid his tongue into Jared's mouth, deepening the kiss. He dropped one of his hands from Jared's cheek to find the hem of Jared's t-shirt. He slid his hand under it to stroke the smooth skin of his abdomen. Jared jerked because it tickled and pulled back a bit.
Jensen's lips were red and his eyes were heavy lidded as he stared back at Jared. Jensen tried to smile but Jared stepped back quickly, almost stepping on Sadie. He grabbed the leashes quickly and backed up, almost falling down the stairs.
"Sorry. I'm sorry," Jared mumbled. Jensen tried to reach out to him but Jared was down the stairs and halfway across the lawn before he could think of what to do.
"Jared!" Jensen called out. "Come on, man! It's okay!"
Jared didn't reply. Instead he got into his house and locked the door behind him. He wondered if Jensen was going to come after him and didn't know what the hell he would say or do if he did. What the hell was Jared thinking?
He swore at himself all the while he replayed the moment in his head over and over. Once he checked to make sure the back door was locked as well he fed the dogs and let them do their thing. Then he realized that once again he wasn't showered and likely looked homeless in front of Jensen.
"I will never win," he groaned and went to shower. Maybe he'd fall in the tub, hit his head and develop amnesia for the past two weeks.
~~~
Jared and Chad never talked again. Jared saw him around campus every now and then but if Chad saw him he never let on. When Jared saw him it was always from afar and Chad was always with a girl. With his arm around her, kissing her--damn-near getting to second base with her in the middle of the quad. Jared often had to swallow the feeling of betrayal and walk away unless he wanted to make a scene.
Second semester started shitty for Jared and only got worse from there. He realized quickly that he was back in the same boat he'd been in first semester with having no friends or anyone to talk to. All of his friends had been Chad's friends. They ignored Jared now, too. Everyone else had already found their groups by that point, were paired off and together. Jared was by himself. It was the loneliest he'd ever been in his life.
Well, unless you counted his creative writing professor. Jared once again took to heart the idea of writing what he knew. All he knew right then was pain and the feeling that he'd done something wrong--that he loved wrong. He put that into everything he wrote. In his spare time when he wasn't half-heartedly studying he continued his story from first semester, the one that ruined everything.
He wasn't sure if it was a second part or a continuation or one whole story. He didn't know how it ended. He felt like a failure because surely real writers didn't work that way.
After he received an assignment in his creative writing class back with a lower grade than he'd become accustomed to with a note that said, 'see me' attached to it Jared found himself at his professor's office, knocking hesitantly.
"Jared, come in," Professor Leahey greeted him with a wave. Jared stepped into the office, closed the door and sat down in front of his teacher.
"You wanted to see me?"
"I was hoping you would come to me before this, honestly, but I had to resort to desperate measures," Mr. Leahey replied.
"Sorry?"
"You've been backsliding. Last semester you were doing so well. But I'm not seeing work that I've come to expect from you. I don't want to get into your personal life but I'm concerned that you're not doing well."
"Not doing well?"
"Come on, Jared. You look as if you haven't slept in days,, you have no interest in my class, you're listless and withdrawn. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I'm concerned. You showed such promise last semester."
"I did?" Jared asked, surprised at the professor's praise.
"Every year there are some stand outs in my classes and I try to encourage them--but you. You have something I haven't seen in quite some time. A way with words that's very impressive. Honest, open and unpretentious. It's a relief."
"Oh," Jared replied, unsure what to say.
"I just want you to know that if you want to talk, I'm here. I'd hate to see ... well, let's just say I don't want to be giving you anymore Cs in this class, okay?"
"Right." Jared nodded and stood up. "That's it?"
Leahey sighed and nodded. "Yeah. See you in class Wednesday."
"Right." Jared turned to leave but then stopped. "Professor?"
"Yes?"
"I've written more. Of what I wrote last semester? I've kept writing it."
"That's great, Jared," Leahey replied and he sounded genuinely supportive.
"Can I -- would it be okay if I emailed it to you? I'd like your opinion on it."
"Of course. Please. I look forward to it." Jared left the office feeling slightly better than he had in the month and a half since the semester started. He emailed it as soon as he got back to his room and waited all night for a sign that Leahey read it.
He had to wait until Wednesday when there was another returned assignment in class, another note to see his professor. Jared went to the office with some trepidation that day, fearful of what Leahey's reaction was going to be.
When he sat down Leahey took his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "I was up later than usual looking over your story, I have to admit. I'm beyond impressed. And more worried about you, Jared. I didn't realize this was going on with you."
"What? The story's fiction," Jared replied with a forced laugh, trying to shrug it off. Leahey smiled wanly at Jared and shook his head slightly.
"Jared, I'm not blind. I assume you haven't written any further because you haven't reached a conclusion with everything in your life?" Jared leaned his elbows on his knees and hunched over while he nodded. "Okay. Here's what I think. You need to find an ending. You need to polish this up and send it to publishing companies."
"What?" Jared jerked his head up while his mouth dropped open.
"This is a fresh, honest story. One that I haven't read the likes of in some time. And I think if you found an ending for it, it could bring you some closure in your own life. These characters need a conclusion," Leahey said, pointing to his computer where Jared could see he had the emailed file open.
"I don't know how to give them an ending."
"Tell you what. I'm assigning this as your course work for the rest of the semester. I want you to develop this further. I'll work with you one-on-one and help you develop an ending for this that you support and can get behind. I'm not joking around with you, Jared. You have a talent that could take you far. There's not a lot of glory in writing sometimes but this is something that, if you want, could be an impressive debut. There's passion behind your words, sad as they are."
"You serious?"
"If we can get it into the hands of a company willing to put it out there, yes. I think so."
Jared thought it over for about a minute, weighing the pros and cons and the idea that maybe he could have closure, too. Maybe he could finally get Chad out of his life. That he would rue the day he ever tried to make Jared feel like he'd made a mistake.
He nodded. "Okay. I'll do it."
~~~
Jensen didn't come after him, thankfully. At least not that day. Jared let the dogs run around in the backyard for the evening but didn't go play with them as he usually would. He also stayed away from his office and even closed the door totally so he wouldn't have to look at the laptop or be tempted to go see where the character would take him now.
It was becoming too personal for him at that very moment and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. So instead he called Sandy.
"What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she picked up.
"Why would something be wrong?" Jared asked, confused.
"Because you never call me first unless you're having some sort of problem. What is it now?"
"Has anyone ever told you about tact?" Jared asked, laughing.
"I'm sure they've tried. Now, seriously. What's up?"
"I have a new neighbour," Jared started.
"The amazingly hot one with the nice ass?"
Jared rolled his eyes. "Yes, that one. Anyway. He's gay."
"Are you serious? Fucking hell."
"Don't sound too disappointed," Jared said dryly.
"Just once I'd like there to be an incredibly attractive man who's polite and charming and probably sensitive who isn't gay. You know?"
"No, but do go on."
"Right, sorry. So you have a hot gay neighbour. Are you going to jump on it?"
"Er." Jared wasn't sure how to reply to that.
"You already did!" Sandy yelled.
Jared winced. "No, I didn't 'jump on it'. Not exactly."
"What, exactly, did you do, then? And remember, details are key."
"I thought you didn't care about the gay guys."
"I said I want one who isn't gay, not that I don't want to hear all the juicy details. Stop stalling!"
"I kissed him."
"And?"
"That's it."
"Are you having an issue over kissing him? Jared, seriously?"
"I haven't done this in awhile! Or often! Or ... almost at all!"
"You've had flings or whatever," Sandy replied and he could picture her waving her hand in the air and frowning.
"This is different though. This is... it's more personal. We're friends. And now I've kissed him. I can't get away from him, either. He's my neighbour! What if I've just fucked things up?"
"Did he seem disgusted by kissing you? And how do you know he's gay? Did he tell you?"
"No, I kind of overheard his guest leaving last night. But he said he wasn't into something serious to him when he left."
"Hot," Sandy breathed.
"Not exactly but moving on. It gets worse."
"Jesus, Jared. I leave you alone for a week and you've got a Spanish soap opera happening in your backyard. What else?"
"He's become my muse, embarrassing as that sounds. Know how I've been blocked? As soon as he came around I started to write again. I have characters and a storyline and everything. So not only is my friendship with this guy on the line but also my connection with the only thing I've been able to write in months."
"Well, that's interesting," Sandy replied thoughtfully. Then she was silent for a few minutes. "Is that it?"
"Yeah?"
"What do you think you should do, Jared? Here's a hot guy who, from what you've told me, seems willing to return your feelings and he's making you write again. Fuck his brains out, write in the aftermath and keep him around until you get the story finished! If things go south at least you can say you made money off it all!"
"You're no help," Jared groaned.
"Why not? Is there more than that?"
"Not... I'm -- I don't know."
"Are you doing that thing where you obsess for hours on end about what you should or shouldn't do and try hard to think you're not judging people when you're so doing it at the expense of your own sanity?" Jared blinked.
"Yes?"
Sandy sighed again. "I don't know what I can say that's going to make you actually take my advice but grow some balls, Jared! You like him, and he most likely enjoys your company since you're pretty damn hot yourself. Be like every other normal person in the world for once. If you like him, you like him. Can you make that your mantra? You can't help who you like or what comes of it, you know? So just.... grow a pair!"
"Throw caution to the wind, you're saying?"
"You have too much caution to throw to the wind. It will backlash into your face and break your nose, Jared. I'm saying ditch it in the fucking ocean and go crazy! The next time I see you I expect to hear details about how you've progressed with Mr. Bowleggeds."
"Mr. Bowleggeds?" Jared asked, confused.
"Have you seen the dude's legs? He was born to ride things," Sandy replied with a loud laugh.
"You always know how to put things into perspective," Jared laughed. "Thanks, Sandy."
"That's why I'm here."
~~~
Jensen didn't show up until the next day. Jared watched for Jensen to leave first thing in the morning for work, then took the dogs out for their run and went about his usual daily activities. The office stayed closed off for now. Jared didn't want to taint his story with anything that might have too much personal significance, at least not until he worked some of if out for himself.
He thought long and hard about what Sandy said on the phone all night. He knew she was right, of course. Why shouldn't he allow himself a little fun and excitement like he used to have? Why did he insist on closing himself off from everything?
At the core of his thoughts, though, was how great that kiss was. How Jensen had responded instantly. He didn't hesitate or try to back away from Jared. It was like he wanted it as much as Jared did, as if he was expecting it. And that thought buoyed Jared.
But it still didn't mean that he would act on his wishes. As much as Jared wanted to be the person who could let the walls down, he wasn't. He hadn't been for a long time. He didn't see that changing over night.
Jared stayed inside after taking the dogs on an extended run in the afternoon. He cooked himself some pasta and sat down in front of the big screen to watch some mindless TV or maybe order a movie on the Pay-Per-View.
Around six-thirty his doorbell rang. Jared ignored it. Sandy would either barge in or keep ringing until he let her in. If it was a delivery person, they'd leave a note for their next drop-off date. If it was Jensen, well, he'd just have to wait.
Jensen wasn't the waiting kind, as it would turn out. A few minutes after the ignored doorbell there was a loud knock on the back door. Jared ignored that, too, comfortable that he couldn't be seen from the kitchen.
A few minutes later he heard a thump and loud swearing coming from his office. The dogs started barking ferociously, thinking there was an intruder in the house. Jared put his pasta down and shushed the dogs, not that it did much good, and fought his racing heart as he walked to the office and opened the door.
Jensen was picking himself up off the floor from where he'd fallen through the window. From the looks of it he might have clipped himself on the side of the desk. Jared went to Jensen and tipped his head up, looking for any signs that he hit his head and generally checking him over for any injuries. When he didn't find any he stepped back and crossed his arms.
"Do you make a habit of breaking into people's houses when they don't answer the door?" Jared asked.
"Only when people make a habit of being five and ignoring the obvious," Jensen replied cheerfully. He pushed past Jared and walked into the kitchen. "Cooking?"
"For me," Jared replied, growing irritated. "Jensen, what are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you to tell me what happened yesterday. Got any more pasta?"
"No."
"Mind if I make some? I see some left over cheese sauce here." Jared gestured to the pot still on the stove.
"If I say yes will you go away?" Jensen snorted. "Of course not. Look, yesterday... was a mistake. Okay? I don't know what I was thinking," Jared said desperately, trying to get Jensen out of the house.
"I don't either. Which is why I'm here. I figured you'd try and shut me out so I waited until today, hoping that putting a little time between it might have made you less weird about it but I guess not."
"I"m not weird about it," Jared replied defensively. Jensen just gave him a look and Jared frowned. "I'm working on these things."
"Try harder," Jensen replied with a laugh. "Look, Jared. I'll leave if that's what you really want but I'm guessing it's not. All I want is to talk about what happened. I wasn't offended, if that's what you're worried about."
"I wasn't."
"Then what? Why did you freak out?"
Jared sighed and tried to think of the best way to word any number of the many reasons he had why he was freaking out over the kiss between he and Jensen and why his attraction to the neighbour worried him. Jensen waited patiently, putting some water in the pot Jared used for his pasta and setting it to boil.
"I guess," Jared started slowly. "I'm not good at this. Expressing things. You've probably noticed." Jensen chuckled. "I'm not an action sort of guy, you know? That kiss was completely out of the blue. I didn't know where it came from or why I acted on it, but I did."
"Do you regret it?" Jensen asked softly, taking a step toward Jared.
"No," Jared replied hesitantly.
"No?"
"I don't want to fuck it up," Jared replied with a shrug. "Like I said, I'm not used to doing this sort of thing."
"What sort of thing? Kissing someone or pursuing them? Because the kissing thing? Was pretty good."
Jared blushed. "We're neighbours. You're new to the city and to the area, I'm not the most welcoming person. I'm a very private person."
Jensen hesitated and blinked before he stepped closer again. "I can be private."
Jensen thought quickly. "I don't like to go out much. I like staying in and working and watching the game. Playing with my dogs and taking them to the dog park."
"Are you trying to make yourself boring to me? You intrigue me, Jared," Jensen said honestly. He stepped up to Jared so the edges of their shoes touched and tilted his head up to him. "If you're trying to push me away it's not going to work. Sorry."
"Why not?"
"Because I've been waiting to kiss you since I met you," Jensen whispered before he stretched to touch his lips to Jared's. Jared didn't pull away. Partly because he couldn't move and partly because he didn't want to. Ever.
Jensen reached up to lace his fingers through Jared's shaggy hair and leaned in so their bodies were pressed against each other. Jared let his hands smooth down Jensen's back to his ass and he cupped the cheeks gently, pulling the other man to him. Jared could feel Jensen's cock start to fill out against his leg and he felt heat scorch through his body in response.
Jared could have stood in his kitchen all evening kissing Jensen but the hiss and snap of the water in the pot on the stove boiling over pulled them away from each other. Jensen moved the pot off the burner quickly before too much mess could be made and wiped up the rest. Jared watched him, how the muscles in his back flexed through his t-shirt. He tried to even out his breathing as he watched Jensen who was oblivious to Jared's eyes on him. Jensen dropped some pasta in the pot and set it back on the burner to cook, then turned back to Jared.
"So?"
"Yeah?" Jared replied.
"Gonna go lock yourself in the bathroom or something now? Try to keep me away again?"
Jared shook his head. "Not this time," he said with a grin and reached out to grab the front of Jensen's t-shirt. He could feel his pulse pounding everywhere, felt his heart racing. He couldn't remember feeling like this in a long time, since Chad. Maybe not even with Chad. This was a heady feeling, one he never wanted to let go of now that he had it.
He pulled Jensen in closer and kissed him again, smiling against Jensen's lips when he responded immediately. This kind of power over someone was intoxicating. This feeling of newness, of uncharted territory and that someone else was feeling the same thing--for right now it superseded all of his neuroses and obsessive tendencies.
~~~
For all intents and purposes Jared supposed he was dating Jensen now. They never spoke about it but in the weeks that followed Jared didn't witness anymore nighttime visitors to Jensen's house. They had dinner together at least three times a week and Jensen was starting to prod Jared out of the house, even.
One particularly sunny Saturday afternoon Jensen dragged Jared to an area of the city Jared had never even heard of to go looking through pawn shops and antique places. Jared found a few things he got a kick out of that Sandy would likely scoff at because it didn't go with anything he had in the house but he didn't care.
Jensen pulled him into a used book store. Jared hovered around the front of the store while Jensen peeked through some older books in the back. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, that Jared knew of, but Jensen said he got a kick out of random bookstores so Jared was happy to let him search.
Jared's own book was coming along nicely. He wrote every night now, after Jensen left. His character wasn't a spitting image of Jensen but from every bit of information Jared learned about him helped form a new facet of the personality of his character. His editor, Dennis, breathed a sigh of relief now when Jared said he was actually working. He wasn't sure how the story was going to end or what would happen to the main character, but it was shaping up to the point where Jared felt he could take real creative reign of everything, instead of waiting to see how things were going between himself and Jensen.
Jensen still had no idea who he was. As far as Jensen was concerned Jared was just a freelance writer who got sent work from areas all over the world and worked for magazines and journals, whatever he was needed for. Jared hoped that Jensen would never question him further on it because he wasn't sure he could keep the lie up without keeping the generalities of it all.
As Jared wandered around the front of the store he looked through the stacks of books that were lying everywhere. He saw some books that he read before and some that he always wanted to but never got around to. Some of the books represented times in his past when he was a different person and he was someone who didn't like to be reminded so vividly of those times. He caught sight of a familiar title and pulled a copy of his own first book out of a stack in the fiction section. It was well-worn and had obviously been read many times before someone surrendered it to the store. Jared hoped that whoever it was realized they didn't need the book anymore because it helped them find a place in their lives that Jared himself was still looking for.
"Hey." Jensen popped around the corner of the section Jared was in and startled Jared out of his thoughts. Jared dropped the book on the floor and laughed nervously. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Jensen bent down and picked up the book, glancing at the cover. "Buying this?"
"Uh, no. Just looking," Jared said as he took the book back and shoved it back onto the shelf. Jensen reached over and took it back, taking a better look at it. Jared felt his heart start to pound in his chest as Jensen read the back blurb.
"I heard this is good," Jensen said absently, as he flipped through a few pages. Jared's palms got sweaty and he had to readjust his hold on the couple bags he was holding. "They're making a movie based on this, right?"
"I wouldn't know, I don't think I've heard of it," Jared lied. His mouth felt dry and he swallowed convulsively.
"I've heard it's going to be a big deal. Tom Hanks is attached or rumoured, I don't know. And someone from that vampire movie, I'm pretty sure. It's getting some buzz. Ah, crap. Now you know my deep dark secret. I love reading Hollywood gossip," Jensen laughed, then looked up from the book and took a look at Jared.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, sure. It's just hot in here."
Jensen frowned and put the book back slowly. "Jared..."
"Do you want to go get something to drink? I'm thirsty. Or maybe something to eat? We haven't had lunch yet," Jared suggested.
Jensen looked as if he was going to say something but stopped himself and nodded. "Sure, we can do that." They left the store and covered the awkward moment with mindless talk for the rest of the afternoon.
~~~
Later that evening they sat out on Jensen's patio, drinking beer and barbecuing for dinner. The dogs laid in the shade while Jared kicked back in a plastic lawn chair, watching Jensen flip the steaks. Aside from the incident at the book store the day went off without a hitch.
"How do you want yours?" Jensen called out.
"Medium rare," Jared replied. He tilted his head and let his eyes trail down Jensen's back to his ass. He noticed the way Jensen's legs curved a bit and nodded to himself. He was kind of bow legged.
"Huh," Jared muttered to himself.
"What?" Jensen asked as he sat down in the chair next to Jared.
"Oh, nothing." Jared shook his head with a smile. "Almost done?"
"Getting there."
Jared nodded and took a sip of his beer. They sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the barbecue hiss every now and then. Jared tipped his head back and smiled into the sun, enjoying the moment.
"So," Jensen said a few minutes later. "What happened in the bookstore today?"
Jared jerked his head back up. "What?"
"You seemed kinda freaked about that book. I just wondered if it meant anything?"
"Of course not. It was just a book," Jared replied, a little too quickly.
"Okay," Jensen said slowly. He took a drink of his beer and stared into the distance. "You know if there's anything you need to tell me, Jared, that it's okay, right? I'll listen."
"I know," Jared tried to say casually but it was obviously forced. Jensen pushed his sunglasses up on his head and looked over at Jared, squinting a bit.
"I just want you to know that you can trust me. It might not always seem like it but you can. I want you to know that."
"What does that mean?" Jared asked.
Jensen was quiet for a moment, then he took a deep breath and shook his head. "Nothing. I just know that.... Look, I just want you to know that it's okay. I've been pushing and you're not... Fuck. I don't know. Forget I ever said anything, okay?" Jensen finally finished lamely. He swore to himself under his breath and looked away from Jared again.
Jared opened his mouth, then shut it. "I get it, I think."
"Nah, just forget it," Jensen repeated. He pushed himself out of the chair and opened the barbecue. "Hey, looks like they're done. Hungry?"
"Yeah," Jared said. "Sure."
That evening it was Jensen's turn to act weird but Jared let it go and chalked it up to Jensen's own oddities. They never brought up the book again.
~~~
More than anything Jared marveled at how easy it was with Jensen. Once he pushed past his own insecurities and stopped thinking so damn much, the realization that he could have fun without it being a national event hit him like a ton of bricks.
Sandy mentioned the change in Jared the night he finally bit the bullet and invited her over for dinner with them so she could meet Jensen. The meal was uneventful, if a little awkward due to the obvious approving looks she kept shooting at Jared. He blushed through dinner while Jensen smiled down at his plate and Sandy basked in making Jared uncomfortable.
Jared escorted her to the front door once dinner and desert were over and Jensen was finishing with the cleaning up. She leaned against the door and smirked up at him as he rolled his eyes down at her.
"So," she said.
"So," Jared replied, trying to keep the grin off his face.
"I approve."
"Oh, thank you," Jared said exaggeratedly. "That is exactly what I was waiting for!"
"Ass." Sandy smacked him lightly in the stomach but she laughed. "He's really nice."
"Yeah."
"And you're smitten with him."
"Yeah."
Sandy shook her head and laughed more. "He must be an alien or something. He's snatched the real Jared and replaced him with someone fun and happy." Jared laughed with her. "But seriously, I like him. He seems good for you so don't fuck it up."
"You know me."
"Exactly."
"Right."
"Goodnight."
"Night, Sandy." Jared leaned in and kissed her quickly before seeing her out the door and making sure she got into her car okay. When he turned around Jensen was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen watching him with a smile on his face. "What?"
"I like her."
"Feeling's mutual," Jared replied. He walked toward Jensen casually, hands in his pockets. Jensen moved forward just as slowly and met Jared halfway in the hallway.
"What do you want to do now?" Jensen asked. "We could see what's on for movies or go for a walk, maybe?"
"Maybe," Jared said thoughtfully. He leaned into Jensen and kissed him slowly. Jensen rested his hands lightly on Jared's waist and kissed him back. Jared could feel a pressure build in his stomach as heat flared everywhere in his body. He pressed closer to Jensen and urged him back against the wall. Jensen's hands tightened at Jared's hips and then fell away. He broke the kiss and tilted his head back to meet Jared's eyes.
"Jared," he said huskily.
"Don't think about it," Jared whispered while he laughed mentally. "Just go with it."
A few minutes later Jared and Jensen found themselves upstairs in Jared's bedroom. Jensen had seen Jared's room during his many visits to the house but he'd never been in it for this purpose. Jensen pulled back from Jared when they entered the room and looked around, acquainting himself with it quickly.
"This is okay?" Jared asked, suddenly unsure.
"This is more than okay," Jensen assured with a laugh. "It's just... new."
"You have no idea," Jared whispered under his breath. They grabbed at each other again and kissed passionately, while hands grappled with clothing. Jared's nose got caught while his shirt was tugged over his head and Jensen had trouble with his belt buckle in their frantic rush to undress.
Finally Jensen pushed Jared down onto the bed, then straddled him and stared down at him. Jared reached up and pulled Jensen down to him so their chests were together. Jared could feel Jensen's heart beating as quickly as his own was. He then rolled them over so he was on top of Jensen. Jensen reached up and grabbed Jared's shoulders, trying to get enough leverage to roll them over again. Jared let out a bark of laughter and they struggled with each other, trying to one up each other. Hands and legs slip sliding over each other and Jared's cock grew hard while they wrestled on the bed, kissing and leaving playful bites on each other's skin.
Later Jared could barely recall who eventually won their play fight and then who reached for the condom and lube. His next clear recollection of the moment was Jensen teasing him open and getting him ready using his fingers and tongue. Even that memory was hazy as Jared moaned into a pillow and clutched at the comforter, trying not to demand Jensen to continue immediately.
When Jensen finally pulled Jared up to him as he slid inside, Jared let out a long moan and tensed up. While he'd been with a few guys since Chad his body still wasn't used to the intrusion. Jensen whispered nonsense against the skin of his back, smoothing his hands up and and down Jared's sides as he got used to the feeling of Jensen inside him.
"It's okay," Jared murmured seconds later. Jensen moved his hands to Jared's hips and started to move slowly, urging Jared to move with him. Jared closed his eyes and let Jensen lead the movement from behind. Jensen's fingers trailed over his skin and Jared felt it so acutely he could see the patterns drawn on his eyelids. The minutes ticked by and the sounds of their breathing amplified with each passing second in Jared's ears. His fingers tightened into the blankets more and more. He felt his knees inch forward toward the head of the bed as Jensen pushed harder with each thrust. When Jensen let out a loud groan Jared finally opened his eyes and arched back against Jensen harder. Jensen gasped and squeezed his fingers around Jared's hips.
Jared could feel Jensen's hands getting sweaty against his skin and their breathing was becoming harsh and uneven. Jensen was thrusting hard into him, but erratically, and Jared was sure he wasn't going to be able to hold on. He reached down to stroke his cock and moaned loudly. "I'm close."
"Yeah," Jensen grunted back. Jared's heart was racing and he could feel the heat surging through his body as his hand worked his cock somewhat in time with Jensen's thrusts. He rubbed his thumb over the tip of his cock and arched his back sharply, letting out a cry that surprised Jensen who jerked against Jared's body. Jared came over his hand, gasping and shaking as he tried to keep himself up on one hand. Jensen held him tight and continued to push into him, speeding up his thrusts. A minute later he arched and Jared felt his cock pulse in him before Jensen exhaled slowly and sank down on top of Jared.
They collapsed onto the bed, Jared spread out with Jensen laying half on him to the left. Jared turned his head to watch Jensen get rid of the condom, then turn back to Jared and smile at him lazily.
"I was not expecting that," Jensen said softly. Jared let out a bark of laughter.
"Trust me, neither was I," he replied.
"So what do we do now?" Jensen asked.
Jared shrugged. "We could go for that walk? Or check out those movies you were talking about?"
Jensen grinned and moved closer to Jared. He ran his hand down Jared's stomach slowly. "I don't think so."
Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen softly. "The dogs do need to be walked eventually."
"Later," Jensen murmured against Jared's lips. "Much later."
~~~
Jared didn't know what woke him but as soon as his eyes popped open he was focused. He sat up slowly, not wanting to disturb Jensen who was snoring lightly beside him. He slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers, then went down the stairs as quietly as possible, wincing when he hit the creaky step three from the bottom. The dogs were asleep in their beds in the room off the kitchen and barely stirred as he passed by.
Jared sat down at his desk and started the computer, urging it to load faster. It had been months, if not years, since he'd felt a need to write this deeply. He wasn't sure if it had ever woken him from a dead sleep and demanded to be released, but Jared didn't care.
He opened a new document and started typing. His fingers flew over the keys, uncaring of spelling mistakes because the words were pouring out of his brain at breakneck speed.
That's where Jensen found him a few hours later as the first moments of day were breaking the horizon. Jensen rubbed at his eyes as he stumbled into the room.
"Jay?"
"Yeah?" Jared replied absently, not bothering to look up from the screen.
"What are you doing?"
Jared paused and glanced up, finally. He was surprised to see the sky becoming light in the distance and to find that his back and arms were stiff from being held to tightly for so long. He swiveled around in his chair and eyed Jensen as if he didn't recognize him.
"I'm writing."
Jensen nodded. "Right. Any reason why?"
"I had to?"
"Uh huh. Need anything? Water? Breakfast?"
Jared was going to say no but instead he crooked his finger at Jensen, urging him near. Jensen crossed the room to Jared's chair and allowed Jared to reach up, cup his face and pull him down for a kiss. It was brief but Jared felt his pulse start to race before he slowly pulled back.
"That's enough for me," Jared said quietly.
"Jared..." Jensen started, then trailed off. Jared looked up at him expectantly. "I like being here with you."
"I like you being here with me," Jared replied, feeling his cheeks get warm. Jensen smiled and let Jared turn back to the computer before he walked out of the room. For all Jared knew Jensen went back to bed, or he went to make himself something to eat or perhaps he left. All Jared knew was that for the first time since he could really remember there was something happening.
And for once it wasn't just on his computer screen.
Part 3