SPN RPS: Faint Stars and Bright Satellite Skies (5/7) // NC-17 // Jared/Jensen

[marishna]

Faint Stars and Bright Satellite Skies
Jared/Jensen, NC-17
See the index for a full header.

Part 4



Jared didn't see Jensen all morning which worried him a little but he put on a bright smile and went to work as if nothing at all like hot, exploratory sex had happened the night before with the film's star . Jensen had kissed him softly before he left Jared's apartment, needing to get back to the hotel for a few hours of sleep before Lynne would come knock on his door to rouse him for his appointment with his personal trainer. He said that if he stayed there with Jared neither of them would be getting any sleep at all and left with a last searing look at Jared. Jared could feel his cock inexplicably stir again under the thin sheet from Jensen's look alone and damn if he hadn't groaned out something about not getting hard for a week after their last time.

It wasn't that Jared didn't trust Jensen, because he did, but after last night he was feeling a little insecure. The constant gossip on set about this actor or actress who was cheating on their spouse or that person who didn't know they were being double-timed or even the whispers he heard about Jensen when no one thought he was around- it all played on his tiny, niggling fears that he'd done something stupid last night and Jensen was avoiding him now. At times he looked around warily, feeling as if all eyes were on him through the whole morning even though no one on set had a single clue what had happened last night. He felt like they could tell just by the way he was walking which, admittedly, was a little gingerly.

The director had kept him running around all morning finding this paper and sending that message to so-and-so. He'd barely been on set all day but that was fine by him because he wasn't sure how he was going to feel about seeing Jensen in the harsh light of day. Or, more importantly, how Jensen was going to react to seeing him. When lunch finally came it was a surprise to Jared because he had been running almost non-stop since dawn. He was thinking about going off set for lunch when one of the other PAs stopped him on the way to the parking lot.

"Hey Jared? Jensen is looking for you," she said in passing as she rushed off, hand to her ear while she listened to instructions over her headset.

"Huh." Jared jingled his keys in his pocket and considered splitting anyway but turned around and headed back to Jensen's trailer. When he got there Jensen was talking loudly into his cell and pacing the short length of his sitting area. Jared snuck in while his back was turned and took a seat on the couch as Jensen rubbed his eyes tiredly. When he turned around and caught sight of Jared he looked visibly relieved.

"I don't care, just make it happen, alright? I'm not talking to myself over here. Call me back," Jensen said and snapped his phone shut before the person on the other end could reply. He tossed his phone on the table behind him and sank down on the couch quickly, straddling Jared. Jared looked up at him, surprised, and cautiously laid his hands on Jensen's hips.

"Don't get shy on me now," Jensen breathed as he leaned in and kissed Jared hard, his tongue working its way into Jared's mouth. Jared tightened his hands around Jensen and groaned into the kiss, pulling him down closer. Jensen ground down on him and laced his fingers through Jared's hair tightly. Jared stroked his thumbs up under Jensen's shirt so he could touch his skin and work them under the waistband of his jeans. Jensen moaned into his mouth as Jared skated over the sensitive part of his abdomen and it tickled.

"Wanted to see you all morning," Jensen murmured, pulling away to bury his face in Jared's neck. "But maybe it was a good thing you weren't around because I would've wanted to do this as soon as I saw you."

"I promise I wouldn't've minded," Jared said with a chuckle and grabbed the hem of Jensen's shirt to pull it up over his head. Jensen stretched his arms up and helped to pull the shirt off, dropping it on the floor behind them. He ground against Jared's cock, growling softly in the back of his throat at the hardness pressed against him and Jared's answering thrust upwards.

"How long do we have?" Jared asked against Jensen's throat, kissing but not using his teeth so makeup wouldn't ask questions.

"Long enough," Jensen replied with a grin. He climbed off Jared's lap and pulled him up quickly, kissing him as he walked them backwards to the small bunk he had at the back of the trailer. It wasn't much but it was big enough for both of them, perks of being the leading name in the movie, and he reached over to pull the blinds shut. Jared shucked his clothes off quickly and made fast work of Jensen's as well as he was sprawled out on the bed, tossing his shoes behind him and then tugging the jeans down his long legs. Jared covered his body with his own once they were both naked and gasped when Jensen reached down to palm both their cocks in his hand.

"Do you have-"

"In my pants pocket," Jensen replied before Jared was finished speaking. Jared flashed him a wicked, knowing grin and rolled his eyes as he eased off Jensen and reached down to grab the pants. In one of the pockets he found a small packet of lube and a condom. Jensen grabbed the lube and ripped it open, spreading it on his fingers. Jared moved to roll over, internally wincing at the slight pull he felt from his own ass but his cock was throbbing against his belly now and he really wanted to do this.

He didn't get a chance to roll over, though, because Jensen reached between his own legs and pushed two fingers in, biting down on his bottom lip and throwing his head back. Jared felt his mouth drop open and his breathing grew shallow as he watched Jensen's fingers thrust in and out of himself, his legs pulled up so they both could could see. He realized what this meant and his cock pulsed insistently against his belly.

"Jensen," Jared breathed, watching with rapt attention. Jensen grinned at him and added a third finger, too soon, hissing at the added burn and stretch. Jared laid a hand on his arm and made him slow down, pace himself. "Let me watch you." Jensen slowed down and moved his hand with more ease, letting Jared keep his hand on his arm.

Jared bit back a whimper when Jensen finally pulled his fingers out and Jensen's ass clenched and winked at him. His mouth fell open and his breathing grew shallow as he watched the hole close back up. Jensen grabbed the condom and ripped it open, sitting up so he could smooth it down Jared's length. Jared blinked and looked down as if he was suddenly surprised at what was happening.

"You doin' all right in there?" Jensen asked, teasing lightly, breathlessly. Jared nodded and followed Jensen as he lay back on the bed, pulling Jared over him. Jared settled between his legs and grabbed a pillow to lift Jensen's hips up with.

"This okay?" Jared asked huskily, making small circles with his fingertips on the insides of Jensen's thighs. Jensen nodded and grabbed his upper ams, urging him forward. Jared got the hint and pushed toward him, gasping when he felt his cock breach Jensen, pushing through the initial resistance. Jensen took the lead even though Jared was the one in control, pushing and pulling at him when Jensen wanted him to move, directing him on how fast to go, what angles to try until Jensen gasped and ground out curse words that made Jared grin widely at him.

Jared could feel his thrusts faltering already, after only a few minutes. He'd never felt anything like this before, so hot and fucking tight around him, squeezing in all the right ways that Jared was sure Jensen was doing on purpose. Jensen was arching up against him, lifting his hips to meet Jared's, gasping and grinding out his name in a low, breathy grunt that just made Jared's cock throb harder inside him.

Jared wrapped one hand around Jensen's cock because Jensen's were busy pushing and pulling at him to move in certain ways, and he tugged in opposite strokes to their rhythm. Jared could feel Jensen squeezing tighter around him, moving faster and his breathing started coming out in pants and grunts, trying to keep the moans low because even though the trailer was nice, it wasn't soundproof. Jared leaned forward, trapping their hands between them and bit and sucked his way up Jensen's chest to his neck and finally his mouth. He whispered sweet, silent things against Jensen's lips that he could only imagine because he couldn't hear anything over their combined harsh breathing.

Finally Jared stuttered out something, an 'I'm coming' and Jensen grabbed at his hips, pulling him in close. Jared jerked and shuddered on top of Jensen, coming apart in his arms but was still aware enough to keep stroking Jensen's cock until the feeling of Jared falling apart over, on, around him was too much for him to handle and he followed, biting down on Jared's neck hard enough to leave a mark.

Jensen jerked under Jared for a few minutes as he came down and Jared was content to slump against him and feel him move under him until finally Jensen shoved lightly at his shoulders and grumbled something out about Jared being a damn-near giant. Jared separated himself from Jensen gingerly, rolling the condom off with a grimace, and buried his head in the plush pillows on Jensen's bed.

They were still catching their breath when a knock came at the trailer door and Lynne announced herself. Jensen cursed under his breath and got up gingerly, passing clothes to Jared quickly. Jared tugged on his underwear and pants as the knock became more insistent and Lynne started to rattle the doorknob.

"Just a second!" Jensen called out, pulling his shirt over his head. He grabbed Jared's shirt and tugged him toward the small bathroom as he hopped on one foot, trying to put his socks on. "Finish getting dressed in here, okay? Come out when you're done, it's cool."

Jared tried to ask something, to say anything at all, but Jensen covered his mouth quickly with a hard kiss and then shoved him into the tiny cubicle and closed the door on him. Jared grumbled to himself as he pulled his socks and shoes on and tried to smooth out the wrinkles in his t-shirt once it was on his body. He looked in the mirror and saw his cheeks were flushed and his hair was sticking up in every direction so he tried to get himself under control before he stepped back out into the main part of the trailer. Lynne looked up, surprised to see him.

"Jared, I didn't know you were there."

"Yeah, I stopped by for my break," he said easily, watching Jensen out of the corner of his eye as he sank down on the couch, wincing a little. He bit back a small smile and regarded Lynne steadily.

"Are you all right, Jared? You look a little flushed. You're not coming down with anything, are you?" Lynne narrowed her eyes suspiciously, looking out for her client's wellbeing and health. Jared snorted and took a deep breath to try and calm his still-shot nerves.

"Nah, just had a hectic morning. They've really been laying the whip to me around here," Jared said innocently before looking over at Jensen, wide-eyed and calm. Jensen swallowed and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Lynne rolled her eyes at them both but didn't say anything as she turned around and left the trailer, talking to herself under her breath. Jared watched her go with a faint smile and Jensen just buried his face in his hands tiredly.

"You think she-"

"Probably. But she's cool. Of all the people who could know about this, she's one of the few who actually doesn't care," Jensen cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"I'm sure there's more than a few that don't care you're gay," Jared said. Jensen shrugged and stood up slowly.

"Don't know, never found out."

"Have you ever though-"

"Jared," Jensen cut him off as he moved in close to Jared and wrapped his arms around his waist. Jared grinned down at him and kissed him softly, cupping Jensen face with his hands.

"So, I was on my way to have dinner before I came here. You hungry?" Jared asked. Jensen flashed him a devious grin and winked.

"You have no idea."

Jared groaned at the thinly veiled innuendo and laughed at him. "You're so lame, dude."

"Hey, anyone else and they'd be all over me with that line," Jensen shot back, pointing a finger back at him. Jared grabbed it and pulled Jensen close, growling in his ear.

"Good thing I'm not just anyone else then, isn't it?" He dropped Jensen's hand and turned him around, smacking him in the ass, earning him an undignified exclamation from Jensen who shot him a dirty look.

"You're gonna pay for that, man," Jensen warned but grabbed his wallet from the counter all the same and led Jared out of the trailer, stopping every so often to send him a secret grin and wink as they walked to the craft services tent.

~~~~

Summer in Texas was hot, sticky and sweaty and even though Jared loved being outside, playing basketball and running around with the dogs when he could, he generally hated feeling the oppressive heat all over his body. Working the long days he did on set generally meant a shower before going to bed and another when he woke up, just to feel semi-human. There were a few times he didn't mind it so much, however.

"Hey, Jen?" Jared asked in a low tone, running his hands lightly over Jensen's chest as they lay in bed, still trying to catch their breath. The air conditioner kicked in then and a cool breeze washed over their sweat-slick bodies, chilling them. Jensen rolled over to face Jared and looked at him sleepily.

"Mmm?"

"Where's your favourite place to travel to? Which country?" Jared asked curiously.

Jensen considered the question as his fingers stroked across Jared's back. "I liked Greece. But there's something to be said about England, too. Why?"

Jared shrugged. "Just curious, I guess. I've never been more than a couple states away."

"Maybe you should take a trip. Wherever you want to go," Jensen suggested. "Or, hey. If things work out when we start doing promotion for the movie in Europe maybe I could get Darren to bring you along or something. Or you could come with me, whatever."

Jared avoided Jensen's eyes at his attempt to casually ask him to go to Europe with him and hummed at the idea. "There's a possibility. When does promotion start?"

"Depends when the studio wants to release the movie and when editing gets done. I think they're aiming for a holiday release, so November and December. I don't know how much overseas promotion they're planning on doing yet. I'll have to plan my next role around it, though." Jensen sighed. "I hate having to take a week off in the middle of filming one thing to go finish work on another. So inconvenient."

"Do you know what your next role is yet?" Jared asked curiously.

"No, not yet. I've got a stack of scripts in my trailer waiting for me to look at them. Lynne's been trying to go through those, and there's some independent stuff I wanted to do and a couple other big movies, but I haven't made any firm plans yet. I have to get started on it, though. Filming will be over here by the end of the month."

"And then?" Jensen looked at Jared, who was trying not to look too worried and freaked out at the thought of what was going to happen once filming wrapped.

"Don't really know," he replied slowly.

"Oh." Jared rolled onto his back at and stared up at the ceiling, trying not to show disappointment. Jensen looked at him for a second before rolling to his side and touching Jared lightly on the chest.

"You knew I was going back to L.A. when this is all over, right? That's my home."

"Yeah, I know. I always knew that."

"Are you mad at me, then?"

"What? No! I guess things are just moving faster than I thought they would. The end of the movie is coming right up, summer's going to be over soon- it's all happening really fast."

"That's life." Jensen shrugged. "But all that's still some time away. Let's not worry about it now, okay?"

Jared turned his head to look at Jensen and gave him a small smile that grew bigger as Jensen pushed his body closer and leaned in to kiss Jared, slow and deep. Jared let Jensen kiss him for a few minutes before pushing him back and rolling over on top of him, taking charge. Jensen clearly wasn't expecting this and his eyes flashed with surprise and arousal as Jared worked his way down Jensen's body, putting all his effort into this and pushing everything else beyond Jensen, his body and this room out of his mind.

~~~~

A few days later Jared was up just after the crack of dawn, stifling a yawn as Darren gave out some instructions and assignments for the day to all the PAs. Jensen stayed late the night before so Jared hadn't gotten as much sleep as he usually did. No matter what he did to try and convince Jensen to stay the night so they could get more sleep and start their days together Jensen refused, saying it would raise too many eyebrows if he wasn't at his hotel first thing in the morning or if they showed up to work together. Jared just smiled and nodded his understanding, biting back a million and a half different counter-arguments because he didn't want to rock the boat between them or push Jensen.

"Jared, before you go can I have a word in private?" Darren asked before dismissing the rest of the PAs. Jared snapped back to attention suddenly, hoping he didn't miss anything important while lost in his thoughts and stayed behind while the others scattered to start their tasks for the day.

"What's up?"

"I was wondering what you're planning on doing when the film wraps?" Darren asked, not one to beat around the bush. Jared blew out a breath and thought for a second, then shrugged, forcing the memory of his conversation with Jensen earlier in the week out of his mind.

"I'm not really sure. I've really liked working here, with you, and everyone else. If I thought I could get work like this again I would probably go for it but I'll likely end up back at the bar. Maybe school, though. I'm kind of lost right now," Jared laughed lightly.

"Want to come work for me?" Darren asked with a grin. Jared blinked.

"Come again?"

"I've got projects lined up that, if they work out with scheduling, the script and the contracts for the actors, will keep me working steadily for the next two years. I need someone with me who can help me out with everything I'm going to be facing once I get back to Los Angeles."

"So you want me to..."

"I like the way you work, Jared. You're fast, efficient and you handle yourself well in just about any situation. I'd like you to come with me and work with me in the position you are now, but taking on more duties personally assigned by me. I have an assistant there but now even she's finding herself needing an assistant and I think you'd work out well."

Jared's mouth dropped open and he stuttered, unsure of what to say. He could barely wrap his mind around the idea and immediately started thinking about everything that would change, the thought of leaving his family and his friends, the dogs, uprooting his life, going to work in Hollywood, of all places and Jensen.

"There's no need for an answer right this second," Darren assured him, seeing Jared struggle with a response. "I wanted to put it out there on the table for you so you know there's an opportunity for you when we're done here. I think you'd work out great with me and I really appreciate everything you've done for me so far. You get along well with everyone on set, you're kind and friendly, helpful and you get the work done quickly and, more importantly, properly. I wanted you to know how much I'd really like for you to come back with me and work for me full time, so think it over, talk it out with whoever you need to and I won't mention another word of this to you until we're almost done filming. How about that?"

Jared nodded dumbly and watched Darren walk off to set quickly. This was pretty much huge. His initial instinct was to say yes and then to run off to tell Jensen the great news, but something held him back. It was foolish to think he could make a decision of this magnitude in a split second, especially with so much other stuff to consider, like the schools he'd talked to Sandy about. He wanted to think it over for himself and then bring it up with his parents and maybe Sandy, too. Most importantly Jensen needed to be considered, but for some reason the thought of talking with Jensen about something this life-altering seemed like a weight far too much for him to carry at the moment.

~~~~

"You seem quiet."

Jared blinked and looked up at Jensen slowly. "Oh. No, I'm just thinking."

"About what?" They were sprawled out on the couch in Jensen's trailer, still relaxed and rubbery from quick lunchtime mutual handjobs. Jared had his arms wrapped around Jensen who was lying on top of him.

"Just... something Darren asked me this morning."

"Nothing bad, I hope?" Jensen asked.

"No, it's good, actually. I just- I'm not sure what to think."

"What is it, then?"

Jared struggled with his thoughts for a moment and then said, "He wants me to-"

"Jensen?" There was a knock at the door and someone called out his name hesitantly. Jensen climbed off Jared hurriedly and gestured to his pants and shirt for a quick nod of approval that nothing was sticking out or stained before he answered the door. Jared sat up on the couch slowly, still rather lethargic.

"A courier dropped your ticket and itinerary off for you. Your flight leaves at six this afternoon so you have to be there at five," whoever was at the door explained to Jensen. Jared frowned and watched Jensen curiously as he accepted the package and closed the door behind him.

"You're going somewhere?" Jared asked, confused.

"Yeah, there's a film premiere this weekend that I was invited to. I wasn't going to go at first, but the studio thought it would be good publicity for the movie since it's going to be finished filming soon, and I'd get some exposure because I've been out here for the past couple months."

"Oh. I guess I'll cancel the plans I made for dinner for us. Would have been nice to know about this sooner, though," Jared said, sounding disappointed as he stood up and straightened his clothes. Jensen dropped his package on the small table and wrapped his arms around Jared's waist.

"Hey, I'll make it up to you, hmm? Next week we'll have a private dinner for two, catered by the best restaurant in town, I swear. And isn't Dave having a thing at his place on Saturday night, anyway? You can go hang out there, instead. Much more fun than a boring dinner with me," Jensen told him, kissing Jared on the chin.

"Sure," Jared nodded quickly and stepped back, unwrapping Jensen's arms from around him. He kissed Jensen and patted his pockets to make sure he had his stuff. "I have to get back to set. Will I see you before you leave?"

"Probably not," Jensen murmured, watching as Jared avoided looking him in the eye. "But I'll call you from L.A. and when I get back, okay?"

Jared nodded and leaned down to kiss Jensen again, tongues tangling together briefly before they mutually stepped back. "See you later, then. Have a good trip." Jensen nodded as Jared left his trailer and went back to work. He watched Jared walk away across the parking lot, hands shoved deep into his pockets, and felt guilty for leaving him so suddenly. But then Lynne stepped through his door and Jensen pushed those thoughts away, focusing on hiw plans, his work, his job- the things that really mattered.

~~~~

For the first time since nearly the start of the summer Jared spent the night with the guys and only the guys. He liked having Jensen with him when he was visiting his friends, because he wanted everyone to get along with each other, but he didn't realize how much he missed hanging out with only the guys until Jensen suddenly wasn't there anymore. They drank and kicked back after Jared finished a short shift at the bar and watched the game together. He couldn't help but wonder what Jensen was doing throughout the night, though. If he was going for dinner as Jared ate half a sub during his shift at work. If he was getting ready for the premiere as Jared changed his clothes before leaving for Landon's. If, if, if. Even the guys noticed his distracted state and called him on it, throwing popcorn and chips at him. Jared laughed it off, called them all douchebags and got his head back into things by chugging back a beer.

He didn't remember coming home by cab very clearly but he felt like his head just hit the pillow when he was roused only a few hours later by a knock at the door. He stumbled out of bed in his t-shirt and boxers and cursed as he stubbed his toe on the wall on his way to the front hall. Sandy was on his doorstep, pushing her way past him quickly.

"Have you seen these?" Sandy asked, holding up some printed computer pages.

"I don't think I can even see my own nose right now," Jared mumbled as he walked into the kitchen to see if he had any coffee to offer her. Sandy put the papers down on the counter in front of him and pointed at something until he looked down at it. He blinked the sleep-film away, trying to focus on the pages that were printed from a tabloid magazine website, and felt his head throb as he recognized what Sandy was pointing at.

"Hot Hollywood heartthrob- I'm sure he'll love being called that- Jensen Ackles showed up to the premiere of 'The Last Full Moon' with model Amber Tedyesky. Sources close to the star say he's smitten with the leggy red-head. Calls to Ackles' representatives were not returned by press time but friends of the model report that the two have become very close recently, although they've been separated while he's been shooting his new movie in Texas. Witnesses at the premiere after-party say the two held hands and remained close the whole night, leaving together around two in the morning." Jared re-read the short passage and tried to understand what it was saying. He knew what it said, but he figured there had to be something he was missing because it was making them out to sound like they were together.

"Well?" Sandy asked nervously, watching him process the information.

"There has to be a mistake. Most of this stuff is made up anyway. I know he was at the premiere and sure, he probably did hang out with this girl. But all of those 'sources' and 'friends' these places cite are always bullshit," Jared explained with a wave of his hand. He closed the paper and shoved it away, turning to rummage through his cupboards for a canister of instant coffee he knew he had somewhere.

"Are you sure?" Sandy asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I went on the computer when I saw this, looked up a couple other sites and newspapers. This story or variations of it have been running in a few papers around the country, Jared. Are you sure he's gay?"

Jared laughed out loud, running a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "Yes. Very sure."

Sandy got red and giggled before turning serious again. "Okay, but - Jared... one of the sites said they had pictures. You can't very well say something and then promise to back it up with evidence if it's not true, right?"

"Blurry, grainy paparazzi shots, right?"

"Some of them," Sandy replied hesitantly.

"Some?"

"Others were... less blurry and grainy."

Jared stopped what he was doing and turned to her. "Show me."

Ten minutes later they were sitting at Jared's computer staring at candid phots of Jensen with Amber on a gossip blog. Jared knew it was all fake, could see Jensen's plastered on "Hollywood" smile and could tell by his body language that he wasn't into her but he still had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"What does this mean?" Sandy asked, seeing the look on Jared's face.

He shrugged. "Nothing. It's just a PR stunt."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Of course. He is gay."

"You seem pretty convinced of that. But is he?" Sandy asked, pointing to the photos again. Jared didn't reply because honestly, he wasn't sure what to tell her.

~~~~

"Hey." Jensen greeted Jared with a smile when Jared opened the door Monday evening. Jensen was carrying a take-out bag and had a bottle of wine under one arm, obviously planning for a night in. Jared stepped aside and let Jensen in, following him to the kitchen.

"How was your day? I know Darren had you busy so I didn't get to see you and ask you how your weekend was."

"How was yours?" Jared ignored his question and watched Jensen unpack the bag, setting the food containers on the counter.

Jensen shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Quiet. Had more stupid interviews all weekend."

"Except for when you went to that movie premiere, right?" Jared asked. Jensen looked up, mildly surprised.

"Yeah, I went to that. Bad movie, by the way. Don't go to see it."

"I'll keep that in mind," Jared murmured. He opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out a couple forks and knives for them, handing Jensen a set. He accepted them with a smile and started opening containers, shoving them in the middle so they could both eat out of them. Jensen seemed to enjoy this type of dining, standing up at the kitchen counter, side by side with Jared while they shared details of their day.

"So you had a good weekend? What did you do?" Jensen asked.

"Not much. Worked, hung out with the guys, went to see my folks, played with Sadie and Harley. Sandy came over yesterday morning."

"Yeah? How's she doing?"

"Fine. She actually came over to show me something about you." Jared looked over and watched Jensen's eyebrows raise in question. Jared put his fork down and went to the living room to the printouts he made the night before and the oners that came from Sandy. He put them down in front of Jensen and waited for a reaction. Jensen skimmed through the documents and made an interested 'huh' sound before he continued to eat.

"You don't have anything to say?" Jared asked. Jensen thought for a second and shrugged.

"Like what?"

"These articles are saying you and this model are dating. That you spent the night whispering and kissing."

Jensen chewed hard and swallowed, watching Jared. "We did."

Jared blinked. "What?"

"We did, Jared. Did you think I was going to go to this thing alone?"

"Maybe? Is that wrong?"

"When you don't show up at a few of these things with people the gossips start talking about you."

"Like they aren't now?" Jared asked, gesturing to the papers.

"They gossip and speculate about your sexuality," Jensen clarified.

"Oh, well then. That makes it all better." Jared rolled his eyes. Jensen put his own fork down and straightened, staring at Jared cautiously.

"Are you angry?"

"Were you making out with her at this party?" Jared shot back.

"Not making out, no. Planting a few ideas, yes."

"But why?"

"Jared, you know why." Jensen shook his head. "It's what I have to do."

"What you have to or just what you do?"

"It's what I have to do to make sure my career isn't threatened."

"So you basically... whore yourself out to people to make it seem like you're straight?" Jared asked. As soon as the words crossed his lips he regretted saying them and flushed. "I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did," Jensen returned quietly. "Jared, I explained to you my position on my career and revealing my sexuality. That's not up for debate and you can't do anything about that."

"I can be angry that you don't give a shit about us or that I thought we were together."

"And part of being together is understanding what I do for my job. And we are together, Jared. We're together all the time. We're together now. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I've been living my life this way longer than I've known you."

"Well, that just says it all, doesn't it?" Jared drawled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It ain't that hard to figure out, Jensen," Jared said tightly. "Either this is going to work or it's not. I want it to but if you're not-"

"Not what, Jared? Not trying as hard as you?" Jensen spit back.

"Yes. You haven't been, Jensen, not at all. We hang out and we laugh and we fuck and yeah, it's great. But then you go and show up places with people who have no right being there and acting like nothing has changed!"

"Because it hasn't."

"Maybe for you! But back here, back where things are real-"

"Jared," Jensen laughed bitterly. "This isn't real. That's my life out there! That's my life and career and everything I've worked for over the years. I have to do that stuff-"

"Fuck you, Jensen! Fuck you and your stupid ideas of what you have to do! People don't know half of how talented you are, because if they could see you smiling and bullshitting to their faces while you were absolutely miserable when they don't look-"

"I'm not miserable, Jared! You're just-"

"I'm being up front about it, Jensen! Do you know Sandy knows about me? I told her and she was cool with it! I'm getting ready to tell my other friends and my family! I'm coming out of the closet, I'm facing up to a hell of a lot more things than you seem to ever have and you can't tell me that you're happy! You might not be miserable but you're sure as fuck not happy."

"Don't flatter yourself into thinking you've done me any great favors, Jared," Jensen said lowly. "As far as I knew everything was cool with us until now- until you saw me out there with Amber at the premiere. Besides, if you're so committed to this and ready to put everything into it then why didn't you tell me about Darren's offer?"

Jared pressed his lips into a line, resting his hands on his hips. Darren must have mentioned it to him at some point. "I wasn't sure-"

"That you were that ready to commit? Or were you just too scared to do anything with your life, as usual?"

"Fuck you," Jared said quietly. His eyes flashed and he stilled, staring Jensen down. "At least I'm trying to figure things out, Jensen. Unlike you. Clearly you don't care about what happens once filming is over."

Jensen took a deep breath, as if trying to calm himself- or work up to something. "What makes you think I wasn't already thinking about after the movie? I just bought a big house, Jared. I was hoping- I was thinking, anyway, of asking you... I mean, if you wanted... to come out with me and stay with me."

"As what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why would I do there? What would I do there, Jensen? What would you tell people who asked who I was? A friend from Texas? Your assistant? Or your boyfriend?" Jared asked quickly, throwing the words at him like hand grenades that made Jensen flinch. "I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not, even for you. Especially for you. You can't expect me to tag along with you back to your 'real life' and sneak into your bed every night because you're too chicken shit to put it all out there."

"It's not as easy for me as it is for you," Jensen tried to argue.

"What's easy about this for me? I risking losing my friends and family because I can't deny who I am, Jen. I know my family will love me no matter what but that doesn't mean they have to accept me and my choices. And my friends," he laughed darkly. "What you said about your school? When you told me you realized you were gay and couldn't come out then? Yeah, it's no different here, Jensen. We live in Texas and I'm well aware of that. It might have seemed easy for me but I know a couple of my friends are going to be on the fence of what to think about me now and I might burn a few bridges because of it. It would be hard for you, sure. You could lose a few jobs, you might have to work harder to get roles. But at least you'd be able to be yourself, Jen. And I ... I wouldn't feel like I was a dirty secret to you."

"You're not," Jensen tried to say but Jared shook his head.

"Then stop treating me like one," he replied simply.

"I don't know what else to tell you, Jared. There isn't anything else I can tell you."

"You could say fuck it to everything you think you have to be and just be yourself, Jensen. Stand up for yourself and say you want to be with me and just do it."

Jensen looked down for a moment, composing his thoughts. When he looked back up he had an odd glint in his eye. Jared watched him step up to him and lay his hands on Jared's chest, pushing him backwards until he sank into the kitchen chair behind him. Jared was tired of fighting and weary from overthinking their situation over the weekend. Jensen straddled his lap and sank down on him with a hesitant look in his eyes that was fronted by a knowing smirk.

"Jen..." Jared said softly before Jensen covered his lips with his own, silencing him.

"Mmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Standing up for myself and doing it," Jensen whispered back with a wicked grin. Jared wanted to say that wasn't what he meant and Jensen knew it but he really was tired. He was tired of hiding and having to think about Jensen's reputation before he did anything now. But with Jensen in his lap, rocking against his hardening cock and biting his way down Jared's neck while his hands worked on flipping the buttons on his shirt open, he had a hard time concentrating on anything else.

He cupped Jensen's head with his hands and tilted his mouth back to him, kissing him hard. Jensen pushed his shirt down his arms so Jared had to let go of him to shrug it off while Jensen turned to the button on Jared's jeans, flipping it open quickly. Jared grasped the bottom of Jensen's t-shirt and tugged it up over Jensen's head, then leaned in and bit down on one of his nipples sharply, loving the loud gasp that tumbled from Jensen's lips. Jensen held Jared's head to his chest as he peppered kisses all over his skin and bent Jensen backwards so he had to clutch at Jared's shoulders to not tumble off his lap.

"Bedroom," Jensen mumbled and twisted off Jared's lap awkwardly, grabbing his hand to tug him down the hall. Along the way Jared helped Jensen out of his jeans, unbuttoning them from behind as he trailed Jensen, and kicked his own off outside his bedroom door while Jensen sprawled out on Jared's bed and tossed his boxer briefs on the floor. Jared stood in the doorway and watched as Jensen stroked his cock while licking his lips and eyeing Jared, beckoning him over with his eyes.

Jared joined him shortly, after he grabbed a condom and lube from the bedside table, and sank down on the bed beside Jensen. He kneeled beside him and watched Jensen continue to jerk himself off, taking in the way Jensen's breathing sped up the harder he got. Jensen watched Jared watching him and Jared could feel himself growing to full hardness just from seeing Jensen touch his cock and rub at his nipples with his free hand. Jared grabbed the lube and slicked two fingers while Jensen kept up his ministrations.

"Keep going," Jared instructed gruffly when Jensen slowed his strokes. Jensen bit down on his lip as Jared let his hand fall between Jensen's legs, avoiding his cock, and circled a fingertip around his entrance. Jensen arched up as one of Jared's fingers pushed in gently and he let his legs fall open further so Jared could rearrange himself to sit between them. Jensen closed his eyes and moaned at the feeling of bringing himself off while Jared fingered him. Eventually he worked two, then three fingers into Jensen before he pulled out totally, dragging a long groan from Jensen. Jared watched Jensen open his eyes long enough to see Jared smooth the condom over his cock and slick it and then his eyes fell shut again to wait for Jared to push in. Jared was surprised at how scratchy and low his own voice was when he ordered Jensen to open his eyes and watch him.

Jensen did as he was told and Jared stared into his eyes, taking in every jerk and slight wince as he eased into Jensen, moving slow and steady. Jensen tightened his legs around Jared as soon as he was in as far as he could go and held him in for a few moments until he was ready for Jared to start moving. Jared wanted Jensen to watch him, to be able to see into his eyes as he could see into Jensen's so he could understand what he did to Jared. So he might actually change his mind and allow Jared into his life wholeheartedly.

Jensen jerked his cock with one hand and lifted the other to Jared's hair, trailing his fingers through it in coordination with Jared's strokes. He started gripping the locks as Jared sped up and Jensen's breathing grew more shallow. Jared commanded his attention, however, and Jensen's eyes never left his, never faltered or drifted close while he thrust. He reached between them and added his own hand to Jensen's on his cock, squeezing harder than Jensen was and flicking his thumb over the head so Jensen was spiralling out of control far faster than he would on his own. Jared slowed his thrusts and carried Jensen through his orgasm, and watched closely as he went through the aftershocks.

"Come on, Jared," Jensen whispered, winding his arms around Jared's neck and pulling him down to kiss him hard. "Come in me."

Jared groaned and thrust hard into Jensen, digging his fingertips so hard into Jensen's hip and arm that he was sure he would leave small bruises all over his body and didn't care, then collapsed on Jensen as his cock twitched and jerked in Jensen's ass. Jensen pushed at him gently until Jared slumped onto his side and pulled out. He tossed the condom into the garbage can by the bed and buried his face in Jensen's neck, sighing tiredly. Jensen ran his fingertips up and down Jared's arm that was wrapped around his waist and caught his own breath while Jared murmured things he couldn't quite make out into his ear and kissed his cheek softly.

It might have been five minutes, or an hour- Jared wasn't sure- but too soon Jensen was rolling out of bed and rummaging around for his pants. Jared sat up in bed and watched him, his heart sinking.

"Going somewhere?" he asked softly. Jensen looked behind him from his place on the edge of the bed and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

"Got dinner out there. We can nuke it and then maybe watch some TV or a movie or something before I have to get back to the hotel," Jensen explained.

"Or," Jared started. "We could bring the food in here and spend the night in bed. That would be fun too, wouldn't it?"

"It would," Jensen replied, nodding his head but avoiding Jared's eyes. "But you know I have to be back to the hotel for when Lynne stops by in the morning on the way to set."

"Yeah," Jared said softly, laying back in bed. Jensen leaned over and kissed him quickly on the lips, then slapped him gently on the leg.

"Come on, I'll nuke the food."

"Be right out," Jared told him as Jensen left the room. He could hear him clattering about in the kitchen but Jared made no attempt to move. If Jensen wasn't going to put any effort into it, why should he?

~~~~

"Toby!" Jensen called out as he entered the bar. He could see the guys starting to sit down around the table and snagged a chair for himself and signaled a waitress to bring him a beer. He cast a quick glance around the bar as the others greeted him and didn't see Jared anywhere. "Jared in the can or what?"

Landon looked at him oddly. "Jared's not coming tonight. Thought you'd know that."

"He's not coming? Is he sick?" Jensen asked, reaching for his phone to check if there was a text or voice mail from Jared but there was nothing.

Landon shook his head and shrugged. "Don't think so. He called Dave earlier and said he wouldn't be making it over tonight. We kind of thought you wouldn't come either, but you're here so it's all good!"

Jensen smiled and sipped at his beer when it came, but he couldn't help but feel a bit concerned that Jared wasn't there. He played poker with the guys for about an hour before claiming exhaustion and left far earlier than normal. On his way back to the hotel he went out of his usual route and went by Jared's apartment, pulling into the parking lot to see if Jared was home. His truck was gone and his lights were off in the complex. Jensen frowned and called him quickly, growing more concerned. Jared didn't answer so Jensen left a voice mail and told Jared to call him when he got it, no matter the time.

There was still no word from Jared by the next morning when Jensen was in makeup getting chided by the makeup girl about the big bags under his eyes. He smiled wanly and checked his phone again surreptitiously for any word from Jared. When he was done with hair and makeup he left for set, determined to talk to Darren. If the director hadn't heard from Jared this morning Jensen was going to call his parents or the cops, whichever would help him find Jared faster. In the back of his mind he knew he was overreacting, because for all he knew Jared was just busy and off doing things and it wasn't like they had any set arrangement that they had to check in with each other or- hell. They weren't even in a relationship, which is exactly what Jensen wanted.

None of that stopped him from calling out Jared's name louder than usual when he finally arrived on set and saw Jared standing by Darren, deep in conversation with him. Jensen hurried over to Jared, quicker than could be considered casual, and grabbed his arm. "Where were you last night?" He winced at how shrill that sounded and took a step back. "I just didn't know you weren't coming to poker."

"Oh, yeah," Jared said casually, ignoring the look Darren was giving the two of them. "I went to Sandy's last night."

"Did you forget your phone?" Jensen asked curiously.

"No." Jared shrugged. "I didn't get your message until this morning and I figured it wouldn't matter now."

"Oh," Jensen said faintly, feeling his jaw start to ache from clenching it so hard. "Nice to see you in one piece, then."

"Anyway," Jared said, turning back to Darren. "Is that everything for the morning? I can go start the stuff you wanted me to do and be back by lunch."

Darren nodded and watched Jared turn and walk off set quickly, writing something on the clipboard he was never without anymore. Jensen turned to Darren and tried to come off as casual.

"Is he okay?"

Darren shrugged. "Seems all right. Are you two okay?"

"Sure," Jensen lied. "Couldn't be better." The morning passed agonizingly slowly because they kept stopping for camera malfunctions and it made everyone on set jittery. Jensen didn't see Jared again for the rest of the day and it made him far more on edge than he liked to admit. He tried calling again once they were done for the day but Jared didn't answer again. Jensen was in bed, reading, at his hotel when his cell finally rang and he could barely hear Jared over the loud music.

"I'm working tonight. Got called in unexpectedly. I just got your message now."

"Oh," Jensen said stupidly. "Are you working tomorrow night, too."

"Maybe," Jared said vaguely. "I might have to cover for someone. I'll know more tomorrow. So I'll talk to you then?" Jensen murmured something that might have been a yes and listened to the click on the other end as Jared hung up. Jensen turned off his lamp and slid down in bed, telling himself that this was exactly what he wanted because he and Jared weren't official or anything. They couldn't be, after all.

Funny how sleep didn't come for him for more than two hours after he convinced himself to believe that.

~~~~

Jared could feel him the second he entered the bar. He saw the instant shift in the patrons as their eyes turned toward the door and watched carefully as Jensen crossed the room. He walked to the end of the counter that Jared was wiping down, away from the other customers seated at it who were avoiding watching as well. When Jensen sat down heavily on a stool and knocked on the bar right in front of Jared's hand he had no other choice than to look at him, holding back a sigh.

"Hey," Jared said easily, giving Jensen a small smile. "What can I get you?" Jensen frowned at him and wrinkled his forehead.

"How about a beer and a reason why you're avoiding me?" Jensen asked quietly. Jared's eyes widened a fraction before he forced a laugh.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Jared. You've barely talked to me this week. You're always running around doing things for Darren, you never stop by my trailer during your breaks and I had to call Landon to find out you were working tonight. What's up with you, man?"

Jared turned away to grab a beer for Jensen from the cooler, taking the extra second to uncap it while his back was still turned so he could calm himself. He passed Jensen his beer, careful not to let their hands touch, and picked up his dishcloth again, twisting it in his hands. "Not my fault I've been busy."

"Look," Jensen started, leaning in closer so he could keep his voice quiet. "I know I pissed you off, I'm not dumb. But are you going to let that silly argument cause problems between us?"

Jared fought the urge to let his mouth fall open and clenched his jaw. "I didn't think it was a silly argument, for one, and for another I have been busy this week." He swiped at the counter, then continued, muttering, "The world doesn't revolve around you, after all."

Jensen sat back, pressing his lips together. "If you want to talk about this, fine. But don't act like you're five years old, all right?"

"I'm not- I just. Fuck, Jensen. I don't know what you expect me to say here, okay? You tell me that you can't-" Jared looked around, catching the eyes of some of the patrons and cut himself off, leaning in closer so Jensen could hear him. "You can't expect me to accept your decisions and fall into line. I don't want to hide this stuff and I won't."

Jensen leaned back on his stool, watching Jared carefully as he glanced between Jensen's eyes and the bartop he was wiping at furiously. "Then I guess we have a problem."

Jared tossed his dishcloth aside. "Then I guess we do."

"You trying to tell me something, Jared?" Jensen asked. Jared swallowed hard and put his hands on the counter to steady himself, then looked Jensen straight in the eye.

"I can't be with someone who's too afraid to be himself," he said clearly, but low enough that no one around them heard. He didn't understand or respect Jensen's choice but it didn't mean he wanted to out him because of it.

"So this is over?" Jensen asked. Jared wanted to reach out and smack him for making this harder than it had to be. Obviously Jared was saying that.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "It's over."

Jensen nodded and pulled his wallet out. Jared tried to refuse but Jensen shoved a twenty across the bar as he stood up. "Keep the change."

Jared watched Jensen walk out of the bar without looking back. He drank Jensen's untouched beer, gulping it down, and shoved the twenty in the bartender's tip jar. He uncapped another beer and walked through the door to the kitchen, then back to the office where Jerry was doing some paperwork.

"Need help out there?" he asked as Jared came in and slumped down in the other ratty office chair.

"You have no idea," Jared said quietly and laid his head down on one arm on the desk. Jerry wasn't sure what to say or do but he patted Jared's arm hesitantly. Jared was grateful that he didn't know what to say and instead sat by himself for the rest of the night.

~~~~

"Hey, Padalecki," Darren greeted Jared first thing in the morning as Jared held out a latte for the director with one hand, his other holding his own coffee. Darren accepted his cup and looked at Jared's curiously.

"I've never seen you drink coffee before, Jared."

"Haven't been sleeping well and I need anything I can to keep me going right now. But I'm good to go," he assured Darren quickly, not wanting the director to get the idea that he couldn't do his job.

"Things going all right with you? Everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah." Jared waved him off dismissivlely. "Just not sleeping. Nothing major."

"Does it have anything to do with the way Jensen's 'not sleeping' lately? What happened between you two? And feel free to tell me it's none of my damn business because it's not. Even though the things that go on in people's personal lives can have a serious effect on my stars and thusly my movie and the money I get to promote it."

Jared frowned and stared at Darren until he started laughing at him. "Just shitting you man. Seriously, what's going on? I thought you two were great friends."

Jared shrugged. "It's nothing. We weren't that close to begin with."

"Bullshit, man. You two were damn-near inseparable. Which I found quite impressive, by the way, especially given how notoriously prickly Jensen is."

"Maybe we weren't as best buds as everyone thought," Jared replied. Darren raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. "Nothing happened."

"Okay. If that's what you say happened- or didn't happen, rather- that's your thing." He cleared his throat and looked chagrined. "But if things get to be too awkward between you two and it starts affecting the shoot I'm going to have to decide what to do about it. I have to finish the film on time so I can't have Jensen pulling dramatics and refusing to work or something."

Jared snorted and then nodded in understanding. "I get it, but the last thing Jensen would ever be is unprofessional. Believe me, I know," he finished with a mutter. Darren acted like he didn't hear the last part and nodded as well.

"Okay then, as long as you're aware of the stakes here. I like you, Jared; that's why I offered you the job in California so I don't want anything to change that."

"I understand," Jared told him. "It won't be a problem. And, speaking of a job, I have to get these papers photocopied for you so I'm going to go do that now." Jared smiled at Darren and walked away purposefully, with determination in his step.

~~~~

The final two weeks of filming were awkward but not unmanageable. Darren usually kept Jared busy and off-set the majority of the time and the last couple weeks were no different. Jared and Jensen would say hello to each other but beyond that things were downright frosty. Even Jared's friends were wondering what the hell happened and Jared learned from Tobey that Dave and Landon were hanging out with Jensen some nights, catching the game at Jensen's hotel room or going to the bar on nights Jared wasn't working. Jared sometimes wished, for brief moments, that he was a spiteful person who would make his friends choose between him and his former... "friend", but he wasn't and the last thing he wanted to do was make Jensen feel like shit. Because if Jared let himself think about it he would have to admit to himself that he was miserable and hated the atmosphere between them.

There was nothing he wanted more some days than to barge into Jensen's trailer and tell him something that happened during his day. Or call him up and ask him over for a beer and to watch the game. Or drag him into the wardrobe trailer when no one was around and kiss him senseless, or run a hand through his hair when he was yawning, or hold him close when he was lying in bed... bottom line- Jared was fucked. Sometimes when Jared was sitting by himself at lunch at a table on the lot or when he was standing off to the side, watching a scene being filmed, he could feel Jensen's eyes on him. At first Jared would look over and try to catch him, but Jensen was too fast for him. Near the end of the two weeks Jared refused to look at him, preferring instead the feeling of Jensen's eyes on him for as long as possible.

The last week of filming was rather bittersweet for Jared. There were a lot of people on set who he didn't think too highly of, and he felt no regret in saying goodbye to them as the week went on and more people left every day as their jobs finished. But there were some who he'd come to like and appreciate spending time with, so it was hard to see them go. He'd learned a lot in his two months of being on the film set and it made him find a path he never would have considered otherwise.

On the night before their last day of official filming there was a knock at Jared's apartment door. He didn't even need to check the peep hole to know who was going to be on the other side. Somehow Jared expected Jensen to show up- it seemed to be their thing. He had heard through the gossip mill at work that Jensen was flying out late the next day without even attending the wrap party. He tried to tell himself not to feel guilty about that because if Jensen wanted to go to the wrap party all he had to do was suck it up like a mature adult and go.

"Jared," Jensen greeted him with a strained smile. Jared stood in the doorway leaning his hip against the frame.

"Hi," he said simply.

"I thought I should stop by before tomorrow, say goodbye," Jensen said with a shrug.

"You don't owe me anything," Jared replied, shaking his head.

"I know. I wanted to. We're still- I'd like to think we're still friends, Jared."

Jared frowned. "I don't know, Jensen."

"I understand. I'd like us to be, but ... I understand."

"I don't think you do," Jared said sadly, shaking his head. "I'd still like us to be, too. But I just don't know if I can, Jen."

"Jensen," he said softly, trying not to wince at the name. Jared inclined his head in acknowledgement.

"Jensen," he repeated. They stood around in the hallway, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly as the tension ratcheted up between them.

"I hate this!" Jensen finally exploded, balling his hands into fists. Jared looked at him curiously, slightly surprised. "I don't want things to be like this between us, Jared."

"I don't either," Jared agreed. "But I don't know how else-"

"What about before? When we were friends?" Jensen asked, hopeful. Jared shifted uncomfortably and looked at the ground.

"I don't know if I can do that, Jensen. There's just... too much."

"You're one of the best friends I've ever had," Jensen confessed, stepping closer. "This sucks, man. I know things are weird right now and I know it's uncomfortable and you're hurt but-"

"There's no but in that, Jensen," Jared cut him off, sighing and trying to roll the tension out of his shoulders. "It is or it isn't. And right now it really, really is. You made your decision and I'm trying to respect that, even if I don't agree with it or fully understand it."

Jensen nodded. "I know. I'm just trying to-"

"This is hard, man! I don't think you get how hard," Jared interrupted him again. He was frustrated because it seemed like Jensen was hellbent on soothing his own ruffled feathers before taking off for parts unknown and be damned to everything else.

"Would you shut up, Jared?" Jensen hissed suddenly. "I do get how hard it is! Do you know how shitty it's been these past couple weeks? We were friends before we got together, Jared, and to not have you in my life right now in any way is hell. I see you on set and I want to talk to you, to touch you. I think about calling you in the middle of the night. I ask the guys what's going on with you so I don't feel so out of touch. I-" Jensen stopped suddenly and swallowed hard as he blinked rapidly, trying to compose himself. "This is as hard for me as it is for you. I just can't let it happen."

"No," Jared shook his head, sadly. "You won't let it happen."

"And we end up right where we started," Jensen finished for him.

"Guess so."

"Now what?"

"That's what I've been asking you all this time."

"I don't know the answers, Jared. I'm as lost as you are."

"You're just making the rules, then. That's not exactly fair, you know," Jared told him.

"I'm sorry," Jensen said with a sigh. "I think it was a bad idea to come here tonight." He stepped back and Jared felt a thrill of fear race through him.

"No!" Jared stepped forward and grabbed Jensen's arm as he started to back up, forcing him to look up at him. "It wasn't. Because no matter what's happened between us or what will or won't happen at least we're trying to close it, right? I don't hate you, Jensen. On the contrary, I'm- I. I mean, I really-" he stopped and smiled. "I still really like you."

"Jared..." Jensen whispered, stepping closer.

Part 6