SPN RPS: Faint Stars and Bright Satellite Skies (3/7) // NC-17 // Jared/Jensen
Faint Stars and Bright Satellite Skies
Jared/Jensen, NC-17
See the index for a full header.
Part 2
The thing about epiphanies, Jared realized, is that they're usually very abrupt and often come at the weirdest times, no matter how welcome they are.
It was a quiet night for Jared and Sandy. Neither of them had to work and Jared turned off his cell phone so they would be totally uninterrupted. Sandy chattered for awhile about her day job at the bank and how much she hated it while Jared cooked them dinner, then went on about her acting class and how her teacher told her she was the best one out of twenty. Jared half-listened, nodding at the appropriate points and verbally agreeing when she needed assurance.
He was draining the yellow beans, more concerned with making sure they weren't over cooked instead of Sandy's story about upcoming play auditions for A Streetcar Named Desire and it hit him- they weren't in love. At least, Jared wasn't. He liked Sandy, sure; they were best friends. But he suddenly realized that he felt no attraction to her other than that of a concerned and dedicated friend. Jensen was right.
He dropped the pot in the sink with a clang but the lid somehow stayed on. Sandy paused for a split second in her story to make sure Jared was okay and then continued on while he calmly thought through his sudden realization. Now he had to decide if this meant enough to him that he would upset the last constant thing in his life, one of the only things that made any sense anymore. Except, really, it didn't, because Sandy wasn't the same person he fell in love with six years earlier and he was changing before her eyes- not that he figured she noticed. Everything between them was the same except for them. They went to the same places on dates, saw the same people when they went to parties, had the same routine for everything- including sex.
Jared was quiet throughout dinner and the dessert that Sandy brought from her mother, a blueberry pie. Jared chewed his as if he was eating rubber and swallowed hard, the realization bearing down on him, pushing and urging him to just spit it out. He kept silent and Sandy suggested going to the movies, or to the video store but Jared shook his head and led her to the living room instead while she regarded him curiously, noticing his strange quiet. She slumped down on the couch and they watched TV in silence, Jared tapping his leg restlessly on the floor until Sandy reached over and stopped it with her hand without looking. Jared kept composing ways to open the conversation in his head while Sandy checked her cell for texts every three minutes.
"Oh my God, lady," Sandy exclaimed at one point, clearly bored and frustrated as they just sat there. "Take the deal and go home!"
Jared looked over at her, blinking slowly. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." Sandy glanced back at him quickly and looked mildly surprised.
"Jared?"
"I think it might be time we start seeing other people," he continued, throat dry and palms sweaty. "We've been together for so long I don't know if we realize what we want anymore and you're doing the acting thing and I'm still-"
Sandy interrupted him, "Okay."
Jared blinked. "Okay?"
"Yeah, I agree with you. I love you, Jared, I do. I know that sounds weird but you're right, we've changed. That's what you were getting to, right?" she asked with a smile. Jared nodded slowly. "I wasn't ever sure how to bring it up."
Jared blew out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair as the weight lifted from his shoulders. "You're not mad or upset at all?"
"Kinda sad," Sandy said with a half-smile. "I do love you, Jared. You're a huge part of my life, but we're definitely not the people we were when we got together all those years ago."
"Definitely not," Jared agreed with relief. He sat back on the couch and blew a long breath out, "Wow, that was easier than I thought. Thanks for understanding, Sandy."
She reached out and pulled him close by the back of his neck, leaning their heads together so she could look in his eyes. "I didn't ever know how to ask if you were happy. I can see there's something holding you back; you just figure out whatever it is you need and let yourself be happy for once, Jared. Or I'll kick your ass."
Jared laughed softly and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. "I'll remember that when you're out in Hollywood, living it up as a big star."
"I'll let you come be my gardener, how about that?" Sandy teased as they pulled apart and Jared grinned back at her. "So what now?"
Jared glanced around. "Want to finish watching the show?" Sandy shrugged and they slumped back into the couch. Only then did his heart stop beating so fast he thought it would burst out of his chest, and he could relax.
~~~~
Jensen raised an eyebrow at the two boxes sitting outside Jared's door as he knocked and listened to Jared stumble and curse on his way to let him in on the other side. Jared greeted him with a wide grin and Jensen felt it spreading, infectious as always. He jerked his thumb at the boxes as he crossed the threshold and Jared closed the door behind him.
"You moving or something?" Jensen asked, making a beeline to the kitchen to grab a beer. Jared trailed behind him, accepting one himself as Jensen pulled a couple from the fridge as if they'd done this a thousand times before. They twisted the caps off and Jensen made a face at Jared when he made a show of bending his cap in his hand easily before tossing it on the counter.
"Not quite. Sandy and I..."
Jensen took a drink as Jared trailed off and he sputtered, almost choking on his beer. "She's moving in?"
Jared shook his head and explained, "Out, actually. I'm giving her back all of the stuff she's collected here over the years because we broke up a couple nights ago."
Jensen's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit, Jared. Why didn't you say anything?" He watched Jared closely because he actually looked good- happy, even.
"You were busy with work and we filmed really late last night. It wasn't a big deal." Jared shrugged.
"You guys were together for a long time, though," Jensen pushed, unable to listen to the voice screaming in his head to shut up and enjoy the fact that the guy he was interested in was finally single.
"After we talked I realized I wasn't happy like I once was with Sandy. I still love her and everything, don't get me wrong, but I think I love the Sandy from a couple years ago when we weren't as different as we are now. You helped me see that," Jared told Jensen with a grin.
"So I broke up your relationship?" Jensen asked to clarify. Jared sighed and shook his head.
"No, of course not! You just- you helped me recognize things I should have seen a long time ago."
"Kind of a rash decision, isn't it?" Jensen asked lightly.
Jared shrugged and leaned against the counter by the fridge. "Scary as fuck is what it is," he laughed. "For the first time in my life I don't know what I'm doing, Jensen. I've never had that before."
Jensen couldn't help but feel guilty. It seemed that he was having all the doubts and insecurities that Jared was laughing off. Jared was enjoying this but all Jensen could see was himself as the cause of everything going ass over teakettle in Jared's life. Jared seemed to recognize this as well and pointed a finger at him.
"Stop it."
"What?" Jensen asked defensively.
"You're overthinking this. You keep thinking you're to blame for this, but Jensen, don't you see? If it weren't for you I'd probably have stayed in my two jobs for fuck knows how long and married Sandy!"
"And that would have been a bad thing?"
"Marrying someone you don't love?"
"Yeah, okay- bad. But Jared," Jensen started carefully, considering his words as he put his beer down on the counter. "I'm not seeing your whole life. I'm not really the person you should be looking to for-"
"You think I'm depending on you to guide my life, Jensen?" Jared asked, cutting him off. Jensen shifted and looked uncomfortable. "I'm not a five-year old looking to be taught how to tie his shoes. I sure as hell don't look to you to make my decisions. Hard truths are just easier to face when someone else faces them for you first." Jared grinned and said lightly, "Stop thinking this is all about you, you self-centered bastard."
Jensen snorted and held up his hands in surrender and grabbed his beer again. "All right, all right. You've got me. You're a good guy so I don't want to be the cause of any problems for you, is all. But as long as you know this is what you want and it makes you happy..."
Jared looked at Jensen thoughtfully, so long that Jensen could feel his cheeks getting hot again. "You know," Jared replied absently. "It does."
Jensen fought the urge to avoid Jared's eyes and looked back at him, forcing himself to relax, and waited for Jared to look away first as his fingers picked at the label on his beer bottle. He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.
~~~~
The week passed uneventfully and Jared and Jensen fell back into a regular routine- meeting for coffee in the mornings in the makeup trailer during Jared's first break, having lunch together in Jensen's trailer when Jared wasn't needed to run errands for Darren, coffee and a donut in the afternoon before they stood around for a quick dinner late in the evening so they could get done with the day's scenes as early as possible. Jensen usually forewent the shower in his trailer to go back to his hotel for a moment of quiet and then he met up with Jared later at Jerry's for poker with the guys or Jared's late shift. Jensen didn't always stick around for Jared's whole shift, but he showed up for at least an hour and sat at the bar, chatting with Jared while he served beer and broke up the occasional fight. Jerry struck up a conversation or two until Jensen felt comfortable enough to joke around with the bar owner on his own when Jared was actually working.
Friday night they played poker at Dave's to avoid the large crowds at the bar and Jensen had to admit to himself that it was nice to do something other than hang out there. They left Dave's house early, but Jensen didn't question it. He let Jared drive them wherever he had in mind and slumped back in the seat, watching the city pass them by.
"Bringing me out here to have your way with me?" Jensen joked. Jared stopped the truck in the field they'd come to the second night Jared saved his ass at the bar a half hour after they left Dave's. Jared just shot him a grin and climbed out of the cab, grabbing the blanket from behind the seat. Jensen followed and waited until Jared spread the blanket out in the back before climbing up. He started to lie down but Jared stopped him with a hand on his arm and pulled a baggie out of his shirt pocket. Jensen watched as Jared pulled out a joint with a sheepish grin and cocked an eyebrow at him.
"I didn't want to say anything at Dave's because I knew everyone would want a hit," Jared explained as he patted his pockets down for a lighter he must have grabbed from the house. Jensen was speechless as he watched Jared light it up and take a hit, coughing a little as he exhaled. He squinted at Jensen as he held it out and croaked, "It's strong."
"Where did it come from?" Jensen asked as he accepted it.
"Tobey." Jared grinned. "He knows where to get the good stuff. I don't do this very often but I figured..."
"What?" Jensen asked, inhaling deep. He passed the joint back and held the smoke longer than Jared before exhaling slowly.
Jared shrugged. "Seemed like a good night to do it."
They passed the joint back and forth a couple more times before Jensen laid back in the bed of the truck, feeling a little floaty. It was strong. Jared lay back beside him and they continued to pass the joint carefully. Jensen was staring up at the sky and feeling fine when Jared rolled over and tucked an arm under his head so he could look up at Jensen.
"What?" Jensen drawled out, longer than necessary. Jared smiled up at him and smiled broadly.
"How often do you do this?" Jared asked, his voice sending pleasant rumbles down to Jensen's toes.
"I don't," Jensen replied, toking slowly while Jared let out a scoff of disbelief. "What? I don't. Sometimes at a party, sure. But no."
"You need to loosen up, Mr. Ackles," Jared said softly, reaching over to pluck the joint from between Jensen's fingers. Their hands brushed more than they should have and Jensen turned his head enough to look Jared in the eyes. He was lying closer than Jensen first realized, so close that he could turn his body and be nose to nose with Jared.
"Why's that?" Jensen asked, breathily.
"You're too uptight. You think too much about what others want you to be- what they think you should be."
"That's the way my world works."
"Hah!" Jared exclaimed. "That's bullshit. There's no 'your world, my world' here."
"Right here in this truck?" Jensen asked.
"Out there, too," Jared waved his hand in the air. "You just think there is. But there isn't, not really. You let it be that way."
"Maybe I like it that way," Jensen tried to argue lightly, but Jared would hear none of it.
"If you did you'd be happy."
"Why do you think I'm not?"
"Your mouth gets all tense," Jared replied, barely above a whisper. He ran a finger over his own bottom lip slowly and Jensen felt his breath hitch. "When you talk about it, you get tense all over. You look around like someone's going to hear you; you get scared. What was it I said about truth before?"
Jensen thought for a moment. "Hard truths are easier to face when someone else sees them first?"
"Yeah," Jared smiled. "That sounds about right. So here's your hard truth: you're gay."
Jensen snickered. "Really? I hadn't noticed. What with the wanting guys and sucking dick and all." Jensen felt the atmosphere shift immediately, as soon as the words were out of his mouth, and he glanced at Jared nervously as if worried Jared would recoil in horror or demand they leave or something. Instead he noticed Jared's mouth had fallen open slightly and he was looking at Jensen curiously.
"You okay?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded dumbly and took another drag.
"Yeah, fine. Just... I've never..."
"Sucked a cock? I should hope not. Because you're straight," Jensen watched carefully as he picked those words deliberately and watched Jared's reaction but there wasn't much of one. Jared raised his eyebrows as he exhaled.
"Sure," he replied easily. Jensen reached out to take the joint back, almost gone now but Jared held it out of his reach.
"Hey, you've got to share," Jensen protested.
"Have you ever shotgunned a joint before?" Jared asked huskily. Jensen twitched and hoped Jared didn't notice.
"M-maybe." Jared smiled at Jensen's stutter and took another quick drag from the joint before passing it over. Jensen waited to see if Jared would lean over or turn toward him or anything but a few moments later he exhaled and Jensen bit back a grumble. "Have you?" he asked. Jared shrugged.
"Maybe," he replied, teasing. "Although I bet it would be different with a guy. Not unlike a girl but... different." Jensen took one last toke, examined the remainder and flicked the butt over the side of the truck, eliminating any temptation.
"Guess you'll never know," Jensen told him, avoiding his eyes. Jared made a noncommital noise and shrugged. A few minutes passed with Jensen looking up at the sky and he half wondered if Jared had fallen asleep.
"Jared?" he whispered quietly, testing.
"Yeah?" Jared whispered back immediately. Jensen bit back a curse and shook his head.
"Nothing." Another few minutes passed but then the curiosity got to be too much for Jensen.
"Jared?"
"What?"
"Have you ever...?" Jensen let the question trail off, asking without saying the words. Jared lifted his head a little and gave him a confused stare.
"Ever what?"
"Wondered? Wondered what it would be like?" Jensen inched closer to the question.
"Like for what?"
"To be with a guy?"
"Yeah, a couple times," Jared replied lazily, as if it were just that simple.
"Have you ever done anything with a guy, Jared?"
"No," Jared replied honestly.
"Ever wanted to?" Jensen breathed the question, his heart pounding.
"Maybe," Jared replied, just as quiet. Jensen rolled over and faced Jared, edging back a little so they weren't touching but close enough to breath each other's air.
"Why haven't you?"
"Never thought to?" Jensen raised an eyebrow. "Like the Sandy thing, and the job thing. If it's not there in front of me, how am I supposed to think about it?"
"So you have to be reminded to want to kiss a guy?" Jensen asked. Despite the tension Jared laughed.
"No, jerk. I've never known anything but Sandy, or girls in general. Doesn't mean I haven't thought about something else but if I don't know anything else... you know? I remember what you told me about your high school- it wasn't much different here, either."
"So you have thought about it?" Jensen pressed.
"I... no. I mean, yes but no. I still like girls. I liked Sandy, liked having sex with her. But there's something about... I've always wondered about it..."
Jensen thought up one response but bit it back. "What it would be like to be with a guy?" Jared nodded. "That's probably normal, doesn't mean anything Jared."
"I've jerked off to things- pictures and video from the internet. I like- I mean, I think I like watching guys get off. Especially with other guys." Jared looked at Jensen hesitantly but Jensen just looked back at him steadily. They lapsed into silence, listening to the wind whistle through the thick leaves and Jensen felt like he could feel the motion of it through his bones, the beating of Jared's heart and the heat from his lanky body seeping through Jensen's clothes, down to the very core of himself. Yeah, this was a great time to be having this conversation with Jared- when he was stoned out of his fucking mind.
"So ...?" Jensen started hesitantly, finally breaking the silence between them.
"I think I'm bisexual," Jared blurted out. Jensen didn't say anything and didn't respond so Jared continued. "I still like girls but the more I think about it the more I realize I'm not- I mean, I don't mind-"
"You've found yourself thinking more and more about guys?" Jensen supplied for him and Jared nodded. "What do you think about that?"
"I'm not sure," Jared replied slowly. "I'm not opposed to it, but I'm not exactly excited about it. I'm... cautiously optimistic," he replied after some thought. Jensen snorted.
"You're stoned."
"That too," Jared agreed.
"So you're cool with it?"
Jared shrugged. "Don't really have a choice, do I? I can't stop it if it's part of me and I don't really feel like fighting with myself so, whatever. If it's there, it's there and I'll figure things out."
Jensen didn't really know what to say to that other than to smile and nod, so they lay in the back of the truck quietly and watched the sky for what felt like hours. Jensen wasn't sure how long it was, really, but he was just thankful he didn't have to work in the morning because he knew it was late and he was going to have to jerk off a lot when he got back to his hotel. When Jared finally sat up slowly Jensen followed and clumsily climbed out of the truck. The high had worn off, so Jared folded up the blanket and shoved it back behind the seat as Jensen got in the truck.
"So we're cool?" Jared asked before he started the truck.
"Why wouldn't we be?" Jensen gave him a confused look.
"Just wanted to be sure." Jared shrugged.
"Yeah, we're cool, Jared," Jensen replied softly. "And hey, you know I won't tell anyone."
"Yeah," Jared said with a big smile. Jensen couldn't help but return it and damn if he didn't grin the whole way back into town and to his hotel.
~~~~
Late Sunday morning while Jared was hanging out reading a book on his balcony he heard the doorbell ring. He was loathe to move from his spot in the lounge chair with the sun beating down on him, making him drowsy, but he groaned and trudged to the door with a yawn. Jensen was on the other side wearing a big grin and jogging shorts, bouncing in place in the hallway. Jared resisted the urge to slam the door in his face and sighed.
"Seriously? You want to actually do stuff today?" Jared complained, half smiling. Jensen brushed past him into the apartment and grabbed Jared's sneakers from the rack by the door.
"Hell yes, dude. Come on. I've had a good night's sleep and want to go jogging. And you know I can't go on my own," Jensen replied, tossing the sneakers at Jared who caught them easily.
"Why's that?"
"I might be attacked by some crazed fangirl who wants me for my body," Jensen replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, puffing his chest out. "Or fanboy." Jared let out a bark of laugher before he turned and shuffled off to his bedroom with a sneaker in each hand.
"Fine, fine. I'll be out in a minute."
Jensen let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like, 'Ha HA!' and started stretching while Jared tried to find his jogging shorts. When he emerged from his room a few minutes later shrugging a white sleeveless shirt over his head, Jensen seemed to clear his throat a lot and bent down to brush dirt of his sneakers. Jared pulled his own shoes on hastily, tying them tightly, and clapped his hands. "Ready?" Jensen smiled brightly and hurried out the door, leaving Jared to lock up in his wake.
~~~~
"Come on, you can shower here really quick and then we'll go out for a beer or something, if you don't want to stay here," Jared said over his shoulder as they climbed the stairs to Jared's floor in his apartment building. Jensen walked behind him, watching how the muscles in Jared's legs flexed as they walked up. As they got to his floor Jared pulled his shirt off and started wiping himself down right in front of Jensen, who fought to keep his eyes elsewhere while not looking suspicious to the other man. Just as he thought when he was first getting to know Jared, he was built everywhere. Jared told him his workout routine once and Jensen kind of tuned it out in favour of thinking about Jared on the stairmaster, and lifting weights, and stretching and... well. Thank god Jared never asked Jensen to go to the gym with him. He had a feeling he'd roll right off the back of his treadmill with Jared around.
They had a good run, spending an hour or so making passes through the park near Jared's house and then around the block to an ice cream parlor where he and Jared made general asses of themselves, being loud and trying to prank each other. Jensen honestly couldn't remember the last time he laughed so hard with someone; Jared was quickly becoming one of his favourite people to hang out with and that excited and scared him at once. After the ice cream Jared invited him back to sit out on the balcony with some beer and watch the sun go down- or take a nap, Jensen had teased him, calling him out on how much harder it was for Jensen to keep up with Jared's longer stride while they ran.
Jared had mentioned something about some steaks in the freezer and a cold six-pack in the fridge, which sounded like paradise to Jensen. He trailed behind the other man, who was reaching into his pocket for his keys, and thought about how familiar and easy this all was. He never would have thought that the guy who rescued him from being beaten up in a bar, a guy who nearly hated his guts on sight, would become- what? A friend? A close friend? Possibly his best friend?
Jared looked up at him then, putting his keys in the door as he was talking- Jensen didn't even know what about. The sun was shining directly through the window at the end of the hall. It flooded the corridor around Jared, who was grinning at Jensen, and suddenly everything clicked. Jensen swallowed hard and stepped forward as Jared pushed the apartment door open, waiting for Jensen to pass through. Jensen stopped in front in front of a smiling Jared and looked at him for a moment before he reached up to cup Jared's cheek.
Jensen could feel his heart beating a mile a minute, and it only got faster as Jared stared back at him, confusion in his eyes. Jensen ignored that, ignored that they were in the middle of a very public hallway and that they were sweaty and still slightly out of breath and - everything.
He kissed him.
Leaned up those few inches that separated them and kissed him on the mouth, soft and sure. Jensen could feel Jared's hand twitch against him and prayed that it would wrap around his waist or his neck and Jared would move and kiss him back, but it never came. Jared raised his hand and put it on Jensen's arm, not pushing- just resting. Jensen pulled back a little and saw that Jared's eyes were still confused, his brow furrowed now. He felt his heart thump hard in his chest and then drop as his body took a chill. He stepped back and wiped his fingers over his own lips gently with his head ducked.
"I... sorry. I'm just gonna-" Jensen turned around sharply and walked quickly down the hall, away from Jared and the eyes that Jensen could feel on his back until he disappeared into the stairwell. He took the stairs so quickly he almost tripped down one flight, and he jogged out to his rental car, parked in the lot. When he got inside he cranked the air conditioner and leaned his head against the steering wheel, waiting for his stomach to stop churning so he could get back to the hotel and vomit in peace.
~~~~
Jared showered in a daze. He knew what happened, could still feel Jensen's lips on his. He just couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the events, though, because Jensen Ackles kissed him. He didn't know what to do or say or how to react. He didn't even know if he liked it.
Jared laughed out loud harshly. He was kidding himself- of course he liked it! At least, he thought he did. That's where things got dicey, because Jared wasn't sure what was going on with himself. He could still feel Jensen's lips on his as he ran the soap over his body, wondering what Jensen had thought when Jared just stood there like a fucking plank of wood.
"He thinks I'm a total tool," Jared groaned, thumping his head lightly against the shower wall. He didn't know what could possibly have made Jensen want to do that in the hallway, all out of the blue and sudden like that, but now Jared felt like a grade-A jerk for not saying something or stopping him from leaving ,- for not doing something. Even if it was all a mistake the last thing he wanted to do was fuck up their friendship, because he truly did enjoy the guy's company.
Jensen's lips had been soft and warm against his. The man knew how to kiss, obviously, which Jared now knew. If only he'd kissed him back or opened his mouth or said something like, "Mmm." Anything but freezing up and watching Jensen walk away from him.
The soap circled lower and lower over his abdomen and stomach, creating bubbles and lather on his skin that sluiced down his torso and lean legs. His fingers brushed through his pubic hair and he could feel his cock twitch between his legs the more he thought about Jensen's sweaty body pressed against his own. He created a lather in his hand and brought it to his cock, tugging and pulling until he was stroking his length and thrusting his hips up into his fist. He dropped the soap into the bathtub and used his free hand to run across his chest, pinching his nipples as his mind kept flashing technicolour images of Jensen like a slide show against his eyelids- Jensen smiling, Jensen worried, Jensen biting his lip, Jensen on set and looking sexy as hell in his wardrobe, Jensen laughing, Jensen eating and making a mess of himself, Jensen's eyes lit up in surprise or happiness, Jensen Jensen JenjenjenjenjensenJensen.
The last image Jared could see in his mind was Jensen leaning into him, close enough to breathe in the musky smell of his sweat and cologne and everything else that made him up. Jensen's eyes half-lidded and glancing between Jared's confused gaze and lips that fit against Jensen's perfectly as he closed the gap and pressed his mouth against Jared's and-
Jared came with a loud groan, spilling over his hand as he jerked his cock quickly, riding out his orgasm until his legs shook and his head lolled on his shoulders. He leaned against the wall heavily and watched the evidence wash away down the drain. He breathed in slowly, catching his breath, then turned the water down as cold as he could stand it and rinsed the remaining soap off. When he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel he caught a look at himself in the mirror and took in his flushed cheeks and swollen lips.
"Holy fuck," Jared muttered and leaned in closer. He couldn't remember ever feeling this confused and consumed, spent and suspended in disbelief and insecurity and disarray. "I kissed Jensen," he whispered, the impact of what that meant finally hitting him so hard he sat down on the closed toilet.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there but it was long enough for him to come to the conclusion that he may have just fucked up everything he managed to achieve without saying one single word- which was precisely the problem.
~~~~
Jensen spent the night pacing in his hotel room and flipping through the television channels rapid fire until he made himself dizzy. He thought about going back to Jared's and demanding that he listen to him explain what happened and why he kissed him, but he figured neither of them was in the necessary frame of mind to discuss that rationally, given Jared's reaction. It also didn't help that Jensen raided his mini-bar as soon as he got back to his room and was currently half-drunk, on his way to totally plastered.
"At least he won't have to save me from being beaten up and drive me home," Jensen giggled to himself, dropping to the bed unsteadily. He grabbed his cell phone and thumbed through the menu until he found Jared's number. He should call him. No, he shouldn't but he really wanted to. But then there was the problem of not being in the right frame of mind to talk to him about what happened. Or to talk to him at all, really. He flipped the phone shut and threw it on the floor before flopping back on the bed tiredly.
It was Jared's fault that Jensen fell for him, really. If he weren't so hot and nice and friendly and didn't have those massive hands and come-fuck-me eyes when he was tired or drunk or... any time, really. Yeah, it was all Jared's fault that Jensen kissed him, couldn't stop thinking about him, wanted to call him - just wanted him.
Jensen grunted as he heaved himself to prop up against the headboard. He clumsily unbuckled his pants and unzipped them, pulling his cock out. He was already half-hard from thinking about Jared all night, quickly approaching full as he palmed himself and thought about Jared's mouth and tongue and biceps and the way the sweat trailed down his back into his shorts as he walked and his ass moved under his shorts... oh, yeah. Jensen stuck his tongue out of his mouth as he concentrated, working his cock quickly. If Jared was only hot and had the personality of a cardboard box he wouldn't feel this way, he knew. Jensen was an actor for Christ's sake- he worked with hot people every day, but most of them were self-absorbed, snobby and boring as hell. Jared though- Jared was fucking perfect.
"Goddamn," Jensen breathed as he was assaulted with thoughts of Jared and images of him throughout the weeks they'd known each other- Jared laughing, Jared rolling his eyes at him, Jared standing up for him in the bar, Jared hot and sweaty and breathing hard against him as he'd leaned in- "Fuck, Jared."
Jensen spilled over his hand messily and jerked his hips up as he came, panting Jared's name out softly as he caught his breath. He wiped his hand on his shirt and let his head fall to the side while his body relaxed for the first time since he fled Jared's apartment building.
That was exactly how he woke up hours later, with a stiff neck, limp cock hanging out of his pants and shirt crusty with come. He groaned and covered his face with his hand, wrinkling his nose as he noticed that his hand was still covered in dried come as well. He stumbled to the bathroom to strip and wash up, then he flopped back in bed to get at least a few hours of sleep before he had to get up and face Jared and everything else the next day.
He woke up feeling somewhat less hung over and managed to get through his day with relative ease. Lynne gave him a knowing glance when she breezed through his trailer in the morning, but either because she knew better or because of Jensen's pleading glance she didn't say anything. Jensen spent most of the day on edge, snapping around to get a look at every single person in his line of vision who was tall or had shaggy hair but none of them were Jared. Finally at the end of the day he approached Darren and asked if he knew where Jared was.
"I sent him to work out of my office near the hotel for the day because I had a lot of things that needed to be couriered out and run around town. I think he's coming back to set to finish out the day, though. Want me to send him to your trailer when he gets here?" Darren asked. Jensen felt his palms get sweaty and shook his head quicky as he chickened out.
"No, that's okay. I'll catch him later," Jensen said and rushed off to makeup and wardrobe so he could change and get the hell off set before Jared showed up.
"One day," he whispered to himself as he jogged away. "I'll give you one day, Padalecki."
~~~~
The knock at the door the next day was hesitant, as if the person on the other side wasn't exactly sure what they wanted to do. Jared seriously contemplated not answering and pretending that he wasn't home or was sleeping or something, but then there was another knock, this time louder and harder. He sighed and walked to the hallway before stopping again.
"Jared," Jensen called out. "I know you're in there. Your truck's in the lot."
There was another sigh from Jared as he trudged forward and opened the door slowly, unsure of how he would find Jensen on the other side. Jensen was standing a couple feet away in the hallway, hands shoved deep into his pockets while he bit his lip. Jared leaned his head up against the barely-ajar door and stared at Jensen.
"Yeah?" he asked, not sure what to say.
"I came by to talk. Or you know, whatever."
"'Whatever?' And shouldn't you be on set?"
"Not- not that whatever. And no, they're doing some background shots with extras this afternoon because of road work nearby. Which you'd know if you had to work today," Jensen replied with a pointed glance. "I came to see if you wanted to hang out."
"I-"
"I get it if you don't want to, I do. I just didn't want to let things get too weird between us. Weirder than they already are," Jensen babbled out, hands still in his pockets as he strained forward slightly, as if to make his point. "I'm sorry, Jared."
"There's nothing-"
"No, really. I shouldn't have done what I did. You're a really great friend and that's something I can't always trust but I can with you and-"
"Jen, would you shut up for a second," Jared finally huffed out with an eye roll, opening the door wider. Jensen looked at him, too shocked and taken aback to say anything. "I'm not mad or upset or anything. I'm- well, I'm not really sure what I am right now, but I'm not mad, okay? Just... surprised, I guess."
Jensen seemed visibly relieved and took a step forward but Jared backed up and closed the door a little. Jensen furrowed his brow and stepped back again, looking hurt. Jared felt like a massive tool and opened the door again and stepped out. "Hey."
"No, I get it. It's cool, man. I really am sorry, Jared," Jensen said, jaw clenched slightly. Jared was the one who was confused now and reached a hand out toward Jensen.
"No, you don't understand. I want to talk to you about this, but-"
"I get it, Jared," Jensen said forcibly and backed up another step.
"Look, seriously Jensen- I want to talk to you about this but I can't right now. I want to invite you in but-"
"Sasquatch!"
Jared and Jensen both turned down the hall toward the direction the voice had called out from. Jared barely had enough time to brace himself before his arms were full of nineteen year-old little sister.
"Hey brat," he said affectionately, hugging her back while he looked over her head at Jensen, who gave him a half-smile of understanding, or so Jared hoped. He blushed and stepped back from his sister, slinging an arm around her shoulders as his parents approached them.
"Thought you guys weren't coming for another hour," he said by way of greeting, hoping his words didn't sound as deliberate out loud as they did in his head.
"We were already in the city to pick some things up, JT," his mom replied, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "And you know how your father likes to be on time."
"We really just wanted to sneak in and make sure you weren't up to no good," his dad commented, clapping him on the shoulder with a wink as his mom turned to Jensen who had been doing a good impression of a wall up to that point.
"Oh, do you have friends over, JT?" Megan looked up and gasped, her eyes widening in shock and excitement.
"Holy crap!" Megan exclaimed. "You're- holy crap."
Jared blushed again and looked at Jensen apologetically. "Mom, Dad, Megan- this is Jensen. He's-"
"Hot," Megan breathed and immediately her cheeks grew as red as Jared's. Her mouth dropped open and she clapped a hand over it while Jensen chuckled nervously and looked down at his feet. "I mean, I love your work."
"Work?" Jared's mom asked, confused.
"He's an actor, mom," Jared explained. "He was in that movie you liked last summer- the one about the hijacked plane and the president?"
"Oh, yes! You were wonderful in that!" his mom smiled at Jensen who blushed more and stuck his hands in his back pockets. Jared could feel the awkwardness radiating from Jensen, despite the broad smile he gave Jared's mom, who giggled like a love-struck teenager. Much like Megan, in fact.
"So, what brought you out here?" Jared's dad asked gruffly, probably feeling the need to cover up the giggling.
"I'm filming a movie here." Jensen nodded. "I'll be here for another couple months, probably."
"And you know him?" Megan asked, staring up at her brother, confused before turning back to Jensen. "You know my brother's a dork, right?"
Jensen laughed easily, naturally this time, and shrugged. "He has his moments."
""Well isn't that exciting? You must be very busy all the time." Jared's mom spoke up again. "What are you doing this afternoon, Jensen? You'll have to tell us all about your movie and how you're liking it here. We're having a barbecue at the house this afternoon- that's why we're in town, actually. It's the first family barbecue of the summer with all of us together."
"Mom." Jared stepped forward nervously. "You just mentioned that he's really busy, he doesn't have time to come to dinner."
"What are you having, Mrs. Padalecki?" Jensen asked, stepping closer to Jared with a grin that made Jared want to groan.
"Nothing fancy- hot dogs and hamburgers and some steak, salad and whatnot. And Jared's favourite, of course- homemade potato salad. We'd love to have you come."
"What do you know? That's my favorite, too. And it's been so long since I've had a home cooked meal. Thank you for the invitation, I'd love to come, if Jared doen't have a problem with it," Jensen replied, glancing over at Jared with a broad, hopeful smile. Jared's mom beamed at them both while Megan squeezed Jared's arm tightly.
"Of course he doesn't mind!" Jared's mom replied before Jared could say anything. Jensen watched Jared shrug his shoulder and nod once and that was all the approval his mom needed.
"It's a good thing we came early then, isn't it? JT, why don't you and Jensen drive out with us and we can bring you two back in later?" his dad said, turning to leave.
"I'd better just follow you in my truck," Jared said suddenly. "I might get called in to the bar later so it's best I be mobile so I can leave without distracting everyone else. That okay?"
"I'll ride with you!" Megan exclaimed eagerly. Jared opened his mouth to protest but his mother shot him a look, that mother look, and the words died in his throat before he even knew what he was going to say. There went his chances of dropping Jensen off at the hotel before heading out to the house on his own, claiming some sort of on-set emergency.
It wasn't that Jared didn't want Jensen there- he didn't not want him there, he just wasn't sure if he did want him there. He wasn't really sure of much at that very moment and figuring it all out around his family probably wasn't going to happen. He could only hope they wouldn't embarrass him in front of Jensen. Too much, anyway.
"Jensen- can I call you Jensen, by the way?" Megan started as she escorted the actor down the hall, trailing their parents while Jared grabbed his coat from the apartment quickly and locked the door. "Did Jared ever tell you about the time he fell of the roof of our house?"
Jared closed his eyes and held in a groan as he trudged after them, wishing the earth would swallow him whole.
~~~~
Jared was abnormally quiet for the first half of the ride to his parents' house. They didn't live that far from Jared, but it was still too far for the commute to be convenient every day, and the hum from the city fell away so it felt more homey and neighborly. Megan more than made up for Jared's silence, chattering on between the two men about movies she liked and which of Jensen's she enjoyed most and hey, was it true he dated his co-star from that other movie?
"Papers like to make up a lot of stories," Jensen said easily, the same response he gave to any interviewer or person who asked about things like that. He didn't like answering those questions, though, and steered the conversation in another direction.
"So you two haven't seen each other in a while, huh?" Jensen asked, trying to make conversation that would draw Jared into it as well, from the other side of the cab. Megan bounced eagerly between them, oblivious to the tension between the two men.
"I've been at school all year and then I went to stay with my grandparents for a month to help them out and relax. I haven't seen jerkface here since Easter." Megan grinned as she elbowed Jared in the ribs lightly. He grimaced and edged away, forcing a smile at her, but Megan didn't notice his discomfort. Jensen did, though, and instantly felt bad. This was clearly supposed to be a day with his family and Jensen felt like he was intruding. It was too late to turn back, though, and Jensen had to admit, the chance to eat a good home cooked meal was too tempting to make him pipe up with a lame-ass excuse to go back to the hotel. Not to mention he wanted to try to talk to Jared and smooth things over between them, if it was at all possible.
Megan continued to fill the truck with chatter, grilling Jensen about everything she could think of and giggling at his stories. A couple times Jensen looked over and caught Jared smiling to himself as well, but Jared stayed quiet while Jensen and Megan talked. There had to be something in the water that the Padalecki clan drank because his sister was fun to be around, too. He really liked her and by the time they arrived at Jared's childhood house she managed to get Jensen to promise her a bunch of photos and pretty much as many autographs as she wanted. When they got to the house Megan pointed out areas where Jared had managed to get hurt when he was younger or where the old tire swing was and that infamous part of the roof Jared had fallen off of, once upon a time. Jensen noticed the tips of Jared's ears turn pink and smiled to himself as they walked up to the front porch.
As soon as they got in the house Jared dropped to the floor with a huge grin on his face. Jensen looked around, confused, and was nearly knocked off his feet by two very large, very hyper dogs that looked to be some kind of Shepherd and Pit Bull mix. He stepped out of the way as they made a beeline for Jared and knocked him on his ass, slobbering on him and smacking him in the face with speedy tails as they turned around excitedly. Jared laughed it off and played with the dogs, burying his face in their fur contentedly. Jensen raised an eyebrow and laughed at him softly from his place by the door until Jared lifted his head and stared at him over the back of one of the large dogs, his eyes clear and strong.
"Jared, don't get those dogs riled up before dinner, you hear me? I don't want them running around in here or outside when we eat," Jared's mom warned as she brushed past them further into the house. Jared's dad followed as Megan stood around glancing between her brother and Jensen who stood awkwardly.
"You want me to show you around?" Megan asked with a grin. Jensen was just about to open his mouth to accept when Jared pushed the dogs back and stood up, covered in dog hair that he brushed away haphazardly, clearly not caring.
"You have to go help Mom," Jared told her. Megan rolled her eyes and cocked her hip out with a stubborn look on her face. Jensen could see a lot of Jared in her and now understood where he got that stubborn, determined look from that Jared used on set sometimes when he was dealing with something of utmost importance to the shoot or during a tense hand of poker.
"You do, too, dorkface," Megan replied quickly. "Just because you don't live here anymore doesn't mean you get treated like a guest. Jensen's the only guest here."
Jared glanced up at him and Jensen could feel his cheeks getting red. "We could all go help your mom, couldn't we?" he offered weakly. Jensen felt awkward as the Padalecki siblings stared at him. He felt ready to run back out the front door when one of the dogs ambled over to him from Jared's side and pushed a nose under one of his hands. Jensen let it sniff his hand, getting used to his scent before he crouched down in front of it and scratched behind its ears. "What are their names?"
"Sadie and Harley," Jared replied, dropping to one knee to give the other dog attention. "This one with the pointy ears and sort of crazed look to him is Harley. That one," he nodded to the dog Jensen was petting. "Is Sadie. I got her first about five or six years ago when I was still living here. Harley came later."
"You must hate not having them with you," Jensen said softly, watching Jared's expression relax as he ran his hands over Sadie's back.
"I hate the thought of them being cooped up in that small apartment," Jared countered with a shrug. "I don't think any of us would survive if I moved them in with me. At least here they've got lots of room to play, people who take care of them as well as I would, and I still get to see them almost as often as I'd like as long as I don't mind making the drive."
Jensen opened his mouth to reply, feeling like this was the perfect chance to get them to even ground again, when Jared's mom called from the kitchen, "If y'all have two feet and a heartbeat, I could use some help in here to get ready."
"Told you," Megan taunted to Jared who stuck his tongue out at her playfully. He grabbed her as she tried to sneak by and put her in a loose headlock to walk her into the kitchen, casting a tentative grin at Jensen as he trailed behind them. Jensen grinned back but too soon Jared was ruffling his sister's hair and calling her a twerp. He paused for a second in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Jared's family interact with each other and how Jared relaxed around them. Jared's mom glanced back at him, spotted him standing and waiting and drew him into the mix with a smile. She directed him to cut vegetables for the salad while Jared was at his side, getting the hamburger buns ready to go on the grill. A couple times Jensen glanced up at Jared and caught his eyes shifting away at the last second. He smiled to himself and let his hand slip and bump against Jared's a few times until Jared looked up at him and smiled back.
Everyone worked quickly and easily in the small kitchen, laughing and making messes but generally having fun. Jensen let the events of the past few days slip away and found he was enjoying himself and, even more, Jared seemed to be okay with him being there which was more than Jensen could have hoped for at that point.
~~~~
Jared watched Jensen playing in the backyard with Sadie and Harley, smiling wide and genuine for the the first time all day. He laughed to himself as Harley grabbed the chew toy Jensen was holding and pulled him over with a hard tug when Jensen wasn't expecting it. Jensen went sprawling in the grass and sat up, laughing and covered in grass and dirt. Sadie bounded over and slobbered all over him while he tried to grab the toy back from Harley. Jared realized with a start that this was the real Jensen and he could tell him from the 'perfect' Jensen he projected to people he didn't know, the person he showed to reporters and fans and that shone on the cover of magazines. He knew the instant Jensen dropped his Hollywood act and became one of the guys. Jared bit down on his lip and continued to watch Jensen, mulling that over.
Jensen was the perfect dinner guest. He helped Jared's mom bring out plates and utensils and set the picnic table while Jared followed behind him with napkins and a cooler of drinks. He chatted with Jared's dad about baseball and debated with him on Texas' chances in football for the coming season. Josh, Jared's brother who lived down the street from their parents, even muttered to Jared that Jensen didn't seem nearly like the tool he was made out to be in the supermarket rags, which made Jared snort and then he turned around and caught Jensen making funny faces at his niece who was being held by Josh's wife, Chrissy. He covered up his small sigh and goofy grin with a cough and mentioned something about using the bathroom before heading inside.
He could feel Jensen's eyes on his back as he disappeared inside the house with a burning blush staining his cheeks. He felt like a fourteen year old with a crush and damn if he didn't have what felt like butterflies in his stomach and sweaty palms over the man. He liked Jensen. He liked Jensen. It terrified him to realize how true it was but at the same time he was nervous and anxious and excited and wanted so badly to turn around to see if Jensen was still staring at him, but he stopped before he could give in. He shook himself as he walked through the house slowly and tried not to feel like he was in too far over his head.
Part 4
Jared/Jensen, NC-17
See the index for a full header.
Part 2
The thing about epiphanies, Jared realized, is that they're usually very abrupt and often come at the weirdest times, no matter how welcome they are.
It was a quiet night for Jared and Sandy. Neither of them had to work and Jared turned off his cell phone so they would be totally uninterrupted. Sandy chattered for awhile about her day job at the bank and how much she hated it while Jared cooked them dinner, then went on about her acting class and how her teacher told her she was the best one out of twenty. Jared half-listened, nodding at the appropriate points and verbally agreeing when she needed assurance.
He was draining the yellow beans, more concerned with making sure they weren't over cooked instead of Sandy's story about upcoming play auditions for A Streetcar Named Desire and it hit him- they weren't in love. At least, Jared wasn't. He liked Sandy, sure; they were best friends. But he suddenly realized that he felt no attraction to her other than that of a concerned and dedicated friend. Jensen was right.
He dropped the pot in the sink with a clang but the lid somehow stayed on. Sandy paused for a split second in her story to make sure Jared was okay and then continued on while he calmly thought through his sudden realization. Now he had to decide if this meant enough to him that he would upset the last constant thing in his life, one of the only things that made any sense anymore. Except, really, it didn't, because Sandy wasn't the same person he fell in love with six years earlier and he was changing before her eyes- not that he figured she noticed. Everything between them was the same except for them. They went to the same places on dates, saw the same people when they went to parties, had the same routine for everything- including sex.
Jared was quiet throughout dinner and the dessert that Sandy brought from her mother, a blueberry pie. Jared chewed his as if he was eating rubber and swallowed hard, the realization bearing down on him, pushing and urging him to just spit it out. He kept silent and Sandy suggested going to the movies, or to the video store but Jared shook his head and led her to the living room instead while she regarded him curiously, noticing his strange quiet. She slumped down on the couch and they watched TV in silence, Jared tapping his leg restlessly on the floor until Sandy reached over and stopped it with her hand without looking. Jared kept composing ways to open the conversation in his head while Sandy checked her cell for texts every three minutes.
"Oh my God, lady," Sandy exclaimed at one point, clearly bored and frustrated as they just sat there. "Take the deal and go home!"
Jared looked over at her, blinking slowly. "I don't think we should see each other anymore." Sandy glanced back at him quickly and looked mildly surprised.
"Jared?"
"I think it might be time we start seeing other people," he continued, throat dry and palms sweaty. "We've been together for so long I don't know if we realize what we want anymore and you're doing the acting thing and I'm still-"
Sandy interrupted him, "Okay."
Jared blinked. "Okay?"
"Yeah, I agree with you. I love you, Jared, I do. I know that sounds weird but you're right, we've changed. That's what you were getting to, right?" she asked with a smile. Jared nodded slowly. "I wasn't ever sure how to bring it up."
Jared blew out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair as the weight lifted from his shoulders. "You're not mad or upset at all?"
"Kinda sad," Sandy said with a half-smile. "I do love you, Jared. You're a huge part of my life, but we're definitely not the people we were when we got together all those years ago."
"Definitely not," Jared agreed with relief. He sat back on the couch and blew a long breath out, "Wow, that was easier than I thought. Thanks for understanding, Sandy."
She reached out and pulled him close by the back of his neck, leaning their heads together so she could look in his eyes. "I didn't ever know how to ask if you were happy. I can see there's something holding you back; you just figure out whatever it is you need and let yourself be happy for once, Jared. Or I'll kick your ass."
Jared laughed softly and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. "I'll remember that when you're out in Hollywood, living it up as a big star."
"I'll let you come be my gardener, how about that?" Sandy teased as they pulled apart and Jared grinned back at her. "So what now?"
Jared glanced around. "Want to finish watching the show?" Sandy shrugged and they slumped back into the couch. Only then did his heart stop beating so fast he thought it would burst out of his chest, and he could relax.
~~~~
Jensen raised an eyebrow at the two boxes sitting outside Jared's door as he knocked and listened to Jared stumble and curse on his way to let him in on the other side. Jared greeted him with a wide grin and Jensen felt it spreading, infectious as always. He jerked his thumb at the boxes as he crossed the threshold and Jared closed the door behind him.
"You moving or something?" Jensen asked, making a beeline to the kitchen to grab a beer. Jared trailed behind him, accepting one himself as Jensen pulled a couple from the fridge as if they'd done this a thousand times before. They twisted the caps off and Jensen made a face at Jared when he made a show of bending his cap in his hand easily before tossing it on the counter.
"Not quite. Sandy and I..."
Jensen took a drink as Jared trailed off and he sputtered, almost choking on his beer. "She's moving in?"
Jared shook his head and explained, "Out, actually. I'm giving her back all of the stuff she's collected here over the years because we broke up a couple nights ago."
Jensen's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit, Jared. Why didn't you say anything?" He watched Jared closely because he actually looked good- happy, even.
"You were busy with work and we filmed really late last night. It wasn't a big deal." Jared shrugged.
"You guys were together for a long time, though," Jensen pushed, unable to listen to the voice screaming in his head to shut up and enjoy the fact that the guy he was interested in was finally single.
"After we talked I realized I wasn't happy like I once was with Sandy. I still love her and everything, don't get me wrong, but I think I love the Sandy from a couple years ago when we weren't as different as we are now. You helped me see that," Jared told Jensen with a grin.
"So I broke up your relationship?" Jensen asked to clarify. Jared sighed and shook his head.
"No, of course not! You just- you helped me recognize things I should have seen a long time ago."
"Kind of a rash decision, isn't it?" Jensen asked lightly.
Jared shrugged and leaned against the counter by the fridge. "Scary as fuck is what it is," he laughed. "For the first time in my life I don't know what I'm doing, Jensen. I've never had that before."
Jensen couldn't help but feel guilty. It seemed that he was having all the doubts and insecurities that Jared was laughing off. Jared was enjoying this but all Jensen could see was himself as the cause of everything going ass over teakettle in Jared's life. Jared seemed to recognize this as well and pointed a finger at him.
"Stop it."
"What?" Jensen asked defensively.
"You're overthinking this. You keep thinking you're to blame for this, but Jensen, don't you see? If it weren't for you I'd probably have stayed in my two jobs for fuck knows how long and married Sandy!"
"And that would have been a bad thing?"
"Marrying someone you don't love?"
"Yeah, okay- bad. But Jared," Jensen started carefully, considering his words as he put his beer down on the counter. "I'm not seeing your whole life. I'm not really the person you should be looking to for-"
"You think I'm depending on you to guide my life, Jensen?" Jared asked, cutting him off. Jensen shifted and looked uncomfortable. "I'm not a five-year old looking to be taught how to tie his shoes. I sure as hell don't look to you to make my decisions. Hard truths are just easier to face when someone else faces them for you first." Jared grinned and said lightly, "Stop thinking this is all about you, you self-centered bastard."
Jensen snorted and held up his hands in surrender and grabbed his beer again. "All right, all right. You've got me. You're a good guy so I don't want to be the cause of any problems for you, is all. But as long as you know this is what you want and it makes you happy..."
Jared looked at Jensen thoughtfully, so long that Jensen could feel his cheeks getting hot again. "You know," Jared replied absently. "It does."
Jensen fought the urge to avoid Jared's eyes and looked back at him, forcing himself to relax, and waited for Jared to look away first as his fingers picked at the label on his beer bottle. He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.
~~~~
The week passed uneventfully and Jared and Jensen fell back into a regular routine- meeting for coffee in the mornings in the makeup trailer during Jared's first break, having lunch together in Jensen's trailer when Jared wasn't needed to run errands for Darren, coffee and a donut in the afternoon before they stood around for a quick dinner late in the evening so they could get done with the day's scenes as early as possible. Jensen usually forewent the shower in his trailer to go back to his hotel for a moment of quiet and then he met up with Jared later at Jerry's for poker with the guys or Jared's late shift. Jensen didn't always stick around for Jared's whole shift, but he showed up for at least an hour and sat at the bar, chatting with Jared while he served beer and broke up the occasional fight. Jerry struck up a conversation or two until Jensen felt comfortable enough to joke around with the bar owner on his own when Jared was actually working.
Friday night they played poker at Dave's to avoid the large crowds at the bar and Jensen had to admit to himself that it was nice to do something other than hang out there. They left Dave's house early, but Jensen didn't question it. He let Jared drive them wherever he had in mind and slumped back in the seat, watching the city pass them by.
"Bringing me out here to have your way with me?" Jensen joked. Jared stopped the truck in the field they'd come to the second night Jared saved his ass at the bar a half hour after they left Dave's. Jared just shot him a grin and climbed out of the cab, grabbing the blanket from behind the seat. Jensen followed and waited until Jared spread the blanket out in the back before climbing up. He started to lie down but Jared stopped him with a hand on his arm and pulled a baggie out of his shirt pocket. Jensen watched as Jared pulled out a joint with a sheepish grin and cocked an eyebrow at him.
"I didn't want to say anything at Dave's because I knew everyone would want a hit," Jared explained as he patted his pockets down for a lighter he must have grabbed from the house. Jensen was speechless as he watched Jared light it up and take a hit, coughing a little as he exhaled. He squinted at Jensen as he held it out and croaked, "It's strong."
"Where did it come from?" Jensen asked as he accepted it.
"Tobey." Jared grinned. "He knows where to get the good stuff. I don't do this very often but I figured..."
"What?" Jensen asked, inhaling deep. He passed the joint back and held the smoke longer than Jared before exhaling slowly.
Jared shrugged. "Seemed like a good night to do it."
They passed the joint back and forth a couple more times before Jensen laid back in the bed of the truck, feeling a little floaty. It was strong. Jared lay back beside him and they continued to pass the joint carefully. Jensen was staring up at the sky and feeling fine when Jared rolled over and tucked an arm under his head so he could look up at Jensen.
"What?" Jensen drawled out, longer than necessary. Jared smiled up at him and smiled broadly.
"How often do you do this?" Jared asked, his voice sending pleasant rumbles down to Jensen's toes.
"I don't," Jensen replied, toking slowly while Jared let out a scoff of disbelief. "What? I don't. Sometimes at a party, sure. But no."
"You need to loosen up, Mr. Ackles," Jared said softly, reaching over to pluck the joint from between Jensen's fingers. Their hands brushed more than they should have and Jensen turned his head enough to look Jared in the eyes. He was lying closer than Jensen first realized, so close that he could turn his body and be nose to nose with Jared.
"Why's that?" Jensen asked, breathily.
"You're too uptight. You think too much about what others want you to be- what they think you should be."
"That's the way my world works."
"Hah!" Jared exclaimed. "That's bullshit. There's no 'your world, my world' here."
"Right here in this truck?" Jensen asked.
"Out there, too," Jared waved his hand in the air. "You just think there is. But there isn't, not really. You let it be that way."
"Maybe I like it that way," Jensen tried to argue lightly, but Jared would hear none of it.
"If you did you'd be happy."
"Why do you think I'm not?"
"Your mouth gets all tense," Jared replied, barely above a whisper. He ran a finger over his own bottom lip slowly and Jensen felt his breath hitch. "When you talk about it, you get tense all over. You look around like someone's going to hear you; you get scared. What was it I said about truth before?"
Jensen thought for a moment. "Hard truths are easier to face when someone else sees them first?"
"Yeah," Jared smiled. "That sounds about right. So here's your hard truth: you're gay."
Jensen snickered. "Really? I hadn't noticed. What with the wanting guys and sucking dick and all." Jensen felt the atmosphere shift immediately, as soon as the words were out of his mouth, and he glanced at Jared nervously as if worried Jared would recoil in horror or demand they leave or something. Instead he noticed Jared's mouth had fallen open slightly and he was looking at Jensen curiously.
"You okay?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded dumbly and took another drag.
"Yeah, fine. Just... I've never..."
"Sucked a cock? I should hope not. Because you're straight," Jensen watched carefully as he picked those words deliberately and watched Jared's reaction but there wasn't much of one. Jared raised his eyebrows as he exhaled.
"Sure," he replied easily. Jensen reached out to take the joint back, almost gone now but Jared held it out of his reach.
"Hey, you've got to share," Jensen protested.
"Have you ever shotgunned a joint before?" Jared asked huskily. Jensen twitched and hoped Jared didn't notice.
"M-maybe." Jared smiled at Jensen's stutter and took another quick drag from the joint before passing it over. Jensen waited to see if Jared would lean over or turn toward him or anything but a few moments later he exhaled and Jensen bit back a grumble. "Have you?" he asked. Jared shrugged.
"Maybe," he replied, teasing. "Although I bet it would be different with a guy. Not unlike a girl but... different." Jensen took one last toke, examined the remainder and flicked the butt over the side of the truck, eliminating any temptation.
"Guess you'll never know," Jensen told him, avoiding his eyes. Jared made a noncommital noise and shrugged. A few minutes passed with Jensen looking up at the sky and he half wondered if Jared had fallen asleep.
"Jared?" he whispered quietly, testing.
"Yeah?" Jared whispered back immediately. Jensen bit back a curse and shook his head.
"Nothing." Another few minutes passed but then the curiosity got to be too much for Jensen.
"Jared?"
"What?"
"Have you ever...?" Jensen let the question trail off, asking without saying the words. Jared lifted his head a little and gave him a confused stare.
"Ever what?"
"Wondered? Wondered what it would be like?" Jensen inched closer to the question.
"Like for what?"
"To be with a guy?"
"Yeah, a couple times," Jared replied lazily, as if it were just that simple.
"Have you ever done anything with a guy, Jared?"
"No," Jared replied honestly.
"Ever wanted to?" Jensen breathed the question, his heart pounding.
"Maybe," Jared replied, just as quiet. Jensen rolled over and faced Jared, edging back a little so they weren't touching but close enough to breath each other's air.
"Why haven't you?"
"Never thought to?" Jensen raised an eyebrow. "Like the Sandy thing, and the job thing. If it's not there in front of me, how am I supposed to think about it?"
"So you have to be reminded to want to kiss a guy?" Jensen asked. Despite the tension Jared laughed.
"No, jerk. I've never known anything but Sandy, or girls in general. Doesn't mean I haven't thought about something else but if I don't know anything else... you know? I remember what you told me about your high school- it wasn't much different here, either."
"So you have thought about it?" Jensen pressed.
"I... no. I mean, yes but no. I still like girls. I liked Sandy, liked having sex with her. But there's something about... I've always wondered about it..."
Jensen thought up one response but bit it back. "What it would be like to be with a guy?" Jared nodded. "That's probably normal, doesn't mean anything Jared."
"I've jerked off to things- pictures and video from the internet. I like- I mean, I think I like watching guys get off. Especially with other guys." Jared looked at Jensen hesitantly but Jensen just looked back at him steadily. They lapsed into silence, listening to the wind whistle through the thick leaves and Jensen felt like he could feel the motion of it through his bones, the beating of Jared's heart and the heat from his lanky body seeping through Jensen's clothes, down to the very core of himself. Yeah, this was a great time to be having this conversation with Jared- when he was stoned out of his fucking mind.
"So ...?" Jensen started hesitantly, finally breaking the silence between them.
"I think I'm bisexual," Jared blurted out. Jensen didn't say anything and didn't respond so Jared continued. "I still like girls but the more I think about it the more I realize I'm not- I mean, I don't mind-"
"You've found yourself thinking more and more about guys?" Jensen supplied for him and Jared nodded. "What do you think about that?"
"I'm not sure," Jared replied slowly. "I'm not opposed to it, but I'm not exactly excited about it. I'm... cautiously optimistic," he replied after some thought. Jensen snorted.
"You're stoned."
"That too," Jared agreed.
"So you're cool with it?"
Jared shrugged. "Don't really have a choice, do I? I can't stop it if it's part of me and I don't really feel like fighting with myself so, whatever. If it's there, it's there and I'll figure things out."
Jensen didn't really know what to say to that other than to smile and nod, so they lay in the back of the truck quietly and watched the sky for what felt like hours. Jensen wasn't sure how long it was, really, but he was just thankful he didn't have to work in the morning because he knew it was late and he was going to have to jerk off a lot when he got back to his hotel. When Jared finally sat up slowly Jensen followed and clumsily climbed out of the truck. The high had worn off, so Jared folded up the blanket and shoved it back behind the seat as Jensen got in the truck.
"So we're cool?" Jared asked before he started the truck.
"Why wouldn't we be?" Jensen gave him a confused look.
"Just wanted to be sure." Jared shrugged.
"Yeah, we're cool, Jared," Jensen replied softly. "And hey, you know I won't tell anyone."
"Yeah," Jared said with a big smile. Jensen couldn't help but return it and damn if he didn't grin the whole way back into town and to his hotel.
~~~~
Late Sunday morning while Jared was hanging out reading a book on his balcony he heard the doorbell ring. He was loathe to move from his spot in the lounge chair with the sun beating down on him, making him drowsy, but he groaned and trudged to the door with a yawn. Jensen was on the other side wearing a big grin and jogging shorts, bouncing in place in the hallway. Jared resisted the urge to slam the door in his face and sighed.
"Seriously? You want to actually do stuff today?" Jared complained, half smiling. Jensen brushed past him into the apartment and grabbed Jared's sneakers from the rack by the door.
"Hell yes, dude. Come on. I've had a good night's sleep and want to go jogging. And you know I can't go on my own," Jensen replied, tossing the sneakers at Jared who caught them easily.
"Why's that?"
"I might be attacked by some crazed fangirl who wants me for my body," Jensen replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, puffing his chest out. "Or fanboy." Jared let out a bark of laugher before he turned and shuffled off to his bedroom with a sneaker in each hand.
"Fine, fine. I'll be out in a minute."
Jensen let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like, 'Ha HA!' and started stretching while Jared tried to find his jogging shorts. When he emerged from his room a few minutes later shrugging a white sleeveless shirt over his head, Jensen seemed to clear his throat a lot and bent down to brush dirt of his sneakers. Jared pulled his own shoes on hastily, tying them tightly, and clapped his hands. "Ready?" Jensen smiled brightly and hurried out the door, leaving Jared to lock up in his wake.
~~~~
"Come on, you can shower here really quick and then we'll go out for a beer or something, if you don't want to stay here," Jared said over his shoulder as they climbed the stairs to Jared's floor in his apartment building. Jensen walked behind him, watching how the muscles in Jared's legs flexed as they walked up. As they got to his floor Jared pulled his shirt off and started wiping himself down right in front of Jensen, who fought to keep his eyes elsewhere while not looking suspicious to the other man. Just as he thought when he was first getting to know Jared, he was built everywhere. Jared told him his workout routine once and Jensen kind of tuned it out in favour of thinking about Jared on the stairmaster, and lifting weights, and stretching and... well. Thank god Jared never asked Jensen to go to the gym with him. He had a feeling he'd roll right off the back of his treadmill with Jared around.
They had a good run, spending an hour or so making passes through the park near Jared's house and then around the block to an ice cream parlor where he and Jared made general asses of themselves, being loud and trying to prank each other. Jensen honestly couldn't remember the last time he laughed so hard with someone; Jared was quickly becoming one of his favourite people to hang out with and that excited and scared him at once. After the ice cream Jared invited him back to sit out on the balcony with some beer and watch the sun go down- or take a nap, Jensen had teased him, calling him out on how much harder it was for Jensen to keep up with Jared's longer stride while they ran.
Jared had mentioned something about some steaks in the freezer and a cold six-pack in the fridge, which sounded like paradise to Jensen. He trailed behind the other man, who was reaching into his pocket for his keys, and thought about how familiar and easy this all was. He never would have thought that the guy who rescued him from being beaten up in a bar, a guy who nearly hated his guts on sight, would become- what? A friend? A close friend? Possibly his best friend?
Jared looked up at him then, putting his keys in the door as he was talking- Jensen didn't even know what about. The sun was shining directly through the window at the end of the hall. It flooded the corridor around Jared, who was grinning at Jensen, and suddenly everything clicked. Jensen swallowed hard and stepped forward as Jared pushed the apartment door open, waiting for Jensen to pass through. Jensen stopped in front in front of a smiling Jared and looked at him for a moment before he reached up to cup Jared's cheek.
Jensen could feel his heart beating a mile a minute, and it only got faster as Jared stared back at him, confusion in his eyes. Jensen ignored that, ignored that they were in the middle of a very public hallway and that they were sweaty and still slightly out of breath and - everything.
He kissed him.
Leaned up those few inches that separated them and kissed him on the mouth, soft and sure. Jensen could feel Jared's hand twitch against him and prayed that it would wrap around his waist or his neck and Jared would move and kiss him back, but it never came. Jared raised his hand and put it on Jensen's arm, not pushing- just resting. Jensen pulled back a little and saw that Jared's eyes were still confused, his brow furrowed now. He felt his heart thump hard in his chest and then drop as his body took a chill. He stepped back and wiped his fingers over his own lips gently with his head ducked.
"I... sorry. I'm just gonna-" Jensen turned around sharply and walked quickly down the hall, away from Jared and the eyes that Jensen could feel on his back until he disappeared into the stairwell. He took the stairs so quickly he almost tripped down one flight, and he jogged out to his rental car, parked in the lot. When he got inside he cranked the air conditioner and leaned his head against the steering wheel, waiting for his stomach to stop churning so he could get back to the hotel and vomit in peace.
~~~~
Jared showered in a daze. He knew what happened, could still feel Jensen's lips on his. He just couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the events, though, because Jensen Ackles kissed him. He didn't know what to do or say or how to react. He didn't even know if he liked it.
Jared laughed out loud harshly. He was kidding himself- of course he liked it! At least, he thought he did. That's where things got dicey, because Jared wasn't sure what was going on with himself. He could still feel Jensen's lips on his as he ran the soap over his body, wondering what Jensen had thought when Jared just stood there like a fucking plank of wood.
"He thinks I'm a total tool," Jared groaned, thumping his head lightly against the shower wall. He didn't know what could possibly have made Jensen want to do that in the hallway, all out of the blue and sudden like that, but now Jared felt like a grade-A jerk for not saying something or stopping him from leaving ,- for not doing something. Even if it was all a mistake the last thing he wanted to do was fuck up their friendship, because he truly did enjoy the guy's company.
Jensen's lips had been soft and warm against his. The man knew how to kiss, obviously, which Jared now knew. If only he'd kissed him back or opened his mouth or said something like, "Mmm." Anything but freezing up and watching Jensen walk away from him.
The soap circled lower and lower over his abdomen and stomach, creating bubbles and lather on his skin that sluiced down his torso and lean legs. His fingers brushed through his pubic hair and he could feel his cock twitch between his legs the more he thought about Jensen's sweaty body pressed against his own. He created a lather in his hand and brought it to his cock, tugging and pulling until he was stroking his length and thrusting his hips up into his fist. He dropped the soap into the bathtub and used his free hand to run across his chest, pinching his nipples as his mind kept flashing technicolour images of Jensen like a slide show against his eyelids- Jensen smiling, Jensen worried, Jensen biting his lip, Jensen on set and looking sexy as hell in his wardrobe, Jensen laughing, Jensen eating and making a mess of himself, Jensen's eyes lit up in surprise or happiness, Jensen Jensen JenjenjenjenjensenJensen.
The last image Jared could see in his mind was Jensen leaning into him, close enough to breathe in the musky smell of his sweat and cologne and everything else that made him up. Jensen's eyes half-lidded and glancing between Jared's confused gaze and lips that fit against Jensen's perfectly as he closed the gap and pressed his mouth against Jared's and-
Jared came with a loud groan, spilling over his hand as he jerked his cock quickly, riding out his orgasm until his legs shook and his head lolled on his shoulders. He leaned against the wall heavily and watched the evidence wash away down the drain. He breathed in slowly, catching his breath, then turned the water down as cold as he could stand it and rinsed the remaining soap off. When he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel he caught a look at himself in the mirror and took in his flushed cheeks and swollen lips.
"Holy fuck," Jared muttered and leaned in closer. He couldn't remember ever feeling this confused and consumed, spent and suspended in disbelief and insecurity and disarray. "I kissed Jensen," he whispered, the impact of what that meant finally hitting him so hard he sat down on the closed toilet.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there but it was long enough for him to come to the conclusion that he may have just fucked up everything he managed to achieve without saying one single word- which was precisely the problem.
~~~~
Jensen spent the night pacing in his hotel room and flipping through the television channels rapid fire until he made himself dizzy. He thought about going back to Jared's and demanding that he listen to him explain what happened and why he kissed him, but he figured neither of them was in the necessary frame of mind to discuss that rationally, given Jared's reaction. It also didn't help that Jensen raided his mini-bar as soon as he got back to his room and was currently half-drunk, on his way to totally plastered.
"At least he won't have to save me from being beaten up and drive me home," Jensen giggled to himself, dropping to the bed unsteadily. He grabbed his cell phone and thumbed through the menu until he found Jared's number. He should call him. No, he shouldn't but he really wanted to. But then there was the problem of not being in the right frame of mind to talk to him about what happened. Or to talk to him at all, really. He flipped the phone shut and threw it on the floor before flopping back on the bed tiredly.
It was Jared's fault that Jensen fell for him, really. If he weren't so hot and nice and friendly and didn't have those massive hands and come-fuck-me eyes when he was tired or drunk or... any time, really. Yeah, it was all Jared's fault that Jensen kissed him, couldn't stop thinking about him, wanted to call him - just wanted him.
Jensen grunted as he heaved himself to prop up against the headboard. He clumsily unbuckled his pants and unzipped them, pulling his cock out. He was already half-hard from thinking about Jared all night, quickly approaching full as he palmed himself and thought about Jared's mouth and tongue and biceps and the way the sweat trailed down his back into his shorts as he walked and his ass moved under his shorts... oh, yeah. Jensen stuck his tongue out of his mouth as he concentrated, working his cock quickly. If Jared was only hot and had the personality of a cardboard box he wouldn't feel this way, he knew. Jensen was an actor for Christ's sake- he worked with hot people every day, but most of them were self-absorbed, snobby and boring as hell. Jared though- Jared was fucking perfect.
"Goddamn," Jensen breathed as he was assaulted with thoughts of Jared and images of him throughout the weeks they'd known each other- Jared laughing, Jared rolling his eyes at him, Jared standing up for him in the bar, Jared hot and sweaty and breathing hard against him as he'd leaned in- "Fuck, Jared."
Jensen spilled over his hand messily and jerked his hips up as he came, panting Jared's name out softly as he caught his breath. He wiped his hand on his shirt and let his head fall to the side while his body relaxed for the first time since he fled Jared's apartment building.
That was exactly how he woke up hours later, with a stiff neck, limp cock hanging out of his pants and shirt crusty with come. He groaned and covered his face with his hand, wrinkling his nose as he noticed that his hand was still covered in dried come as well. He stumbled to the bathroom to strip and wash up, then he flopped back in bed to get at least a few hours of sleep before he had to get up and face Jared and everything else the next day.
He woke up feeling somewhat less hung over and managed to get through his day with relative ease. Lynne gave him a knowing glance when she breezed through his trailer in the morning, but either because she knew better or because of Jensen's pleading glance she didn't say anything. Jensen spent most of the day on edge, snapping around to get a look at every single person in his line of vision who was tall or had shaggy hair but none of them were Jared. Finally at the end of the day he approached Darren and asked if he knew where Jared was.
"I sent him to work out of my office near the hotel for the day because I had a lot of things that needed to be couriered out and run around town. I think he's coming back to set to finish out the day, though. Want me to send him to your trailer when he gets here?" Darren asked. Jensen felt his palms get sweaty and shook his head quicky as he chickened out.
"No, that's okay. I'll catch him later," Jensen said and rushed off to makeup and wardrobe so he could change and get the hell off set before Jared showed up.
"One day," he whispered to himself as he jogged away. "I'll give you one day, Padalecki."
~~~~
The knock at the door the next day was hesitant, as if the person on the other side wasn't exactly sure what they wanted to do. Jared seriously contemplated not answering and pretending that he wasn't home or was sleeping or something, but then there was another knock, this time louder and harder. He sighed and walked to the hallway before stopping again.
"Jared," Jensen called out. "I know you're in there. Your truck's in the lot."
There was another sigh from Jared as he trudged forward and opened the door slowly, unsure of how he would find Jensen on the other side. Jensen was standing a couple feet away in the hallway, hands shoved deep into his pockets while he bit his lip. Jared leaned his head up against the barely-ajar door and stared at Jensen.
"Yeah?" he asked, not sure what to say.
"I came by to talk. Or you know, whatever."
"'Whatever?' And shouldn't you be on set?"
"Not- not that whatever. And no, they're doing some background shots with extras this afternoon because of road work nearby. Which you'd know if you had to work today," Jensen replied with a pointed glance. "I came to see if you wanted to hang out."
"I-"
"I get it if you don't want to, I do. I just didn't want to let things get too weird between us. Weirder than they already are," Jensen babbled out, hands still in his pockets as he strained forward slightly, as if to make his point. "I'm sorry, Jared."
"There's nothing-"
"No, really. I shouldn't have done what I did. You're a really great friend and that's something I can't always trust but I can with you and-"
"Jen, would you shut up for a second," Jared finally huffed out with an eye roll, opening the door wider. Jensen looked at him, too shocked and taken aback to say anything. "I'm not mad or upset or anything. I'm- well, I'm not really sure what I am right now, but I'm not mad, okay? Just... surprised, I guess."
Jensen seemed visibly relieved and took a step forward but Jared backed up and closed the door a little. Jensen furrowed his brow and stepped back again, looking hurt. Jared felt like a massive tool and opened the door again and stepped out. "Hey."
"No, I get it. It's cool, man. I really am sorry, Jared," Jensen said, jaw clenched slightly. Jared was the one who was confused now and reached a hand out toward Jensen.
"No, you don't understand. I want to talk to you about this, but-"
"I get it, Jared," Jensen said forcibly and backed up another step.
"Look, seriously Jensen- I want to talk to you about this but I can't right now. I want to invite you in but-"
"Sasquatch!"
Jared and Jensen both turned down the hall toward the direction the voice had called out from. Jared barely had enough time to brace himself before his arms were full of nineteen year-old little sister.
"Hey brat," he said affectionately, hugging her back while he looked over her head at Jensen, who gave him a half-smile of understanding, or so Jared hoped. He blushed and stepped back from his sister, slinging an arm around her shoulders as his parents approached them.
"Thought you guys weren't coming for another hour," he said by way of greeting, hoping his words didn't sound as deliberate out loud as they did in his head.
"We were already in the city to pick some things up, JT," his mom replied, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "And you know how your father likes to be on time."
"We really just wanted to sneak in and make sure you weren't up to no good," his dad commented, clapping him on the shoulder with a wink as his mom turned to Jensen who had been doing a good impression of a wall up to that point.
"Oh, do you have friends over, JT?" Megan looked up and gasped, her eyes widening in shock and excitement.
"Holy crap!" Megan exclaimed. "You're- holy crap."
Jared blushed again and looked at Jensen apologetically. "Mom, Dad, Megan- this is Jensen. He's-"
"Hot," Megan breathed and immediately her cheeks grew as red as Jared's. Her mouth dropped open and she clapped a hand over it while Jensen chuckled nervously and looked down at his feet. "I mean, I love your work."
"Work?" Jared's mom asked, confused.
"He's an actor, mom," Jared explained. "He was in that movie you liked last summer- the one about the hijacked plane and the president?"
"Oh, yes! You were wonderful in that!" his mom smiled at Jensen who blushed more and stuck his hands in his back pockets. Jared could feel the awkwardness radiating from Jensen, despite the broad smile he gave Jared's mom, who giggled like a love-struck teenager. Much like Megan, in fact.
"So, what brought you out here?" Jared's dad asked gruffly, probably feeling the need to cover up the giggling.
"I'm filming a movie here." Jensen nodded. "I'll be here for another couple months, probably."
"And you know him?" Megan asked, staring up at her brother, confused before turning back to Jensen. "You know my brother's a dork, right?"
Jensen laughed easily, naturally this time, and shrugged. "He has his moments."
""Well isn't that exciting? You must be very busy all the time." Jared's mom spoke up again. "What are you doing this afternoon, Jensen? You'll have to tell us all about your movie and how you're liking it here. We're having a barbecue at the house this afternoon- that's why we're in town, actually. It's the first family barbecue of the summer with all of us together."
"Mom." Jared stepped forward nervously. "You just mentioned that he's really busy, he doesn't have time to come to dinner."
"What are you having, Mrs. Padalecki?" Jensen asked, stepping closer to Jared with a grin that made Jared want to groan.
"Nothing fancy- hot dogs and hamburgers and some steak, salad and whatnot. And Jared's favourite, of course- homemade potato salad. We'd love to have you come."
"What do you know? That's my favorite, too. And it's been so long since I've had a home cooked meal. Thank you for the invitation, I'd love to come, if Jared doen't have a problem with it," Jensen replied, glancing over at Jared with a broad, hopeful smile. Jared's mom beamed at them both while Megan squeezed Jared's arm tightly.
"Of course he doesn't mind!" Jared's mom replied before Jared could say anything. Jensen watched Jared shrug his shoulder and nod once and that was all the approval his mom needed.
"It's a good thing we came early then, isn't it? JT, why don't you and Jensen drive out with us and we can bring you two back in later?" his dad said, turning to leave.
"I'd better just follow you in my truck," Jared said suddenly. "I might get called in to the bar later so it's best I be mobile so I can leave without distracting everyone else. That okay?"
"I'll ride with you!" Megan exclaimed eagerly. Jared opened his mouth to protest but his mother shot him a look, that mother look, and the words died in his throat before he even knew what he was going to say. There went his chances of dropping Jensen off at the hotel before heading out to the house on his own, claiming some sort of on-set emergency.
It wasn't that Jared didn't want Jensen there- he didn't not want him there, he just wasn't sure if he did want him there. He wasn't really sure of much at that very moment and figuring it all out around his family probably wasn't going to happen. He could only hope they wouldn't embarrass him in front of Jensen. Too much, anyway.
"Jensen- can I call you Jensen, by the way?" Megan started as she escorted the actor down the hall, trailing their parents while Jared grabbed his coat from the apartment quickly and locked the door. "Did Jared ever tell you about the time he fell of the roof of our house?"
Jared closed his eyes and held in a groan as he trudged after them, wishing the earth would swallow him whole.
~~~~
Jared was abnormally quiet for the first half of the ride to his parents' house. They didn't live that far from Jared, but it was still too far for the commute to be convenient every day, and the hum from the city fell away so it felt more homey and neighborly. Megan more than made up for Jared's silence, chattering on between the two men about movies she liked and which of Jensen's she enjoyed most and hey, was it true he dated his co-star from that other movie?
"Papers like to make up a lot of stories," Jensen said easily, the same response he gave to any interviewer or person who asked about things like that. He didn't like answering those questions, though, and steered the conversation in another direction.
"So you two haven't seen each other in a while, huh?" Jensen asked, trying to make conversation that would draw Jared into it as well, from the other side of the cab. Megan bounced eagerly between them, oblivious to the tension between the two men.
"I've been at school all year and then I went to stay with my grandparents for a month to help them out and relax. I haven't seen jerkface here since Easter." Megan grinned as she elbowed Jared in the ribs lightly. He grimaced and edged away, forcing a smile at her, but Megan didn't notice his discomfort. Jensen did, though, and instantly felt bad. This was clearly supposed to be a day with his family and Jensen felt like he was intruding. It was too late to turn back, though, and Jensen had to admit, the chance to eat a good home cooked meal was too tempting to make him pipe up with a lame-ass excuse to go back to the hotel. Not to mention he wanted to try to talk to Jared and smooth things over between them, if it was at all possible.
Megan continued to fill the truck with chatter, grilling Jensen about everything she could think of and giggling at his stories. A couple times Jensen looked over and caught Jared smiling to himself as well, but Jared stayed quiet while Jensen and Megan talked. There had to be something in the water that the Padalecki clan drank because his sister was fun to be around, too. He really liked her and by the time they arrived at Jared's childhood house she managed to get Jensen to promise her a bunch of photos and pretty much as many autographs as she wanted. When they got to the house Megan pointed out areas where Jared had managed to get hurt when he was younger or where the old tire swing was and that infamous part of the roof Jared had fallen off of, once upon a time. Jensen noticed the tips of Jared's ears turn pink and smiled to himself as they walked up to the front porch.
As soon as they got in the house Jared dropped to the floor with a huge grin on his face. Jensen looked around, confused, and was nearly knocked off his feet by two very large, very hyper dogs that looked to be some kind of Shepherd and Pit Bull mix. He stepped out of the way as they made a beeline for Jared and knocked him on his ass, slobbering on him and smacking him in the face with speedy tails as they turned around excitedly. Jared laughed it off and played with the dogs, burying his face in their fur contentedly. Jensen raised an eyebrow and laughed at him softly from his place by the door until Jared lifted his head and stared at him over the back of one of the large dogs, his eyes clear and strong.
"Jared, don't get those dogs riled up before dinner, you hear me? I don't want them running around in here or outside when we eat," Jared's mom warned as she brushed past them further into the house. Jared's dad followed as Megan stood around glancing between her brother and Jensen who stood awkwardly.
"You want me to show you around?" Megan asked with a grin. Jensen was just about to open his mouth to accept when Jared pushed the dogs back and stood up, covered in dog hair that he brushed away haphazardly, clearly not caring.
"You have to go help Mom," Jared told her. Megan rolled her eyes and cocked her hip out with a stubborn look on her face. Jensen could see a lot of Jared in her and now understood where he got that stubborn, determined look from that Jared used on set sometimes when he was dealing with something of utmost importance to the shoot or during a tense hand of poker.
"You do, too, dorkface," Megan replied quickly. "Just because you don't live here anymore doesn't mean you get treated like a guest. Jensen's the only guest here."
Jared glanced up at him and Jensen could feel his cheeks getting red. "We could all go help your mom, couldn't we?" he offered weakly. Jensen felt awkward as the Padalecki siblings stared at him. He felt ready to run back out the front door when one of the dogs ambled over to him from Jared's side and pushed a nose under one of his hands. Jensen let it sniff his hand, getting used to his scent before he crouched down in front of it and scratched behind its ears. "What are their names?"
"Sadie and Harley," Jared replied, dropping to one knee to give the other dog attention. "This one with the pointy ears and sort of crazed look to him is Harley. That one," he nodded to the dog Jensen was petting. "Is Sadie. I got her first about five or six years ago when I was still living here. Harley came later."
"You must hate not having them with you," Jensen said softly, watching Jared's expression relax as he ran his hands over Sadie's back.
"I hate the thought of them being cooped up in that small apartment," Jared countered with a shrug. "I don't think any of us would survive if I moved them in with me. At least here they've got lots of room to play, people who take care of them as well as I would, and I still get to see them almost as often as I'd like as long as I don't mind making the drive."
Jensen opened his mouth to reply, feeling like this was the perfect chance to get them to even ground again, when Jared's mom called from the kitchen, "If y'all have two feet and a heartbeat, I could use some help in here to get ready."
"Told you," Megan taunted to Jared who stuck his tongue out at her playfully. He grabbed her as she tried to sneak by and put her in a loose headlock to walk her into the kitchen, casting a tentative grin at Jensen as he trailed behind them. Jensen grinned back but too soon Jared was ruffling his sister's hair and calling her a twerp. He paused for a second in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Jared's family interact with each other and how Jared relaxed around them. Jared's mom glanced back at him, spotted him standing and waiting and drew him into the mix with a smile. She directed him to cut vegetables for the salad while Jared was at his side, getting the hamburger buns ready to go on the grill. A couple times Jensen glanced up at Jared and caught his eyes shifting away at the last second. He smiled to himself and let his hand slip and bump against Jared's a few times until Jared looked up at him and smiled back.
Everyone worked quickly and easily in the small kitchen, laughing and making messes but generally having fun. Jensen let the events of the past few days slip away and found he was enjoying himself and, even more, Jared seemed to be okay with him being there which was more than Jensen could have hoped for at that point.
~~~~
Jared watched Jensen playing in the backyard with Sadie and Harley, smiling wide and genuine for the the first time all day. He laughed to himself as Harley grabbed the chew toy Jensen was holding and pulled him over with a hard tug when Jensen wasn't expecting it. Jensen went sprawling in the grass and sat up, laughing and covered in grass and dirt. Sadie bounded over and slobbered all over him while he tried to grab the toy back from Harley. Jared realized with a start that this was the real Jensen and he could tell him from the 'perfect' Jensen he projected to people he didn't know, the person he showed to reporters and fans and that shone on the cover of magazines. He knew the instant Jensen dropped his Hollywood act and became one of the guys. Jared bit down on his lip and continued to watch Jensen, mulling that over.
Jensen was the perfect dinner guest. He helped Jared's mom bring out plates and utensils and set the picnic table while Jared followed behind him with napkins and a cooler of drinks. He chatted with Jared's dad about baseball and debated with him on Texas' chances in football for the coming season. Josh, Jared's brother who lived down the street from their parents, even muttered to Jared that Jensen didn't seem nearly like the tool he was made out to be in the supermarket rags, which made Jared snort and then he turned around and caught Jensen making funny faces at his niece who was being held by Josh's wife, Chrissy. He covered up his small sigh and goofy grin with a cough and mentioned something about using the bathroom before heading inside.
He could feel Jensen's eyes on his back as he disappeared inside the house with a burning blush staining his cheeks. He felt like a fourteen year old with a crush and damn if he didn't have what felt like butterflies in his stomach and sweaty palms over the man. He liked Jensen. He liked Jensen. It terrified him to realize how true it was but at the same time he was nervous and anxious and excited and wanted so badly to turn around to see if Jensen was still staring at him, but he stopped before he could give in. He shook himself as he walked through the house slowly and tried not to feel like he was in too far over his head.
Part 4