SPN RPS: Faint Stars and Bright Satellite Skies (2/7) // NC-17 // Jared/Jensen
Faint Stars and Bright Satellite Skies
Jared/Jensen, NC-17
See the index for a full header.
Part 1
"Thanks again, man. I really needed to get away," Jensen said as he got out of the truck at the hotel later that night. They lay out in the bed of the truck for an hour or so more, talking easily but mostly enjoying the peace and quiet, before Jensen reluctantly said he had to work early the next morning. Jared drove him back to his hotel in the city with the local country station playing softly while he asked Jensen for the funniest things that happened to him on the sets of different films.
Jensen turned back to Jared and smiled after he climbed out of the cab, and suddenly Jared understood exactly why he was wanted by so many people, male or female, and why he was featured on the cover of any and every magazine from here to Timbuktu. He felt his cheeks get red and he wanted to hate himself for changing his mind so easily over this guy he'd basically taken a moralistic stance against, but Jensen really was a nice guy.
"Hey Jensen?" Jared called out as Jensen started to walk away.
"Yeah?" He turned back quickly.
"I don't think you're arrogant, either," Jared told him. Jensen paused and then laughed.
"But you still think I'm pretty?" he called back, batting his eyelashes.
"You keep that up you'll go back to being stuck up," Jared warned, pointing a finger. Jensen laughed again and Jared watched until he disappeared into the hotel.
~~~~
Jared had counted the tiles in the ceiling three times now and he'd gotten three different numbers. Clearly he was just going to have to keep counting until he got a firm answer on how many there were. And that was just how bored Jared was.
The gas station was dead. Game night at the high school was always quiet but tonight it was downright desolate. He was bored as fuck and anxious to get out of there so he could do anything else. He leaned back in the chair behind the counter and started counting the tiles again, wondering if he could play the cloud game with the water stains on the tiles.
Jared didn't stir when someone drove over the gas station bell, alerting him that a car had driven into the parking lot. He hit the button on the automated pump operator so they could get their gas and continued counting, head tipped back away from the door.
"They must pay you a lot, huh?"
Jared jerked his head up at the voice that had seemingly come from nowhere. He hadn't heard the door open and assumed whoever had arrived was still getting their gas. He looked over and saw Jensen standing on the other side of the counter, grinning at him. Jared felt his face going red and rubbed his palms on his knees nervously.
"Not as much as you, Ackles," he replied with a sheepish grin. "Gassing up?"
"No, I actually stopped by to see you."
"Me?" Jared blinked.
It was Jensen's turn to blush and shuffle nervously. "Yeah, well, I just thought after, you know, Saturday night that we could maybe hang out or something. I mean, if you wanted."
"You want to hang out with me?" Jared asked, cocking his head. Jensen shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and shrugged, turning red again.
"Well, you haven't tried to kick my ass yet so you're pretty much number one in my books right now," Jensen said with a smile and Jared laughed. "Besides, you're doing a good job of keeping my ass in line. The least I can do is let you hang out with me, right? Being a big movie star and all?" Jensen asked. Jared wheeled around to look at him and snorted loudly. Jensen let out a bark of laughter and clapped him on the back. "Anything exciting to do 'round these parts?"
"Not really, but I think I can find us something to do," Jared replied with a grin.
~~~~
"The bar?" Jensen questioned as they got out of the truck. They left Jensen's rental at the gas station and let Jared drive since he knew his way around, once he locked up the gas station.
"It's dead in here tonight, I can guarantee. The guys just sit around and play cards. Not much else to do, unless you want to go make a spectacle of yourself and show up at the basketball game at the high school?"
"Cards are fine," Jensen told him firmly. Jared held the door open for him and they disappeared inside. Once inside Jensen could see that Jared was right, the bar was dead. There were maybe twelve people inside, some playing pool while the rest sat at the bar and scattered throughout the large room. Jensen trailed behind as Jared made a beeline for the group of guys sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. Jared greeted them all with smiles and high fives while Jensen stood awkwardly behind him, not sure if this was such a good idea after all.
"Hey guys," Jared spoke up after saying hello to everyone. He stepped aside and grabbed Jensen by the jacket and pulled him forward. "This is Jensen. He's going to sit in with us tonight."
"Hey," Jensen said, offering a grin and a nod, trying not to look as out of place as he felt. The three other guys regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion, narrowing their eyes at him. Jensen shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched a little, staring the biggest guy back in the eyes.
"Jensen, this is Toby, Dave, and Landon. Guys, this is Jensen." Jensen could feel the guys sizing him up with their eyes, wondering who this new guy was who was about to intrude on their male regular no-outsiders-allowed bonding time. He caught a couple of them exchanging glances and he could imagine what they were thinking- pretty boy movie star trying to be one of the regular Joe's. Maybe Jensen couldn't always play the normal guy, but it didn't mean he couldn't try. Dave, the big one Jensen was engaged in a staring contest with, finally looked away and Jensen saw an opening.
"Are we gonna sit around waiting for our dicks to shrivel up or are we gonna play cards?" Jensen finally spoke up, breaking the silence. Dave grabbed the deck of cards and tossed them on the table in front of Jensen while Jared grabbed a couple chairs and the boys made room for them, squeezing around the too-small table but making them all fit.
"Newbie's deal," Dave declared, leaning back in his chair to watch. Jensen picked up the deck and shuffled quickly, clicking the cards loudly as he sorted them easily.
"You're not a card shark or anything, right?" Jared leaned over and asked quietly but still loud enough for everyone to hear, his eyes on Jensen's hands as he kept shuffling neatly. Jensen just winked and started dealing while Jared hid a grin and glanced around the table at the other guys who looked like they were gearing up for a long battle. Jensen bit back a grin and watched Jared out of the corner of his eye as he drew up his cards, laid out the stakes and settled back in his chair, relaxed and calm.
~~~~
"Sorry about that," Jared apologized once they left the bar after midnight. Jensen looked over as they walked to Jared's truck, surprised.
"For what?"
"I didn't think they'd rag on you as hard as they did."
Jensen laughed. "Jared, that was probably the most normal night out I've had in months. Hanging out with the guys, playing cards, drinking some beer? Hell of a lot more fun than putting on a suit and going to some stuffy studio gathering with a bunch of people who only want to talk profit margins and international box office hauls."
"Yeah, that would be pretty fucking lame, huh? I'm glad you had fun. The guys think you're okay, too. Don't be surprised if a couple of them try to hit you up for some supermodel's phone number or something stupid," Jared told him with a grin. He unlocked the truck for Jensen and walked around to his side and climbed in.
"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Jensen asked as Jared started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.
"It's my first night off in a few weeks so I think I'll be kicking back with Sandy." Jensen raised a questioning eyebrow. "My girlfriend."
"You have a girlfriend?" Jensen asked, surprised. "I mean, I just haven't heard you mention her."
"We've been together for so long sometimes I forget to mention her," Jared laughed. "Don't tell her that."
"Sure," Jensen murmured. He never really stopped to consider the idea that Jared might be attached to someone. He was always on his own, hanging out with Jensen now and Jensen had to admit to himself- it kind of knocked the wind out of him, much to his dismay.
"Yeah, she works for a temping agency downtown and does the acting thing on weekends."
"She's an actress?" Jensen asked, surprised again.
"Trying to be," Jared told him with a shrug. "She's done some community theatre and went to Dallas for some modeling thing. She keeps telling me we have to move somewhere like New York or Los Angeles, but I don't know."
"It's definitely better to live in one of those places if you want to get a job in show business," Jensen agreed. "But it's not for everyone."
"That's what I keep telling her. She does alright for herself here in the theatre, and she could do some commercials. I don't know. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, right? So what did you have planned for tomorrow?" Jared asked with a grin.
"Nothing, really. That's why I asked you, in case you wanted to do something. But since it's the first night you get to hang with your girl..."
"Hey, why don't you come over to my place? I can get some hamburgers to barbecue, maybe invite some of the guys over, have some beer. And Sandy would love to meet you. She's a little... excitable," Jared explained, looking embarrassed.
"I couldn't do that, man. You should spend some time with her. You don't need to hang out with my loser ass," Jensen laughed.
"No, really. It would be something small with a few people, kicking back and relaxing. What time are you off tomorrow? You could come right after you're done. My place isn't much, but there's enough room for the barbecue outside on the balcony and usually a couple people bring guitars so we can sit outside and do whatever. It's not nearly as exciting as what you probably get up to in California with your friends but-"
"Jared." Jensen reached out and squeezed Jared's arm lightly to get him to look at him, then pulled it back quickly. "It's okay, really. Like I said, I don't get to do this stuff very often. I'm down for anything."
"Great!" Jared waited until he pulled up in front of Jensen's hotel and then reached across the cab to the glove compartment to grab a piece of paper and a pen. "Here's my address. Show up around seven, if you're off in time, and we'll take it from there. I'll tell the guys."
"Want me to bring anything?" Jensen offered as Jared shoved the paper in his hand.
Jared shrugged. "The caviar and hors d'oeuvre's?"
"Sheeyah. You wish, bitch," Jensen laughed as he got out of the cab.
"Had to try, jerk," Jared threw back. "We should be okay. Bring some beer or something."
Jensen saluted. "Will do. Thanks for tonight, Jared. It was fun."
"No problem. See you tomorrow!"
Jensen waved as he walked up the walkway to the hotel, resisting the urge to kick his heels up because that was just a little too gay- even for him.
~~~~
Jensen ran a hand through his hair nervously as he waited outside Jared's apartment door for someone to let him in. He was carrying a couple different cases of beer, not sure what to get or what people would drink. Truth be told, Jensen didn't really have many friends, even back in Los Angeles. He was a very private person and often found it hard to open up to people because he wasn't sure if he would be able to trust them in the long run. He surrounded himself with work and the best management team he could find and tried to protect himself the best he could from everything else. It seemed to be working, so far - until Jared, that was. He didn't have long to dwell on that thought because the door swung open, revealing Toby from the night before with a grin on his face and a bunch more people milling about inside.
"Ackles! Come on in, man!" Toby moved aside and let Jensen through with a grin.
"Where should I put this?" Jensen asked, gesturing to the beer. Toby grabbed one of the cases from him and jerked his head for Jensen to follow to the kitchen where a few people were standing around talking. They said hey and smiled at him, then went back to their conversation. Either Jared prepared all of his friends well or he knew the coolest people ever.
"Where's Jared?" Jensen asked once the beer was tucked away in the fridge and he grabbed a cold one for himself, twisting the cap off the bottle.
"He's outside on the balcony, playing chef. Better get out there quick if you like your meat rare, 'cause Jared only has two settings- burnt and charcoal," Toby told him with a wry smile, pointing toward the patio doors through the living room. "Maybe later we can get a card game going or something, hey? Give us all a chance to win our money back?"
Jensen grinned and nodded. "Sure. Better have brought more though, because I don't plan on losing."
"Just you wait," Toby called, pointing at him as Jensen walked toward the patio.
"Hey, man," Jared greeted him warmly, reaching out to pull him into a one-armed guy hug easily while his other hand still held his barbecuing spatula. Jensen patted him on the back and stepped back, taking in his long 'it's not easy being a princess' apron. Jared blushed and laughed while tugging at it.
"Sandy never uses it so I thought someone should," Jared explained with a grin, answering Jensen's unasked question.
"Whatever gets you through the night, man," Jensen said with a teasing grin. Jared pulled the apron off and grabbed his arm, pulling him back inside. He handed the spatula over to Toby, who rolled his eyes behind Jared's back when he instructed his friend not to let the hamburgers burn. Jensen snickered and took a drink of his beer to cover it while Jared scanned the room quickly.
"I promised her I'd introduce you as soon as you got here," Jared muttered, almost to himself. Jared looked up and frowned.
"Come again?"
"Sandy. I told her - oh, there she is." Jared caught the eyes of his girlfriend near the kitchen and motioned for her to come over. Jensen took a deep breath as she grinned and waved back before crossing the room quickly, eyes only for him.
"Sandy, this is Jensen. Jensen this is my girlfriend, Sandy," Jared introduced them easily. Sandy grinned up at him and Jensen could tell she was barely holding back some sort of excited squeal that he hoped she could keep to herself.
"Oh my god! I'm a huge fan, Jensen! Huge. Ever since I saw you on Dawson's Creek and then I watched you on your other shows. Such a shame they were canceled! I have all of your movies, too! Did Jared tell you I'm an actress?"
"Sandy," Jared warned in a low tone, glancing at Jensen quickly.
"What? I am. Who knows, maybe someday we'll be in a movie together!" Sandy bounced excitedly. Jensen gave her a smile and sipped his beer, sensing Jared's discomfort.
"You never know, it could happen," Jensen said, smiling at her with the grin he used on the covers of countless magazines and at any kind of social function where there were cameras present.
"Hey Sandy? I think Trish is trying to get your attention over there." Jared pointed across the room to a blonde trying to wave to his girlfriend. Sandy looked over and waved back excitedly.
"I'll go see what she wants. I'll be back though, okay? I really would love to sit down and talk to you about acting and the business, Jensen. If you don't mind, that is," Sandy asked hopefully.
"Of course not. I'd love to," he told her with the same big, fake grin. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it quickly in thanks, smile wide and genuine, before she walked away quickly.
"So, that's Sandy," Jensen murmured to Jared with a small smile as they watched her bounce off to talk to her friend, who immediately turned around and stared over at the guys. Jared jerked his head in the other direction and Jensen followed him out the patio door back to the balcony where he took cooking duties back from Toby.
"She's something, isn't she?" Jared finally replied, almost absently after Toby went back inside to get another drink.
"Seems like a handful. Do you two live together?" Jensen asked, taking a drink of his beer.
Jared shook his head. "She still lives with her folks. It's easier for her since she's taking some acting classes and she's saving money for when she finally convinces me to move."
"You mentioned she wanted to get out to LA or New York. When do you think that'll happen?"
Jared shrugged. "I don't know if it will. She's got ideas about her life and what she wants to do but I don't know. Sandy... likes to dream big."
"You think that's bad?" Jensen asked, leaning on the railing and turning to face Jared, curious.
"No, of course not. I just... I don't know. I could never say this to her but I don't know how she can make it out there when there are thousands of other people wanting the same things."
"You think she shouldn't try because of that?"
"Well, no. I don't know what I'm saying, man," Jared sighed. Jensen felt weird talking to Jared about this when, really, he didn't know that much about him, but he found himself pushing on.
"Do you not want her to go for that reason, or because maybe you don't want to go yourself?" Jensen asked cautiously, unsure of how far was too far.
"I..." Jared faltered and looked like he was at a loss for words.
"Hey, feel free to tell me to back off, man. This is totally none of my business," Jensen said, putting his hands up. Jared shook his head and smiled.
"No, it's fine- really. I honestly just don't think about it much because no one ever brings it up. I guess, yeah. Maybe I don't want to go so I'm hesitant to push her. I don't know, though."
"Know what? Don't you want something, Jared? Something beyond the gas station and the bar?"
Jared blinked, surprised. "I don't know."
"You've never thought about it? You didn't have any ideas when you graduated high school about what you wanted to do? What you wanted to be 'when you grew up'?" Jensen laughed as he made air quotes.
"Actually, no. I had thought about this or that but never seriously and nothing's ever really appealed to me. I had a basketball scholarship to Texas A&M but I didn't go."
"Why in the hell not?" Jensen asked, incredulously. "Full ride to college? That's fucking sweet."
"I didn't know what I wanted to do." Jared shrugged. "Still don't, not really. Why would I take the scholarship when there was someone else out there who did know what they wanted to do and missed out on it because of me?"
"Jared, you're a far better man than I would have been in that situation," Jensen told him, reaching out to clap Jared on the back. He could feel the tenseness in Jared's muscles as he did so and stared up at him, keeping his hand in place. "Hey." Jared looked at him, frowning.
"It's okay, you know? If I hadn't basically fallen into acting I'd be in the same place you are, because I have no idea what I'd be doing if it weren't for this. I'm just saying you have a lot of stuff going for you, Jared. You could do just about anything you wanted to and I'm not bullshitting you here at all. You don't realize what qualities you have going for you that employers look for. I hope you don't think I'm dumping on what you're doing now, because if you're happy, that's great. But have you thought about doing anything else?"
Jared shrugged again and Jensen could feel the muscles moving under his hand, warm and hard. "Truthfully, not really. It's never really been brought up. Sandy's always been the dreamer of the two of us. Now she's thinking of running off to be a movie star or something and I don't really know how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm ready to make that change," he confessed, taking a sip out from his beer.
Jensen hedged his bets and chose his words carefully for what he was about to say next. He already felt like he was treading water here, even if Jared didn't seem to realize it. "Are you not ready to make that change for yourself or for Sandy?"
Jared hummed, looking at Jensen with a thoughtful look on his face as he tapped his finger on his beer bottle absently. Silence fell between them and Jensen finally pulled his hand away, the heat from Jared's body becoming too much for him on this already-sweltering Texas night.
~~~~
"Jared, man. I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries last night. I don't want you to think I'm trying to come into your life and tell you how to run it and tell you there's better things. I let my mouth run away from me," Jensen said over lunch on set the next day. Jared had brought food for the set again from Jerry's with one extra meal for himself so he could eat with Jensen at the picnic table outside his trailer. The rest of the party had gone well, and Jensen was a big hit with all of Jared's friends. Sandy could barely keep quiet after he left, leaving earlier than most of the guests because he had an six AM call time. After a couple hours Jared had reached the point where he wanted to ask her to talk about anything but Jensen, just because it was all she could talk about, and ended up sitting on the balcony by himself, thinking about the the conversation between himself and Jensen.
Jared shook his head as he wiped his mouth. "No, it's cool actually. No one ever talks to me about this stuff, you know? My parents are happy to have me close and they think Sandy and I will get married and have kids and live around here forever, I'm pretty sure. The guys have jobs and are starting to think about families themselves. Sandy just assumes I'll come with her wherever she goes, I guess. No one ever really asks me about any of this so I've never stopped to consider it."
"And you don't have a problem with that?" Jensen asked. He could never imagine living his life like that, with no outside scope of the world beyond the every day monotony of life.
"No, not a problem so much. It's kind of like having a light turned on, you know? When you don't know what else is out there or what you want or can do it's hard to think about it. After all, we can't all be as naturally charming and talented as you, can we Mr. Ackles?" Jared asked with a grin. Jensen wanted to grin back but he couldn't help but think that he was going to ruin this guy's life all because he couldn't keep his big fat mouth shut. Jared seemed to read the thoughts in his head and reached over to punch his arm lightly. "Sometimes it's good to get that kick in the ass, right? Need something to make you wake up and think about where you are and what the hell you're doing."
"I just don't want you to think I know what I'm doing, Jared. Sometimes I'm just as lost and unsure of what I'm doing as you are," Jensen explained slowly, feeling a little exposed.
"Yeah, but right now you seem to know what you're talking about and you're making a damn lot of sense to me. And that's good enough for right now. Don't worry about it, okay? We're just a couple guys shooting the shit, right?"
Jensen felt something click inside him at Jared's words and he smiled broadly as he took a big bite of his pasta. "Sure," he said around his mouthful and Jared laughed at him, shoving a napkin into his hand.
"Oh, if only America could see you now. The hot, aloof movie star stuffing his face and making an ass of himself," Jared teased him as a noodle fell out of Jensen's mouth, making Jared chuckle.
"Yeah, America can suck my balls then. And don't try to deny it- you love it," Jensen mumbled back, getting a little red. Jared laughed harder, slapping his hand against his thigh, as his mouth opened wide and his loud laugh echoed between the trailers. Jensen saw a few people look around at them and normally he'd turn kind of red and get uncomfortable from the attention but Jared's laughter was contagious and he let himself laugh along with his friend, watching Jared wink at him across the small table.
~~~~
"So poker with the guys tonight, hey?" Jared said as they cleaned up their food containers before he had to go back to set.
"Not for me," Jensen said shaking his head. "We're shooting late here tonight and I have to fly out to Los Angeles early tomorrow morning."
"That sucks. What are you doing out there?"
Jensen started to respond but was interrupted by Darren, the director, passing by on his way to set. "Jensen! You going to be ready in five?"
"I'll be right there," Jensen called back before turning to Jared. "I'll see you around when I get back, then?"
"Sure." Jared waved and started walking toward the parking lot to go back to the bar. He was almost there when he felt a hand on his back and jumped as he turned around
"Sorry, buddy, didn't mean to startle you. You're Jared, right?" Darren asked, holding a clip board with a set of earphones around his neck to listen to the actors as they filmed.
Jared nodded "Yeah, is there something I can do for you?"
"I've seen you around with Jensen, obviously. I've heard a lot about you from around set, how you helped him out a few weeks ago when he got into a bit of trouble with the locals, and I know you two are hanging out a lot."
Jared frowned, not seeing where the conversation was going. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No! Just the opposite, actually. I need some help here on set, personal running around and, well, gopher-type stuff. I've done some asking around about you and I've been by the bar you work at a couple nights for dinner and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You're a hard worker. You know your way around the city and since you and Jensen seem to be tight you're okay in my books. I thought I'd see if you were interested," Darren told him. Jared blinked, then narrowed his eyes.
"Did Jensen talk to you about me?" He asked, thinking back to their talk about Jared's life and wanting more than working at the gas station and at the bar.
"He's mentioned you a couple times but nothing specifically. I thought since we're already in production it would be good to have someone who knows his way around the city and the set already instead of asking the studio to send someone out. Does this mean you're not interested?"
"No," Jared replied, thinking quickly. "Is this a full-time thing?"
"For the duration of the shoot, at least. I know you've already got obligations elsewhere so I understand if you can't-"
"Can I think about it? Just over the weekend?"
"Sure! Here's my cell and the number of the hotel where I'm set up here. If you can I'd like you to start on Monday so you can get a feel for things," Darren told him, scribbling his numbers on a piece of paper. "Think it over and give me a call with your salary expectations. We can make it worth your time."
Jared nodded, trying not to let his mouth fall open at how sudden this was. "Sure. Thanks!"
Darren clapped Jared on the shoulder and rushed off back towards set, pulling out his cellphone and checking his clipboard. Jared walked to his truck in a daze, not quite sure what just happened.
"Well fuck me sideways," he whispered to himself as he climbed into his truck, a slow smile spreading across his face. He tucked the number in his breast pocket and grinned the whole way back to the bar.
~~~~
The last person Jared expected to hear from while he was kicking back and watching some random movie on the TV was Jensen. After all, he was off in L.A. for the weekend doing whatever the hell it was he did in L.A., being a movie star and giving interviews and shit. So when Jared answered the phone, all lazy and drowsy and achingly close to a mid-afternoon nap in the Texas heat, he sat straight up on the couch at the sound of Jensen's voice.
"Jensen?"
"You expectin' someone else to call you from Hollywood?" Jensen joked back.
"Hey man, I just didn't think I'd hear from you until you came back, is all. How's it going? Can't be that exciting if you're calling me," Jared laughed.
"It's okay, you know? I've been going all day with interviews and a photo shoot and all that crap. I had some downtime and thought I'd call you up to see what's going on before I have to leave for some party the studio is throwing. Got anything fun planned for tonight?" Jensen asked, sounding tired and almost wistful.
"Got a date with Pay-Per-View, that's about it," Jared laughed.
"That sounds pretty damn good right now, actually," Jensen replied, stifling a yawn. "What's Sandy up to tonight?"
"Oh, she's working and then going out with her friends, I think," Jared said absently. "When are you flying back?"
"Tomorrow morning. I cut a couple things short so I could get back earlier and not have to take the red-eye in Sunday night."
"Cool. Do you want to do something tomorrow night?" Jared asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"Sure. Like what?"
Jared shrugged even though Jensen couldn't see him. "Maybe a movie? Could round up some of the guys and see if they want to play some poker or something. We can find something to do."
"I don't doubt it for a second. How about I give you a call tomorrow when I get off the plane? I'll have to wash L.A. off before I can go anywhere but anything sounds good to me."
"Cool. Hey, Jensen?" Jared played with a stray thread at the bottom of his shirt.
"Yeah?"
"I kind of have something set up for Monday for a new job. And I -"
"Hey, that's great! Where at?" Jensen cut in, sounding genuinely happy for him. Jared huffed a little and smiled.
"If you'd let me finish I could tell you." Jensen laughed at the other end, mumbling a 'sorry' but let him continue. "I wanted to tell you before you showed up to work on Monday because I don't want anything to be weird."
"Are you applying to be a sheep fucker or something?"
"Asshole," Jared laughed. "Shut up and listen. I got stopped on the way off set on Friday and it turns out your director, Darren, is looking for a PA to act as his personal gopher for the duration of the shoot. Said he's seen me around hanging out with you and that if I could put up with your pussy-ass whining I should be good to work for him."
"Takes one to know one," Jensen retorted.
"Fuck off," Jared laughed back before getting quiet again. "Seriously, though. I want to know if you're all right with this because if you think it's gonna be a problem or if you don't want me to take the-"
"Jared, why wouldn't I want you to take it? It's a great opportunity and Darren's the man. He's the perfect guy to learn from. I think it's a great idea and I'm glad you want the job," Jensen told him emphatically. Jared sighed with relief loudly and laughed again.
"I was hoping you'd say that. I didn't know if you'd think it was weird or something so I thought I should check. I wouldn't want to step on the big, important movie star's toes," Jared teased.
"Fuck you," Jensen replied without malice. He and Jared talked for a little while longer, until Jared could hear someone calling for Jensen in the background and he said with a sigh he had to go.
"I'll call you when I get back into town, okay? Or maybe sooner if I feel like I'm going out of my mind," Jensen said before he hung up. Jared stared at the phone for awhile after and tried to remember what his life was like before Jensen barreled into it. Turns out it's harder to remember when you're not missing the way things were.
~~~~
"Jared!"
Jared looked up and saw Jensen jogging across the parking lot towards him as he was walking to set with paperwork for Darren. It was mid-afternoon and Jared was taking a small break before he went back to talk to Darren about what he wanted done next. He couldn't believe it was Thursday already. As soon as he showed up for work on Monday morning Darren and the rest of the production team piled the work on him and he felt like he hadn't stopped running since.
"Hey, Jensen," Jared said with a grin as he caught up to him. Jensen clapped him on the back and fell into stride with him, pushing his sunglasses up on his head.
"What's up, man? I haven't seen you since we hung out with the guys on Sunday."
"It's not for lack of trying. Between being here all day and then working a couple shifts at the bar during the week it's hard to find time to even sleep," Jared explained ruefully.
"You're not regretting taking the job, are you?" Jensen asked anxiously.
"Oh, no. Nothing like that. I'm really enjoying it, actually, and learning a lot. More than I thought I would, that's for sure. So thanks," Jared said with a grin. Jensen blinked and cocked his head at Jared.
"For what?"
Jared batted his eyelashes and looked at him with wide-eyed innocence. "For gracing my life with your presence every day, of course. What do you think?" Jensen shoved him on the shoulder with a groan. "No, seriously. Thanks for this chance. I know you didn't say anything to Darren specifically about getting me this job but let's face it, if you weren't here I wouldn't be doing this."
Jensen blushed and scratched the back of his head as he looked away. "No problem, man. Just glad I could help. Besides, it's nice to have someone around that I can actually put up with for more than five minutes at a time."
"They can't all be that bad," Jared replied. "Everyone seems really nice."
"Yeah, they're nice. Just not- not the type of people I want to hang out with all the time," Jensen explained carefully.
Jared opened his mouth to ask what he was talking about but his cell phone went off, vibrating insistently against his leg. He shot Jensen an apologetic smile and answered it quickly. "'lo? Yeah, I've got the papers here. Sure, I'll get them right over to you."
"Sorry, I gotta get these to Darren." Jared held up the papers in his hands.
"No problem." Jensen waved him off with a grin. "Give me a call later and we'll try to make plans to get together, okay?" Jared waved as he jogged off, feeling Jensen's eyes on him the whole way.
~~~~
"Hey, Jared?" Jared turned around to see one of the office PAs standing behind him in the makeshift copy room on set with some notes for Darren the next week.
"Oh, hey. Thanks," he said as he took them from her, adding them to his own pile he had to take to the director.
"How's it going?" she asked, standing around casually. Jared looked up from the folder he was reading over, surprised.
"Good, really good. They keep me busy here," he replied with a smile. He thought her name was Denise or Vanessa or something. He'd already seen so many people throughout his first week that he just didn't bother with names right now, referring to people as 'Hey' and 'Oh, I have that thing you wanted'.
"I was wondering..." Denise or Vanessa started, folding her hands and fidgeting in front of him. Jared put the folder down and turned to her, eyebrow raised. "You hang out with Jensen a lot, right? I've seen you two together before you even started on set. I was curious..."
"Yeah?" Jared asked cautiously.
"Is he dating anyone? I don't want to know for myself, it's more of a question that some of us in the office have."
Jared frowned. "I don't know, it's none of my business."
Denise or Vanessa smiled hesitantly and shrugged a little. "Oh, come on. You can tell me. There's some people who think he's gay and some others that think he's with this chick he co-starred-"
"I don't know," Jared cut her off in a quiet tone. "I don't know and I'm not about to ask because it's really none of my business."
"You're friends, aren't you?"
"Yeah, we are." As Jared said that he realized at once that it was totally true- he thought of Jensen as one of his good friends and didn't even know when exactly it had happened. "And that's another reason for me not to talk to you about this. I don't know and even if I did I wouldn't be sharing the information with you," Jared said shortly, gathering his things and brushing past her out of the photocopy room. He thought he heard her breathe something about him being an asshole and big egos but he didn't really care what she thought of him at that point. He was more shocked and uncomfortable at the thought of someone even thinking about asking him about Jensen in that context. He also felt guilty because he realized Jensen had never talked to him about it and he was curious himself. He clenched his jaw as he walked out of the office, avoiding the gaze of everyone else in his path.
~~~~
Jensen could tell something was off with Jared later that afternoon. During every break in shooting he would look over at Jared and try to catch his eye, but he noticed that Jared had barely cracked a smile the whole afternoon. He was taking notes and relaying messages back and forth between various people on set when the director asked him to and he was polite, but beyond that he seemed lost in thought. Jensen finally had enough and broke from his position in the scene during a longer downtime between takes and wandered over to where Jared was standing, scribbling furiously in his notebook.
"Writing love notes?" Jensen teased as he walked up. Jared looked up and barely blinked before returning to his notes.
"Don't say that too loudly," Jared muttered and Jensen started.
"What?"
"How can you stand it?" Jared asked suddenly, speaking in hushed tones to Jensen as he glanced around to make sure there was no one around.
"Stand what?" Jensen asked, confused. He felt like he'd walked into a foreign movie without subtitles.
"The way people talk about you. Not just the things they say but what they want to know about you and how they go about finding it out. How can you stand to know how people act around you and then how they act when you're not around?" Jared asked, frustrated.
"Why? What happened?"
"Nothing, really. I just got taken off guard. Do people... is it hard for you to trust people?" Jared asked, as if trying to figure out how to word the question.
Jensen shrugged. "Can be. Depends on who I'm trusting and with what. Did something happen, Jared?"
"It wasn't anything, really. I got asked some questions about you and they seemed invasive to me and I think I over-reacted a little. I just don't understand why these people think it's any of their business!"
"It's not." Jensen shook his head. "But it's what sells the papers and the tabloids and everything else in this industry."
"I don't know how you can handle it, man," Jared sighed, shoulders slumping a little.
"Like you said, it's hard to trust people. But sometimes they turn out to be okay," Jensen said with a grin, clapping Jared hard on the shoulder before the director called for places once more and Jensen returned to his mark.
~~~~
"So I hear you've been named as one of the causes of the break up between Reese and Ryan," Jared teased as he and Jensen sat on his balcony, feet propped up on the railing with a couple beers. They'd finished early that day on set and were enjoying a few bonus hours off, kicking back and watching the sun go down. Jared relaxed and brushed off the incident from earlier that week, easier to do when he noticed the other PAs avoided talking about Jensen around him even though he could see the looks and hear the whispers when they thought he wasn't around.
"Fuck off, man," Jensen groaned, then covered his face with one hand when Jared pulled out a copy of Us Weekly with a picture of him and Reese Witherspoon having lunch in Hollywood from the previous weekend. He'd known there were photographers around but he hadn't thought they'd make something like that out of them. Goddamn vultures, they were.
"Don't want to talk about your new 'role in Reese's life', Jen?" Jared teased. Jensen shot him a withering glance and reached out to try and grab the magazine from Jared who held it out of his reach with one long arm stretched over his head. Jensen couldn't be bothered to get up out of his chair and waved him off.
"It's amazing how much money those magazines and rags make off people," Jensen sighed. Jared flipped through a few pages, snorting at a few things he read before crumpling it up with one hand and tossing it over the side of the balcony. Jensen laughed at him and finished his beer quickly, tapping his foot on the railing.
"Do they ever get it right?" Jared asked and Jensen looked over at him and shrugged.
"Sometimes, I guess. Or they write an article of lies around one line of truth."
"So which ones are the lies? More importantly, which ones are true?" Jared asked, waggling his eyebrows. Jensen realized Jared might be curious as to why he hadn't mentioned dating anyone or any relationships he'd been in before. Hell, he hadn't even looked at anyone with any romantic interest since he'd been in Texas. It could have been raising eyebrows. "You can't tell me none of them are true. Even I managed to see the pictures of you and Scarlett Johannson from last summer."
Jensen fidgeted with his beer bottle, picking at the label. "Yeah, we went out a couple times. Nice girl."
"Nice girl, come on dude. She's hot."
"Yeah, she is," Jensen agreed. "I didn't really get to know her that well, though."
"Any truth to you dating Cameron Diaz after her breakup?"
Jensen laughed. "Fuck no! That was all lies."
"What about Lindsay Lohan?" Jared asked, twisting his face in such a way Jensen thought he must have been bracing himself for the response.
"Never in a thousand years," Jensen replied, laughing as Jared visibly relaxed. "Relieved?"
"I know I don't have two clues who she is really, but she's just a little too much for me. Stick with Reese, see how it goes."
"Fuck off, Jared," Jensen replied lightly, giving him the finger. "Most of the time when the press makes up stories like those it's based on one photo, like the one of me and Reese, and it's totally innocuous. We were having a business dinner and discussing working together. Next week I'll be seen outside a jewelry store and the story will be that I'm proposing. It's all bullshit. If there's not a hot girl on my arm the press will make one up for me."
"You don't have to make one up, you know," Jared laughed. "Maybe you do have something going on somewhere else, I don't know. But if you ever want to hook up with someone or go out - whatever - Sandy's got some nice friends. Hot friends, too, and most of them are pretty cool. They'd be cool to hang out with, if you wanted."
"Yeah, maybe," Jensen said noncommitally. "That could be fun."
Jared looked at him curiously. "Is there a reason why you're not dating, then?"
"Bad relationship," Jensen explained easily, reaching into the cooler between them to pull out another beer, effectively avoiding Jared's eyes. "It was a bad breakup and I'm not really anxious to start dating yet."
"That sucks," Jared replied. "Was she in the business? How hard is that, anyway?"
"No. Would have liked to have been, I know, but otherwise I don't know what it's like to be with someone in the business. I try to keep things low-key. I like nights like this, with beer on a deck, to getting wasted at some club, just to be seen, or at some studio dinner." Jensen smiled wryly.
"I hear you," Jared nodded. "Sounds boring."
"They can be," Jensen laughed.
"Man, that shit must drive you crazy. You're fucked if you do and you're fucked if you don't."
"Except I'm not getting fucked at all," Jensen shot back dryly. "I don't like to draw attention to myself, especially when I'm dating. Which is kind of why my relationship broke up, actually."
"Oh?"
"They didn't like the low-key approach. Being in the position I am I have to allow for some invasion of privacy but I don't think it's too much to ask to keep some things to myself. I thought my relationship was one of those things but he apparently didn't see it the same way," Jensen explained in a big rush, as if it were the first time he'd ever been able to get it out. He never got to talk about things like this so freely, without worrying someone was lurking about to get a scoop or the person he was talking to would run the information to the tabloids.
Jared nodded and then blinked. "I-- he?"
Jensen froze, a sudden wave of heat and nausea threatening to engulf him, and glanced at Jared quickly. "She. The girl I was seeing."
Jared sat up and turned so he could look at Jensen face to face and peered at him intensely. "Jensen?" Jensen set his half-full beer on the balcony floor by his chair and pushed himself up to stand. He walked over to the railing and looked over, his back to Jared who followed him, confused.
"Jensen," Jared said quietly. Jensen started and tried to jerk away when Jared stopped to stand beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I don't care." Jensen was tense under his hand and didn't say anything or even look at him.
"Okay, if you say it was a girl, it's a girl. It's not worth having you mad at me," Jared finally said, stepping back. When he did Jensen was the one who looked confused when he turned around.
"Me mad at you? I thought you'd be pissed at me."
"Why? It's none of my business who you do or don't like or date." Jared shrugged and Jensen sagged with visible relief. "I didn't mean to push you. I'm sorry, Jensen."
"You didn't, Jared- really. It's not... I'm not- I just--"
"It's okay, Jensen. You don't owe me anything," Jared said, putting his hands up.
"No, I think I do. You're my friend and I want you to know the truth, at least," Jensen told him slowly, staring at his hands.
"Which is?" Jared asked carefully. Jensen grabbed his beer from beside his lounge chair and finished it off in a couple swallows before grabbing another one from the cooler.
"I'm sure there are other, more eloquent and witty ways to say it but... I'm gay. There aren't many people that know because it's none of their business."
Jensen could see Jared pause as he took what Jensen said and then Jared nodded. "I get that."
"I knew in high school but I kept it quiet because my school wasn't exactly the most open and diverse around. Some of the kids there would rather recreate Laramie than watch you walk down the hall, knowing you were gay. After I graduated I was hooked by an agent and went right into commercials and bit parts on television. He told me the best way to play it while I was starting out was to be as available to any role that came along and not to rock the boat- that included telling anyone I like guys." Jensen took a drink of his beer and finally looked up at Jared for the first time since he started talking, staring him in the eyes. "I don't think I even fully realized I was gay until I was twenty or twenty-one because I'd been told to hide it for so long. I didn't have a chance figure it out. Kinda fucks with your head," he laughed hollowly but Jared didn't even crack a smile.
"So once I landed a couple recurring guest spots on TV shows I stepped out with a few women. Let myself be seen in some magazines with pretty girls but a couple times a week I'd go out to the clubs and meet some guys. No one knew who I was then and I stayed low-key. Then Dawson's Creek happened, I got that other show and then the movie roles trickled in. I hired Lynne as my assistant, who's been amazing since day one, and started working as much and as hard as I could."
"So what's stopping you from coming out now, then?" Jared asked, confused.
"I don't need to flaunt myself all over right now. If anything I need to keep it even more quiet just so I don't jeopardize any deals I'm working on securing right now. It's not like I don't get out. I was with one guy for a few months last year but it didn't work out," Jensen explained.
"Because he was using you to advance his own career and he wanted to stop hiding?" Jared asked, trying to connect the clues. Jensen nodded.
"A couple times he threatened to go to the papers and tell his story because he'd get so angry with me. He never would and I understand where he's coming from but I can't really do anything about it, you know?"
"Says who?" Jared asked suddenly, catching Jensen off guard.
"What?"
"Why can't you do something about it, Jensen? Why can't you let yourself have a little more freedom? Don't you want to be happy?"
"I am happy," Jensen said tightly. Jared laughed at him, pointing to the tension in his neck.
"Yeah, that's the face of someone who's over the moon with joy," Jared said sarcastically. Jensen flushed and started to turn away but Jared grabbed his arm. "No, Jensen- look. Tell me to fuck off, punch me out- whatever. I'm not shittin' on you when I say it's gotta be tough hiding all the time. Maybe you should worry more about what's going to make you happy, instead of what's going to make the people with the movie deals happy. You get that?"
"Yeah," Jensen said softly, nodding. Jared's hand was still on his arm and he leaned into Jared for a brief moment before stepping back and breaking contact.
"That's that, then? My big, dark secret exposed to the world?"
"It's not that dark, Jensen. Not really," Jared replied, shaking his head. "I don't think so, anyway. And I won't tell anyone."
"I know, Jared. Out of all of this bullshit I know I can trust you. Thanks," Jensen said honestly, knowing deep down that Jared would never betray his confidence.
"No thanks needed," Jared replied with a grin. "What are buddies for?" He stepped forward and wrapped his long arms around Jensen, clapping him on the shoulder. Jensen patted him on the back awkwardly but when Jared didn't step back he squeezed him back hard, because yeah, they were friends.
Part 3
Jared/Jensen, NC-17
See the index for a full header.
Part 1
"Thanks again, man. I really needed to get away," Jensen said as he got out of the truck at the hotel later that night. They lay out in the bed of the truck for an hour or so more, talking easily but mostly enjoying the peace and quiet, before Jensen reluctantly said he had to work early the next morning. Jared drove him back to his hotel in the city with the local country station playing softly while he asked Jensen for the funniest things that happened to him on the sets of different films.
Jensen turned back to Jared and smiled after he climbed out of the cab, and suddenly Jared understood exactly why he was wanted by so many people, male or female, and why he was featured on the cover of any and every magazine from here to Timbuktu. He felt his cheeks get red and he wanted to hate himself for changing his mind so easily over this guy he'd basically taken a moralistic stance against, but Jensen really was a nice guy.
"Hey Jensen?" Jared called out as Jensen started to walk away.
"Yeah?" He turned back quickly.
"I don't think you're arrogant, either," Jared told him. Jensen paused and then laughed.
"But you still think I'm pretty?" he called back, batting his eyelashes.
"You keep that up you'll go back to being stuck up," Jared warned, pointing a finger. Jensen laughed again and Jared watched until he disappeared into the hotel.
~~~~
Jared had counted the tiles in the ceiling three times now and he'd gotten three different numbers. Clearly he was just going to have to keep counting until he got a firm answer on how many there were. And that was just how bored Jared was.
The gas station was dead. Game night at the high school was always quiet but tonight it was downright desolate. He was bored as fuck and anxious to get out of there so he could do anything else. He leaned back in the chair behind the counter and started counting the tiles again, wondering if he could play the cloud game with the water stains on the tiles.
Jared didn't stir when someone drove over the gas station bell, alerting him that a car had driven into the parking lot. He hit the button on the automated pump operator so they could get their gas and continued counting, head tipped back away from the door.
"They must pay you a lot, huh?"
Jared jerked his head up at the voice that had seemingly come from nowhere. He hadn't heard the door open and assumed whoever had arrived was still getting their gas. He looked over and saw Jensen standing on the other side of the counter, grinning at him. Jared felt his face going red and rubbed his palms on his knees nervously.
"Not as much as you, Ackles," he replied with a sheepish grin. "Gassing up?"
"No, I actually stopped by to see you."
"Me?" Jared blinked.
It was Jensen's turn to blush and shuffle nervously. "Yeah, well, I just thought after, you know, Saturday night that we could maybe hang out or something. I mean, if you wanted."
"You want to hang out with me?" Jared asked, cocking his head. Jensen shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and shrugged, turning red again.
"Well, you haven't tried to kick my ass yet so you're pretty much number one in my books right now," Jensen said with a smile and Jared laughed. "Besides, you're doing a good job of keeping my ass in line. The least I can do is let you hang out with me, right? Being a big movie star and all?" Jensen asked. Jared wheeled around to look at him and snorted loudly. Jensen let out a bark of laughter and clapped him on the back. "Anything exciting to do 'round these parts?"
"Not really, but I think I can find us something to do," Jared replied with a grin.
~~~~
"The bar?" Jensen questioned as they got out of the truck. They left Jensen's rental at the gas station and let Jared drive since he knew his way around, once he locked up the gas station.
"It's dead in here tonight, I can guarantee. The guys just sit around and play cards. Not much else to do, unless you want to go make a spectacle of yourself and show up at the basketball game at the high school?"
"Cards are fine," Jensen told him firmly. Jared held the door open for him and they disappeared inside. Once inside Jensen could see that Jared was right, the bar was dead. There were maybe twelve people inside, some playing pool while the rest sat at the bar and scattered throughout the large room. Jensen trailed behind as Jared made a beeline for the group of guys sitting at a table in the far corner of the room. Jared greeted them all with smiles and high fives while Jensen stood awkwardly behind him, not sure if this was such a good idea after all.
"Hey guys," Jared spoke up after saying hello to everyone. He stepped aside and grabbed Jensen by the jacket and pulled him forward. "This is Jensen. He's going to sit in with us tonight."
"Hey," Jensen said, offering a grin and a nod, trying not to look as out of place as he felt. The three other guys regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion, narrowing their eyes at him. Jensen shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched a little, staring the biggest guy back in the eyes.
"Jensen, this is Toby, Dave, and Landon. Guys, this is Jensen." Jensen could feel the guys sizing him up with their eyes, wondering who this new guy was who was about to intrude on their male regular no-outsiders-allowed bonding time. He caught a couple of them exchanging glances and he could imagine what they were thinking- pretty boy movie star trying to be one of the regular Joe's. Maybe Jensen couldn't always play the normal guy, but it didn't mean he couldn't try. Dave, the big one Jensen was engaged in a staring contest with, finally looked away and Jensen saw an opening.
"Are we gonna sit around waiting for our dicks to shrivel up or are we gonna play cards?" Jensen finally spoke up, breaking the silence. Dave grabbed the deck of cards and tossed them on the table in front of Jensen while Jared grabbed a couple chairs and the boys made room for them, squeezing around the too-small table but making them all fit.
"Newbie's deal," Dave declared, leaning back in his chair to watch. Jensen picked up the deck and shuffled quickly, clicking the cards loudly as he sorted them easily.
"You're not a card shark or anything, right?" Jared leaned over and asked quietly but still loud enough for everyone to hear, his eyes on Jensen's hands as he kept shuffling neatly. Jensen just winked and started dealing while Jared hid a grin and glanced around the table at the other guys who looked like they were gearing up for a long battle. Jensen bit back a grin and watched Jared out of the corner of his eye as he drew up his cards, laid out the stakes and settled back in his chair, relaxed and calm.
~~~~
"Sorry about that," Jared apologized once they left the bar after midnight. Jensen looked over as they walked to Jared's truck, surprised.
"For what?"
"I didn't think they'd rag on you as hard as they did."
Jensen laughed. "Jared, that was probably the most normal night out I've had in months. Hanging out with the guys, playing cards, drinking some beer? Hell of a lot more fun than putting on a suit and going to some stuffy studio gathering with a bunch of people who only want to talk profit margins and international box office hauls."
"Yeah, that would be pretty fucking lame, huh? I'm glad you had fun. The guys think you're okay, too. Don't be surprised if a couple of them try to hit you up for some supermodel's phone number or something stupid," Jared told him with a grin. He unlocked the truck for Jensen and walked around to his side and climbed in.
"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Jensen asked as Jared started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot.
"It's my first night off in a few weeks so I think I'll be kicking back with Sandy." Jensen raised a questioning eyebrow. "My girlfriend."
"You have a girlfriend?" Jensen asked, surprised. "I mean, I just haven't heard you mention her."
"We've been together for so long sometimes I forget to mention her," Jared laughed. "Don't tell her that."
"Sure," Jensen murmured. He never really stopped to consider the idea that Jared might be attached to someone. He was always on his own, hanging out with Jensen now and Jensen had to admit to himself- it kind of knocked the wind out of him, much to his dismay.
"Yeah, she works for a temping agency downtown and does the acting thing on weekends."
"She's an actress?" Jensen asked, surprised again.
"Trying to be," Jared told him with a shrug. "She's done some community theatre and went to Dallas for some modeling thing. She keeps telling me we have to move somewhere like New York or Los Angeles, but I don't know."
"It's definitely better to live in one of those places if you want to get a job in show business," Jensen agreed. "But it's not for everyone."
"That's what I keep telling her. She does alright for herself here in the theatre, and she could do some commercials. I don't know. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, right? So what did you have planned for tomorrow?" Jared asked with a grin.
"Nothing, really. That's why I asked you, in case you wanted to do something. But since it's the first night you get to hang with your girl..."
"Hey, why don't you come over to my place? I can get some hamburgers to barbecue, maybe invite some of the guys over, have some beer. And Sandy would love to meet you. She's a little... excitable," Jared explained, looking embarrassed.
"I couldn't do that, man. You should spend some time with her. You don't need to hang out with my loser ass," Jensen laughed.
"No, really. It would be something small with a few people, kicking back and relaxing. What time are you off tomorrow? You could come right after you're done. My place isn't much, but there's enough room for the barbecue outside on the balcony and usually a couple people bring guitars so we can sit outside and do whatever. It's not nearly as exciting as what you probably get up to in California with your friends but-"
"Jared." Jensen reached out and squeezed Jared's arm lightly to get him to look at him, then pulled it back quickly. "It's okay, really. Like I said, I don't get to do this stuff very often. I'm down for anything."
"Great!" Jared waited until he pulled up in front of Jensen's hotel and then reached across the cab to the glove compartment to grab a piece of paper and a pen. "Here's my address. Show up around seven, if you're off in time, and we'll take it from there. I'll tell the guys."
"Want me to bring anything?" Jensen offered as Jared shoved the paper in his hand.
Jared shrugged. "The caviar and hors d'oeuvre's?"
"Sheeyah. You wish, bitch," Jensen laughed as he got out of the cab.
"Had to try, jerk," Jared threw back. "We should be okay. Bring some beer or something."
Jensen saluted. "Will do. Thanks for tonight, Jared. It was fun."
"No problem. See you tomorrow!"
Jensen waved as he walked up the walkway to the hotel, resisting the urge to kick his heels up because that was just a little too gay- even for him.
~~~~
Jensen ran a hand through his hair nervously as he waited outside Jared's apartment door for someone to let him in. He was carrying a couple different cases of beer, not sure what to get or what people would drink. Truth be told, Jensen didn't really have many friends, even back in Los Angeles. He was a very private person and often found it hard to open up to people because he wasn't sure if he would be able to trust them in the long run. He surrounded himself with work and the best management team he could find and tried to protect himself the best he could from everything else. It seemed to be working, so far - until Jared, that was. He didn't have long to dwell on that thought because the door swung open, revealing Toby from the night before with a grin on his face and a bunch more people milling about inside.
"Ackles! Come on in, man!" Toby moved aside and let Jensen through with a grin.
"Where should I put this?" Jensen asked, gesturing to the beer. Toby grabbed one of the cases from him and jerked his head for Jensen to follow to the kitchen where a few people were standing around talking. They said hey and smiled at him, then went back to their conversation. Either Jared prepared all of his friends well or he knew the coolest people ever.
"Where's Jared?" Jensen asked once the beer was tucked away in the fridge and he grabbed a cold one for himself, twisting the cap off the bottle.
"He's outside on the balcony, playing chef. Better get out there quick if you like your meat rare, 'cause Jared only has two settings- burnt and charcoal," Toby told him with a wry smile, pointing toward the patio doors through the living room. "Maybe later we can get a card game going or something, hey? Give us all a chance to win our money back?"
Jensen grinned and nodded. "Sure. Better have brought more though, because I don't plan on losing."
"Just you wait," Toby called, pointing at him as Jensen walked toward the patio.
"Hey, man," Jared greeted him warmly, reaching out to pull him into a one-armed guy hug easily while his other hand still held his barbecuing spatula. Jensen patted him on the back and stepped back, taking in his long 'it's not easy being a princess' apron. Jared blushed and laughed while tugging at it.
"Sandy never uses it so I thought someone should," Jared explained with a grin, answering Jensen's unasked question.
"Whatever gets you through the night, man," Jensen said with a teasing grin. Jared pulled the apron off and grabbed his arm, pulling him back inside. He handed the spatula over to Toby, who rolled his eyes behind Jared's back when he instructed his friend not to let the hamburgers burn. Jensen snickered and took a drink of his beer to cover it while Jared scanned the room quickly.
"I promised her I'd introduce you as soon as you got here," Jared muttered, almost to himself. Jared looked up and frowned.
"Come again?"
"Sandy. I told her - oh, there she is." Jared caught the eyes of his girlfriend near the kitchen and motioned for her to come over. Jensen took a deep breath as she grinned and waved back before crossing the room quickly, eyes only for him.
"Sandy, this is Jensen. Jensen this is my girlfriend, Sandy," Jared introduced them easily. Sandy grinned up at him and Jensen could tell she was barely holding back some sort of excited squeal that he hoped she could keep to herself.
"Oh my god! I'm a huge fan, Jensen! Huge. Ever since I saw you on Dawson's Creek and then I watched you on your other shows. Such a shame they were canceled! I have all of your movies, too! Did Jared tell you I'm an actress?"
"Sandy," Jared warned in a low tone, glancing at Jensen quickly.
"What? I am. Who knows, maybe someday we'll be in a movie together!" Sandy bounced excitedly. Jensen gave her a smile and sipped his beer, sensing Jared's discomfort.
"You never know, it could happen," Jensen said, smiling at her with the grin he used on the covers of countless magazines and at any kind of social function where there were cameras present.
"Hey Sandy? I think Trish is trying to get your attention over there." Jared pointed across the room to a blonde trying to wave to his girlfriend. Sandy looked over and waved back excitedly.
"I'll go see what she wants. I'll be back though, okay? I really would love to sit down and talk to you about acting and the business, Jensen. If you don't mind, that is," Sandy asked hopefully.
"Of course not. I'd love to," he told her with the same big, fake grin. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it quickly in thanks, smile wide and genuine, before she walked away quickly.
"So, that's Sandy," Jensen murmured to Jared with a small smile as they watched her bounce off to talk to her friend, who immediately turned around and stared over at the guys. Jared jerked his head in the other direction and Jensen followed him out the patio door back to the balcony where he took cooking duties back from Toby.
"She's something, isn't she?" Jared finally replied, almost absently after Toby went back inside to get another drink.
"Seems like a handful. Do you two live together?" Jensen asked, taking a drink of his beer.
Jared shook his head. "She still lives with her folks. It's easier for her since she's taking some acting classes and she's saving money for when she finally convinces me to move."
"You mentioned she wanted to get out to LA or New York. When do you think that'll happen?"
Jared shrugged. "I don't know if it will. She's got ideas about her life and what she wants to do but I don't know. Sandy... likes to dream big."
"You think that's bad?" Jensen asked, leaning on the railing and turning to face Jared, curious.
"No, of course not. I just... I don't know. I could never say this to her but I don't know how she can make it out there when there are thousands of other people wanting the same things."
"You think she shouldn't try because of that?"
"Well, no. I don't know what I'm saying, man," Jared sighed. Jensen felt weird talking to Jared about this when, really, he didn't know that much about him, but he found himself pushing on.
"Do you not want her to go for that reason, or because maybe you don't want to go yourself?" Jensen asked cautiously, unsure of how far was too far.
"I..." Jared faltered and looked like he was at a loss for words.
"Hey, feel free to tell me to back off, man. This is totally none of my business," Jensen said, putting his hands up. Jared shook his head and smiled.
"No, it's fine- really. I honestly just don't think about it much because no one ever brings it up. I guess, yeah. Maybe I don't want to go so I'm hesitant to push her. I don't know, though."
"Know what? Don't you want something, Jared? Something beyond the gas station and the bar?"
Jared blinked, surprised. "I don't know."
"You've never thought about it? You didn't have any ideas when you graduated high school about what you wanted to do? What you wanted to be 'when you grew up'?" Jensen laughed as he made air quotes.
"Actually, no. I had thought about this or that but never seriously and nothing's ever really appealed to me. I had a basketball scholarship to Texas A&M but I didn't go."
"Why in the hell not?" Jensen asked, incredulously. "Full ride to college? That's fucking sweet."
"I didn't know what I wanted to do." Jared shrugged. "Still don't, not really. Why would I take the scholarship when there was someone else out there who did know what they wanted to do and missed out on it because of me?"
"Jared, you're a far better man than I would have been in that situation," Jensen told him, reaching out to clap Jared on the back. He could feel the tenseness in Jared's muscles as he did so and stared up at him, keeping his hand in place. "Hey." Jared looked at him, frowning.
"It's okay, you know? If I hadn't basically fallen into acting I'd be in the same place you are, because I have no idea what I'd be doing if it weren't for this. I'm just saying you have a lot of stuff going for you, Jared. You could do just about anything you wanted to and I'm not bullshitting you here at all. You don't realize what qualities you have going for you that employers look for. I hope you don't think I'm dumping on what you're doing now, because if you're happy, that's great. But have you thought about doing anything else?"
Jared shrugged again and Jensen could feel the muscles moving under his hand, warm and hard. "Truthfully, not really. It's never really been brought up. Sandy's always been the dreamer of the two of us. Now she's thinking of running off to be a movie star or something and I don't really know how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm ready to make that change," he confessed, taking a sip out from his beer.
Jensen hedged his bets and chose his words carefully for what he was about to say next. He already felt like he was treading water here, even if Jared didn't seem to realize it. "Are you not ready to make that change for yourself or for Sandy?"
Jared hummed, looking at Jensen with a thoughtful look on his face as he tapped his finger on his beer bottle absently. Silence fell between them and Jensen finally pulled his hand away, the heat from Jared's body becoming too much for him on this already-sweltering Texas night.
~~~~
"Jared, man. I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries last night. I don't want you to think I'm trying to come into your life and tell you how to run it and tell you there's better things. I let my mouth run away from me," Jensen said over lunch on set the next day. Jared had brought food for the set again from Jerry's with one extra meal for himself so he could eat with Jensen at the picnic table outside his trailer. The rest of the party had gone well, and Jensen was a big hit with all of Jared's friends. Sandy could barely keep quiet after he left, leaving earlier than most of the guests because he had an six AM call time. After a couple hours Jared had reached the point where he wanted to ask her to talk about anything but Jensen, just because it was all she could talk about, and ended up sitting on the balcony by himself, thinking about the the conversation between himself and Jensen.
Jared shook his head as he wiped his mouth. "No, it's cool actually. No one ever talks to me about this stuff, you know? My parents are happy to have me close and they think Sandy and I will get married and have kids and live around here forever, I'm pretty sure. The guys have jobs and are starting to think about families themselves. Sandy just assumes I'll come with her wherever she goes, I guess. No one ever really asks me about any of this so I've never stopped to consider it."
"And you don't have a problem with that?" Jensen asked. He could never imagine living his life like that, with no outside scope of the world beyond the every day monotony of life.
"No, not a problem so much. It's kind of like having a light turned on, you know? When you don't know what else is out there or what you want or can do it's hard to think about it. After all, we can't all be as naturally charming and talented as you, can we Mr. Ackles?" Jared asked with a grin. Jensen wanted to grin back but he couldn't help but think that he was going to ruin this guy's life all because he couldn't keep his big fat mouth shut. Jared seemed to read the thoughts in his head and reached over to punch his arm lightly. "Sometimes it's good to get that kick in the ass, right? Need something to make you wake up and think about where you are and what the hell you're doing."
"I just don't want you to think I know what I'm doing, Jared. Sometimes I'm just as lost and unsure of what I'm doing as you are," Jensen explained slowly, feeling a little exposed.
"Yeah, but right now you seem to know what you're talking about and you're making a damn lot of sense to me. And that's good enough for right now. Don't worry about it, okay? We're just a couple guys shooting the shit, right?"
Jensen felt something click inside him at Jared's words and he smiled broadly as he took a big bite of his pasta. "Sure," he said around his mouthful and Jared laughed at him, shoving a napkin into his hand.
"Oh, if only America could see you now. The hot, aloof movie star stuffing his face and making an ass of himself," Jared teased him as a noodle fell out of Jensen's mouth, making Jared chuckle.
"Yeah, America can suck my balls then. And don't try to deny it- you love it," Jensen mumbled back, getting a little red. Jared laughed harder, slapping his hand against his thigh, as his mouth opened wide and his loud laugh echoed between the trailers. Jensen saw a few people look around at them and normally he'd turn kind of red and get uncomfortable from the attention but Jared's laughter was contagious and he let himself laugh along with his friend, watching Jared wink at him across the small table.
~~~~
"So poker with the guys tonight, hey?" Jared said as they cleaned up their food containers before he had to go back to set.
"Not for me," Jensen said shaking his head. "We're shooting late here tonight and I have to fly out to Los Angeles early tomorrow morning."
"That sucks. What are you doing out there?"
Jensen started to respond but was interrupted by Darren, the director, passing by on his way to set. "Jensen! You going to be ready in five?"
"I'll be right there," Jensen called back before turning to Jared. "I'll see you around when I get back, then?"
"Sure." Jared waved and started walking toward the parking lot to go back to the bar. He was almost there when he felt a hand on his back and jumped as he turned around
"Sorry, buddy, didn't mean to startle you. You're Jared, right?" Darren asked, holding a clip board with a set of earphones around his neck to listen to the actors as they filmed.
Jared nodded "Yeah, is there something I can do for you?"
"I've seen you around with Jensen, obviously. I've heard a lot about you from around set, how you helped him out a few weeks ago when he got into a bit of trouble with the locals, and I know you two are hanging out a lot."
Jared frowned, not seeing where the conversation was going. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No! Just the opposite, actually. I need some help here on set, personal running around and, well, gopher-type stuff. I've done some asking around about you and I've been by the bar you work at a couple nights for dinner and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You're a hard worker. You know your way around the city and since you and Jensen seem to be tight you're okay in my books. I thought I'd see if you were interested," Darren told him. Jared blinked, then narrowed his eyes.
"Did Jensen talk to you about me?" He asked, thinking back to their talk about Jared's life and wanting more than working at the gas station and at the bar.
"He's mentioned you a couple times but nothing specifically. I thought since we're already in production it would be good to have someone who knows his way around the city and the set already instead of asking the studio to send someone out. Does this mean you're not interested?"
"No," Jared replied, thinking quickly. "Is this a full-time thing?"
"For the duration of the shoot, at least. I know you've already got obligations elsewhere so I understand if you can't-"
"Can I think about it? Just over the weekend?"
"Sure! Here's my cell and the number of the hotel where I'm set up here. If you can I'd like you to start on Monday so you can get a feel for things," Darren told him, scribbling his numbers on a piece of paper. "Think it over and give me a call with your salary expectations. We can make it worth your time."
Jared nodded, trying not to let his mouth fall open at how sudden this was. "Sure. Thanks!"
Darren clapped Jared on the shoulder and rushed off back towards set, pulling out his cellphone and checking his clipboard. Jared walked to his truck in a daze, not quite sure what just happened.
"Well fuck me sideways," he whispered to himself as he climbed into his truck, a slow smile spreading across his face. He tucked the number in his breast pocket and grinned the whole way back to the bar.
~~~~
The last person Jared expected to hear from while he was kicking back and watching some random movie on the TV was Jensen. After all, he was off in L.A. for the weekend doing whatever the hell it was he did in L.A., being a movie star and giving interviews and shit. So when Jared answered the phone, all lazy and drowsy and achingly close to a mid-afternoon nap in the Texas heat, he sat straight up on the couch at the sound of Jensen's voice.
"Jensen?"
"You expectin' someone else to call you from Hollywood?" Jensen joked back.
"Hey man, I just didn't think I'd hear from you until you came back, is all. How's it going? Can't be that exciting if you're calling me," Jared laughed.
"It's okay, you know? I've been going all day with interviews and a photo shoot and all that crap. I had some downtime and thought I'd call you up to see what's going on before I have to leave for some party the studio is throwing. Got anything fun planned for tonight?" Jensen asked, sounding tired and almost wistful.
"Got a date with Pay-Per-View, that's about it," Jared laughed.
"That sounds pretty damn good right now, actually," Jensen replied, stifling a yawn. "What's Sandy up to tonight?"
"Oh, she's working and then going out with her friends, I think," Jared said absently. "When are you flying back?"
"Tomorrow morning. I cut a couple things short so I could get back earlier and not have to take the red-eye in Sunday night."
"Cool. Do you want to do something tomorrow night?" Jared asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.
"Sure. Like what?"
Jared shrugged even though Jensen couldn't see him. "Maybe a movie? Could round up some of the guys and see if they want to play some poker or something. We can find something to do."
"I don't doubt it for a second. How about I give you a call tomorrow when I get off the plane? I'll have to wash L.A. off before I can go anywhere but anything sounds good to me."
"Cool. Hey, Jensen?" Jared played with a stray thread at the bottom of his shirt.
"Yeah?"
"I kind of have something set up for Monday for a new job. And I -"
"Hey, that's great! Where at?" Jensen cut in, sounding genuinely happy for him. Jared huffed a little and smiled.
"If you'd let me finish I could tell you." Jensen laughed at the other end, mumbling a 'sorry' but let him continue. "I wanted to tell you before you showed up to work on Monday because I don't want anything to be weird."
"Are you applying to be a sheep fucker or something?"
"Asshole," Jared laughed. "Shut up and listen. I got stopped on the way off set on Friday and it turns out your director, Darren, is looking for a PA to act as his personal gopher for the duration of the shoot. Said he's seen me around hanging out with you and that if I could put up with your pussy-ass whining I should be good to work for him."
"Takes one to know one," Jensen retorted.
"Fuck off," Jared laughed back before getting quiet again. "Seriously, though. I want to know if you're all right with this because if you think it's gonna be a problem or if you don't want me to take the-"
"Jared, why wouldn't I want you to take it? It's a great opportunity and Darren's the man. He's the perfect guy to learn from. I think it's a great idea and I'm glad you want the job," Jensen told him emphatically. Jared sighed with relief loudly and laughed again.
"I was hoping you'd say that. I didn't know if you'd think it was weird or something so I thought I should check. I wouldn't want to step on the big, important movie star's toes," Jared teased.
"Fuck you," Jensen replied without malice. He and Jared talked for a little while longer, until Jared could hear someone calling for Jensen in the background and he said with a sigh he had to go.
"I'll call you when I get back into town, okay? Or maybe sooner if I feel like I'm going out of my mind," Jensen said before he hung up. Jared stared at the phone for awhile after and tried to remember what his life was like before Jensen barreled into it. Turns out it's harder to remember when you're not missing the way things were.
~~~~
"Jared!"
Jared looked up and saw Jensen jogging across the parking lot towards him as he was walking to set with paperwork for Darren. It was mid-afternoon and Jared was taking a small break before he went back to talk to Darren about what he wanted done next. He couldn't believe it was Thursday already. As soon as he showed up for work on Monday morning Darren and the rest of the production team piled the work on him and he felt like he hadn't stopped running since.
"Hey, Jensen," Jared said with a grin as he caught up to him. Jensen clapped him on the back and fell into stride with him, pushing his sunglasses up on his head.
"What's up, man? I haven't seen you since we hung out with the guys on Sunday."
"It's not for lack of trying. Between being here all day and then working a couple shifts at the bar during the week it's hard to find time to even sleep," Jared explained ruefully.
"You're not regretting taking the job, are you?" Jensen asked anxiously.
"Oh, no. Nothing like that. I'm really enjoying it, actually, and learning a lot. More than I thought I would, that's for sure. So thanks," Jared said with a grin. Jensen blinked and cocked his head at Jared.
"For what?"
Jared batted his eyelashes and looked at him with wide-eyed innocence. "For gracing my life with your presence every day, of course. What do you think?" Jensen shoved him on the shoulder with a groan. "No, seriously. Thanks for this chance. I know you didn't say anything to Darren specifically about getting me this job but let's face it, if you weren't here I wouldn't be doing this."
Jensen blushed and scratched the back of his head as he looked away. "No problem, man. Just glad I could help. Besides, it's nice to have someone around that I can actually put up with for more than five minutes at a time."
"They can't all be that bad," Jared replied. "Everyone seems really nice."
"Yeah, they're nice. Just not- not the type of people I want to hang out with all the time," Jensen explained carefully.
Jared opened his mouth to ask what he was talking about but his cell phone went off, vibrating insistently against his leg. He shot Jensen an apologetic smile and answered it quickly. "'lo? Yeah, I've got the papers here. Sure, I'll get them right over to you."
"Sorry, I gotta get these to Darren." Jared held up the papers in his hands.
"No problem." Jensen waved him off with a grin. "Give me a call later and we'll try to make plans to get together, okay?" Jared waved as he jogged off, feeling Jensen's eyes on him the whole way.
~~~~
"Hey, Jared?" Jared turned around to see one of the office PAs standing behind him in the makeshift copy room on set with some notes for Darren the next week.
"Oh, hey. Thanks," he said as he took them from her, adding them to his own pile he had to take to the director.
"How's it going?" she asked, standing around casually. Jared looked up from the folder he was reading over, surprised.
"Good, really good. They keep me busy here," he replied with a smile. He thought her name was Denise or Vanessa or something. He'd already seen so many people throughout his first week that he just didn't bother with names right now, referring to people as 'Hey' and 'Oh, I have that thing you wanted'.
"I was wondering..." Denise or Vanessa started, folding her hands and fidgeting in front of him. Jared put the folder down and turned to her, eyebrow raised. "You hang out with Jensen a lot, right? I've seen you two together before you even started on set. I was curious..."
"Yeah?" Jared asked cautiously.
"Is he dating anyone? I don't want to know for myself, it's more of a question that some of us in the office have."
Jared frowned. "I don't know, it's none of my business."
Denise or Vanessa smiled hesitantly and shrugged a little. "Oh, come on. You can tell me. There's some people who think he's gay and some others that think he's with this chick he co-starred-"
"I don't know," Jared cut her off in a quiet tone. "I don't know and I'm not about to ask because it's really none of my business."
"You're friends, aren't you?"
"Yeah, we are." As Jared said that he realized at once that it was totally true- he thought of Jensen as one of his good friends and didn't even know when exactly it had happened. "And that's another reason for me not to talk to you about this. I don't know and even if I did I wouldn't be sharing the information with you," Jared said shortly, gathering his things and brushing past her out of the photocopy room. He thought he heard her breathe something about him being an asshole and big egos but he didn't really care what she thought of him at that point. He was more shocked and uncomfortable at the thought of someone even thinking about asking him about Jensen in that context. He also felt guilty because he realized Jensen had never talked to him about it and he was curious himself. He clenched his jaw as he walked out of the office, avoiding the gaze of everyone else in his path.
~~~~
Jensen could tell something was off with Jared later that afternoon. During every break in shooting he would look over at Jared and try to catch his eye, but he noticed that Jared had barely cracked a smile the whole afternoon. He was taking notes and relaying messages back and forth between various people on set when the director asked him to and he was polite, but beyond that he seemed lost in thought. Jensen finally had enough and broke from his position in the scene during a longer downtime between takes and wandered over to where Jared was standing, scribbling furiously in his notebook.
"Writing love notes?" Jensen teased as he walked up. Jared looked up and barely blinked before returning to his notes.
"Don't say that too loudly," Jared muttered and Jensen started.
"What?"
"How can you stand it?" Jared asked suddenly, speaking in hushed tones to Jensen as he glanced around to make sure there was no one around.
"Stand what?" Jensen asked, confused. He felt like he'd walked into a foreign movie without subtitles.
"The way people talk about you. Not just the things they say but what they want to know about you and how they go about finding it out. How can you stand to know how people act around you and then how they act when you're not around?" Jared asked, frustrated.
"Why? What happened?"
"Nothing, really. I just got taken off guard. Do people... is it hard for you to trust people?" Jared asked, as if trying to figure out how to word the question.
Jensen shrugged. "Can be. Depends on who I'm trusting and with what. Did something happen, Jared?"
"It wasn't anything, really. I got asked some questions about you and they seemed invasive to me and I think I over-reacted a little. I just don't understand why these people think it's any of their business!"
"It's not." Jensen shook his head. "But it's what sells the papers and the tabloids and everything else in this industry."
"I don't know how you can handle it, man," Jared sighed, shoulders slumping a little.
"Like you said, it's hard to trust people. But sometimes they turn out to be okay," Jensen said with a grin, clapping Jared hard on the shoulder before the director called for places once more and Jensen returned to his mark.
~~~~
"So I hear you've been named as one of the causes of the break up between Reese and Ryan," Jared teased as he and Jensen sat on his balcony, feet propped up on the railing with a couple beers. They'd finished early that day on set and were enjoying a few bonus hours off, kicking back and watching the sun go down. Jared relaxed and brushed off the incident from earlier that week, easier to do when he noticed the other PAs avoided talking about Jensen around him even though he could see the looks and hear the whispers when they thought he wasn't around.
"Fuck off, man," Jensen groaned, then covered his face with one hand when Jared pulled out a copy of Us Weekly with a picture of him and Reese Witherspoon having lunch in Hollywood from the previous weekend. He'd known there were photographers around but he hadn't thought they'd make something like that out of them. Goddamn vultures, they were.
"Don't want to talk about your new 'role in Reese's life', Jen?" Jared teased. Jensen shot him a withering glance and reached out to try and grab the magazine from Jared who held it out of his reach with one long arm stretched over his head. Jensen couldn't be bothered to get up out of his chair and waved him off.
"It's amazing how much money those magazines and rags make off people," Jensen sighed. Jared flipped through a few pages, snorting at a few things he read before crumpling it up with one hand and tossing it over the side of the balcony. Jensen laughed at him and finished his beer quickly, tapping his foot on the railing.
"Do they ever get it right?" Jared asked and Jensen looked over at him and shrugged.
"Sometimes, I guess. Or they write an article of lies around one line of truth."
"So which ones are the lies? More importantly, which ones are true?" Jared asked, waggling his eyebrows. Jensen realized Jared might be curious as to why he hadn't mentioned dating anyone or any relationships he'd been in before. Hell, he hadn't even looked at anyone with any romantic interest since he'd been in Texas. It could have been raising eyebrows. "You can't tell me none of them are true. Even I managed to see the pictures of you and Scarlett Johannson from last summer."
Jensen fidgeted with his beer bottle, picking at the label. "Yeah, we went out a couple times. Nice girl."
"Nice girl, come on dude. She's hot."
"Yeah, she is," Jensen agreed. "I didn't really get to know her that well, though."
"Any truth to you dating Cameron Diaz after her breakup?"
Jensen laughed. "Fuck no! That was all lies."
"What about Lindsay Lohan?" Jared asked, twisting his face in such a way Jensen thought he must have been bracing himself for the response.
"Never in a thousand years," Jensen replied, laughing as Jared visibly relaxed. "Relieved?"
"I know I don't have two clues who she is really, but she's just a little too much for me. Stick with Reese, see how it goes."
"Fuck off, Jared," Jensen replied lightly, giving him the finger. "Most of the time when the press makes up stories like those it's based on one photo, like the one of me and Reese, and it's totally innocuous. We were having a business dinner and discussing working together. Next week I'll be seen outside a jewelry store and the story will be that I'm proposing. It's all bullshit. If there's not a hot girl on my arm the press will make one up for me."
"You don't have to make one up, you know," Jared laughed. "Maybe you do have something going on somewhere else, I don't know. But if you ever want to hook up with someone or go out - whatever - Sandy's got some nice friends. Hot friends, too, and most of them are pretty cool. They'd be cool to hang out with, if you wanted."
"Yeah, maybe," Jensen said noncommitally. "That could be fun."
Jared looked at him curiously. "Is there a reason why you're not dating, then?"
"Bad relationship," Jensen explained easily, reaching into the cooler between them to pull out another beer, effectively avoiding Jared's eyes. "It was a bad breakup and I'm not really anxious to start dating yet."
"That sucks," Jared replied. "Was she in the business? How hard is that, anyway?"
"No. Would have liked to have been, I know, but otherwise I don't know what it's like to be with someone in the business. I try to keep things low-key. I like nights like this, with beer on a deck, to getting wasted at some club, just to be seen, or at some studio dinner." Jensen smiled wryly.
"I hear you," Jared nodded. "Sounds boring."
"They can be," Jensen laughed.
"Man, that shit must drive you crazy. You're fucked if you do and you're fucked if you don't."
"Except I'm not getting fucked at all," Jensen shot back dryly. "I don't like to draw attention to myself, especially when I'm dating. Which is kind of why my relationship broke up, actually."
"Oh?"
"They didn't like the low-key approach. Being in the position I am I have to allow for some invasion of privacy but I don't think it's too much to ask to keep some things to myself. I thought my relationship was one of those things but he apparently didn't see it the same way," Jensen explained in a big rush, as if it were the first time he'd ever been able to get it out. He never got to talk about things like this so freely, without worrying someone was lurking about to get a scoop or the person he was talking to would run the information to the tabloids.
Jared nodded and then blinked. "I-- he?"
Jensen froze, a sudden wave of heat and nausea threatening to engulf him, and glanced at Jared quickly. "She. The girl I was seeing."
Jared sat up and turned so he could look at Jensen face to face and peered at him intensely. "Jensen?" Jensen set his half-full beer on the balcony floor by his chair and pushed himself up to stand. He walked over to the railing and looked over, his back to Jared who followed him, confused.
"Jensen," Jared said quietly. Jensen started and tried to jerk away when Jared stopped to stand beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I don't care." Jensen was tense under his hand and didn't say anything or even look at him.
"Okay, if you say it was a girl, it's a girl. It's not worth having you mad at me," Jared finally said, stepping back. When he did Jensen was the one who looked confused when he turned around.
"Me mad at you? I thought you'd be pissed at me."
"Why? It's none of my business who you do or don't like or date." Jared shrugged and Jensen sagged with visible relief. "I didn't mean to push you. I'm sorry, Jensen."
"You didn't, Jared- really. It's not... I'm not- I just--"
"It's okay, Jensen. You don't owe me anything," Jared said, putting his hands up.
"No, I think I do. You're my friend and I want you to know the truth, at least," Jensen told him slowly, staring at his hands.
"Which is?" Jared asked carefully. Jensen grabbed his beer from beside his lounge chair and finished it off in a couple swallows before grabbing another one from the cooler.
"I'm sure there are other, more eloquent and witty ways to say it but... I'm gay. There aren't many people that know because it's none of their business."
Jensen could see Jared pause as he took what Jensen said and then Jared nodded. "I get that."
"I knew in high school but I kept it quiet because my school wasn't exactly the most open and diverse around. Some of the kids there would rather recreate Laramie than watch you walk down the hall, knowing you were gay. After I graduated I was hooked by an agent and went right into commercials and bit parts on television. He told me the best way to play it while I was starting out was to be as available to any role that came along and not to rock the boat- that included telling anyone I like guys." Jensen took a drink of his beer and finally looked up at Jared for the first time since he started talking, staring him in the eyes. "I don't think I even fully realized I was gay until I was twenty or twenty-one because I'd been told to hide it for so long. I didn't have a chance figure it out. Kinda fucks with your head," he laughed hollowly but Jared didn't even crack a smile.
"So once I landed a couple recurring guest spots on TV shows I stepped out with a few women. Let myself be seen in some magazines with pretty girls but a couple times a week I'd go out to the clubs and meet some guys. No one knew who I was then and I stayed low-key. Then Dawson's Creek happened, I got that other show and then the movie roles trickled in. I hired Lynne as my assistant, who's been amazing since day one, and started working as much and as hard as I could."
"So what's stopping you from coming out now, then?" Jared asked, confused.
"I don't need to flaunt myself all over right now. If anything I need to keep it even more quiet just so I don't jeopardize any deals I'm working on securing right now. It's not like I don't get out. I was with one guy for a few months last year but it didn't work out," Jensen explained.
"Because he was using you to advance his own career and he wanted to stop hiding?" Jared asked, trying to connect the clues. Jensen nodded.
"A couple times he threatened to go to the papers and tell his story because he'd get so angry with me. He never would and I understand where he's coming from but I can't really do anything about it, you know?"
"Says who?" Jared asked suddenly, catching Jensen off guard.
"What?"
"Why can't you do something about it, Jensen? Why can't you let yourself have a little more freedom? Don't you want to be happy?"
"I am happy," Jensen said tightly. Jared laughed at him, pointing to the tension in his neck.
"Yeah, that's the face of someone who's over the moon with joy," Jared said sarcastically. Jensen flushed and started to turn away but Jared grabbed his arm. "No, Jensen- look. Tell me to fuck off, punch me out- whatever. I'm not shittin' on you when I say it's gotta be tough hiding all the time. Maybe you should worry more about what's going to make you happy, instead of what's going to make the people with the movie deals happy. You get that?"
"Yeah," Jensen said softly, nodding. Jared's hand was still on his arm and he leaned into Jared for a brief moment before stepping back and breaking contact.
"That's that, then? My big, dark secret exposed to the world?"
"It's not that dark, Jensen. Not really," Jared replied, shaking his head. "I don't think so, anyway. And I won't tell anyone."
"I know, Jared. Out of all of this bullshit I know I can trust you. Thanks," Jensen said honestly, knowing deep down that Jared would never betray his confidence.
"No thanks needed," Jared replied with a grin. "What are buddies for?" He stepped forward and wrapped his long arms around Jensen, clapping him on the shoulder. Jensen patted him on the back awkwardly but when Jared didn't step back he squeezed him back hard, because yeah, they were friends.
Part 3