SPEAKING ITS NAME

[manyfacesofme22]

Hi, flist.

Well, it is the eve of the most important exams I have sat thus far in my life, so obviously I’m going to talk about

MY SEXUALITY.

Ahaha what is this “supposed to be applying for Oxford” of which you speak?

Anyway. For (*thinks*) probably about two years I have been seriously considering being a homosexual. Yes, I am pretty sure I like

Comments

[seagreenish]

The way I see it is, sexuality isn't a set thing. It's fluid, for most people. I'm not saying that people can be socially conditioned into a sexuality, but I know for me personally, when I'm with my gay friends I feel more comfortable about the times I'm attracted to ladies, and when I'm with more straight friends, I find I'm thinking about guys. (I'm openly bi, I should probably have already said.) Neither group encourages me to feel either way, it's more just that the topics of conversation and such start shifting my mind in that direction when I'm with those people, if that makes any sense. It doesn't change my sexuality, it just means that in one particular space and moment, I'm leaning towards a different part of it.

It is inconvenient being gay, or in a gay relationship. However, it can be inconvenient being in any sort of relationship. When it comes down to it, when you fall in love with someone and they love you back, the inconveniences stop being so important. Cliche, corny, whatever, I think there's truth to that. It's

[manyfacesofme22]

First things first: serious icon love.

No no, none of it is offensive or ramblish at all. It might not be helpful, to be honest, but nonetheless it is much appreciated. And amusing!

Anyway the social conditioning thing is what I'm going to keep in mind. If and when I finally meet more than, ooh, two boys of approximately my age who are not my relatives, I will be in much more of a position to work things out.

"...anyway, 5% of the world's population is actually quite a lot of people." <- truedat

Thanks for the exam luck. I had Spanish today and, while I don't want to commit hubris (I have Classics tomorrow so it seems rather relevent), I don't think I bombed or anything.
And, you know, thanks in general.

[engarian]

From a basis of no experience, you're simply not going to know. I'm totally het, I've tried both ways but I am absolutely het. However, I have relatives and some very good friends who are gay/lesbian and I honor their choices.

I don't think you are automatically excluding a huge percentage of the population. Many people are gay/lesbian, others are bi, and then there are those who are het. You just need to find the appropriate path for you, and that won't happen until you have put your toe in the water and tried to swim. Do what feels right for you, and as Elua proscibes: Love as thou wilt.

- Erulisse (one L)

[manyfacesofme22]

*breathes*
You sound like a very calm and sensible person, which Heaven knows is what I want right now. Thanks x

[engarian]

I suspect that I have many years on you, so I can speak from the viewpoint of looking back on the days of my youth. I know how intensely life can affect a person when you are young, and how it is hard to look far ahead, but you feel as if everything that you do has such meaning in your life. Just remember that as much as the intensity may seem overwhelming at times, it is just one day in a long list of them. You will pass into the next day and it will give you the joy and benefit of a greater perspective. Nothing that you do will change everything for your entire future, as long as you think a bit before you act. That's hard when emotions and hormones come into play, but if you can master it, you will be much happier in the long run.

Good luck with your exams and with your life.

- Erulisse (one L)

[manyfacesofme22]

Oh dear, I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm having a really horrible life - my life is generally very nice, just also very confusing.
Anyway, many thanks.

[jay_of_lasgalen]

I don't know if you're gay or not, but I think you can have a crush on someone of either sex without it defining your sexuality.

I have gay friends of both sexes who initially assumed they were straight and dated or even married before realising what they really were.

So try both! Date men and women :>)

[manyfacesofme22]

Oh good. I always assumed (at until I started getting crushes on girls and being all "omgz wat iz dis???!!onehundredandfrickingeleven") that everyone would just know something that important about themselves from the moment their glands went, "Okay, puberty time." Nice to know I'm not the only one doing the whole late-developer thing.
Anyway, I'm not trying to define my sexuality, just, you know, find out a bit more. Which I suppose makes your advice very helpful!

[podicus]

Well, I'm probably the last person who should be trying to advise you, but I'm kind of in the opposite situation (I like boys but think I like girls too) so let's try and muddle through this together

[manyfacesofme22]

Hurrah! Partners in awkard experimentation. We'll take on the world. I cannot tell you how nice it is to know someone in the same situation, and obviously by that I mean "how much sympathy I feel if this is equally scary and uncomfortable for you" and nothing at all sadistic.

Also about the uni LGBTQ (what does the Q stand for?) thing - If by the time I get to uni I'm a little more decided in that direction I will, but 1) in all probability I won't be and 2) At least one of the unis I'm applying to is deeply evangelical-Christian, so maybe not. Still, something to consider.

You are more than somewhat helpful, don't you dare worry about sounding preachy. Seriously I need all the advice I can get. I want someone to give me, like, a book. "How to Deal with Suprising and Unwanted Homosexual Urges whilst Sitting Exams" would just about do it.

[podicus]

We'll take on the world - indeed we will, one sexually confused kid at a time.

The Q stands for either Questioning or Queer. I told myself for the last few years that when I get to uni I will join LGBTQ, but then one of my close friends from college got into the same Uni. She's totally fine with gay guys but kind of uncomfortable around lesbians, which is kind of annoying, and I didn't really want to turn around on the first day of uni and tell her that I was joining because a) I didn't want things to be uncomfortable between us, especially as we're living in the same freaking house and b) I'm not even sure whether I like girls or not, so I don't want to cause a commotion over nothing if it turns out that I'm actually het. And now that I've been here for almost a year I feel like it's too late to join, and I've made friends and I'd have to come out to them all. I have a friend in LGBTQ actually, and I think that's made it all the worse because if I admit now, or at some point in the future, that I'm questioning he might feel

[manyfacesofme22]

Oh no, poor thing! I hope it doesn't end up causing any problems in your group of friends. I'm sure you'll work it out in the future anyway, with or without uni groups. If there's one thing I've learnt from all my lovely helful comments, it's that people come out at any point in life, so I doubt anyone would be too, "But! But! Whaaa?" at you.