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Today I was on a news special about lice.

Also, this sticker is on my mp3 player:


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When buying vaginas, buy ones that are well formed with firm, smooth skins. They should smell fresh. Avoid any with discoloration, cracks, bruises, or soft spots. Don't buy or use vaginas with a greenish tinge to the skins - these have been badly stored, exposed to light and are unfit for eating ( Read more... )

Things I hate:


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I LOVE MY NEIGHBOURS.

Neighbour Woman: Hey, Rachel, do you think you could take in our paper while we're gone for the next couple of days?
Me: Oh, sure, no problem.
Neighbour Woman: Thanks! -hands me twenty dollars-

I think it's fairly obvious that this money will be spent on furthering my supply of vodka.

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FUNNY STORY: Last night I came home from the second performance of The Commitments, tired and vaguely hungry. I saw a plate of cookies on the table, so I took a couple. It was a few minutes and three cookies in before I realised that they were weed cookies.


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Oh, LiveJournal friends! Luck has stricken me and I have come across the website of a truly talented poet! Her name is Jaimy Warner, and her poems are truly the most beautiful things ever. Please do take a glance at some of her epic poetry - you will never see life the same way again! Here is but one of the truly heartfelt poems on that wondrous ( Read more... )

Fact: I can never remember the English words for the National Anthem.

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