ARGH x 1,000,000,000

[malakijr]

Does anyone else get mad about things that happened a long time ago and you KNOW you should let them go and you KNOW you shouldn't be mad about them but they spring into your mind from time to time and you're fucking FURIOUS when they do? Don't tell me "let go and let god when you forgive you set a prisoner free and you find out the prisoner is

Comments

[dr_christine]

You're definitely not alone. I actually had to start keeping a private LJ for all my angry thoughts over petty things that shouldn't even be on my mind anymore. God, does it feel good to get it all out without worrying about people reading it and thinking that I'm insane.

I guess this counts as giving advice, so sorry for that, but there's always the other awesome way to get out rage -- watching super violent movies. American Psycho is a good one for, "why am I having all of these violent thoughts, does this make me insane?"

[malakijr]

I end up wanting people to read things after I write them though. It's a compulsion. And then I post thoughts and people get pissy with me and I end up screaming at them and the vicious cycle continues. DAMN YOU BRAIN SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

I thought about you today. I was perusing http://www.watch-movies.net (best site ever for watching full movies for free without having to worry about getting fined or any shit since it's totally legal since you're not downloading anything and the movies are hosted offsite so even they can't be shut down or fined for providing the movies...sticking it to the FCC FTW) and they had "Blood Beach" which I've always wanted to see, but they only have the 5 minute preview, not the whole movie. Suck. Have you seen it? Is it as sleazy and fun as it looks?

[dr_christine]

Yeah, I hear that. It's actually funny you say that. My mentioning of my ranting journal made me remember that I hadn't ranted in a while so I went and wrote out this huge thing and ended it with how my anger issues wouldn't be the death of me, however, my want to tell people about my anger issues probably would. Like, I go to a psychologist once a week and complain about really petty stuff that I can always complain about but I've learned to live with, but the issues that I'd actually like to have assessed, I don't want to tell her because... well, you know, you just don't really tell your psychologist (or anyone else a lot of the time!) about all the weird, crazy and violent shit that goes through your head, right? Or else, who knows where you'll end up.

YES! Blood Beach is awesome. I haven't seen it in years. It's totally ridiculous and campy and lame, but in the best way possible. They haven't released it on DVD though. D:

[malakijr]

I always saw Blood Beach on the shelves of our skeezy video rental place, the one that had tons of weird horror movies, but I never rented it and then they started selling their stock of VHS and by the time I looked for it someone already bought it.

Psychologists are the root of all evil. This is my new hypothesis.

[dacnomaniac]

Everyone does that kind of thing, to greater or lesser degree, yes.

In all honesty, I've found that most of the things I've thought were unique defects are actually widespread. I've only been right about a couple of them. :p

[malakijr]

I'm just glad when I'm not the only one. so much of what my family and my churches taught me was that I was a freak and sick and bad and wrong and evil for thinking and doing the things I've thought and done, and finding out other people think and do the same things blows my mind.

[stateparks]

You are begging me to say something like: "maybe you should buy yourself an ice cream! :)"

OK, give me the scissors!

[malakijr]

Good idea, since I'm LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

I'd cut open your stomach and steal your baby, but I think there's biological impossibilities involved in that scenario.

[stateparks]

You'd be surprised! Just google 'pregnant man, Bend Oregon' and see what comes up ...

[malakijr]

I know there's a pregnant transgender guy floating around somewhere, Thomas Beatie or something like that. I've read articles about him. I don't know if that's who you're talking about.

[peskipiksi]

You're SO not alone. In fact, I often get upset over things that happened involving people who are (a) already dead or (b) happened so many years ago that were I to call these people up and bitch them out today, they'd either not remember who I was and/or think I was a total psycho freak for remembering all these years. BUT I WANT TO. Sometimes

[malakijr]

BRAIN LESIONS FROM MIGRAINES? Eep. Something fun I have to look forward to. My mom does that too, but she doesn't have migraines, she just...my whole family will do things and then act like they never happened. It drives me fucking insane. And they're not lying either, they really don't remember this shit, they convince themselves it isn't true.

I have this rage trigger where I'll remember something someone said to me, and I never "won" the argument because they still think they're right, and that's all it takes for me to fly into a rage and want to skin them alive and make them drink their own blood. It's scary sometimes. I know there's no way to go back and even if I did the person wouldn't listen to me and they sure as hell won't listen now, but it makes me grit my teeth so hard for so long that by the time I realize what I'm doing, I'm in screaming pain and STILL nothing is resolved.

BLARGH. Life.

[martyrdhavok]

Oh you are SO not alone. There's one person I used to think fondly on, but now, all I have in my head when I think of them is red mist and shit loads of rage. To the point just the mere thought of the person has me shaking enough I want to hit something. There are still others that make me growl when I think about them, too, but, I so know where you're coming from.

[malakijr]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this. That "red mist" is something I know well.