ARGH x 1,000,000,000

[malakijr]

Does anyone else get mad about things that happened a long time ago and you KNOW you should let them go and you KNOW you shouldn't be mad about them but they spring into your mind from time to time and you're fucking FURIOUS when they do? Don't tell me "let go and let god when you forgive you set a prisoner free and you find out the prisoner is

Comments

[peskipiksi]

You're SO not alone. In fact, I often get upset over things that happened involving people who are (a) already dead or (b) happened so many years ago that were I to call these people up and bitch them out today, they'd either not remember who I was and/or think I was a total psycho freak for remembering all these years. BUT I WANT TO. Sometimes.

My favorite is when I'm dwelling on something my mother and I never resolved and I mention it and she has a TOTALLY DIFFERENT recollection of events. I know she's not doing it to fuck with me; the brain lesions from the migraines have finally caught up with her and she REALLY doesn't remember things the way they happened anymore. (My new favorite: "You never told me you were nauseated all those years!" Yes, mom, I did. You took me to doctors for it and put me on an elimination diet and learned all the best places between home and Kalamazoo to pull over and let me get out of the car for five minutes. All that info has just been DELETED FROM YOUR BRAIN. I hate this shit, I didn't have a mother as a kid because she was so sick and now I don't have her because her brain is melting. @*(@&!*!&* asshole God...anyway, we weren't talking about me.)

The really batshit thing, I think, is that women especially aren't SUPPOSED to feel rage. Like the anger center is stored on the Y chromosome or some shit. DON'T GIVE ME THAT 'WOMEN ARE SWEET' BULLSHIT MISTER OR I WILL STAPLE YOUR BALLS TO A FUCKING RHESUS MONKEY. There, I said it.

[malakijr]

BRAIN LESIONS FROM MIGRAINES? Eep. Something fun I have to look forward to. My mom does that too, but she doesn't have migraines, she just...my whole family will do things and then act like they never happened. It drives me fucking insane. And they're not lying either, they really don't remember this shit, they convince themselves it isn't true.

I have this rage trigger where I'll remember something someone said to me, and I never "won" the argument because they still think they're right, and that's all it takes for me to fly into a rage and want to skin them alive and make them drink their own blood. It's scary sometimes. I know there's no way to go back and even if I did the person wouldn't listen to me and they sure as hell won't listen now, but it makes me grit my teeth so hard for so long that by the time I realize what I'm doing, I'm in screaming pain and STILL nothing is resolved.

BLARGH. Life.