Comments | madra_liath: Concrit please

madra_liath

Concrit please

Mar 21, 2006 21:00

Some of you may remember that I made a post a while back, asking for opinions on an idea for a fic where Giles gets turned into a wolf. Well, I went ahead and wrote a bit of it, and I'd really, really like some constructive criticism (or any feedback at all ( Read more... )

fanfic

Comments 7

hortensio March 22 2006, 20:31:32 UTC

Not my fandom; haven't the foggiest clue who these people are, but I found it entertaining and well-written on its own merits. *shrug* :) Yeah, real helpful, I know.

madra_liath March 22 2006, 22:22:19 UTC

Yeah, real helpful, I know.

Actually, that you found it well-written *is* helpful. Whatever else about it, at least I know it's not hard to read. :)

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

michamon March 23 2006, 18:42:59 UTC

I agree. Very well written. And I think that the idea is interesting and original, as it always is when it comes to your work. I'm eager to read more of it soon, along with something else regarding Giles and his father, and the last part of a certain fic *looks innocently at Wulf*.

hortensio March 24 2006, 17:30:30 UTC

Okay, absolutely miniscule stylistic stuff. Just because GAFF is down on me again!-- and I'm the die-hard In Progress fan.

Except this wasn’t before. This was very much of the after, and she couldn’t handle this now.

I'd take out the "of the", since it's not echoing anything in the previous sentence.

Giles got up and marched to the door....personal quirk, but I don't think "marched" is quite the right word ( ... )

hortensio March 24 2006, 17:31:24 UTC

*becuz I cn spel "instinct" gutt, oy.

madra_liath March 24 2006, 17:47:03 UTC

Except this wasn’t before. This was very much of the after, and she couldn’t handle this now.

I'd take out the "of the", since it's not echoing anything in the previous sentence.

I put it in because it's something the character would say, but on reflection I think you're right about removing it.

Giles got up and marched to the door.

...personal quirk, but I don't think "marched" is quite the right word.

I chose "marched" because Giles is angry, and I needed a verb to convey it. He's not the kind of character who would run off in a fit of temper (or tears), so it's got to be a synonym for "walked". Would "Giles got up and stalked to the door" work better?

Something a bit more general: your narrator starts out giving us a look in on Giles' thoughts/feelings/confusion, but that stops after the first paragraph (except for the "dignity in shreds" line). Yet the first paragraph sets the reader up for expecting a bit more of the same throughout the fic. It's not wrong or bad or whatever to pull the narrator out of his head altogether, ( ... )

hortensio March 24 2006, 19:11:02 UTC

"marched" -- I confess "stalked" was the first word that popped into my head, yes. "Marched" just seems so humanoid. Then I thought that maybe that's what you were going for. *shrug* Either works.

"of the after" -- ah, my non-knowledge of canon Rears Its Ugly Head. If anything I say is anti-canon, I obviously recant it.

Again, there's not that much to nitpick/comment on here, because the fic is, as I said, well-written and thoroughly enjoyable. ;)