Concrit please
Some of you may remember that I made a post a while back, asking for opinions on an idea for a fic where Giles gets turned into a wolf. Well, I went ahead and wrote a bit of it, and I'd really, really like some constructive criticism (or any feedback at all
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Except this wasn’t before. This was very much of the after, and she couldn’t handle this now.
I'd take out the "of the", since it's not echoing anything in the previous sentence.
Giles got up and marched to the door.
...personal quirk, but I don't think "marched" is quite the right word.
Something a bit more general: your narrator starts out giving us a look in on Giles' thoughts/feelings/confusion, but that stops after the first paragraph (except for the "dignity in shreds" line). Yet the first paragraph sets the reader up for expecting a bit more of the same throughout the fic. It's not wrong or bad or whatever to pull the narrator out of his head altogether, but my own narrative instint would have tossed in a couple more Giles-moments at random spots here and there. A slight non-sequitur, maybe, such as the (unnoticeable except to him) smell of someone's toes. The dialogue, by the way, is great -- very well executed.
Just, y'know, the usual rambly thoughts. ;)
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I'd take out the "of the", since it's not echoing anything in the previous sentence.
I put it in because it's something the character would say, but on reflection I think you're right about removing it.
Giles got up and marched to the door.
...personal quirk, but I don't think "marched" is quite the right word.
I chose "marched" because Giles is angry, and I needed a verb to convey it. He's not the kind of character who would run off in a fit of temper (or tears), so it's got to be a synonym for "walked". Would "Giles got up and stalked to the door" work better?
Something a bit more general: your narrator starts out giving us a look in on Giles' thoughts/feelings/confusion, but that stops after the first paragraph (except for the "dignity in shreds" line). Yet the first paragraph sets the reader up for expecting a bit more of the same throughout the fic. It's not wrong or bad or whatever to pull the narrator out of his head altogether, but my own narrative instint would have tossed in a couple more Giles-moments at random spots here and there. A slight non-sequitur, maybe, such as the (unnoticeable except to him) smell of someone's toes.
Mm, I see what you mean. I couldn't think of a way to fit in something else right then, but I'll give it a go - maybe Giles' ears twitch or move when Buffy talks, and the movement makes him flinch because he's not used to it.
The dialogue, by the way, is great -- very well executed.
Thank you. Also, thank you for taking time to comment more extensively.
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"of the after" -- ah, my non-knowledge of canon Rears Its Ugly Head. If anything I say is anti-canon, I obviously recant it.
Again, there's not that much to nitpick/comment on here, because the fic is, as I said, well-written and thoroughly enjoyable. ;)
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