Concrit please
Some of you may remember that I made a post a while back, asking for opinions on an idea for a fic where Giles gets turned into a wolf. Well, I went ahead and wrote a bit of it, and I'd really, really like some constructive criticism (or any feedback at all).
The fic is set in early season six, so Buffy's still trying to cope with being resurrected. This excerpt takes place shortly after Giles gets transformed.
---
Giles trailed in after Willow, Tara and Dawn, and flopped down on the floor as soon as possible. All his muscles hurt from the change, and the new collar was rubbing some of his injection marks. He wasn’t used to his body’s new way of moving yet. His vision was grey and blurred, and there were so many new sounds and smells. And that bloody vet this morning hadn’t helped matters - poking, prodding, jabbing, making comments about his reproductive system. Giles closed his eyes. He wanted a drink, very badly.
“We managed to get him a licence,” Willow was explaining.
“Plus a cool studded collar and chain leash combo,” Dawn interrupted.
“And all his shots,” Willow continued. “So if anyone asks, it’s all above board. Cos, you know, it’d be hard to figure out how to undo him if he was in the city pound.”
Buffy was looking at the licence papers. “‘Name of Dog: …Ripper Summers’?”
“We, we put you down as owner,” Tara said apologetically. “Because he’s gonna be living here…”
“It was my idea,” Dawn said proudly.
Just one more responsibility. “Great,” Buffy answered.
Dawn folded her arms. “You don’t sound like it’s great.”
Before Buffy could reply, Willow broke in. “Also, if anyone asks, he’s a Malamute/Shepherd cross.”
“We thought that would cause less trouble than ‘Wolf’,” Tara explained.
Buffy nodded. “Got it.” Wowee, a cover story to memorize. The fun just never stops.
Xander began to unpack the bags.
“Gee, Will, you get enough dog food?”
“I still say we shouldn’t feed Giles that stuff,” Dawn declared. “You know what’s in it?”
“Dawn’s right,” Anya said. “There was this one guy I had to curse, and he had something like five different kids by five different women, except he hated children and didn’t think he should have to pay child support, but he really, really loved his dogs, so I…”
“Ew!” Dawn exclaimed.
“What?” Anya replied. “I’m backing you up! Who knows how many people have been made into dog food over the years -”
Dawn put her hands over her ears. “La-la-la-la-la-la-lah…”
Buffy moved slowly away from the others. The whole thing was just too much. She knew, sort of, that before, she would probably have joined in with the joking and decision-making and the all-around coping. Except this wasn’t before. This was very much of the after, and she couldn’t handle this now. Not when she could barely look after herself, never mind Dawn. She’d begged her mom and dad to get her a puppy when she was little, and she remembered every single one of the speeches about why they couldn’t get one. Dogs were Hard Work, and a Big Responsibility, and who’s going to Feed and Walk It Every Day, plus Everyone Works and Doggy Will Cry If He’s Left On His Own.
The last thought made her pause. Leaving Giles on his own wasn’t an option. That thing had wanted him for something, and odds were that once it finished licking its wounds, it’d try again. Buffy looked at her Watcher, sprawled on the floor. Even his eyes were different this time. How much of Giles was left in there?
Anya leaned over and followed Buffy’s gaze. “You know, Giles has an awesome pair of -”
“Anya!” Willow, Xander and Dawn yelled together.
Giles lifted his head and glared, a low growl building in his throat.
Anya felt put out. “Well ex-cuse me. They’re kinda hard to miss.”
Giles got up and marched to the door. It was shut.
He gave a short, sharp bark.
Willow rushed to open it for him, and watched as he slipped out to the back yard, dignity in shreds.
Buffy was all out of patience. “Real nice, Anya.”
“Don’t yell at her,” Xander said half-heartedly. Anya opened her mouth to retaliate and he added, “That’s enough, Ahn.”
“I, uh, I gotta leave this door open a little,” Willow said quietly. “For when Giles wants back in.”
“I’ll build him a doggy door tomorrow,” Xander replied, adding in a murmur, “Maybe he’ll be less pissed and let me measure him.”
An uncomfortable silence descended on the kitchen.
---
*braces self*
Okay, hit me.
-^)--)~
The fic is set in early season six, so Buffy's still trying to cope with being resurrected. This excerpt takes place shortly after Giles gets transformed.
---
Giles trailed in after Willow, Tara and Dawn, and flopped down on the floor as soon as possible. All his muscles hurt from the change, and the new collar was rubbing some of his injection marks. He wasn’t used to his body’s new way of moving yet. His vision was grey and blurred, and there were so many new sounds and smells. And that bloody vet this morning hadn’t helped matters - poking, prodding, jabbing, making comments about his reproductive system. Giles closed his eyes. He wanted a drink, very badly.
“We managed to get him a licence,” Willow was explaining.
“Plus a cool studded collar and chain leash combo,” Dawn interrupted.
“And all his shots,” Willow continued. “So if anyone asks, it’s all above board. Cos, you know, it’d be hard to figure out how to undo him if he was in the city pound.”
Buffy was looking at the licence papers. “‘Name of Dog: …Ripper Summers’?”
“We, we put you down as owner,” Tara said apologetically. “Because he’s gonna be living here…”
“It was my idea,” Dawn said proudly.
Just one more responsibility. “Great,” Buffy answered.
Dawn folded her arms. “You don’t sound like it’s great.”
Before Buffy could reply, Willow broke in. “Also, if anyone asks, he’s a Malamute/Shepherd cross.”
“We thought that would cause less trouble than ‘Wolf’,” Tara explained.
Buffy nodded. “Got it.” Wowee, a cover story to memorize. The fun just never stops.
Xander began to unpack the bags.
“Gee, Will, you get enough dog food?”
“I still say we shouldn’t feed Giles that stuff,” Dawn declared. “You know what’s in it?”
“Dawn’s right,” Anya said. “There was this one guy I had to curse, and he had something like five different kids by five different women, except he hated children and didn’t think he should have to pay child support, but he really, really loved his dogs, so I…”
“Ew!” Dawn exclaimed.
“What?” Anya replied. “I’m backing you up! Who knows how many people have been made into dog food over the years -”
Dawn put her hands over her ears. “La-la-la-la-la-la-lah…”
Buffy moved slowly away from the others. The whole thing was just too much. She knew, sort of, that before, she would probably have joined in with the joking and decision-making and the all-around coping. Except this wasn’t before. This was very much of the after, and she couldn’t handle this now. Not when she could barely look after herself, never mind Dawn. She’d begged her mom and dad to get her a puppy when she was little, and she remembered every single one of the speeches about why they couldn’t get one. Dogs were Hard Work, and a Big Responsibility, and who’s going to Feed and Walk It Every Day, plus Everyone Works and Doggy Will Cry If He’s Left On His Own.
The last thought made her pause. Leaving Giles on his own wasn’t an option. That thing had wanted him for something, and odds were that once it finished licking its wounds, it’d try again. Buffy looked at her Watcher, sprawled on the floor. Even his eyes were different this time. How much of Giles was left in there?
Anya leaned over and followed Buffy’s gaze. “You know, Giles has an awesome pair of -”
“Anya!” Willow, Xander and Dawn yelled together.
Giles lifted his head and glared, a low growl building in his throat.
Anya felt put out. “Well ex-cuse me. They’re kinda hard to miss.”
Giles got up and marched to the door. It was shut.
He gave a short, sharp bark.
Willow rushed to open it for him, and watched as he slipped out to the back yard, dignity in shreds.
Buffy was all out of patience. “Real nice, Anya.”
“Don’t yell at her,” Xander said half-heartedly. Anya opened her mouth to retaliate and he added, “That’s enough, Ahn.”
“I, uh, I gotta leave this door open a little,” Willow said quietly. “For when Giles wants back in.”
“I’ll build him a doggy door tomorrow,” Xander replied, adding in a murmur, “Maybe he’ll be less pissed and let me measure him.”
An uncomfortable silence descended on the kitchen.
---
*braces self*
Okay, hit me.
-^)--)~