Comments | luvpumpkin: mouth & legs

luvpumpkin

mouth & legs

Jul 18, 2010 09:57

just like my mood disorder - which changes my diagnosis as it does my mood - my eating disorder constantly changes ( Read more... )

borderline, fear, drinking, ed, shame, slut, bulimia, anorexia

Comments 4

xinertiaticx July 18 2010, 14:57:55 UTC

I really like how you write and you are so brutally honest even if it's not something that's comfortable to talk about.

I am heavy, always been heavy and I get obsessed with weight too. Right now I wish I could drop 100 lbs. I hate how I look, I feel like the fattest ugliest thing on the planet and guys aren't into me. I'm 23 and feel that no man is ever going to love me because of this.

113/115, wow. I'm glad you know when it doesn't feel healthy on you.

luvpumpkin July 18 2010, 15:05:12 UTC

regardless of size - big or small, i feel disgusting. yes, we need to be healthy and be comfortable in our own skin but as cliche as it sounds, will truly will never be happy regardless of weight if we don't like ourselves. i was heavy for a few years - thin/average my entire life prior... it was hard being heavy for that time since i never was before - people would look at me strange because they knew it wasn't "natural" and knew i LET it happen (MADE it happen) to me. i liked the security it provided. i stopped wanting to date. stayed home instead of going out. saved money on clothes. wasn't tempted to give into self-rape with men.... i lost almost 80lbs doing low carb and using www.fitday.com and though i feel better being ME again, i am still disgusted with the way i look. shit never changes if you don't first change it within. i hate cliches... but sometimes they are true.

xinertiaticx July 18 2010, 15:35:55 UTC

Wow really?!

I know we have to feel good on the inside first and foremost but I feel like my outside is holding me back from ever being the person I really want to be/person I COULD be.

I do everything you said.. stay indoors, the whole 9. I lost 45 lbs then had my son and just gained it all back, lost a little, gained that back and so on.

I'm currently growing my hair out after having it extremely short for over 10 years. Trying to lose weight too. I want to be thinner and have long hair for a change - but I also dont want anyone to recognize me anymore. I guess I want to be seen but then I dont want to be seen. It's so weird.

I have been 260-280 lbs for forever.

I kinda want to check that website out.

luvpumpkin July 18 2010, 20:10:52 UTC

i know exactly what you mean about wanting to be both seen and unseen at the same time.... i think that is more common than we think... not much comfort tho, i know :( are you prone to eating disorders? if not, weight watchers if good. i asked about ED because sometimes the constant point counting triggers OCD-like attendance and frantic allegiance to the diet.... for many people, it isn't anything other than just watching what they eat.... for me, i hated it! first of all, i cannot eat small portions to save my life. i don't care how healthy it is - i cannot do it. mostly because i am an emotional eater. happy mad sad glad bored tired etc... i eat! low carb for me was the only way to go. calorie restriction - unless at insanely dangerous level - never worked for me. i felt deprived and the weight never fell off... felt defeated. no person is the same and different diets work for different people. best advice i can give is pay attention to your personality and behaviors. what nutrition/eating plan works well with that. if ( ... )