i wish i would dream about someone. i used to dream about people, but i guess i don't care enough about anyone anymore. i dreamt about my grandmother the other night. the one who is dead now. there was some kind of hurricane but no one really cared. i was in some shopping center, the same shopping center that's always in my dreams; some variation ( Read more... )

3 strikes. now how do i end this cordially? like i dont want to delete and block him on facebook but that's probably what i'm going to do after this glass of wine.

i feel like i have all of these secrets that i wear on my skin. in my hair. in my pockets. i thought having blond hair would make them go away. now my secrets...
maybe it's because i like being sick. the attention. i don't know how people can stand me. they deserve trophies for standing me.

the world is ending. half the population is dead. water comes from everywhere; out of doors, in between the cracks in sidewalks. the streets are rivers and i am floating down in a raft. from somewhere, Shine on Harvest Moon plays.

kimber showed up at the crazy fox last night and when simon saw her he literally ran from the other side of the bar and picked her up and hugged her forever. it was the most amazing thing i have ever seen. also tommy and i kissed when he left. i don't think i've ever kissed anyone in public before. i am so obsessed with kimber and simon's not-

“There’s a poem by Rilke where he goes along describing a statue. All of a sudden, for no reason, he breaks off and says: You must change your life. When I think about whales, it’s the same in a way. Or elephants or love…. I intend to go on wandering around having my life and watching for whales-willingly. And with delight ( Read more... )

on paper, it's the worst thing ever written. there should be more of me, mainly what you want me to be and what i think you want me to be. all i do anymore is need things but spend it all on alcohol. i smoke a pack of cigarettes a night. i don't think my cat loves me anymore. she's been sitting there for a good ten minutes just staring at the walls ( Read more... )

better than.

so sorry. i just want to catch up on sleep. i'm so sorry.

i think that was the attraction, if you know what i mean ( Read more... )

reminded of cancer. what cancer has meant. it pulls me out of it, or into it, i don't know which. come home, empty your pockets. notes and numbers. throw them away. smtwtfs. i don't play games, other than the lottery. this is bulls, dancing to strings. chemicals, the war on chemicals: all is fair.