Le choix du coeur (7/?)
Title: Le choix du coeur
Author: KittyBlackCat
Disclaimer: Luke and Reid aren't dating so, I don't own ATWT or its characters
Rating: PG-13(to be safe)
Summary: Post episode of May 20th. Luke is left at the bar with a constricting heart and confused mind. Can he figure things out and make the right choice?
Chapter summary: Luke comes back to Oakdale, but still has something to figure out.
Word count: 2000
Previous chapter: chap1/ chap2/ chap3/ chap4/ chap5/ chap6/ chap8
Chapter 7:
For the first time in months Luke Snyder was at peace. He finally knew what he wanted and had made peace with what he needed to let go of. However, as much as isolating yourself from others could help, there were just some things you needed another opinion on. That was why Luke’s first stop when he arrived back in Oakdale was at Katie’s. He needed her help to figure out how to go about things and to verify that he wasn’t making a mistake as to how to handle the situation. Luke had arrived at Katie’s when he suddenly realized that he had no idea what Reid’s schedule was right now. He couldn’t risk seeing Reid right now. Fortunately, a quick call to a confused Allison informed him that Reid was at the hospital and would be for a while. The coast was clear. Luke approached Katie’s door and knocked.
Katie Snyder was happy. Ever since Luke’s phone call a few days ago, her roommate had gone back to his usual self. However, Katie Snyder was also a little anxious. Reid’s usual self wasn’t particularly good at dealing with emotional things. She was a little afraid of the conversation he needed to have with Luke. She just couldn’t imagine Reid sitting there while Luke explained to him what he had figured out. Her friend didn’t look like it but he was actually extremely sensible…once you got under his walls. And no one had been able to pierce those defences better than Luke Snyder had. She was afraid things would be awkward. She could just see it in her mind. Luke would be sitting on the couch as far away from Reid as possible. The air would be dense with tension. Luke would feel insecure, doubting if it was a good idea to have this conversation with Reid. The doctor would automatically be on the defensive and therefore less receptive and more likely to misunderstand certain things (more precisely things regarding one Noah Mayer). Luke would talk about what he had discovered about himself, feeling incredibly embarrassed and foolish, especially since Reid would be sitting so stoically, letting no emotion pierce his mask, even after Luke had finished his speech. Reid, being unable to deal with serious emotions right away, would not react the way Luke would expect. He wouldn’t smile like Luke needed him to. He would be uncomfortable, asking himself ‘ok what am I supposed to do now’ and when he would see Luke fidget and look apprehensive, maybe even scared, he would start feeling guilty and thinking absurdities such as Luke deserving better than him (Seriously that man lacked so much personal self-esteem at times, it was ridiculous) And of course, with thinking that Luke would be better with someone else, Reid would probably end up doing something that would push Luke away. The problem with this whole situation is that Reid hadn’t thought about it as deeply as Luke will have. And Katie wasn’t sure of what Reid could handle right now. She believed he would need time to process things, but she didn’t see Luke being comfortable with the idea of giving Reid his speech then leaving immediately afterwards. Katie just hoped that for once in her life, she was totally wrong about the situation. Suddenly, Katie was snapped out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. ‘Who could that be?’ Katie thought. Normally, her friends didn’t bother knocking on the door. They just entered and started their rant about whatever it was they needed her help with. When she opened the door, Katie squealed. It was Luke! He hadn’t even had the time to say a word before Katie had jumped on him, hugging him so tight he had trouble breathing.
“Yeah, I’m happy to see you too Katie, but I’d like to breathe” Luke choked out. Immediately, Katie separated herself from him and let him enter.
- I’m sorry Luke. I’m just so happy to see you. I haven’t seen you in two weeks after all.
- Two weeks? It feels like more.
- Yeah, especially when a certain doctor is concerned right?
Luke’s cheek instantly went bright red. ‘Oh yeah’ Katie thought. ‘He has it bad’
- So. How did it go?
- Horrible, Luke replied with a small chuckle
- That bad uh?
- Worse. The first few days…Gosh I’ve never felt such pain before. Letting go of Noah…it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do Katie. But I needed to. He didn’t fit what I was looking for anymore
- And what are you looking for?
- …Reid, Luke whispered embarrassed. Literally. He just….He’s what I want and what I think I need. I just…I just hope he feels the same.
- Are you doubting it?
- Katie, I’m a 22 years old alcoholic college drop out. My life up until now makes soaps look like every day life. I come with a lot of baggage, but not that much to offer. I just…I’m not sure I’m what he needs and when he realizes that…
- Dear Lord you two are the worst pair of idiots I’ve ever met! I swear I feel like I’m talking to Reid-the-pillow-hugger right now!
Luke looked at Katie like she had grown an extra head. Reid-the-pillow-hugger? What in the world..? His confusion must have shown on his face quite clearly because Katie automatically started explaining herself.
- Reid has multiple facets, as I’m sure you’ve observe. There’s the take-no-prisoner-antisocial-doctor, the-adorable-nerd, the sweet-tender-guy like when you called the other day and probably many more that I haven’t met yet. One other facet that I have met however, is the pillow-hugger, named as such simply because Reid has some weird obsession with hugging my couch’s pillows when he’s in that mood.
- Really, Luke asked chuckling. I can’t see it. Reid hugging a pillow is just…
- Well he does, so you better get used to it. Though I supposed you won’t really get to witness it much. Reid-the-pillow-hugger appears either when Reid is moping, sad, depressed, pouting, or when he gets insecure and his self-esteem issues resurface. So I supposed you won’t see him like that. Not for a while anyway. Reid hates being vulnerable. So anyway, right now you sound just like him when he’s having a pity party with my pillows. You shouldn’t. You deserve Reid and Reid deserves you. So you guys really need to stop with the whole ‘he’d better with someone else’. You’re just going to hurt each other if you continue on this venue.
Luke nodded. Katie was right. Self-doubt was never good in any relationship. It always leaded to ever worst problems. He needed to be confident when he talked to Reid. But for that to happen…
- Katie, the reason I came here first is because I need your advice about something.
- Ok. Shoot. What can I help you with.
- Alright. So I thought about it, and I figured that the best thing to do would be to talk to Noah first. He was my first love and is my ex-boyfriend who wanted to get back with me, but then pushed me away again. Right now, we’re in a limbo and I owe it to him to do things properly and end things definitely with him. Not to mention that Noah is a serious issue between Reid and I so there’s no way I could come to Reid without having broken things up completely with Noah.
- Right. Soooo, what’s the problem exactly?
- Well…you know Reid pretty well right? Katie nodded, waiting for Luke to continue, before this whole thing, when I told Reid I wanted to tell Noah about us, he said that I shouldn’t. That Noah was recovering and it was the last thing he needed right now. And…I don’t want to hurt Noah any more than necessary. But I’m not sure it’s fair to him if I don’t tell him about Reid. Not if Reid and I start something right away. I mean, I’m gonna tell Noah that I don’t feel the same way about him anymore. But I don’t know if I should mention having feelings for someone else. On one hand, it’s so soon and it might really hurt him. On the other hand, if he sees me with Reid and deduces it by himself, it’ll hurt him even worse. So what do you think I should do? Do I come clean to Noah about Reid, hurt him and possibly risk Reid being pissed at me, or not?
- Wow. You really thought about this a lot haven’t you? Ok well…I think that you have to be absolutely clear with Noah as to your feelings for him and makes sure he understands and knows why you can’t be with him anymore. He has to know that whether or not there is someone else out there for you, you wouldn’t be going back to him anyway. I think that would be one of the problems with telling him. He’d think Reid stole you away from him and imagine he can win you back.
Luke nodded. It made sense. Katie bit her lip in thought before continuing. This was really difficult. She knew that a part of Reid must have wanted Noah to know he had something with Luke but there was obviously another part that didn’t want it. She just didn’t know which part of Reid would win. She didn’t want to give Luke an advice that will cause a fight.
- I think that there’s no definite answer and I can’t decide for you. I could tell you something and you could agree to it, but when you’d be in front of Noah in would be another story. I think that honesty is the best. So yes, you should tell Noah that there is someone else. You may tell him that you’d rather not say who since you don’t know if it will come to anything. This way you’ll have the time to talk to Reid about putting your relationship out in the open and Noah would have some time to swallow the pill before he discovers the other guy is actually his doctor. However, I also think that if Noah reacts very badly to the break-up, for example if he gets aggressive or accusative or just seems really non-responsive, then you should wait until later to tell him there’s someone else. It really depends on how he reacts, so I’m afraid you’ll have to make that decision by yourself once you’re there. Sorry, I can’t help more.
- It’s okay. Hopefully, you can help me with my other concern. I have this fear that Reid may not be…uhm ready? Receptive? To having a serious conversation about my feelings. When I said Noah was an issue between us, I meant a BIG issue. So I really don’t know how to go about it. I mean, what if he doubts me after everything? I just have that impression that baring my soul to Reid won’t be enough to convince him that I’m totally serious about him and over Noah.
- It is a possibility. Reid has very strong emotional defences; they may kick in during your conversation. More than likely, Reid will need time to think things over
- Yeah that’s what I thought too.
- He may doubt your feelings since there’s no proof of them and he’s so logical at tim…
- Wait, Luke interrupted. He had a face that screamed Eureka. You said Reid would need proof of what I’m feeling right?
- Yes, but you can’t prove…
- Yes I can! I have something he can’t doubt. If I tell him how I feel, he can think that I’m lying or that I’ll change my mind. But there’s something that can show him exactly what happened with me, show him exactly how I feel. And it’ll give him time to think before we talk! Thanks Katie! You’re the best! Luke said kissing Katie on her cheek Now I know what I have to do. I’ll see you later Luke added as he quickly left.
- Wait, can I know what it is you’ll do? Katie asked, but it was too late. The younger man was already gone. Damn. That means I’ll have to trick Reid into telling me what Luke did!
***************************
AN: Hope you liked it! It’s a little shorter than normal sorry, but it’s because what I want to write next might be real long, so I thought I’d just make shorter chapters. Anyway, I plan on working on the next chapter soon (like tomorrow) so unless I’m attacked by a new muse after tomorrow’s ep to start a new fic, or find myself crazily inspired for “and nothing else” so badly I need to write many chaps in a row, chap 8 of this story should arrive soon. Next Chapter: Luke’s talk with Noah + some Reid.
Author: KittyBlackCat
Disclaimer: Luke and Reid aren't dating so, I don't own ATWT or its characters
Rating: PG-13(to be safe)
Summary: Post episode of May 20th. Luke is left at the bar with a constricting heart and confused mind. Can he figure things out and make the right choice?
Chapter summary: Luke comes back to Oakdale, but still has something to figure out.
Word count: 2000
Previous chapter: chap1/ chap2/ chap3/ chap4/ chap5/ chap6/ chap8
Chapter 7:
For the first time in months Luke Snyder was at peace. He finally knew what he wanted and had made peace with what he needed to let go of. However, as much as isolating yourself from others could help, there were just some things you needed another opinion on. That was why Luke’s first stop when he arrived back in Oakdale was at Katie’s. He needed her help to figure out how to go about things and to verify that he wasn’t making a mistake as to how to handle the situation. Luke had arrived at Katie’s when he suddenly realized that he had no idea what Reid’s schedule was right now. He couldn’t risk seeing Reid right now. Fortunately, a quick call to a confused Allison informed him that Reid was at the hospital and would be for a while. The coast was clear. Luke approached Katie’s door and knocked.
Katie Snyder was happy. Ever since Luke’s phone call a few days ago, her roommate had gone back to his usual self. However, Katie Snyder was also a little anxious. Reid’s usual self wasn’t particularly good at dealing with emotional things. She was a little afraid of the conversation he needed to have with Luke. She just couldn’t imagine Reid sitting there while Luke explained to him what he had figured out. Her friend didn’t look like it but he was actually extremely sensible…once you got under his walls. And no one had been able to pierce those defences better than Luke Snyder had. She was afraid things would be awkward. She could just see it in her mind. Luke would be sitting on the couch as far away from Reid as possible. The air would be dense with tension. Luke would feel insecure, doubting if it was a good idea to have this conversation with Reid. The doctor would automatically be on the defensive and therefore less receptive and more likely to misunderstand certain things (more precisely things regarding one Noah Mayer). Luke would talk about what he had discovered about himself, feeling incredibly embarrassed and foolish, especially since Reid would be sitting so stoically, letting no emotion pierce his mask, even after Luke had finished his speech. Reid, being unable to deal with serious emotions right away, would not react the way Luke would expect. He wouldn’t smile like Luke needed him to. He would be uncomfortable, asking himself ‘ok what am I supposed to do now’ and when he would see Luke fidget and look apprehensive, maybe even scared, he would start feeling guilty and thinking absurdities such as Luke deserving better than him (Seriously that man lacked so much personal self-esteem at times, it was ridiculous) And of course, with thinking that Luke would be better with someone else, Reid would probably end up doing something that would push Luke away. The problem with this whole situation is that Reid hadn’t thought about it as deeply as Luke will have. And Katie wasn’t sure of what Reid could handle right now. She believed he would need time to process things, but she didn’t see Luke being comfortable with the idea of giving Reid his speech then leaving immediately afterwards. Katie just hoped that for once in her life, she was totally wrong about the situation. Suddenly, Katie was snapped out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. ‘Who could that be?’ Katie thought. Normally, her friends didn’t bother knocking on the door. They just entered and started their rant about whatever it was they needed her help with. When she opened the door, Katie squealed. It was Luke! He hadn’t even had the time to say a word before Katie had jumped on him, hugging him so tight he had trouble breathing.
“Yeah, I’m happy to see you too Katie, but I’d like to breathe” Luke choked out. Immediately, Katie separated herself from him and let him enter.
- I’m sorry Luke. I’m just so happy to see you. I haven’t seen you in two weeks after all.
- Two weeks? It feels like more.
- Yeah, especially when a certain doctor is concerned right?
Luke’s cheek instantly went bright red. ‘Oh yeah’ Katie thought. ‘He has it bad’
- So. How did it go?
- Horrible, Luke replied with a small chuckle
- That bad uh?
- Worse. The first few days…Gosh I’ve never felt such pain before. Letting go of Noah…it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do Katie. But I needed to. He didn’t fit what I was looking for anymore
- And what are you looking for?
- …Reid, Luke whispered embarrassed. Literally. He just….He’s what I want and what I think I need. I just…I just hope he feels the same.
- Are you doubting it?
- Katie, I’m a 22 years old alcoholic college drop out. My life up until now makes soaps look like every day life. I come with a lot of baggage, but not that much to offer. I just…I’m not sure I’m what he needs and when he realizes that…
- Dear Lord you two are the worst pair of idiots I’ve ever met! I swear I feel like I’m talking to Reid-the-pillow-hugger right now!
Luke looked at Katie like she had grown an extra head. Reid-the-pillow-hugger? What in the world..? His confusion must have shown on his face quite clearly because Katie automatically started explaining herself.
- Reid has multiple facets, as I’m sure you’ve observe. There’s the take-no-prisoner-antisocial-doctor, the-adorable-nerd, the sweet-tender-guy like when you called the other day and probably many more that I haven’t met yet. One other facet that I have met however, is the pillow-hugger, named as such simply because Reid has some weird obsession with hugging my couch’s pillows when he’s in that mood.
- Really, Luke asked chuckling. I can’t see it. Reid hugging a pillow is just…
- Well he does, so you better get used to it. Though I supposed you won’t really get to witness it much. Reid-the-pillow-hugger appears either when Reid is moping, sad, depressed, pouting, or when he gets insecure and his self-esteem issues resurface. So I supposed you won’t see him like that. Not for a while anyway. Reid hates being vulnerable. So anyway, right now you sound just like him when he’s having a pity party with my pillows. You shouldn’t. You deserve Reid and Reid deserves you. So you guys really need to stop with the whole ‘he’d better with someone else’. You’re just going to hurt each other if you continue on this venue.
Luke nodded. Katie was right. Self-doubt was never good in any relationship. It always leaded to ever worst problems. He needed to be confident when he talked to Reid. But for that to happen…
- Katie, the reason I came here first is because I need your advice about something.
- Ok. Shoot. What can I help you with.
- Alright. So I thought about it, and I figured that the best thing to do would be to talk to Noah first. He was my first love and is my ex-boyfriend who wanted to get back with me, but then pushed me away again. Right now, we’re in a limbo and I owe it to him to do things properly and end things definitely with him. Not to mention that Noah is a serious issue between Reid and I so there’s no way I could come to Reid without having broken things up completely with Noah.
- Right. Soooo, what’s the problem exactly?
- Well…you know Reid pretty well right? Katie nodded, waiting for Luke to continue, before this whole thing, when I told Reid I wanted to tell Noah about us, he said that I shouldn’t. That Noah was recovering and it was the last thing he needed right now. And…I don’t want to hurt Noah any more than necessary. But I’m not sure it’s fair to him if I don’t tell him about Reid. Not if Reid and I start something right away. I mean, I’m gonna tell Noah that I don’t feel the same way about him anymore. But I don’t know if I should mention having feelings for someone else. On one hand, it’s so soon and it might really hurt him. On the other hand, if he sees me with Reid and deduces it by himself, it’ll hurt him even worse. So what do you think I should do? Do I come clean to Noah about Reid, hurt him and possibly risk Reid being pissed at me, or not?
- Wow. You really thought about this a lot haven’t you? Ok well…I think that you have to be absolutely clear with Noah as to your feelings for him and makes sure he understands and knows why you can’t be with him anymore. He has to know that whether or not there is someone else out there for you, you wouldn’t be going back to him anyway. I think that would be one of the problems with telling him. He’d think Reid stole you away from him and imagine he can win you back.
Luke nodded. It made sense. Katie bit her lip in thought before continuing. This was really difficult. She knew that a part of Reid must have wanted Noah to know he had something with Luke but there was obviously another part that didn’t want it. She just didn’t know which part of Reid would win. She didn’t want to give Luke an advice that will cause a fight.
- I think that there’s no definite answer and I can’t decide for you. I could tell you something and you could agree to it, but when you’d be in front of Noah in would be another story. I think that honesty is the best. So yes, you should tell Noah that there is someone else. You may tell him that you’d rather not say who since you don’t know if it will come to anything. This way you’ll have the time to talk to Reid about putting your relationship out in the open and Noah would have some time to swallow the pill before he discovers the other guy is actually his doctor. However, I also think that if Noah reacts very badly to the break-up, for example if he gets aggressive or accusative or just seems really non-responsive, then you should wait until later to tell him there’s someone else. It really depends on how he reacts, so I’m afraid you’ll have to make that decision by yourself once you’re there. Sorry, I can’t help more.
- It’s okay. Hopefully, you can help me with my other concern. I have this fear that Reid may not be…uhm ready? Receptive? To having a serious conversation about my feelings. When I said Noah was an issue between us, I meant a BIG issue. So I really don’t know how to go about it. I mean, what if he doubts me after everything? I just have that impression that baring my soul to Reid won’t be enough to convince him that I’m totally serious about him and over Noah.
- It is a possibility. Reid has very strong emotional defences; they may kick in during your conversation. More than likely, Reid will need time to think things over
- Yeah that’s what I thought too.
- He may doubt your feelings since there’s no proof of them and he’s so logical at tim…
- Wait, Luke interrupted. He had a face that screamed Eureka. You said Reid would need proof of what I’m feeling right?
- Yes, but you can’t prove…
- Yes I can! I have something he can’t doubt. If I tell him how I feel, he can think that I’m lying or that I’ll change my mind. But there’s something that can show him exactly what happened with me, show him exactly how I feel. And it’ll give him time to think before we talk! Thanks Katie! You’re the best! Luke said kissing Katie on her cheek Now I know what I have to do. I’ll see you later Luke added as he quickly left.
- Wait, can I know what it is you’ll do? Katie asked, but it was too late. The younger man was already gone. Damn. That means I’ll have to trick Reid into telling me what Luke did!
***************************
AN: Hope you liked it! It’s a little shorter than normal sorry, but it’s because what I want to write next might be real long, so I thought I’d just make shorter chapters. Anyway, I plan on working on the next chapter soon (like tomorrow) so unless I’m attacked by a new muse after tomorrow’s ep to start a new fic, or find myself crazily inspired for “and nothing else” so badly I need to write many chaps in a row, chap 8 of this story should arrive soon. Next Chapter: Luke’s talk with Noah + some Reid.